Safe and Sound
by Touchstone67
Summary: Edward, Jasper and Bella are best friends-but when Jasper and Bella take a summer road trip through Texas-will things change between the two of them? What will happen when the trip is over and they reunite with Edward? AH JasperxBella Rated M
1. Skip the Goodbyes

Skip the Good-Byes

Location-Nowhere (Grief)

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-*Deep breath*-here it goes…

My world is a brighter place because of **C Me Smile**- thank you, for everything-you truly are my muse, full of inspiration, laughter and Jasper love.

**Angstgoddess003**-this would not be here without you. I know it's not your thing, but this is for you, bb.

"****~~*""**

"_We'll skip the goodbyes  
If I had it my way  
I'd turn the car around and runaway  
just you and I."_ -Matchbox Romance

"**~~**"

I sobbed.

I cried.

I screamed in agony and loss.

My entire body shook with more pain than I ever believed fucking possible until there was nothing left in me but emptiness; weakness. Numbness eventually enclosed itself around my heart, allowing me to finally open my eyes and realize night had fallen. Once again, I started the truck and pulled out on to the road, leaving my sorrow to rest on the side of the road in the middle of fucking nowhere.

That is exactly where it belonged.

I had done what I was supposed to do.

"****~~**"**

Thank you for reading…


	2. And so it Begins

And so it Begins

Location-Forks, WA (Hope)

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- I feel I must explain something-these first few chapters were previously one very long (over 21k) chapter, however not wanting to overwhelm anyone, I divided it into smaller chapters. So, bear with me while we get through the backstory, I just feel it is important to establish it and well...honestly, Jasper wouldn't shut the fuck up. Blame him.

My world is a brighter place because of **C Me Smile**- thank you, for everything-you truly are my muse, full of inspiration, laughter and Jasper love.

**Angstgoddess003**-this would not be here without you. I know it's not your thing, but this is for you, bb.

"****~~**"**

"_All you did was get me through, I owe every breathe to you  
Heart and soul unparalyzed, all you did was save my life_"- Our Lady Peace

"****~~**"**

I don't remember the date. Although, sometimes I feel like I should. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't remember the exact date of the day my world changed.

Did I know how drastically my world was going to change at the time?

Fuck no.

Nothing could have prepared me for that.

The weather was still warm with humidity thick in the air. School had only started a few days earlier, and I was heading to the cafeteria to meet Edward for lunch. He was coming from biology in the science wing across the quad, so I expected to be there earlier than him. As sophomores, we had the last lunch of the day and the choices offered for our so-called-lunch were minimum at best. I grabbed an apple and water and headed to the same table we had been sitting for the past few days. Yanking out a chair, I sat and dropped my backpack onto the floor next to me. As I waited for Edward to arrive, I pulled out my copy of "Grapes of Wrath" for my American Lit class and began reading that day's assignment. I was hunched over the table, my knee bouncing up and down out of habit, arms curved a bit protectively around the book sitting on the table in front of me, as I buried my face it. Just as Tom Ford was about to return home, I heard it clear across the cafeteria. There was no mistaking the low rumble, from deep within its owner, full of amusement and satisfaction.

Edward's laughter.

I glanced up and spotted Edward immediately. Even if he didn't stand just that much taller than his classmates, or have that off-shade of red hair that was unique only to him, I would have recognized him.

We had been friends, best friends, since I had moved to Forks, Washington from Abilene Texas just under a year ago. I had left the warm sun of Texas for the cool rain of Forks in October of my freshmen year, nervous as fuck about being the new kid in school.

I had never lived anywhere but Dyess Air Force base, until my father was discharged from the Air Force, he received a job offer in Washington. Eager to serve his country, my father had been waiting outside the recruiter's office before they opened on his eighteenth birthday, ready to join the Air Force and follow in his father's footsteps-which he did faithfully until the day he was done. I was born and raised on the base, never knowing another way of life other than the small intimate atmosphere of base life. I attended base schools, played basketball at their community center, and rode my bike down the wide roads before the rows of identical single level houses. It was a happy life, a safe and comfortable life.

Until my parents informed me we were moving to Forks, Washington.

We packed up and left my childhood home, my memories and my best friend Peter. All were left behind. I remember looking out the back window as our car pulled away, the U-haul truck in front of us, waving to Peter as he sat on his bike in front of my now-empty house. There was Peter-one hand waving while the other reached up and swept his blond hair off his face to disguise the tears he was wiping away. I was fourteen; I was too fucking old to cry, but as Peter got smaller and smaller, I realized his image began to blur…and it wasn't from the distance between us. I turned around in my seat.

I wiped the tears with the palm of my hand, refusing to let my weakness show.

We drove straight through to Forks, only stopping for food and to sleep every other night in a motel. Our arrival in Forks was uneventful; we pulled up in front of the two-story white house and my mother turned in her seat, cheerfully announcing to me that we had 'arrived'.

I was not excited.

Opening the door, I got out and stretched, shivering. It was fucking cold…and damp. Sighing, I followed my mother as she and my father walked toward the porch.

"Hurry up, Jasper, come see the new house. It's going to be great," my mother called to me over her shoulder.

I doubted her prediction.

"**~~**"

I missed Peter desperately and began a war of resentment against my parents for forcing me to move to this Hellhole, where rain and clouds had replaced fire and brimstone. I moped around the new house for a week before starting school, spending all my time my room playing my guitar and sleeping. The new house wasn't altogether bad but it was not altogether good either. It was larger than my base home; my new bedroom was almost twice as big as my old one. All I could think about was how much fun Peter and I could have in it, wrestling, playing our guitars, and video games.

As I lay on my bed, dreading my first day of school the next day, I missed Peter even more. I had spoken to him on the phone daily since we left, but then my mother decided to limit me to only one call a week. She said I needed to start breaking away and was going to have to make new friends.

Fuck new friends. I wanted my old friend. My only friend.

The next day, I woke early, showered and gathered the school supplies my mother had bought for me in Texas. I glanced at the little pewter Lone Star keychain on my backpack, fingering the smooth edges of the silver surface; missing Peter just that much more.

"Wish me luck, Petey," I said out loud as I swung the backpack over my shoulder and left the bedroom.

I had been giving my parents the cold shoulder routine for the entire week, only talking when spoken to, refusing to engage them in any voluntary conversations. I didn't even say good-bye to my mother as I walked out of the house, slamming the door with force behind me.

Forks High School was small, and I quickly learned my way around. I arrived in geometry class, before most of the other students and found a desk near the back. My day had been filled with introductions from the teachers, followed by a round of 'hellos' from the class. I could feel the heat flush to my cheeks every time it was repeated.

It was like washing your hair. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Introduction. Hellos. Blush.

As I hung my head, allowing my blonde waves to cover my eyes, I waited for the embarrassment to happen once again. The chair next to me slid out, and a tall lanky body slid onto it. Looking up through my hair, I could make out the oddest shade of brownish-red-copper hair I had ever seen on anyone. The teacher broke my concentration and as I expected, introduced me.

"Class, we have a new student, Jasper Whitlock. Mr. Whitlock, will you please stand and say a few words about yourself,"

I looked up in fear. He motioned for me to stand. I slid my chair out, my legs already trembling as I stood slowly.

"I…I…I'm Jasper Whitlock and I'm from Abilene, Texas. Pleased to met y'all." I drawled. I heard the immediate giggles from the girls, and the snickers from the boys.

All except one.

"Thank you, Mr. Whitlock. Your project partner for the year will be Mr. Cullen. Mr. Cullen, please show Jasper where we are in this project."

I scanned the room for Mr. Cullen, wondering which one of these snickering assholes was now going to be my fucking project partner. A paper was slid across my desk to me by a pale hand.

"We are on lab number one, part three," the bronze-haired boy said as he pointed to the questions on the sheet. "Do you want to write while I do the measurements?" I nodded. "I'm Edward," he introduced himself quickly as he stood to retrieve the project materials. We continued to work throughout the class. Edward was quiet, only speaking to provide me with the information I needed to write down on the lab. There was a calm demeanor about him. I found myself staring at him as he scrunched his face up in concentration measuring the angles of the objects assigned. Every now and then, he would reach up and run a hand through that messy odd-colored hair, making it stand up on end.

After class, a few of the snickering assholes decided to taunt me on the way to lunch, walking behind me, mimicking my accent.

"So y'all met Jasper here. Jasper is from Texas."

"You know, I thought everything's bigger in Texas."

"Yee haw."

"What kind of name is Jasper anyway? Sounds gay."

As I continued to walk, my head down, eyes locked on the tiled floor, I felt them get closer and closer. I waited for that first physical contact, when I would get pushed, tripped, or worse.

It happened.

Only not to me.

I heard the distinct noise of a body being slammed into a locker.

"Shut the fuck up, Newton." I spun around to see that Edward had pushed the Newton kid against the lockers, both hands tightly fisting the neckline of Newton's tee-shirt. Edward's face was red, his eyes squinting and a few veins on his forehead bulged out. I watched in shock as he practically spat his words at Newton. "You leave him the fuck alone. Got me?"

Newton nodded, and Edward released him, stepping back. They eyed each other, both expecting the other to make a move. When it was clear the confrontation was over, Edward picked up his backpack, and walked up to me nodding toward the cafeteria before setting off in the direction of it. I stood, shocked for a minute, before deciding to follow him, but once I entered the busy cafeteria I lost track of him.

I sat at a table, alone, writing random words and music lyrics in a notebook. A book slammed down on the table, and I jumped.

"What the hel-"

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya." Edward stood before me, smiling and completely relaxed again, just like in science class. He clearly had issues, like Jekyll and Hyde, bi-polar or some shit. He pulled out a chair and slouched into it, leaning back while shuffling through his backpack. After pulling out a paper bag, he reached in and grabbed something. He held out half a sandwich to me, nodding in encouragement. I took it, taking a small bite.

I smiled in thanks.

"So... tell me about Texas, Jasper," Edward mumbled around his sandwich.

And with that, I began to tell him all about Texas and Petey.

Maybe Forks wouldn't be so bad after all.

Edward and I had been inseparable since that day eleven months earlier. It seems corny to say it now, but I feel like, in a way, Edward saved my life that day. He gave me something of himself-physically putting himself on the line for me. That was something that no one had ever done before for me. I am sure Petey would have if he had needed to do so, but Edward stood up for someone he barely knew.

We never talked about that day after that and Newton never bothered me again.

One day, I knew I would get to repay the favor to Edward. Perhaps not by threatening to beat the shit out of someone, but I knew something would happen someday and I would be able to show Edward the generosity he showed me that first day.

I owed him.

My parents were thrilled with my friendship with Edward, as he gradually returned their son to them. I still called Peter weekly, but our conversations were now focused on happier news.

Edward's parents were equally as thrilled with me as my parents with him. It seemed Edward had always been very much of loner, and had never had a close friend. Weekends were spent at each others' houses and nightly dinners always included one extra person. By the end of November, Mrs. C knew how to cook my favorite meals as well as my own mother did. Dr. Cullen, Doc as I called him, was tall and thin with bright blond hair; not sun-kissed like mine. His eyes were the most intense blue I had ever seen. Edward definitely got his unique green eye color from his mom, who had long brown hair and was almost as tall as Dr Cullen. Their house was about twice the size of mine, and while my parents were not hurting for money, we didn't live nearly as comfortable as the Cullens. Edward had the finest of everything; he would barely mention a need for something and it would appear on his bed the next day while he was at school. Edward never took advantage of his parent's generosity though, he simply gratefully accepted what he was given and provided what he could in return: respect, excellent grades and atypically pleasant teenage behavior.

Even Alice, his younger sister, seemed to enjoy my friendship with Edward. Only thirteen months younger than him, she was much shorter, her short spiky hair jet black versus his awkward red, and her green eyes were duplicates of Edward's green ones. The smile she seemed to wear constantly was infectious and hard to resist when she was near. People gravitated toward her, feeding off her energy and impossibly happy mood. She drew them in without even realizing it. I was not immune to her charms either. I enjoyed the attention she gave me: the shy smiles, the quick glances across the dinner table, the blush when I would say something directly to her; they were all welcome. Even if I didn't quite know how to handle the affections, I reveled in them.

Truthfully though, girls were not something I felt entirely comfortable around.

Entirely fucking awkward was more like it.

But the more exposure I had to Alice, the more comfortable I felt around other girls. Alice taught me how to flirt, use my southern charm and even coaxed the occasional 'darlin' out of me. She taught me to enjoy the attention my looks garnered me. Perhaps this would be the year I would get a girlfriend.

"****~~**"**

So there I sat, in the cafeteria my freshman year listening to Edward's laughter as he walked toward me.

He was not alone. _She_ was with him.

Her hair was your average brown, long and a bit wavy. Her eyes were your average brown, though wide and pure. Her body was that of an average girl, developing curves in all the right places. Her face was your average face, freckles scattered across her tanned nose and cheeks.

She was anything but average, however.

My heart skipped a beat as she approached my table with Edward close at her side, his laughter bathing her in velvet rumbles.

"Jasper, this is Bella, Chief Swan's daughter. She just moved up from Phoenix," he quickly blurted out to me. As if he would forget it or something.

"Hi, Jasper, nice to meet you." Placing her books on the table, _she_ sat down across from me.

In Edward's seat.

I glanced up at him, expecting him to ask her to move. He didn't. Instead, he just sat his ass down next to her, grinning at me the entire time. Shaking my head in disbelief, I looked across at Bella.

"Hi, Bella. Welcome to Forks," I kept my voice even and bland, trying to conceal my drawl and the heart that raced in my chest.

"Thanks," she answered. "Everyone has been really friendly so far." She glanced around the cafeteria then, smiling at a few faces.

"Really? That's a surprise," I whispered softly. Brown eyes stared at me, trying to decipher the meaning behind my words.

"You're not from around here, Jasper. Your accent is adorable," she chirped as she leaned across the table toward me. I reflexively sat back away from her.

I guess I hadn't hid my accent after all.

"Texas…Abilene." I offered nothing more.

"Really?" her voice rose three pitches. "This is quite the change of scenery for you then," she surmised.

"I invited Bella to go with us to the meadow this weekend," Edward announced, his glance traveling from Bella to me. I shrugged with a fake indifference.

I didn't want or _need _another friend.

I had Edward. I didn't need Bella.

I had no idea how wrong I was.

She was just what I needed.

"****~~**"**

The school year continued and the three of us had become inseparable. Bella had two classes with Edward, one class with me, and we all shared the same lunch. In various combinations, there were at least two of us together constantly. While Edward and I had made room in our lives for Bella, the Cullens and the Whitlocks had made room in their houses for Bella. The resentment I had for her that first day faded away with every smile she graced me. There was something in her eyes that made my heart ache for her. It was a look I recognized and had seen in my own reflection for those few first months after moving to Forks. That longing for a life past, for something that has slipped from your physical grasp while you desperately cling to the memories. While the sadness in her eyes faded more each day she was with us, it never faded completely. Her deep brown always held a hint of discontentment that I never asked about. We didn't know much about her past, and we didn't pry. She would tell us in time on her own terms.

Edward's entire family was comfortable with showing physical affection, something my family never did. My parents were wonderful, but my father was a military man through and though and you never showed your weakness. You never showed emotion, period.

It was not unusual for there to be physical contact between Edward, Bella and I. Edward was big on hugs, and handed them out to Bella and me in celebration of good test grades, comfort from a nightmare, or consoling over missing the warm sun of your childhood home. Course, he saved the hand-shake-chest-bump-man-hugs for me.

Bella never hesitated to run her hands through my hair; she was constantly pushing my curls off my face and tucking them behind my ears, saying some shit about wanting to see my 'pretty' eyes. I would always push her hand away right before the heat raced to my cheeks. She would often sit between us on the couch, sometimes laying her head in my lap, while her feet were on Edward's. There was nothing sexual about it; it was just three friends fulfilling a desire for a connection.

We weren't your typical uncontrollable horny teenagers. _Yet_.

We were just Bella, Edward and Jasper.

The unique bond between the three of us did not go unnoticed by our parents, especially Edward's. This unique bond led to one of the most embarrassing days of my entire life. Edward and I had returned to Edward's from the movies only to find that Dr. C had arrived home early from work. As soon as we were in the house, he called for us from his office, his gentle voice unusually demanding. Glancing at each other quickly, Edward and I walked down the hall and into the office.

Dr. C sat behind his desk, hands clasped in front of him. His look was stern, something we rarely saw on the Doc.

"Boys, have a seat, please." He motioned to the dual leather chairs in front of his desk. Edward and I sat down. Immediately, my knee began bouncing nervously. I had a bad feeling about this. I peeked at Edward, who was relaxing back in his seat, his legs stretched out in front of him.

Biting my lip, I looked back at Dr. C and…that is when I saw them.

The magazines that had been hidden under Edward's bed were now sitting on the Doc's desk.

Shit.

I nervously glanced over at Edward, who just sat there fucking smirking. Then it began, a discussion where we got instructions on what touching was and was not appropriate, the sensationalism of women in pornography, the natural need to masturbate, or as Dr. C called it, 'rubbing one out', menstruation-which personally made me sick to my stomach- and finally, the act of intercourse itself. He talked about the birds, the bees and Bella. He spoke of how happy he was we were so close, but voiced his concern over that very same closeness.

Well, make up your fucking mind, Dr. Cullen.

"Keep your hands off Bella's part….I mean her… body parts."

_Oh_.

I had kept my head down the entire time, finding the threads on the hem of my tee shirt highly interesting. My knee never stopped moving, my fingers twisted around the loose thread, winding, unwinding, and winding again. Edward never once moved from his casual, laid-back position. How he always managed to stay so cool, under even the most embarrassing situations was just one more thing I admired about him.

Once Dr. C said we were free to go, my legs couldn't get me out of that room quick enough. Edward and I walked down the hall to his room and when we were a safe distance from the office, I leaned and whispered to Edward with great concern.

"He's got all our porn."

Edward turned to me and winked.

"Mom may have cleaned under my bed, but I guarantee she didn't clean under my dresser."

Huh.

Edward was resourceful. My admiration for Edward increased ten times that day.

We didn't stop looking at the magazines, we just hid them better. We would open them up on Edward's bed, the door locked, the centerfold spread before us; our mutual admiration for the model's assets obvious in our mutual hard-ons. I admit, I felt a little guilty about looking at these women after the Doc's talk about the 'objectification of women'.

I may have felt guiltier about it. But I sure as fuck didn't stop doing it.

"****~~**"**

Before we knew it, the winter rain gave way to spring rain and the school year began to wind down. We made plans for the summer, trips to the meadow, a day in Seattle with the Doc and Mrs. C, and a weekend of camping with my parents.

My father loved camping and we roughed it a few times each summer. Tents and sleeping bags were the only conveniences he allowed us-he even required us to start our own fires for cooking. I was looking forward to including Bella on this year's trip; she missed the sun of Phoenix as much as I missed the dry heat of Texas. This was something Bella and I shared and understood about each other, having both moved from our sun-drenched childhood homes. There was always a small part of you missing that no one around you could replace. I couldn't replace that missing piece for Bella, but I sensed when her piece had increased in size and would give her an extra long hug on those days, running my hands up and down her back, my chin resting on her head. I would hold her and tell her it would be okay as she sniffled into my shirt, her small hands grasping at my clothing. She would eventually pull away, wiping her nose with the back of her hand, and looking up at me through wet lashes, whispering 'thank you' to me. Edward knew I could provide her with an understanding at these times that he could not, but I never felt any resentment from him. In fact, he would often just smile his gratitude for my providing Bella with the comfort she desired.

The three of us celebrated the end of sophomore year by hiking up the meadow and skinny dipping in the small waterfall and pond there. While I pretended to think nothing of seeing Bella naked, my heart raced at the thought of her completely exposed; her small bud-sized breasts with small nipples, her paled skin, curved ass and barely-there curls. Seeing a naked girl for the first time was still enough to drive excitement through my fifteen-year-old body, straight to my cock. I remember hiding behind a boulder while Bella tried to coax me out.

Edward just laughed, the bastard.

As I stood, naked and cupping myself on the edge of the water, I stared at Bella. Her long hair slicked back, her eyelashes sparkling with droplets of water, her wet shoulders shining in the sun, her breasts hovering just below the surface of the crystal clear water as she floated a few feet from Edward. Once again, his cool manner impressed me as he sprayed Bella with water, laughed; then swam quickly away. They frolicked for a few minutes before Bella stopped, standing a bit and holding out her hand toward me.

"Come on in, Hale," she encouraged, grinning wildly. I couldn't help but smile at her use of the nickname she had given me. We had been filling out emergency contact cards for the school and Bella grabbed mine from me before I was done, giggling over my full name, Jasper Hale Whitlock. Since then, she called me Hale whenever she was trying to get under my skin-which seemed pretty damn often.

I made my way slowly into the cold water, letting go of myself and diving under the water, swimming over to where I belonged, with Bella and Edward.

"****~~**"**

That summer, Edward, Bella and I spent almost every waking moment together. I had noticed Alice hanging around us a bit more that summer, which was nice for Bella. It gave her the female companionship that neither Edward nor I could provide. They could talk about…well, girl stuff like bras, periods and shit like that. We even included Alice on some of our outings. She went to our meadow a few times, although Edward would not allow skinny dipping when Alice was present. It didn't escape my attention that she always ended up next to me wherever we went. I didn't mind too much, in fact, I kind of liked the attention, but she was still Edward's little sister.

Even the Chief of a small town put in a lot of hours, and Charlie was not home much for Bella. Dr and Mrs. C, and my parents insisted that Bella join us for everything from nightly dinners and shopping trips, to week-long vacations. Bella began to feel comfortable enough in the Cullen's kitchen that Mrs. C would ask Bella to cook dinner for us occasionally.

She would work for hours, her little hips swaying to the music playing throughout the kitchen while she cut, chopped and burned. Edward and I would sit at the island, watching her. Sometimes, she would get completely lost in her thoughts, forgetting Edward and I were there, singing the lyrics to some girl power shit. I would look over at Edward, rolling my eyes at the song, only be reminded of actual girl power when the smack would hit my shoulder. Rubbing the bruise, I would scowl at Bella and look at Edward for brotherly support, but I got nothing but a one-shouldered shrug.

We would help her serve dinner, carrying plates and platters to the small dining table. Their table, which previously had four permanent chairs, now had six, as Bella and I were almost constant dinner companions to the Cullens.

There was no place Bella or I would rather be.

Their nightly dinner routine had become ours- discussing our days, our up and downs, and laughing at the exaggerated stories with witch Alice always entertained us. Her over- dramatic gestures never failed to have Bella and I holding our aching sides. Edward would simply shake his head at his little sister's antics. I didn't miss the concern that flashed across his face when Alice's attention would suddenly focus on me, and her excited demeanor would calm as she held my gaze. It was always me that looked away first, usually with a slight heat on my face. I felt bad enjoying her attention as much as I did.

I also felt guilty as hell, but I had no idea why.

"****~**"**

Thank you for reading…


	3. As It Once Was

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Okay-we are still in the backstory and I must warn the J/B people reading-**there be Jasper/Alice relations ahead. **Bear with me (and Jasper) as it is important for him to experience these things…you'll see why. That being said, this is most definitely a **Jasper/Bella** story.

Btw, we are in **Jpov** until otherwise specified.

My world is a brighter place because of **C Me Smile**- thank you, for everything-you truly are my muse, full of inspiration, laughter and Jasper love.

Also, thanks to **Dark Absynthe** for the chats, especially during Halloween scene

**Angstgoddess003**-DH 100% for you bb, I hope I did it justice!

"****~~**"**

As it Once Was

Location-Forks, Wa (Confusion)

"****~~**"**

"I want you to want me.

I need you to need me.

I'd love you to love me.

I'm beggin' you to beg me." –Cheap Trick

"****~~**"**

Our first day of our junior year arrived and we once again entered Forks High School ready to face the boredom of day-to-day, never-ending teen dramas. My classes contained a mixture of students that year. I was taking a few advanced classes with upperclassman, including AP U.S. History, but some of my electives included some freshman and sophomores. To my surprise, Alice ended up in my fourth period Intro to Psych class. I wondered how much of a surprise it was to her…I suspected not much.

I hung my head, letting my hair fall around my face, trying to hide, when she danced into the classroom, her energy already bouncing off the walls and rebounding onto everyone. I was too late; she had seen me, and pranced over to the empty desk next to me, placing her backpack on the ground next to her chair.

"Jasper," she almost squealed like a fangirl as she sat down in her seat, one hand already reaching into her backpack for a pencil.

"Hi, Alice," I sighed. "You in this class?" I asked, trying to make polite conversation-out of obligation to Edward.

"Silly, course I am. I love psychology. Ya know, Edward has always said I can see the future," she grinned at me confidently and winked.

She was fucking flirting with me.

This wasn't the small shit from the summer, the little blushes or comments on my accent, this was all out- no-doubt-about it flirting.

"The future?" I smirked turning my head toward her, taking in her overly tight tee-shirt and painted on jeans.

Edward let her leave the house dressed like that?

Not that I was complaining.

I admit, she was cute with her inky hair in wild spikes around her pale face and green eyes framed with thick dark lashes. Her eyes were bright, and held a glimmer of mischievousness that intrigued me. At fifteen, she was petite as hell, but her small body still had curves that she was not shy about showing off.

For the first time since Bella arrived at our school, I admired another girl. I gave her a long stare, my eyes traveling appreciatively up and down her body.

Tempted by the fruit of another.

Edward would fucking kill me.

Twice.

I considered myself a gambling man. I took the risk even if the odds were stacked against me.

"So, Alice, tell me, what do you see in my future?" I slouched back in my chair, shaking my curls off my face, trying out my new sixteen-year old moves.

She giggled, lowering her eyes before looking back up at me through those feathered lashes. "Well," she hesitated. "You and I will be dating by the end of the month."

As if _that_ would happen.

My dick twitched in hope.

"You think so, huh?" I shifted in my seat, hiding the increasing bulge. More students had entered and taken their seats around me. No reason to give them a show.

"Definitely," she confirmed, the confidence pouring from her. That mischievousness increased with each word.

"Alice, I don't think so, Ed-" I began but she cut me off, reaching over to place her cool hand on my arm. A small tingle traveled through my body.

"Jasper," she called, looking intensely into my eyes, and my breath hitched. "I wouldn't bet against me if I were you." And with that, she let go of my arm and turned to face the front of the room as the teacher entered. She began biting her bottom lip between perfect white teeth. I shook my head and turned forward.

This was Edward's sister for Christ's sake. She was fucking off limits. I quickly glanced at her, just as her tongue darted out to lick her bottom lip.

Twitch.

Fuck.

A week later we were dating.

I guess she could see the future after all.

"****~~**"**

As the leaves of fall turned, Alice and I continued to date. We were together often - at the Cullen's, school or my house-but physically, we had never progressed much past hand holding. Alice was young, and I was under the watchful eye of Big Brother. Even though Edward seemed to accept me as his sister's boyfriend, I got a distinct 'hands off' vibe from him.

I wasn't going to fuck up my relationship with Edward for anyone.

Especially not his sister.

Alice and I had our first argument about a month after our first date, when Alice was showing me our costumes for the upcoming Halloween dance at school.

"I am NOT wearing _that_, Alice. No fucking way," I tossed the green tights onto the couch next to her. She sat there, legs crossed in front of her, eyes wide, her glossed lips in a full pout. "Don't give me that look," I demanded, I was _not_ going to give in.

"But, Jazz, come on, it'll be perfect, "her voice softened to a mere whisper as she folded the green tights.

I shook my head. "No, Alice, I am not going as Peter Pan. Not happening," I paused. "Ever," I added for emphasis.

She sighed and looked down at her lap where her costume lay. It was a shiny one-piece frilly thing with sparkles all over it and on the back were…wings.

Edward and Bella walked into the room, both plopping down into the matching chairs on either side of the couch. Edward eyed me wearily, he was used to reading my moods by now; he knew I was not happy. I glared at him, daring him to push it.

He did. I expected nothing less.

"What's the matter Jasper, not man enough to fill out those tights? Green _is_ your color," he started laughing, but still continued, "Jasper, if you are dating a fairy, does that make you one too?"

"Fuck you, Cullen. Payback's a bitch, ya know, " I snorted. "I don't see you having to dress up in tights."

"Don't have to. Bella and I are going as Dorothy and Scarecrow. Unlike you, I am not stuck in Tinkerhell," he paused, then continued, "But I can ask the Wizard for some balls for you," he couldn't control the laughter that exploded from him. I desperately looked over to Bella for help. Surely, she would not leave me hanging.

I was wrong.

Her hand was clamped over her mouth to stop the giggles from escaping as her shoulders shook up and down. I lulled my head back, closing my eyes and contemplated the how long it would take me to grab the tights from Alice's lap and strangle Edward with them.

I was thinking about thirty seconds.

"It's ok, Jazz," Alice's voice was quiet, small. "You can pick out our costumes. Whatever you decide is fine with me." I looked down at her, noticing her eyes were moist with unshed tears and her bottom lip trembled a bit.

I was an ass.

Sighing, I walked over and kneeled down before her, placing my hands on top hers, which still rested on the pea green tights. "Baby, don't cry. I just…I just can't wear that. I'm sorry I got upset." I apologized before taking her chin my hand and kissing her lips softly. I pulled back, resting my forehead against hers, my fingers lacing with hers. "We good, baby?"

Taking a deep breath, she smiled slightly and nodded. I caught Edward's movement out of the corner of my eye as he got up from the chair. He walked behind me and I swear I felt him pat my shoulder as he passed.

In support, in sympathy, in approval? I wasn't sure which, but I'd take it.

"**~~**"

A week later, Alice and I stood in her family room dressed in our costumes while Mrs. C took four thousand pictures. Alice looked beautiful in her southern belle ball gown. A black velvet strapless top lifted her small breasts, displaying them a bit more than I would have liked. Dainty black silk bows were tied around the bottom of the black lace covering the teal blue chiffon that flowed out from her petite frame barely skimming the floor. The black of her dress and hair, the paleness of her skin, and the green of her eyes all combined to take my breath away.

"Might want to wipe the drool off your chin, Hale." I turned to look at Bella, her hair in two braids over her shoulders, the blue and white checkered dress swung around her knees as she walked toward me. "I know what Alice is, but who are you?"

I glanced down at my uniform, automatically standing a bit straighter, pushing my shoulders back and jutting my chest out. The heavy gray jacket stretched tightly across my chest - apparently men were much smaller in the 1860's- and reached the middle of my thighs. Two rows of gold buttons lined the front, and a red sash was wrapped around my waist, tied on the side.

"Major Jasper Hale Whitlock, of the 19th Infantry, Confederate Army, at your service, Ma'am." I answered in my thickest Texan drawl while grabbing her hand, raising it to my lips for a light kiss. I swear I could see the blush in her cheeks deepen under the rosy make-up she had on.

"A Major, huh?," she quirked with a raised eyebrow. "Wow, aren't you awfully young to move that fast through the ranks?"

"I enlisted early and I am good at my job," I replied casually, winking, drawing on my innate southern charm.

"I'm afraid I don't know much about the Civil War, or even Texas for that matter," she admitted.

I mocked a gasp, putting my hand over my heart. "Bella, that is just wrong in so many ways." I considered for a moment before continuing. With both my hands, I reached up and ran them down her silky braids, fingering the locks at the end. "Someday we'll take a trip and I'll show you how we do things in Texas. I'll even teach you a little bit about the Civil War."

"Promise?" For some reason I didn't understand, her eyes filled with hope. I was not going to deny her this, so I nodded. Letting go of her hair, I grabbed her hands, tangling her fingers in mine, caressing her warm skin.

"Are you sure you won't fall in those?" I motioned to the red ruby slippers on her feet. I felt the wind on the back of my head before I felt the whack - at the exact same time Bella's hand shoved my shoulder.

"What the fu-"

"Ahem," Esme cleared her throat.

"Sorry, Ma'am." I blushed and turned to Edward. "You know, Cullen, you don't even need the wig, your hair looks like straw anyway." His hands self-consciously went to his wig, flattening the pieces of hay sticking out every which way.

"My hair does _not_ feel like straw, Whitlock. Speaking of wigs, what that on_ your _head? At least_ I _know what conditioner is." He shook his head, pursing his lips, hay falling on to the carpet, which earned another reprimand from Mrs. C.

Alice floated over to Bella, admiring her choice in costumes. "It's perfect! I love it." She turned to Edward, "Scarecrow…absolutely perfect." Turning to me, she reached up on her toes, placing a kiss on my cheek. "Major, may I admire you tonight?"

I repeated the hand kiss that I had previously done with Bella on Alice, never breaking contact with her eyes, now fringed with extremely long fake eyelashes.

"Why certainly, Miss Cullen. Might I say you are looking mighty fine this evening," I complimented, heavy in the drawl, while my eyes were drawn to her inviting cleavage.

I swear it was mocking me.

Another whack on the back of my head.

I was on my way to having a serious headache.

Alice giggled, grabbing my hand, pulling me toward to the door. "Come on, guys, we're going to be late,"

"Yes, " I began. "We must follow the yellow brick road. After all, we have to ask the Wizard for a brain for Scarecrow," I snickered to myself, nodding back to Edward.

"Come on, Scarecrow. We are off to see the Wizard." Bella grinned as she reached for Edward's hand and grasped it tightly in hers.

"Lions, tigers, and bears…" I began to chant as we headed out the front door, my arm slung over Alice's naked shoulders.

"Oh my, " Edward chuckled behind me.

"****~~**"**

I obeyed Edward's 'hands-off Alice' policy until one day in mid-December. At lunch, Alice sat on my lap at the table with Bella across from us, next to Edward, eating her apple while skimming her algebra notes for her test next period. As usual, Edward was slouched back in his chair, watching me and Alice intently. I had grown accustomed to his constant scrutiny and continued to eat my sandwich.

As Alice excitedly explained Pavlov's theory to Edward, her perfect ass bounced up and down on my lap. I groaned out loud and Edward's brow furrowed at the sound.

The look did not suit him.

I wrapped my hands around her hips in an attempt to still her. Well, at least her bottom half - her upper half remained in constant motion, her hands gesturing wildly as she became even more animated.

She really fucking loved Pavlov's theory.

She turned to me when she was done, her energy shining like a halo around her angelic face. I couldn't resist, and putting a hand behind her neck, I pulled her to me, kissing her fully for the first time. Her soft lips moved gently under the pressure of mine. The silky strands of her hair caressed my hand at her neck, as my other one continued to rest on her hip, my thumb absently stroking her jeans. Alice shifted in my lap, somehow never breaking our kiss, to straddle me while her tiny hands wrapped themselves into the waves of my hair, fisting and tugging as her lips parted for mine.

Moaning, I took advantage of her open mouth, and deepened the kiss. My tongue began to slowly explore her warm soft mouth. The mint from her lip gloss mixed with the citrus of the orange she had eaten for lunch, drawing me in deeper to seek out the flavor that was uniquely Alice. Holding her to me tightly, my palm slid up to her waist, seeking out the small sliver of smooth skin I knew could be found above her low-rise jeans. I felt her tremble when my fingers ghosted across her flesh, leaving goose bumps behind. She pulled away, leaning her forehead on mine while cute little gasps of breath escaped her and a small smile played at her lips. I smirked at her, letting go of her neck and running my fingers gently down her cheek.

"What was that?" she giggled breathlessly.

So fucking adorable.

I whispered, "_That_ was our first kiss." Her smiled turned to a grin and she leaned to my ear, her hair brushing against my cheek.

"I hope it's not our last," she murmured, grinding her heat into my crotch. Already beginning to strain in my jeans, I was getting uncomfortable pretty damn quick.

Oh, it would definitely _not_ be our last.

I was so enamored with Alice, I barely heard the scrape of the metal on tile as Edward pushed his chair back from the table, got up and left. Bella watched him go, clearly worried. She glanced over at me and I nodded. Gathering her books, she pushed her chair back and stood up.

"I'll see you in History, Jasper. Bye, Alice." She turned and jogged after Edward. Alice frowned at me, her bright eyes suddenly dulled with concern. I reached up and traced her frown with a finger.

That was the last time we kissed in front of Edward.

"****~~**"**

But we did much more than kiss when out of Edward's line of sight. Our first kiss had apparently given Alice permission to touch me all the fucking time. Not that I minded of course, but my hormones were raging as it was, and having her body heat in constant contact with mine drove me to distraction.

I had also noticed that Bella had all but stopped showing me the affection I had grown accustomed. She no longer pushed my hair from my face, or climbed onto my lap while watching television. Of course, my lap was now usually occupied by Alice.

About a week before Christmas, we were at the Cullen's planning their upcoming annual holiday party. Alice had taken over almost all the preparations, planning the menu, decorations and outfits for us all. I sat quietly on the couch, Alice on my lap, Bella on the floor in front of chair where Edward sat. Bella leaned back between Edward's legs and he rested a hand on her shoulder, his fingers stroking her hair. His eyes were closed while he listened to the soothing music filling the family room. Alice told me that Christmas songs put her in the mood and then she winked at me.

While Alice planned incessantly, every now and then tapping the pen to her lips before eagerly jotting things down on her notepad, I stared at Bella. Her sadness had recently increased, and I wished for something to wash it away. She returned my stare evenly, even attempting a small smile, but I knew.

Our dynamic had changed.

She missed it.

I missed it.

I missed her.

"So, Jazz, yes or no?" Alice drew my attention back to her.

"Hmm?"

She sighed, realizing I had not been paying attention. "Do you want black or gray for your sweater?"

My sweater? For what?

"Black?" I guessed.

"Perfect! My dress is gray, we will compliment each other!"

I absently stroked Alice's back and she leaned back into my hand, her movements slowing down with each stroke. Bella's eyes watched my hand on Alice's back and her weak smile turned to a frown.

"Are we done yet, Alice?" Edward raised his head and opened his eyes, coming out of his pseudo meditation, speaking for the first time since we had sat down.

Alice nodded as she checked over the list one last time. "I think so. I have outfits, menu and a grocery list. Oh, and the list for decorations. You are going to help decorate, right, Edward?" He sighed.

"Of course. We all are," Bella answered for him, earning a growl from behind her and a smile from me. He leaned forward, pulling her hair around her neck and whispered something in her ear. She scrunched up her face and giggled.

I don't know why, but my stomach clenched. He was not doing anything we have both not done before. He was still Edward. She was still Bella. The difference now was that the touches were between just the two of them and not the three of us.

He smiled as he stood, reaching her out for her hand to help her up. She grabbed his hand and he pulled her to her feet. I closed my eyes as I listened to them laugh on their way to the kitchen, the tightening in my chest increasing with every step they took together.

I felt Alice shift in my lap so she was straddling me, and then her breath fanned across my face.

"Jasper," she whispered right before her lips touched mine.

Suddenly, I desperately wanted her.

I wanted her body.

All of it.

I gripped her hips and ground my already hard cock up into her. She moaned and retuned the pressure, our lips parting to allow tongues to explore. Small breasts crushed against my hard chest as her fingernails dug crescent marks into my shoulders. One of my hands rested on her hips, holding her tightly to me, while the other slid between her thighs. I moaned when my fingers grazed her crotch and felt the heat coming from her. She bucked into my hand and she pulled away from the kiss, leaning her head on my shoulder as she continued to pump into my hand. Running my index finger between her legs, down the seam of her jeans, I paused at the top each pass, putting pressure on what I guessed to be her sensitive spot. My breaths were quickly becoming gasps as my hips involuntarily starting moving back and forth in time with hers. Each time she rubbed against me, my dick strained even more in my jeans, the sensitive skin aching with pressure.

I had never been so turned on in my life.

Those magazines had nothing on the real thing.

I left wet kisses on her neck, traveling to her ear, taking the soft lobe between my teeth. The hand on her hips traveled up, sliding under the cotton of her shirt, skimming over her waist up to her breasts. Her breath hitched as I flattened a palm over the soft mound and squeezed gently. I whimpered when my hand pulled down the lace of her bra, exposing the silkiest skin with a pebbled nipple. My dick swelled even more. The sweetest moan escaped from her and her hips increased their pace.

I wanted more. I needed more.

"God, Alice," I murmured between licks and nips on her neck. Nodding in reply, she continued to hold on to my shoulders with more strength then I knew she had in her tiny frame while my palm moved faster to accommodate her increased speed. I thought I heard her beg me not to stop just before her entire body tensed, her grip on my shoulders tightened even more as her thighs clenched mine. I heard a gasp as she cried out and felt a shudder through her entire body. Her reaction to her orgasm quickly brought me to mine, with two more bucks of my hips, I released into my boxers.

"Fuck…" I groaned loudly as my hips jerked into hers, seeking any kind of friction. Grabbing her breast harder with one hand, I pushed her thighs down to me as I pushed up into her. My hands held her firmly to me as the last of my orgasm flowed through me, chasing away any bad feelings from earlier, leaving only gratification behind. We sat, breathless, for a few minutes, just holding each other. Gradually, her death grip on my flesh loosened and she leaned back to look at me, her movement hit my oversensitive dick and I hissed. Her skin was flushed, pink covering her cheeks, beads of sweat gathering on her forehead, her eyes glazed over with pleasure.

She never looked more beautiful.

I leaned in and kissed her.

"Did you predict that, Madame Alice?" I asked her jokingly. She smiled shyly and shook her head.

I made a prediction of my own.

We would be having sex by the end of the school year.

"**~~**"

It was the Friday before Christmas and the Cullens were preparing to welcome their friends, neighbors, colleagues and extended family into their home that had been decorated for the past two days by Edward, Bella, Alice and myself. Alice was quite the dictator, assigning us all projects.

It might not have been on Alice's agenda, but the snowball fight that ensued while Edward and I were hanging some outside lights was the highlight of the week. We ducked and dove behind trees and cars as we whipped snowballs at each other. While Edward was easily the fastest of the two of us, his aim was not nearly as accurate as mine, his efforts often landing several feet away from me. I caught a glimpse of Alice and Bella watching the battle from inside the house as I darted past the window to take cover behind the wicker loveseat on the porch. I flashed them a smile as I crouched down against the wall, packing my snowball while I waited for Edward to expose himself. I could hear him approaching, my heart racing from the excitement of the challenge. I listened carefully, estimating his footsteps and distance from me, but just as I was about to stand, there was a tap on the window behind me. Surprised, I turned to look just as the wet snowball slammed into the side of my face. Stunned, I fell back against the wall, my hand reaching up to wipe the snow off my cheek.

"Jesus, Cullen. That shit hurt, you using ice or what?"

He stood from behind the log pile about five feet away. I growled to myself, I had been so close judging his location, a few more seconds and he would have been mine. I stood up, rolling the last snowball around in my hand, debating on whether to let him have the last shot or not. Another tap from the window and I turned to see Bella frowning at me, pointing at the snowball still in my hand. I sighed and let it slip to the wood floor as Edward walked up the porch steps laughing.

"What's the matter, Jazz? Wet?" I hadn't seen him smile that wide since before I started dating Alice. If letting him win the snowball fight was going keep him happy, it was worth it.

"Fuck you, Cullen," I tried to hold back a grin as we walked into the house. I hung my head down and shook the soaked curls back and forth, spraying water like a dog. Alice and Bella shrieked as melted snow landed on them.

"That's for distracting me." I straightened, grinning at them both. Bella took a step forward, and palmed my reddened cheek in her hand.

"Did it hurt?" Concerned laced her voice. Stunned at the sudden return of affection, I shook my head no. She smiled and moved her hand to my hair, ruffling the loose damp waves. Edward hung his coat on the rack.

"Anyone for hot chocolate?" he asked as headed toward the kitchen.

"Yes," Bella answered, removing her hand from my head, she turned and followed Edward into the kitchen. Before I could take my coat off, Alice jumped on me, wrapping her legs around my waist, my hands automatically going to her ass to support her. I kissed her lips with a quick peck as she pushed my hair back and licked her warm tongue up my cheek. I bit my lip and sighed.

"Alice, what are you doing?"

"Kissing it and making it better," she murmured, nipping at my earlobe.

"Mmm… I think I need to teach you the definition of a kiss." I turned my head and captured her lips with mine, kissing her languidly; my tongue tasting her more with each step as I walked us toward the kitchen, placing her bottom on a stool by the island just as Edward placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of her. I reached up and untangled her arms from around my neck. She released me and I slid my coat off, noticing Bella by the stove, sipping from her mug, her eyes watching me. I picked up my mug, letting the hot liquid flow down my throat, burning me as it went, but doing nothing to warm up the sudden cold gaze Bella was giving me.

Two hours later, Bella, Edward, Alice and I were all dressed in our Alice-approved attire and mingling with the assorted guests of the Doc's and Mrs. C's. Alice had chosen a lovely dark blue dress for Bella, off her shoulders and reaching to her knees. I noticed Bella had won the shoe argument, as she had on clutz-free flats. Edward was dressed in navy dress pants and gray sweater. Alice wore a silver satin spaghetti strap dress and crystal covered heels. Her cream shoulders practically glowed in the candle lit room, her spikes sparkling with hair glitter, giving her an ethereal quality. I ended up in gray dress pants, a black knit sweater with a white tee shirt underneath. It was comfortable enough, but it wasn't my jeans and cowboy boots. As we walked around, she held my hand, introducing me to her parents' work colleagues and family members. Edward and Bella looked as bored as I felt.

Bella and I were standing next to the hors d'orderves table, quietly observing the partygoers from a safe distance. Neither of us quite the socialites that Edward and Alice had been raised as, attending or hosting many parties in their young lives.

As much as Bella and I sought solace in our mutual exile, there was slightly uncomfortable silence between us. I shifted back and forth as I sipped my slightly spiked cranberry juice. Bella brushed against me lightly as she reached across me, leaning over the table to the where she proceeded to scoop up some salsa in her chip. I closed my eyes briefly when I felt her warmth through my sweater, her shoulder pressing into my chest. Her hair had been pulled up into a messy bun thing, and the nape of her neck was completely exposed with wisps of hair begging to be touched.

Next I knew, I felt her stiffen slightly under the cold touch of my hand as my fingers grazed up her spine, to that exposed neck, the soft small hairs tickling my skin. She relaxed under my touch as quickly as she had stiffened, and I swear I heard her gasp. I don't even know why I did it, but as my hand flattened and rested on her nape, I leaned forward, deeply inhaling her scent of green apples, cinnamon and something else indescribable. A shudder traveled through her body and she straightened back up, avoiding my eyes as she held the chip to her mouth, cupping one hand under it, and bit a piece off.

I took a step back as she went to lean past me again, allowing her the room without the full body contact as she repeated the procedure. I ignored my body screaming at me to repeat my previous moves-instead keeping my hands firmly stuffed in my pockets. I considered her actions for minute.

"Bella," I started.

"Mmm?" she mumbled around her tortilla chip, her tongue darting out to catch the drip of salsa on the corner of her lip.

I ignored more screams from my body, instead asking, "Did you just double dip in the salsa?" My eyebrows raised accusingly.

She stopped chewing, thinking before her eyes widened. "No," she blatantly lied.

"Ah, I beg to differ, Swan," I scoffed. "I witnessed that very action and let me just say… ew!"

Giggles erupted from her, "Sorry, Hale, but there are no paper plates."

Lowering my chin, I pursed my lips and reaching behind her, a paper plate magically appeared in my hand. I waved it back and forth in front of her, smirking.

"Then what is this? A Frisbee?"

More laughter.

"I'm not sure I see the humor in breaking the numero uno rule of hors d'orderves eating. This can't go unpunished."

Jutting her chin out, she challenged, "And what would this punishment entail, Hale?"

Oh… like I said before, I was a gambling man. Just as I was about answer - Edward walked up behind Bella, placing a quick kiss on her cheek and wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Why are you punishing Bella? More importantly, can I be involved?" Edward grinned at me from behind Bella, his arms holding her to him as he swayed them back and forth a bit. Returning his smile, I was just about to describe the awfulness of the double dipping when there was a knock at the door, and Alice answered it, screeching in delight.

She had invited a few friends from school and they had arrived. Jessica, Lauren and Jacob all walked in, taking off their jackets and offering food they had brought. They joined us quickly, Alice coming to my side, grabbing my hand in hers.

I noticed Jacob's eyes flash immediately to Bella, still in Edward's embrace, taking in her tightly dressed body. His hungry stare pissed me off. My fingers tightened around Alice's hand and she looked up at me, pained.

"Sorry," I apologized and loosened my grip. We all spoke for a few minutes about school, the upcoming holiday vacation and travel plans. Jessica and Lauren gushed over Edward, begging him to play his piano for them, referring back to some promise he had made at school. Finally, agreeing, Jessica and Lauren followed him to the piano, in awe as he sat and wiggled his fingers dramatically over the ebony and ivory, adjusting the sheet music in front of him. With a cough, he began to play "White Christmas" and the guests began circling around him, in awe of the delicate touch his fingers had as they caressed the keys. He played from his soul, not his hands, and it showed. An intense look covered his face and I could tell, no one else existed then for him, he was alone in the room.

Alice pulled me over, closer to Edward, and I scanned the guests for Bella, not finding her…or Jacob.

"I'm going to go check on Bella," I pecked Alice on the cheek and let her hand go. I quickly walked to the kitchen, shocked at what I found.

Jake had Bella pinned against the counter, his large hands resting on counter on next to her, his hips pushing against her. I could see her hands on his chest, not pushing him away but keeping him at a safe distance. Her eyes were wide, but I couldn't tell if it was fear or excitement. With a wide devilish grin, he leaned toward her lips.

He never heard me coming up behind as I grabbed his shirt and pulled him backwards off Bella. Spinning us, I now had_ him_ pinned against the island. My hands fisted his shirt by his neck, my face inches from his.

"What the fuck, Black?" I spat at him.

"Jesus, Whitlock. Calm the fuck down, I was just talking to her," he sneered. Adrenalin pounded through my body as my heart raced, driving me forward. My knuckles whitened and I slammed him hard against the marble top, shaking the hanging pots above us.

"That looked like a whole lot more than fucking talking."

"Well, did you see her complaining?"

He smirked.

Fucking smirked at me.

I released his shirt, drawing back my clenched fist, I swung, hitting him square in the jaw. His body withstood the impact of the quick punch, but his face was forced to the side by the blow. I took a step back to avoid him, but it wasn't in time and I felt the force of his hit to my cheek and eye. I stumbled back, small arms caught me, wrapping around my waist.

"Stop, Jasper, please, stop," The worry in her voice spread clarity and calm over me. Jake stood up, all six-feet-three inches of him, and he stepped closer to me. I jutted my chin out, meeting his stare with one of my own, satisfied at the small drop of blood sitting on his lip.

"Another time, Whitlock," and with that he turned and left the kitchen. I quickly turned around in Bella's arms and wrapped mine around her. Holding her to me tightly, I tangled my fingers in her hair, kissing her head.

"Are you ok?" She nodded, her head buried in my chest. My heart was still racing, but it no longer had anything to do with my encounter with Jake. Bella's breathing slowed and she leaned back, placing a hand on my injured cheek; the same one that had gotten abused from the snowball.

"Your poor cheek." I leaned into her warm hand, taking a deep breath, my eyes closed. I felt her dry chapped lips on mine for only a second, my heart jumped and my eyes opened quickly in surprise. She had kissed me on the cheek before, but _never_ on the lips.

Hell, she had barely touched me the past three months, much less kissed me. I think the hands off vibe I had been receiving from Edward, she had been receiving from Alice. I placed my hand over hers on my cheek, holding her palm to my bruised flesh. Nothing could make it heal faster than her touch; it was at that moment I realized how much I had really missed her casual contact. It seemed like hours we stood like that, our hands on my cheek, her other hand on my chest over my racing heartbeat, covered with mine, staring at each other, not speaking a word.

The joyous laughter traveled from the family room into the hall. There was no mistaking its owner, only Alice had laughter that could be compared to Christmas bells, full of spirit and hope. I sighed and pulled Bella's hand from my cheek, bringing it to my lips for a chaste kiss before dropping it. Alice's joyous sound brought me back to her.

Her timing was always impeccable.

"Thanks, Bella," I whispered as I turned, leaving the kitchen and returning to the bundle of energy that adored me with all her heart.

"**~~**"

Thank you for reading~


	4. Feels Like the First Time

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- This chapter is what earns this baby that M rating. Also, still in backstory, and a warning for J/B people, there are **physical happenings between Jasper/Alice ahead. **Bear with me (and Jasper) as it is important for him to experience these things…you'll see why. That being said, this is most definitely a **Jasper/Bella** story.

More explanation in an A/N at end of the chapter

My world is a brighter place because of **C Me Smile**- thank you, for everything-you truly are my muse, full of inspiration, laughter and Jasper love.

To my other inspiration-you know who you are, thank you for the support; it means the world to me.

To those that have read, and especially those that have left reviews or favorited, thank you sfm. Seriously, I never expected this. Undying gratitude to each and every one of you.

"****~~**"**

Feels Like the First Time

Location-Forks, Wa (Bliss)

"****~~**"**

"But now that I have found you

Together, we'll make history" - Foreigner

"****~~**"**

Spring arrived, bringing with it even more rain, if that was possible. We referred to it as the "spring of employment", as Edward, Bella and I all got part-time jobs to begin saving for college, which was only a year away. Bella's salesgirl position at Newton's was a concern for Edward and me, we both had always questioned Mike's intentions with Bella. But Bella seemed to enjoy it, working a few hours after school and Saturday mornings. Stocking the shelves, helping customers, and offering advice to those seeking it about the latest and greatest in camping equipment were all part of her daily duties. My dad took advantage of her employee discount on more than one occasion, purchasing new tents and sleeping bags for all of us.

Edward put his intelligence to use and began tutoring students, teaching them the finer points of calculus and biology. The school's music teacher also sweet-talked Edward into giving piano lessons three afternoons a week. I hated that our jobs meant we saw a bit less of each other, our priorities changing as the seasons shifted and our last year of high school sat close on the horizon.

With a little over a month before the Prom, Alice's had begun planning the details, dragging Bella shopping at least half a dozen times in search for the perfect dresses for them both.

As if there was a dress created that would not look beautiful on either one of them.

It was a rare partly sunny day when I walked into Daddy's Music Store about fifteen minutes before the start of my shift. I greeted the manager and walked into the back room to punch in. Both Edward and I considered ourselves lucky to have landed jobs in areas we loved - he with his piano and me with my guitar.

I had begun taking guitar lessons about six months before moving to Forks. Petey and I had the typical dream of starting our own garage rock band, even though neither of us had a garage. He hadn't stuck with the drums for very long, but the guitar became my best friend, balancing out my emotions when they went awry. I could easily sit for hours on the floor by my bed, guitar on my lap, fingers strumming miscellaneous cords as I chicken-scratched overused lyrics onto paper. The more fucked up my life, the more I played, and the better I got.

I never started a rock band, but once I moved to Forks, I would occasionally play with Edward, his soulful notes mixed with the twang of my guitar to make some of the most fucked-up music you ever heard. Bella was the only one allowed to witness our jam sessions, often sitting on the bench next to Edward, swaying with the notes he played masterfully. We would just mess around with different bars and cords, with the occasional tossing in of a cover to a Police song.

It was love of music that actually prompted me to be the first of the three of us to actually seek employment. Saving for college only partially fueled my reason for wanting cash.

I got lucky when I walked in off the street and into the store to apply for a job, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, my hood pulled up to ward off winter sleet. The owner, Garret, was in, standing behind a waist-high black counter. He asked me a few basic questions; and then tossed me a Gibson Les Paul, hooked me up and threw out a few random requests. I was much more comfortable with my acoustic, but was able to mangle my way through the twenty-minute mini-audition enough to be hired for fifteen hours a week.

We shook hands, agreeing I would start the following Monday. That was three months ago.

"Jasper," the store manager called from out front. "You got a phone call."

I jogged out to the counter, my powers of prediction coming true when I heard Alice's sweet voice on the phone.

"Hey, what's up?" I held the phone to my shoulder while shuffling through some invoices, straightening up the mess from the day's shipments.

"Jasper, sweetie, you're not going to believe how lucky we just got," she paused for dramatic effect…or for my reply. She couldn't resist continuing before I could even ask. "Edward is going out to dinner and then to symphony performance with my parents tonight," another pause… then a squeal.

"We have the house to ourselves!"

She didn't even need to call me. Her voice was so loud from her excitement she could have stood on her porch, said it out loud, and I would have heard her.

No phone required.

I stopped shuffling the papers as what she was saying dawned on me.

We would be alone for several hours.

Completely alone.

"Jasper, did you hear me? We are going to be alone tonight? What time will you be over?"

I hesitated too long.

"Jasper?"

"Ah, I get off at six, so I will be there a little past then," I recovered, sighing, my heart suddenly heavy and thick in my chest.

A giggle. "Okay, see you then."

"Bye, Al-"

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you," she slipped out quickly before hanging up.

She had been telling me she loved me for the past month and I had yet to say it back. I knew I cared for Alice.

A lot.

A fucking lot, actually.

But having never been in love, I wasn't sure if what I felt was love; or something else entirely. I enjoyed her affection, her company, her attention and I fucking craved her body every minute of the day.

Was that love or something else entirely?

What was stopping me from saying it?

Was it that I didn't think I loved her or that I thought I loved another?

Was unrequited love for another stopping me?

_Was_ it unrequited? ... Of course it was.

Alice loved me and she deserved to hear it in return.

Since the incident right before Christmas, our physical activities had progressed even more. I was now able to enjoy, on a rather regular basis, the freedom of fondling those perky breasts while sliding my fingers into her warmth, pinching and tapping until her body tensed with pleasure and she called out my name. Her look of bliss afterwards was a stamp of approval for me, the "I got my woman off" stamp.

I licked that sucker and wore it with pride.

As free as I was with Alice, she was the same with me, not shy about holding my dick in her small hand, pumping short strokes up and down until my orgasm coated her hand and my stomach. Recently, we had both discovered that our mouths could do wonders in intensifying our pleasure. Every time she slipped me into her mouth, sucking and licking, it got better and better. I returned the favor, spreading her pale thighs, inhaling her scent before burying my tongue into the hottest flesh, her taste coating me, my hands on her hips to hold her to me as I continued to flick the tip of my tongue over her clit while my fingers delved deep into her, tapping that magical spot that would make her whimper and writhe before me.

It was rather cliché, but we had been thinking about having sex on the night of my Junior Prom. While Alice was making arrangements to assure we were dressed in the most up-to-date fashions, I was making arrangements to get laid.

I liked my assignment more.

I would often find myself blushing when I was with Edward and my mind would flash to Alice, naked and spread under me. His eyes would squint at me, and I would look away quickly, embarrassed to be caught thinking about his sister in such a deviant way.

Sometimes, I swear he could read my mind.

More than once, we had had a close call - Alice and I laying practically naked in her bed, my cock filling her hand, while my fingers filled her - when Edward would bang on her door, calling us to dinner or announcing it was time to leave. I had been cock-blocked more than once by his incredibly annoying sense of timing, my balls remaining a lovely shade of blue until I could get home and follow the Doc's advice. I wondered what the Doc would think about me rubbing one out to the image of his daughter on her knees before me, her luscious mouth wrapped around my engorged cock as she licked and sucked me hard.

I attempted to keep myself busy, and my mind off Alice's body, for the rest of shift at the store, helping the few customers we had, restocking some supplies and cleaning up before closing at six.

I locked up, wearing my leather jacket and carrying my helmet under my arm and made my way to my motorcycle. The bike wasn't much, and it was a bit old, but it was my pride and joy, bought and paid for with my own money. I had begged my parents to sign the permission form, allowing me take lessons and get my motorcycle license at seventeen. I had proven my responsibility to them, and they finally agreed. Weather permitting, I was on my bike, and if not, I was usually with Edward in his Volvo.

Bella had saved up enough money to purchase the last truck still running from the sixties, but her pride in her barely-running truck rivaled that of my bike.

I straddled the seat, tossing my head back to put my helmet on, before starting the bike and heading to Alice's.

"****~~**"**

We had barely spoken since she had answered the door in nothing but a silk robe, grabbing my hand and silently guiding me upstairs to her room. The room was dimly lit by a few candles on her dresser. A sheer white material was draped over her four-poster bed, hanging down on all sides, providing a romantic canopy.

Leave it to Alice to have decorated her room for losing her virginity. Hell, she had probably spent hours choosing the playlist quietly humming on her stereo.

She was nothing if not thorough.

As I stood by her bed, she undressed me slowly. Undoing the buttons on my shirt one at a time, she paused to place a moist kiss on my chest with each newly-exposed area while my hands lightly twisted in her hair. Her lips traveled back up my chest, stopping to tease a nipple taut before continuing to devour my lips in a deep erotic kiss.

I wrapped my arms around her, my hands sliding over the slippery material of her robe. I could barely hear my zipper being lowered or feel my jeans being tugged over my hips as my tongue explored, entertained, and melted with hers. Ecstasy clouded my brain when delicate hands danced under the waistband of my boxers, groping the firm muscles of my ass before moving to tease my erection. I vaguely recall her thumb swirling around the head, spreading the pearl-like fluid around, lubricating me under her firm grasp while her other hand tugged my sac. I pulled back from the kiss, my body on sensory overload, gasping for air. Rolling my hips into her touch, I let my head lull back as she continued to grip, tease and pull.

"Does that feel good, Jasper?" her whisper washed over me, my mind barely able to recognize the question, failing in the search for an appropriate answer.

"Fuck, yeah…" I could only moan and nod my head as my teeth clamped down on my bottom lip. Unable to stand the taunting anymore, I reached down and gently pulled her hands from me, holding her gaze the entire time.

"Now, it's my turn," I insisted as I untied her robe, exposing her pale unblemished skin when the robe glided off her body, pooling in a pile of blue silk on the floor at her feet. I drank her in, my eyes roaming up and down her body with a predator's hunger…and I was fucking starving.

Dropping to my knees, my lips kissed from her small protruding bones to her short black curls while my hands held her ass firmly, supporting her as she unconsciously rocked her hips forward to my lips. I buried my nose in the soft patch of hair, deeply inhaling her scent, her aroma. My cock twitched with anticipation, fluid already dripping from me, running down the veins that pulsed under the skin.

I turned her, guiding her backwards to the edge of the bed while I followed on my knees before her, my jeans still gathered around my thighs. She lay back, her firm body relaxing against the mattress as I pushed her knees apart and settled myself between them, my fingers spreading her wide for me. Her body trembled as the cool air wafted over her hot flesh, and I licked my lips, eager to taste.

I was the hunter and she was my prey.

The first time I had gone down on Alice was awkward at best. Unsure of myself, my fingers fumbled within her, searching for that sweet spot of ecstasy I had read so much about in those magazines while my tongue did tentative circles around her clit.

I had improved since then.

The first lick was always the best, reacquainting myself with her, the tangy flavor bathing over the flat of my tongue as I savored and relished each and every drop her arousal created. Sliding my hands under her ass, I pulled her forward, snug to my face, as I continued to thrive on her while her upper body thrashed before me, one hand clutching my hair while the other fisted the comforter beneath her. Alice's lush flesh covered my nose and lips and I continued to tease, bringing my hand around to insert two fingers, quickly pumping them in and out of her in time with my flicking and lavishing tongue.

"Ughh…" she mumbled and I felt the muscles in her thighs tighten around me and I knew it wouldn't be much longer before her orgasm flooded her. I pumped my fingers quickly and took her clit between my lips, pinching it tightly, holding it there while dragging my tongue back and forth. Arching off the bed, her fingers yanked my hair in the most beautiful pleasurable pain as she came hard, her fluids flooding my mouth with salty essence. I continued to hold her to me while her orgasm caused the muscles beneath her sweat-slicked skin to contract and expand with each new wave of pleasure.

I pulled back, her body completely sated, chest heaving with each panted breath, arms spread wide with fingers seeking something to grasp, her skin flushed with satisfaction, her thighs coated with juice.

It was the most erotic thing I had ever seen.

I stood up, hooking my fingers into my boxers and sliding them down my legs, stepping out of them. The weight of her heavy gaze bore down on me; her eyes following the lines of my muscles down to the blond hair surrounding my cock now thick and glistening with pre-cum. As I watched her lick her lips through half-lidded eyes, my hand stroked myself slowly base to tip. The corners of her lips turned up as she moved over on the bed, patting it for me to lay down with her. I accepted the invitation and crawled on the bed, laying flat on my back before reaching out to her, pulling her toward me, dragging her sweaty naked body up my own.

She was on top of me, completely naked and flush against my body. Usually, we had to make do with pushed-up shirts and pants around our hips, afraid of the vulnerability being naked left us. I had never felt anything so soft and warm and willing as her nude form on me.

As we kissed, our hands roamed freely, exploring every inch of skin at a languid pace. I think we both realized the actual act would be over in minutes, my stamina would be nothing once I was settled inside her wet warmth, so we took our time beforehand; fingers grasping strands of hair, lips grazing nipples, tongues lavishing each other in desire and need.

I ran my nose along the column of her neck as she stretched above me, nipping her tender skin lovingly, making sure to leave at least one mark behind for her to remember this night. She moaned as I took her between my teeth, sucking hard before releasing, immediately proud of the small red mark already appearing.

"Mmmmm…what are you doing?" she asked, her voice thick with the lust I felt dripping from between her legs onto my cock.

"Marking you as mine." My answer was simple. Honest. She _was_ mine.

Her damp curls tangled with mine as she ground her pelvis into me. I gasped, my hands going quickly to her hips, stilling them.

"Baby, if you want this to last more than thirty seconds, I wouldn't do that, if I were you."

My hands slid around to the globes of her ass, cupping, squeezing the plump flesh. Reflexively, she bucked into me, pressing my throbbing erection between us. I continued to explore her collarbone and earlobes before settling back at her mouth, my tongue diving deep, twisting around hers. Not only were my hands not stilling her anymore, they were encouraging her little thrusts, forcing her to grind me in a circular motion a few times before I pulled back from the kiss, pressing my head into the pillow. She smiled at me, fucking grinned was more like it, and that did me in. In more swiftness than I realized I had, I flipped us over, settling between her spread legs.

I leaned over her to the nightstand, grabbing the condom I had laid there earlier. I sat back on my heels, ripping the package open and stroked myself with one hand before I slipped the condom on. I moved back over her, my weight on my elbows, my cock resting against her entrance; knowing that with one small twitch I would be inside heaven.

I stopped all movements, staring into her honest green eyes. Her tiny body stilled under me, her hands gently playing with my hair, fingering the golden waves. She held her bottom lip between her teeth as she returned my stare.

"This is it, Alice. No going back. You sure?" I could stop. I didn't want to, but I could. At this moment, nothing else mattered to me but her.

Us.

She nodded, her eyes watering a bit before whispering, "Be with me, Jasper." And with that, my hips pressed forward, cradled between her creamy thighs. My tip seeking…

Warmth.

Tightness.

Fucking heaven.

She gasped, her hands tugging tightly at my hair, her thighs automatically clenched around my hips, pushing against me, stopping my motion. I licked my lips and kissed her, encouraging her.

"Are you okay?" I could barely think straight enough to get the words out, my cock straining to move.

Another nod.

I kissed the salty beads of sweet gathered on her forehead as I pushed forward slowly, meeting resistance.

"I'm sorry, baby," I moaned as I thrust forward through her barrier as gently as possible, before stilling once again. I then kissed away the few tears that traveled down her cheeks, her entire body tense with me sheathed deeply in her.

Another nod.

"God…Alice… so…good…" Groaning at her permission, my hips began to move in earnest, her thighs having released their death grip on me, her pelvis even rising to meet my own, opening herself even more. My cock was slick, sliding in and out of her at a slow rhythmic pace. Never had I felt such intensity of conflicting reactions, the need and desire to delay the inevitable while every muscle in my body screamed, fucking begged, for the release. I bent my head down, my mouth settling on her breast, tugging at her nipple causing her to arch up, offering more of herself to me.

I took it all. I was a greedy bastard.

"Mmmmm….ugh, Jasper..." I smiled against her flesh as her legs relaxed even more, and her hands released my hair, traveling down my back to my ass. Little hands grabbed and pushed me forward as she lifted her hips to meet mine.

It was my undoing.

The hot embrace of her was too much and with one long thrust and a low, groaning grunt, the pressure that had built throughout me released and I spilled deep and forcefully into her. My entire body tensed and relaxed with the pulse of each burst of cum until I was spent and collapsed on top of her.

Laying my head on her shoulder, panting against her neck, I could feel the sweat running down my forehead, my dampened curls plastered to my skin. I was attempting to slow my breaths when I felt her shaking beneath me, immediately, I lifted my head and my hands cupped her face.

"Are you ok? Did I hurt you?" I felt like an inconsiderate fool for not asking her earlier, but in my defense, my mind was in a fucking orgasmic fog thick with satiation and exhaustion.

She wasn't crying. She was fucking _giggling_.

"Was it that bad?" I began to pull back, embarrassment chasing away that orgasmic fog pretty fucking quickly. Had she expected more? Longer? My endurance when I was in her hand or mouth could compete with the best of them but buried deep in her, I knew I wouldn't last long.

I reached between us, holding the condom tight as I let my flaccid dick slip from her. I went to climb off the bed, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but there. I pulled the condom off and tossed it in the trash by her nightstand. She grabbed my arm, stopping me from leaving the bed completely.

"No, don't go. I wasn't laughing at you, "she paused. "Well, I was, but not at _that_,"

I still had no fucking idea what she was talking about.

"What then?" I sighed, annoyed. She smiled, tugging me back to her and I obliged. I climbed next to her, facing her, resting on arm over her waist, while I folded the other under my head. Her eyes were brighter and more vibrant than I had ever seen them. Even planning the biggest event or finding a fantastic sale didn't bring that kind of light to her.

But_ I_ could.

I let my fingers stroke the dip above her ass, feeling a shiver travel throughout her body.

"Are you cold?" I went to reach for the blanket.

"No. I am very warm actually," she smiled, her fingers ghosting over my cheek and down to trace my lips.

"So, what were you laughing at? It didn't exactly do wonders for my ego, you know."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just…" she hesitated briefly. "I just never expected it to feel so good. I never expected for you to have that kind of reaction. I was…happy. Relieved."

"Relieved? What ...to have it over?" I frowned, my ego suffering another blow.

"God, no. I just didn't know...how good it would be for you," she lowered her eyes, embarrassed, her dark lashes resting against her flushed skin. Her breath warmed my neck as I felt her dainty lips kiss the pulse at my throat

"Alice, you thought it wouldn't be good for me? That I wouldn't enjoy it?" With her nod, I pulled her to me tightly, kissing her shoulder, whispering in her ear. "Darlin', I have never felt anything more amazing than being inside you. You were wonderful. It was…perfect bliss."

"I love you, Jasper," she murmured. I nuzzled her hair, the dark spikes flattened to her head with sweat.

Those words again.

I just _made_ love to Alice.

Fuck, I had lost my virginity to the girl. She had given hers to me. No matter what happened in our lives from here on out, graduation, college, marriage, kids…this moment in time would never change.

It was time to man the fuck up and tell her how I felt.

"I love you too, Alice," I declared as my lips met hers in a kiss of confirmation.

"****~~**"**

Thanks for reading~

I know, I know… hard limits, right? Yes, I just violated my own hard limits. First, Jasper made me do it, and his reasons made sense-second, it is way easier to write J/A than read it-go figure. I think it has something to do with the ability to control their actions, reactions and emotions…and of course, their eventual fate *snicker*


	5. Holding You

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Huge sigh of relief. Boy, am I glad_ that's_ over-you'll see what I mean. I hope I did them justice-this turns out to be a difficult chapter to post right now, and poor timing, but if I don't do it now, I'm not sure I ever will.

My world is a brighter place because of **C Me Smile**- thank you, for everything-you truly are my muse, full of inspiration, laughter and Jasper love.

To my inspiration-bb, thank you for everything…always

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"****~~**"**

Holding You

Location-Forks, Wa (Betrayal)

"**~~**"

Holding you, I held everything

For a moment, wasn't I the king?"-Garth Brooks

"**~~**"

A few weeks later, I stood, once again, in the Cullen's family room waiting for Alice and Bella to descend the stairs. I was antsy in my tuxedo, although after six fittings and many hours of Alice holding up swatches of vibrant silks to see which one 'highlighted my eyes _and _matched her dress' more, I would have thought I would be used to it by now.

It was the damn bright pink tie. After the green tights incident at Halloween, I had caved within minutes of Alice suggesting the unusual pink color that matched a ribbon around her dress. I figured it was the least I could do, after all she had done for me.

Besides, I was comfortable with my manhood.

I shifted anxiously, adjusting my jacket again.

Why was I so fucking nervous?

"Nervous, Jazz?" Edward asked as he sauntered in from the kitchen looking like he just stepped out of a Prom issue of those girly magazines Alice was always poring over while taking notes.

Like mine, Edward's tux was pure black, but, unlike me, he was lucky enough not be questioning his sexuality by sporting a deep burgundy tie to match Bella's dress. His perfectly messy hair had been recently cut, Bella insisting he cut it before agreeing to be his date for the night.

For some reason, I had wanted to cancel his hair appointment.

I didn't notice a difference in its length tonight but, unlike mine, still damp from my shower; he had obviously put some sort of effort into styling his - which made me incredibly curious.

"No, I just can't get comfortable in this damn tux."

Edward plopped down into the chair. His long legs stretched out before him as he reached up and adjusted his tie. "Yes, well let's...ah, how should I phrase this?" he hesitated briefly, considering what to say next. "Make sure it stays on."

Confused, I glace down at him, to his raised eyebrows.

Oh. _Oh._

_That._

I hadn't told Edward that his sister was no longer a virgin, or even worse, she wasn't a virgin because of _me_. Not really information I wanted to share, especially with him. However, I was pretty sure that Alice had confided in Bella, perhaps not in great detail, but enough for Bella to know that Alice and I were sleeping together.

Not that either of us ever really slept, of course.

But, to be honest, we weren't exactly fucking like bunnies either.

In fact, since our night alone four weeks ago, we had only made love four more times. Once in Alice's bedroom, while her family was downstairs cleaning up after dinner, she pulled me upstairs, giggling as she took the steps two-by-two. Before her door even clicked closed, my jeans were to my knees, a condom on my dick, my shirt off, and hers was pulled up to expose her breasts as her little legs wrapped around me. I had never been more thankful for skirts than I was then, urgent to have my cock buried in her. I pushed her skirt up, and pulled her panties aside before thrusting deeply into her. I was so fucking horny from her teasing me under the dinner table, that only a few minutes later, I felt the tightening begin in my balls.

Bracing one arm against the wall, I growled "Hold on to me, baby."

Doing as I asked, her legs gripped me tighter and her arms laced around me, clasping behind my neck. I grunted as a slight change in angles allowed me more access to her depths. Completely surrounded by her, I let one hand slide between us, roughly rubbing her clit. Apparently, she was as worked up over her teasing at dinner as I was, because after a few strokes, I muffled her cries with a kiss. Mine followed two thrusts later, feeling her pulse around me driving me over the edge. I grunted into her neck, cumming deeply in her.

While I was still inside her, catching our frenzied breaths, we heard footsteps, undoubtedly Edward's, in the hall, pausing briefly outside Alice's door. Our eyes widened, hearts still racing from the sex, as we waited for the steps continue; sighing in great relief when they did.

There was no more sex at Alice's when the family was home.

I didn't mind living on the edge sometimes, but that was too close a call for me. We had kept our three other times outside the Cullen boundary lines, once at the meadow one unusually warm spring day, once in my room after school while my mom was out, and once in the back seat of Edward's Volvo during lunch at school.

If he only knew why I smiled every time I climbed into his car after that.

Hell, there were old married couples getting it on more than once a week, but our times and locations were limited. We had to make do with what we had.

Most of our alone time consisted of safely cuddling, kissing and whispering.

Whispers of a future together, graduation, college…marriage.

These moments with Alice were precious to me. Wrapped up in my arms, her normally overexcited manner was calmed. She would talk quietly, often even speaking in hushed murmurs for only my ears. She would snuggle against my chest, her face beaming up at me as she spoke of college possibilities and wedding dresses.

I couldn't darken the light in her eyes as she spoke so enthusiastically about our future. A future I wanted, but didn't know if I could promise…to anyone.

The girls' laughter caught our attention, Edward and I both turning to see Alice and Bella reach the bottom of the stairs. We were both a bit speechless at the two beautiful visions standing before us. Bella dressed in floor-length deep burgundy fitted dress with thin straps over her cream shoulders, her hair in some up-do thing with curled pieces around her face. Not that she needed it, but she had some make-up on, some pink stuff on her cheeks and her eyes were outlined in dark brown, her lashes thicker than normal with mascara, and a slight shiny gloss on her lips.

I couldn't stop staring.

Edward recovered from his speech loss quicker than me, standing, he walked over to Bella, kissing her cheek, and told her she looked beautiful.

She thanked him, but looked at me.

Just as I was about to say something, Alice was suddenly directly in front of me, a bright smile on her face as she reached up to kiss me. Dressed in a white full-length gown with that damn bright pink ribbon around her waist, she looked angelic, even if I knew she was anything but.

"You look beautiful, darlin'," I complimented, taking her small hand in mine.

"And you look very handsome," she said as she wiped the remnants of her lipstick off my lips with her thumbs. "The tie," she smiled, tugging on it, "I knew it was the perfect color choice."

"Of course it is, baby, did you ever doubt yourself?" As if she would. I hugged her quickly before moving to Bella. "Bella, you look great, really great." I kissed her cheek, careful not to mess her make-up.

Esme walked into the room, "Time for pictures," she announced, waiving the camera, earning her an unison groan, but no argument, from the four of us, as we lined up in front of brick fireplace, all of our arms around each other. After several more formal poses, Esme let us play around, giving her some silly faces and positions.

Years later, one of those very same pictures would sit on my desk, a gentle daily reminder of that night-the joy and beauty of it.

After a few dozen pictures, Edward answered our prayers when he told his mom it was time to go. We headed out the door to the black limo waiting for us. Climbing in, I slid next to Alice, taking her hand in my lap, while Edward and Bella sat opposite us. I smiled at Bella, hoping to get one in return, but instead I received a slight frown.

Not only did Bella seem off that night, but Edward did as well. He had barely spoken to me since I had arrived at his house a few hours earlier to be appropriately coiffed by Alice, and now in the limo he sat silently staring out the window. I caught his eyes in his bright reflection in the glass, tossing him an encouraging smile. The sides of his lips barely turned up, and his gaze quickly slid away.

I sighed and turned back to Alice, squeezing her hand, hoping her brother's mood hadn't rubbed off on her.

Now Edward and I had our easily silences, where we could be in the same room for hours and barely speak, not really needing any words. But this was different, he seemed…almost pissed. But at what, or who, I had no clue.

I suspected it had something to do with what he assumed my plans involving his sister were after the Prom.

He had no reason to worry, Alice and I had already decided we were just going home at the end of the night, but if I informed Edward of this, he would no doubt suspect why I was telling him to begin with. I would just live with his mood for the night, knowing when I was dropped off at my house later, he would rest easy once again.

Edward's hand rested on his thigh and I watched Bella slide her hand under his, clasping it tightly. He turned to her, gracing _her_ with a full smile, bringing her hand to his lips, he placed a soft kiss on it.

Well, at least his bad mood wasn't directed at her.

Now I just wondered…what the fuck did _I_ do to piss him off?

"****~~**"**

It appeared as though the ballroom at the hotel had been decorated by a hundred Alices -balloons, streamers, flowers, twinkle lights - all combined to make the most romantic setting of a paradise at twilight.

Immediately after finding our table, Alice grabbed my hand, pulling me to the dance floor, Edward and Bella right behind us.

I wrapped Alice in my arms, holding her tightly to me, her cheek on my chest next to our hands, my other resting on her lower back, stroking her slowly. Resting my chin on her head, I closed my eyes, and lost myself in the dance, her body heat, and the pleasure of having her tiny frame pressed against me. I felt her sigh, and I opened my eyes, finding Bella's soulful brown ones locked with a fixed stare on me.

She was in Edward's arms, but her eyes never left mine.

Her hands resting on his shoulders, her cheek snug against his, and when he turned his head a bit, whispering in her ear, she gave a faint smile. They seemed so comfortable together; I quickly shook off the intense pang in my chest.

It was Edward for Christ's sake.

While she swayed back and forth with Edward and I loosened my grip on Alice, we continued to hold each others' gazes for the rest of the dance.

I had never felt anything so intense, so _intimate._

Making love with Alice didn't compare to those few precious moments under the weight of Bella's stare.

I felt like she was searching for something, digging deep into my soul, pulling out my heart, caressing it in her soft hands, and gracing it with a kiss before placing it gently back into my chest with a new wound intact.

Even if I had wanted to, I couldn't look away from her.

I swear I saw a small flash of regret, or perhaps longing, pass over her face right as the last beats of the song faded out. Edward pulled away from her, effectively breaking our trance, and taking her hand in his, he led her back to our table, keeping her tight to his side.

I am not sure I ever remember him being quite so possessive of her before; almost like he felt if he let her go, she would disappear.

A few songs and some punch later, we all sat at our table, Alice entertaining us by critiquing everyone's fashions, their choice of style and color. Typical of our friendship, we sat alone for the night, but briefly socialized with Angela, Ben, Jessica and Mike. While I had never quite forgiven Newton for his actions my first day at school, I had learned to at least tolerate him, for Bella's sake. Newton and I crossed the same paths in a daily basis, and I didn't want to jeopardize anything with Bella working for his parents.

Edward was leaning back in his seat, his long pale fingers twisting a straw through them deftly before flipping it over and going in the other direction. With lips pursed, brows drawn, skin more pale than usual, he fabricated any slight happiness for Alice's sake, but I knew better. I was used to the façade, as well as digging under it, looking through those small cracks to find the real emotion behind the shiny outside veneer.

Bella leaned over and whispered in his ear, he nodded and she rested her head on his shoulder. At her movement, he glanced up to me.

That veneer was momentarily tarnished, and one of those cracks betrayed his outer shell when a clear flash of distress crossed his features for an instant.

"I mean, seriously," Alice began. "Did she not wear her glasses that day or something, because that is totally not her color." I chuckled, not really having the slightest clue about what colors looked good on who, but Alice's fashion-passion rants were always entertaining.

And with that, Edward stood up, holding out his hand. "Come on, Alice, let's show them how the Cullens put in an appearance."

As they made their way to the floor, I chanced a glance at Bella and stood, offering my hand. "Miss Bella, will you do me the honor of this dance?" When she hesitated, I insisted, "Don't give me that 'I'm a klutz' stuff, Bella. You danced with Edward, now it's my turn."

Her lips parted a bit, before she nodded quickly, placing her hand in mine. I led her to the middle of the dancing couples, where I spun around, taking her in my arms much as I had done with Alice. One hand low on her back, the other held hers painfully tight over my suddenly racing heart. Unlike Alice, Bella did not lay her head on my chest, but instead leaned back a bit, looking up me, while Etta's James's crooned "_At Last_" to us.

"Alice is right, Jasper, you look incredibly handsome tonight," she smiled as the flush crept up my cheeks, warming them. I gave her my best 'aw shucks ma'am' look and spoke from my heart, wanting to return her sweet words.

"Bella, you look…" I found myself pausing, because then, looking at her before me in my arms, I was suddenly at a loss for the right words. "Never a more radiant vision," I whispered, slightly smiling, "truly dazzling."

Inhaling deeply, her fresh scent engulfed me, bathing me in scent of a cool spring night. I slid my hand up her back, over the satiny material to the nape of her neck. Curious by the trembling I felt, not sure if it was her or me, I let my thumb rub the warm tender skin there. When I felt the goose bumps, I furrowed my brows.

"Are you cold?" I asked worriedly, pulling her to me a bit tighter. Staring at me with clear, honest eyes, she only shook her head. "You're shivering," I murmured.

"It's not because I'm cold, Jasper." Even her voice had a slight tremor in it.

I could only nod, afraid that speaking would reveal the same tremor in my voice as well.

I knew exactly how she felt.

As we gently swayed back and forth, making small circles on the dance floor, I let my finger twist those curled wisps of hair, the shiny, silky ribbons gliding through my touch. Our eyes never wavered as we continued like that for the remainder of the song, and would have gone longer if Edward had not come over to cut in. When I handed Bella's hand to him, she kissed my cheek.

"Thank you for the dance, Jasper," she softly whispered in my ear. There was a sadness in her voice that pierced me, I desperately wanted to know why it was there, and then I wanted to make it go away.

Had _I_ put it there?

I stopped, wanting to turn and ask, but she was already back in Edward's arms as he guided them around the dance floor.

"Come on, Jazz," Alice tugged on my hand, heading back to our table.

We managed to enjoy ourselves for the rest of the night, occasionally laughing at each other's expense, mostly mine as my bright pink tie was a continuous running joke.

The Prom ended with the four of us in the limo dropped off at our respective houses, mine first.

As I stood on my porch watching the limo's taillights disappear down the street, my heart ached a bit. And I realized as I turned to head inside that it wasn't because I didn't get laid, but for something other reason entirely.

Now, what the fuck was I going to do about it.

"****~~**"**

The rest of the school year went by quickly for all of us. Between working, classes and studying for finals, Edward, Bella and I saw little of each other. My time with Alice was also limited as I usually opted to spend my free time with Edward.

Early in June that summer, the Cullens had decided to install a pool which was used practically daily by at least one of the four of us. As the middle of June approached, Bella, Edward and I could be found hovering on the edge of the pool, lounging on the long cushioned chairs or at the shaded table with books, papers, and laptops spread before us as we crammed for chemistry, biology, history or algebra. We had a nice system going, for each two hours of constant studying; we relaxed in the pool for half an hour.

One of these times, Alice chose to '_relax me' _on her knees in the guest bathroom. I was able to concentrate much better after that.

I admit, having Alice and Bella continuously around dressed in nothing more than bathing suits and towels was a nice distraction. As much effort as I put into it, I failed miserably in not looking at the curves of their bodies. Bella's previously small breasts had developed and she filled out the top of her bikini quite nicely. She and I were often found lying in the sun, warming ourselves under the golden rays while Edward and Alice cowered under the umbrella, Alice spurting out warnings about UVBs while adjusting the wide-brimmed hat on her head.

Even Newton had joined us one study session. I tried to ignore the leers I saw him throwing Bella's way, reminding myself she could take care of herself, but that didn't do much to lessen the desire I had to beat the shit out of him.

I wasn't sure what disturbed me more, the looks he gave her, or the ones she returned to him.

I barely suppressed a growl when Bella informed Edward and I the next day that Newton has asked her out and she had accepted. I glanced over at Edward, assuming he would be as angry as I was, but once again, he surprised me, smiling at Bella, wishing her to have fun on her date.

_What the fuck._

After Bella had left for the night, the sun was still bright as Edward and I floated on florescent pink rafts, no doubt chosen by Alice, in the tepid pool water. My hand dangled off the side of the floatie while Edward and I lazily circled around the pool.

"I can't believe you're okay with this?" I began, unable to resist finding out how he really felt about Bella and Mike's upcoming date.

He turned his head, staring at me through his dark sunglasses, with a raised eyebrow. I sighed. Had he forgotten so soon?

"The date?" I reminded him.

"Oh, that," he shrugged. "She's a big girl, Jazz. She can make up her own decisions."

"But it's _Newton_," I growled. Even though he turned away, I could see a trace of a smile on his face.

"Jealous?"

"Pfft, as if. Come on, Edward. Newton? Hardly someone to be jealous over." I scoffed at his suggestion.

"Whatever you say, Jasper."

I sighed again, disgruntled by the fact that he wasn't the least bit concerned. When he spoke again, this voice was hushed.

"If anyone should be jealous, it should be me," he stated simply.

Perhaps he hoped I hadn't heard, or perhaps he wanted me to hear. Either way, my curiosity was peaked.

"Why's that?" Of course, I took the bait. There was a long pause before he continued, I could see the conflict on his face, debating on telling me or not.

"Here's the deal, Jasper. I'm going to tell you something, and it must remain between you and me. Understood? No one, not _even_ Bella, can know."

Then I got nervous. Neither Edward nor I ever kept secrets from Bella. The only thing I never told either of them were details of my sexual relationship with Alice.

_Oh my God._

Suddenly, thoughts, all of them bad, began swirling in my head.

"Edward, what are you trying to tell me?" I turned toward him, facing him, and sat up, my legs straddling the rubber raft. Imitating my motion, he sat up as well, his black swim trunks stretching over his legs.

"Well, you're probably not going to like this, but…in fact, you're definitely not…" he stopped, clearly a bit nervous. He ran a hand through his hair, and bit his lip. This was not my calm, collected Edward.

And it scared the shit out of me.

"Tell me, Edward." I demanded.

"The night of the Prom, Bella and I slept together," he blurted.

Was that it? Fuck, we had sleep together before, usually while watching a movie in Edward's room or after one of our late night talks. It hadn't happened a lot, but it wasn't too unusual. So they did it alone. Big deal.

"And?" I hedged him to continue, in case there was more.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he lowered his head and spoke softly. "No, Jasper. I mean…" he took a deep breath. "We had sex."

I'm sure he heard my gasp. The tightening in my chest was immediate, the ache in my heart instantaneous. Stunned, I was speechless, as my heart raced, my mind played the words over and over, cutting me deeper each and every time.

_We had sex._

A part of me died with those words.

"I wanted to tell you before, but Bella asked me not to. I…I just thought you should know."

That's when the anger hit.

"What the fuck Edward? You preached to me that night about keeping _my_ dick in my pants, and you don't even follow your own fucking advice?" I had never yelled at Edward before, but I had never been hurt by him either.

"It wasn't like that. She…she asked me to," he had taken his glasses off, tossing them on cement surrounding the pool, once again, combing his hand through his hair.

"She what?" I didn't believe him.

No.

"She asked me to. A few weeks before the Prom, right after you and Alice…ya know." He motioned with his hands.

Oh fuck. He knew. All along he knew.

"Well, once Bella found that you and Alice had had sex, she came to me. She asked me to….well, make love to her," he paused. I could easily see the guilt on his face, but I wasn't sure if it was because he had fucked Bella or because he had told me her secret.

"Why?" It was barely audible. It was the only response I had besides _NO_!

I lowered my chin, and closed my eyes. The images of their nude bodies entwined on his large bed, her face flushed in pleasure that _he_ gave her. Him calling _her_ name as he came deep inside her, back arched, lips on hers in a passionate kiss. It would replay over and over again, I just wanted to hit that fucking 'erase' button.

He shook his head. "That's not my place to say. If Bella ever tells you about it, you can ask her. It was only that once, but I…I just felt you should know. I don't like keeping shit from you. Listen, I know you're pissed. I know I told you hands off my sister and then I do that with Bella, but…" he trailed off.

"Are you dating?" I interrupted, I had to ask…to know. He quickly shook his head.

"No, no…it's nothing like that."

I fumed more with each beat of my pulse, pushing anger through my body. "What, you can…you can _fuck _her, but you can't date her?"

Sighing heavily, he gathered his thoughts. "I guess this is why she didn't want to tell you," he began. "Listen Jasper, I love her. You know that. I love you too. She just…she just didn't...Oh fuck, I don't know. Trust me, I didn't make the decision lightly. But in the end, I would do anything she asked."

Catching my gaze he looked at me then, for the first time since beginning. "You know you would too."

He was right. I couldn't deny it.

We continued to float for another few minutes with only the sound of the pool filter between us. My mind replayed the imagined fucking while Edward's head hung low, guilt clearly visible in his eyes.

In silence, I stared at him.

I felt betrayed by him.

By _her_.

What I didn't realize was why. I cared for Bella, I should be thrilled her first time was with someone as loving as Edward and not someone like Newton.

My head shot up with that thought. If she was no longer a virgin, what would stop her from being with other guys now? Jealously flooded through me with such ferocity, it took my breath away. The pain in my chest increased as my mind flashed to our dance that night.

Did she know then that she was going to sleep with Edward that night? Had it been planned all along to be after the Prom? Was that the reason for the sadness and the trembling, had it just been nerves? Part of me wanted to know everything, every last detail - every kiss, caress and moan. Did she cry like Alice? Did she call Edward's name? With each question my mind raised, my heart ached that much more, hardening, peeling, cracking, small pieces breaking off only to turn to dust.

"Jasper, I-"

I put a hand up to stop him. I couldn't hear any more. "Don't," I begged. I tried to continue, "I just can't…not now."

I hopped of the floatie, almost dizzy when my feet hit the rough bottom of the pool. He remained quiet, his dark eyes following my every move. I tossed the raft out of the pool, and put my hands on the cement to pull myself up.

I hesitated at the sound of his voice.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," he said in barely a whisper. I couldn't see him behind me, and I didn't have it in me to turn and face him, to show him my pain, but I knew what he was doing anyway. His brow was furrowed, his eyes downcast, lips together in a frown, shoulders slumped. Part of me wanted to go tell him it was fine, that we were fine.

And I knew we would be. Just not right then.

Instead, all I could do was give him a small nod. Without another word, I climbed out of the pool, grabbing my towel, and not even bothering to dry off, went straight to my bike.

I didn't speak to my mother when she asked how my day was; instead I shoved past her to my room. I closed the door, well, slammed actually, and after tossing my bag on the floor, threw myself on my bed.

_'We had sex.' _

Them. Together. Over and over in my head those images played. I lay on my back, my hands fisting in my hair, trying to rid the pictures of them in bed, naked, kissing…_fucking_. Questions darted in and out of my mind quickly.

Did she blow him?

Did he go down on her?

Did she come?

Did _he_ hurt her?

I jumped at the knock on my door. "Jasper, everything okay?"

Sighing, I gathered my voice before speaking, not wanting it to betray the lie I was about to tell "Yea, Mom, everything's fine. Just studied too much, just tired."

"Okay, then," I could hear her hesitant steps move on from my door.

Groaning, I rolled over onto my stomach, my arms curling up under my pillow, my face half-buried in the down feathers.

_Tangled limbs. Plush lips. Sweaty skin. Quiet whispers. Loud moans. Names screamed._

My pillowcase was damp within minutes as the tears steadily fell.

"****~~**"**

School ended.

Summer began

I continued to fall apart.

Perhaps 'fall apart' is a bit of an exaggeration, but it felt like it none the less. My life continued in a downward spiral that I seemed unable to control.

Things were still tense between Edward and me, and I took full responsibility. He had been honest with me, fulfilling his best friend duties by telling me about him and Bella.

It was now my problem.

It wasn't his fault that I could do nothing but picture them in various sexual positions when we were all together. How every small touch between them now held another meaning; her smiles to him, his whispers to her, a brush of an arm, a playful tickle, an arm slung casually over shoulders, a piggy back ride from the house to his car.

Every fucking little touch killed me that much more.

My inability to get over the fact that she had asked him to be her first lover was what kept the tension between us fresh, even through all his efforts to break it down and put it behind us. He was constantly inviting me over, regardless of how many times I was 'busy'. Sometimes he would show up at the music store to drop lunch off for me because he thought I might be hungry. He had even offered to pay to have my bike fixed when money was tight for me.

Why couldn't he just let me be pissed? Why couldn't he just let me wallow for awhile instead of offering a hand, a life raft, to my drowning soul in an attempt to resuscitate it?

Just let me drown. Please.

But he wouldn't do that. That wasn't Edward…and for that I was thankful. So he kept offering the lifeline, I kept pushing it away, wanting to tread water a bit longer before climbing on his raft, clinging to him and his friendship once again.

While Edward and I thought we were good at hiding tension when in the company of Bella and Alice, we, obviously, weren't as clever as we had assumed. Bella never said a word but she would frown or give me a long stare, questioning my snide remark to something.

I was sure she didn't know that the cause of my perpetual bad mood was her. It would have killed her to know, and I wasn't about to do that.

Newton had joined our group outings occasionally - to the movies, swimming at Edward's, and even to the meadow with us once - as he and Bella began to date on a regular basis. I made every attempt to avoid them together; the images of Bella and Edward's tangled limbs were damaging enough without seeing Newton's hand slide a bit to low on her ass while his other cupped her face as they kissed. My imagination would run wild and suddenly I was seeing Newton hovering naked over a trembling Bella as he entered her.

I gagged before turning away, the bile burning my throat with each sickly sting.

As much as I despised him, Bella actually seemed happy in his company. Edward also seemed okay with them as a couple, and I finally began resigned myself to that fact that it was, once again, _my_ personal issue. With every caress between them, I would close my eyes and take a deep breath, making each moment a bit easier to tolerate.

Gradually, I had gone from wishing Newton a long and painful death to just being satisfied imagining him being hit by a bus.

Even Alice's unflappable, intoxicating spirit became affected by my distracted mood. I had been so wrapped up in my own misery that I had failed to notice Alice's slow descent as she willingly followed me down that long lonely road. She rarely shopped, canceled a few dates we had scheduled, and even let Mrs. C handle the Fourth of July party planning.

That's when I knew something was really wrong.

Guilt surged though me when I realized how neglectful I had been, too preoccupied with my dark desperate obsessions with Bella, Newton, and Edward to notice the sadness that fallen darkening Alice's enchanting bright light. With a conscious effort, I began to pay more attention to her, to block out the distractions of everything and concentrate on only Alice. We spent more alone time, watching some movies, sitting by the pool, or taking walks in the woods surrounding the Cullen's house.

The one thing I noticed we did not do was make love.

She shunned my advances each and every time, an artificial excuse quick to leave her lips when I began to rub my growing erection against her while we kissed goodnight, or when my eyes would travel up and down her bikini-clad body. At first, I assumed it was our lack of available options, but I remembered before when we would find the most opportune times and places to be alone and make love. It took effort, time, and planning, but Alice was great at that shit.

Now there was no effort, time, or planning, as Alice seemingly wanted nothing to do with me physically other than a chaste goodnight kiss.

That was the summer my hand once again became my best friend. I would stand in the hot shower every morning as imaginary Alice knelt before me, kneading my ass while her mouth worked wonders on my cock before I filled - my fist, rather - with warm milky fluid.

What we did do was fight more. My irritable mood made me quick to pass judgment on the smallest things, with me suddenly becoming irate at the fact that she told me not to wear jeans to a party, or that my hair was too long, or that Roger Moore was the best James Bond. Her formerly endearing qualities grated on me, severing off a sliver of my love for her with each quarrel.

It was mid-August when we sat a few feet apart on the edge of her pool, each of us dangling our feet in the warm water. A silence hung between us, one that had been there for the past few months and I had grown used to, even learned to accept it as part of who we had become. My chin rested on my chest as I watched my blurry feet under the water, making small circles, the water swirling around my tanned calves in little whirlpools.

"Jasper," Alice's chirp broke through the coats of silence we wore. I slowly glanced up at her.

This was it, I knew it. I didn't have to be Alice and see the future to realize what was coming next.

"I think we need to talk."

And with those six words, my life once again changed.

I sighed, squinting at her in the setting sunlight, her dark hair taking on almost a bluish tint in the last rays of the day.

"What's wrong, Alice?" I began. _Let's get it over with. _

"You know what's wrong, Jasper. Us," she waved a hand between our bodies, "we're what's wrong."

I nodded, but remained silent. "You just seem so…I don't know, distant?" she continued. "Lately, all we do is argue, and when we're not fighting, I am walking on eggshells around you because I don't know when what I say or do will set you off."

I turned toward the pool again, my heart beginning to catch up to her words, finally pounding a bit harder.

She looked down at the water, whispering, "We don't even make love anymore."

My head shot up and I instinctively leaned away from her."And whose fucking fault is that, Alice? Because it sure as shit isn't mine!" I defended myself. I would take the blame for this break-up but I would not take the blame for not wanting her. "I tried…a lot. You never wanted to. Always ready with an excuse, and let me tell you they got old after awhile. I finally just gave up."

A quiet sniffle was all it took for me to feel guilty over my outburst. I leaned my head back on my shoulders. "Look, I'm sorry. I just...I know I'm to blame here. I know I've been distant, I just...I'm not sure why."

She wiped the tears from her cheeks as she rocked back and forth a bit. Edward's nervous habit was running his hand through his hair, Alice…rocked. The next question shocked me.

"Is it because they slept together?"

I stare at her incredulously. "How did you know about that?" I absently notice not only did my heart skip a beat at her question, but my legs began churning in the pool faster. I had some nervous habits of my own.

"Bella told me. She actually told me before it happened, that she had asked him to be her first."

I was the last one to know.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Jasper," she sighed."It wasn't my place. What happens between them, or you and I, is private. I noticed right after the Prom you started to become moody. I mean, you've always been kinda moody, but this was different. You were pissed, irritable, quiet. Each day was different, hell each_ minute_ of each day was different. I just got tired of it, I wanted my old Jazz back. When I started to really look at what was going on, and when it started, well, I made the conclusion that it must be because of them…what they had done."

She took a breath, gauging my reaction so far. Once satisfied, she continued."I began to wonder if you were hurt because Edward didn't tell you ahead of time, or that Bella didn't tell you after ….or that…it was Edward instead of you."

I shot her a look, a warning of sorts I guess, because she began gnawing on her bottom lip, and didn't continue with her deductions.

"Why did she tell you?" I asked.

"I don't know, I guess she wanted reassurance she was doing the right thing."

But she wasn't.

"So, I offered her what advice I could, ya know, being her first time and all…" her voice drifted off as she reminisced. I took the chance to lighten the mood some.

"Like what, how to decorate her room?" I smiled faintly as I nudged her side with my elbow. Her skin felt cool from the dampness settling around us.

"Shut up," she retorted with a hint of a smile and flush to her cheeks. How a girl that could fuck me six ways to Sunday could so easily blush when I mention something so non-sexual amazed me. I guess I still had it, even if it was rusty and tarnished.

Realizing this wasn't over, I reached for her hand, and turned toward her, bringing one knee up on the cement. My navy bathing suit gaping in an awkward position, I placed our hands in my lap, gently rubbing hers between mine.

"Just say it, baby. Get it over with." And with that I took a deep breath and held it. I felt a bit numb actually, although the pounding had not decreased. She nodded, again swiping the tears with her free hand before beginning, her eyes fixed on our entwined hands.

With one deep inhalation, her quiet voice trembled. "I think we should break-up Jasper. It's just…we're just not working anymore. We're growing apart and that's okay, it really is. You've got senior year coming up, college after that. I've got a lot going on this year…"she trailed off, but I nodded, encouraging her to continue. She finally lifted her eyes to meet mine and my numbness quickly wore off. The sheer heartache, sadness and determination I saw in them broke me.

Fucking _broke _me.

What an ass I had been to treat her like this, someone so bright and joyous and I did nothing but dim that light the past three months, extinguish that spark that had ignited between us. I don't care if I was a guy. The tears began to fall.

"Baby," I almost sobbed. I had to apologize before it was too late."I'm so, so sorry."

They fell freely now, and I felt her hand on my cheek.

"Sssh…it's okay, Jasper. It's not your fault…or mine. It just happened."

I wanted to argue. It was _my_ fault, I got so involved over Edward fucking Bella that I lost sight of the girl in front of me, the one always so willing to share herself with me. The soft cool fingers on my lips stop me when I go to speak.

"Let me finish, baby," she started, and I nodded. "You were my first love, and you always will be. A part of my heart will always belong to you… no matter who I am with. We shared something that no one can ever take away and for that, I am grateful. I am grateful you were my first love, my first _everything_, Jasper."

She leans over, and kisses my lips tenderly one last time, the salt of my tears mixing with her sweet taste. Pulling away, she put her forehead against mine.

"Thank you, Jasper," she whispered before cupping my cheek again, and standing up to leave, but my hand was still tightly holding hers.

_What would happen if I said no, don't go? Stay! Stay with me!_

As quick as the words assaulted me, they were gone, never to be breathed.

I knew my heart lay in the hands of another, and it had for a long time, probably since the moment in the café so long ago. It wasn't fair to Alice that she didn't have all of me -she deserved more, she deserved better.

It wasn't fair to me.

To us.

When she realized she would get no protest from me, she let my hand go, mine falling heavily back into my lap, and took a step backwards, putting space between us.

"See you around, Jazz." With one last look over her shoulder at me, she turned toward the house.

As my tears began to subside a bit, I could do nothing but watch her leave me.

I sat there long enough to see her walk break into a sprint as her sobs pierced the cool night air.

"****~~**" **

Thank you for reading~

For slash fans, I have the first S&S J/E slash outtake up, called Lost and Found –it can be found here

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5368892/1/Lost_and_Found**


	6. Battlefield

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- I take 100% of the responsibility for this chapter if it sucks. This chapter was difficult at best, it still feels forced to me, but have been assured it does not come across that way. Also, any and all grammatical errors, pronoun fail, typos etc are mine-it went unbeta'd.

**C Me Smile**- thank you, for everything-you truly are my muse, full of inspiration, laughter and Jasper love.

Huge hugs and thanks to **Dannie** for holding my hand through this chapter, for making me smile when I didn't think I could, for the support, friendship and love. I wouldn't be here without you, sweetie.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"**~~**"

Battlefield

Location: Forks, WA (Heroic)

"**~~**"

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand  
No promises, no demands  
Love is a battlefield  
We are strong, no one can tell us were wrong  
Searchin our hearts for so long, both of us knowing-Pat Benatar

"**~~**"

Summer ended.

School began.

Hello, Senior year.

I had begun to slowly pick up the pieces to my broken life.

As I slid off my motorcycle in the parking lot of Forks High school on yet another dismal, but sunny day, the silver Volvo caught my attention when the sun reflected off the shiny paint. At first, I thought to quicken my pace and get inside before having to face either Edward or Alice, having seen little of Edward and none of Alice since our break up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward unfold from the Volvo, but saw no movement on the passenger side. Odd, Alice always got a ride to school from him.

As much as my mind willed my feet to moved, my heart kept them firmly in place as Edward approached me, his backpack slung over one shoulder, dark glasses in place, messed hair twisting toward the sky. I finished attaching my helmet to my bike just as he reached me. I stood tall, using those extra inches to my advantage, and faced him.

I had seen him twice briefly in the past two weeks. Once he had showed up to work, asking about my class schedule, wanting to compare our classes, and once at my house to see if I wanted to hit a movie with him. Of course, I had said yes and he drove us to the theater where we saw some stupid teen comedy, but it was enough to make me forget my shitty life for ninety minutes. Not an easy feat, trust me. I was still wallowing, although I had moved from the deep end to the shallow end. Guilt still plagued me over the end of my relationship with Alice, and every time I saw Bella with Mike, my stomach churned. It still hurt like a motherfucker to think about, but I had finally come to accept Bella and Edward's night together, trying to focus on the fact that Bella's first time was with some who loved her and not some random guy looking to add another notch to his belt.

Needless to say, I had still avoided all things Cullen, including their house, since Alice left me by her pool that night. The wound of our break-up still freshly bleeding, and Edward's dark green eyes just a bit too much a reminder of what I had fucked up so badly.

Of course, it never occurred to me to try to win her back. I accepted the clean break Alice had given us, not wanting to drag either of us back into a relationship we both realized I was never completely in to begin with.

I was surprised by Edward's reaction to the news of the end of Alice and I. Sure, I got the pursed lips and crossed brow, but overall his demeanor was still very…Edward. I had expected an outburst, at the very least, about how I had deflowered his sister but had not begged for her forgiveness. I'm not sure what Edward thought my future with Alice would have held, but I don't think he expected Alice and I to get married, live in our picket-fenced house with our two-point-five kids.

Alice was the only one that predicted that future.

For once, she had been wrong.

"Jasper," he nodded as he came to stop in front of me, combing fingers through his hair. "How's it going?"

Squinting into the sun, I put my keys in my pocket and shrugged. "Same old shit. You?"

He chuckled, and then nodded to a group of cheerleaders standing nearby, already in their uniforms showing off their long legs. "Think they'll finally learn any new cheers this year?"

I scoffed, "You got to be shitting me, Cullen. Seriously?" Was I asking about his subject matter, or actually replying to the question asked? I wasn't sure. I glanced over at them, three of them giggling and fawning over each, hair bouncing down their back, breasts bouncing in their front. When I turned back to Edward, it was there.

A full, wide as fuck grin on his face. Where the hell did _that _come from?

"What?" I looked down the front of me, checking for anything amiss, casually sliding my fingers to my fly, making sure everything was hidden and accounted for. His eyes followed my hand, watching me check my zipper.

"Welcome to Senior year, Jasper." His grin turned to a smirk. I appropriately rolled my eyes as he turned toward the front doors. With one last look at the cheerleaders to appreciate their new bouncier moves, I moved to catch up to Edward, my long legs covering the distance quickly. Slinging and arm casually around my shoulders, he leaned into me, almost whispering in my ear.

"You would look so hot in those one of those short skirts, baby."

I couldn't help but laugh as I pushed him away with a hand. "Fuck off ," I retorted. "Besides, you know green is my color, not red." A hearty laugh filled the air around us as we rounded the corner to the front door. I reached out and pulled it open for us, motioning him to enter."See you in Trig, Cullen." He nodded as he removed his sunglasses, folding them into his pocket.

"Later, Whitlock," he replied without looking back. I stood, a bit dazzled by the way he always worked his fucking mojo on me when I least expected. I was completely on his life raft now, having been dragged on without even realizing it, clinging to my savior once again. I shook my head has he was swallowed by a sea of angst teen dramas and bad fashion in the wide hallway.

And we were back to being Edward and Jasper.

He needs to seriously consider taking his hypnotizing skills on the road, because, damn, he was good.

After four classes of teachers handing out syllabuses and explaining expectations for the upcoming semester, I headed to lunch, looking forward to seeing Edward for the first time in awhile. Although, I was not looking forward to seeing Alice and had momentarily considered skipping lunch, but still found myself walking down the hall.

The lunchroom was crowded by the time I got there. I hoped Edward had been able to arrive and grab a table for us. Standing on the steps, my trained eyes scanned the room for the brilliance of bronze hair, finding it sitting next to…Bella.

And Mike.

This was not going to be fun.

They had continued to date for the remainder of the summer, and I had really tried to accept their relationship and welcome Mike into our intimate circle, but I was not nearly as generous as Edward and I found it difficult to stomach the site of them cuddling at every second.

Fucking cuddling better be all they were doing.

Only I knew it wasn't. On one of the rare occasions the three of us were together recently, Edward and I were tortured with ten minutes of Bella's over descriptive details from her make-out session with Mike from the night before. I swear I even saw Edward cringe when she mentioned '_how soft his lips were_.'

I closed my eyes, keeping my opinion in check when I really wanted to shout _shut the fuck up!_

A hand went up to stop her. "Bella," he began tensely. "Please, that's enough. Perhaps this is a discussion you should be having with Alice, because I think both Jasper and I are about five minutes away from ripping Newton's tongue of out his throat and shoving it up his ass."

With a giggle, she stopped pouring the salt in my wound.

"About fucking time, Cullen," I murmured under my breath as pride radiated from me. Apparently the shiny veneer did have hard limits.

Hearing about their kissing second hand was bad enough, having to sit and witness it while trying to keep my lunch down was something else entirely. I really wanted to strangle the person that scheduled our lunches at the same time.

Or perhaps throw them in front of the bus with Newton.

Casually, I approached the table, tossing my backpack on the floor by the empty chair across from Edward. I glared at the arm around Bella's shoulder, and ignored the tiny hand on Mike's thigh.

Must they always be touching? Had Alice and I that been that bad? Speaking of Alice...

"Where's Alice?" I nodded toward Edward, making sure he knew the question was directed at him.

With a sigh, he leaned back in his seat before responding. "I don't know. I asked her if she wanted a ride this morning and she said no. I haven't seen her since. I'm not even sure what lunch she has. She's been pretty quiet lately." His look spoke volumes. I knew he was asking me to patch things up with her, not get back together with her, but at least get us back on speaking terms. I just wasn't sure I was up for that quite yet.

I pulled out a bottle of water from my backpack and took a long drink. While Edward closed his eyes, effectively shutting out the world, Mike and Bella continued to make googley eyes at each other.

God, it was going to be a fucking long year.

"****~~**"**

A week later, I stood in my sweatshirt leaning against my bike in the school parking lot waiting for Edward to arrive. It had somehow become our routine; I would arrive about ten minutes before him, and wait for him by my bike, he would walk over, greet me, and then we would turn and head to the main doors, making a snide comment about some teacher or assignment. He knew I found security in routines, in doing the same thing day after day. Perhaps it was some dysfunctional side effect of being a military kid, but it was soothing to me, the comfort of knowing what to expect and when to expect it. I was not a fly by the edge of your seat kind of guy. After our first day of school, Edward had automatically built this morning arrival ritual into our routine.

The flash of silver caught my eye, and I turned my head toward his car as he pulled into his spot. There was movement in the car, even after he had gotten out and closed the door. He waited for her by the trunk of the Volvo, before they both walked over to me. I couldn't see his eyes, his sunglasses firmly in place. I knew he was hiding from me.

The fingers combed through his hair twice before he even reached me, Alice tight by his side.

"Morning, Jasper," his voice still rough with sleep. I could only shake my head at him, a bit stunned he was ambushing me without warning.

"Hey," I forced out as he and Alice stood before me. She was still Alice, fashionably overdressed for Forks High, hair perfectly done. Still the girl who predicted just under two years ago that we would date, whose fingers had tangled in my hair as she cried out my name withering under my sweaty body, who had broken my heart.

Squinting against the dull sunlight, Alice lifted her face to me, a small smile on her lips. "Hi, Jazz," My heart stuttered a bit at the familiar use of her nickname for me.

"Well, I promised Bella I'd meet her before first period," he turned, heading to the door, but called out over his shoulder, "See you Trig, Whitlock. Bye, Alice, meet me at the car after school."

I wanted a witty comeback, but all I could manage was a weak, "Later, Cullen." It was nice to know that part of our routine was still intact. For a moment, my eyes followed his head as he slowly made his way inside the building.

My chuckle caught Alice's attention. "What's so funny?" Shaking my head, I looked down at her, really at her for the first time in about a month, and I couldn't help but smile a bit at her innocence.

"He's not meeting Bella, Alice. She has AP English first period, over there," I pointed to the other door. "He set this up." Suddenly embarrassed at the admission, I looked down at my boots, inspecting the artistic lines in the worn leather.

Her quiet laughter brought my eyes back up to hers. "Jazz, he didn't set this up, I did," she confessed without remorse. "I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing. I figured we had avoided each other long enough." She paused, giving the information enough time to sink in. "So…how are you?"

Answers raced through my head, some appropriate, some not-so appropriate, before I settled on the old standby.

"I'm okay. You?" As I nervously shifted from side to side, my lip already felt sore from being pulled between my teeth.

"I'm okay too," her voice was so much quieter than I was used to. Where was energetic Alice, the one that radiated life. "Listen, I just…I just," she stopped, the quiet voice now quivering a bit, uncertain how to continue.

She was too good to suffer. "What is it, Alice?" I encouraged gently, although slightly worried for her answer. In a flash, her bag was on the ground, her arms forcefully wrapped around my neck as she pulled me down into a tight hug. Stunned by her reaction, it took me a minute to return her embrace, but when I let my arms go around her back, holding her to me, I felt her body relax against mine. With concern, my hands ran up and down her back soothingly. I murmured into her ears, "Baby, what's wrong? Are you okay?" I fell back on the nickname as easily as she did.

I heard the small catch in her voice as she mumbled into my shirt."I just miss you, Jasper…so very much."

Smiling against her hair, I replied honestly."I've missed you, too." I took a deep breath and pulled back, so I could see her face, her eyes as the tears clung to their rims. "You know you did the right thing though, right?" I assured her. Biting her lip, she nodded, bringing up a hand to swipe the unshed tears.

"Yes, I know. I just miss you sometimes."

"I know, baby, me too. But I'm here. Anytime you need me,_ anytime_, I'm here," I promised honestly. "Come on, we're going to be late." I motioned to the clearing parking lot.

Sniffling, she grabbed her bag off the ground, hanging it on her shoulder. I smiled down at her, more certain than ever we had made the right choice. Taking her hand in mine, I walked toward the building.

"Hey, Alice?"

"Yea?"

"Please remind me to kick Edward's ass later." I glanced down at her, rewarded with a smile on her face.

"You got it, Jazz."

Just as we entered the door and turned the corner, I spotted Edward leaning against the trophy case. After a knowing glance at our clasped hands, he smirked knowingly at me. There was no doubt in my mind of his involvement in the planning of this, whether Alice thought she was behind the set up or not, he was most definitely the man behind the curtain. I went to speak, but didn't want to alert Alice to his presence, so I mouthed 'thank you' to him.

Nodding, he winked and pushed off the glass case, heading down the hall.

"****~~**"**

The Monday before Christmas break, I sat in a hard molded plastic chair in front of the large mahogany desk. I cradled my left hand in my lap a bit, under the gauze pad, the blood still trickled from the torn flesh on my knuckles. Suppressing a smile from my bloodied lip, I kept my head tilted down, staring at the stains on my jeans as the principle droned on about actions and consequences.

I had always been a guy ruled by my emotions, usually acting before thinking. Edward was the sensible one between us, always considering his options before making a decision.

Not me, I would jump in heart first, consequences be damned.

A fucking note? Unacceptable.

About an hour earlier, I had walked into the cafeteria and made my way to our table, expecting to find Edward, Bella, and of course, Newton.

Her face was buried in his chest as she sat across his lap, her hands covering her tear-stained face as her shoulders gently shook with quiet sobs. A large hand stroked up and down her back, lips gently kissing her hair with mutterings of 'don't worry' and 'it'll be okay' as he tried to coax her pain away.

He was offering her his life raft. That raft was getting crowded.

Edward looked up, finding me quickly and shook his head slightly. This couldn't be good.

Hastening my pace, I pushed through the crowd, arriving at the table unnoticed by Bella. With wide eyes, I asked Edward what was going on, and with a sigh, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out folded piece of lined paper, handing it to me across the table.

I hadn't even sat down before I was desperately unfolding it. In typical messy boy script was written:

_Bella,_

_I wasn't sure the best way to tell you this. It's our senior year and we need to have fun. I think we should start seeing other people, but we can still be friends. _

_Mike_

Rage immediately circulated through me, my entire body tensing as I let the anger flow freely, for once not holding back. Edward recognized the symptoms, having seen me pissed off on more than one occasion, although he was usually Bruce Banner to my Hulk. Today, he not only supported the anger, he encouraged it with a nod of agreement. For once, he was as pissed off as I was; only he was busy comforting a heartbroken Bella.

I, however, was free to do as I pleased.

He spoke quietly. "Not only was it a note, but he fucking gave it to Angela to give to Bella in gym." His arched eyebrows and darkened eyes assured me that my anger was not misplaced.

A fucking note? Unacceptable.

I tossed the note onto the table and rapidly searched the cafeteria for the asshole.

"Jasper," Edward called, pointing to the front door as Newton stepped through the double glass doors into the falling sleet of December.

Perfect.

With a knowing nod to Edward, and a quick glance at Bella's sobbing form, I turned and headed for the doors.

Reaching Newton quickly out of view of the cafeteria windows, I put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him to me tightly. Waves of hair clung to my face from the wet sleet, the slush staining the leather of my boots.

"Newton, let's you and I have a talk over here for a minute," I insisted, guiding us toward the ageing greenhouse.

"No thanks, Whitlock. This doesn't concern you anyway." He tried to pull away from my grasp.

_The fuck it's doesn't._

I was not the scared new kid freshman anymore, now thirty pounds heavier and five inches taller. Newton had grown some too, but not as impressively as I had. Briefly, I thought to remind myself to thank Edward for making me lift weights with him.

"See Newton, that's where you're dead wrong." We had reached the small building, and I not so gently pushed him against the brick and glass side, putting that thirty pounds to good use. "If it concerns Bella, it concerns me," I paused briefly, "and Edward. "

He stood, as tall as Edward, with his blond bangs covering half of his soon to be fucked up face, against the wall. I sensed confidence coming from him, with only a slight tint of fear. He thought he could take me. At that moment, my hands hung began to fist by my side, ready to pounce at the slightest invitation.

"Whatever, Whitlock," he shrugged. "I'm just saying that she's a big girl. She'll get over me. It's no big deal. I just wasn't that into her. She wouldn't even put out once." The former confidence I had sensed in him was now betrayed by the very slight tremor in his voice.

It was time to pounce.

Quickly, my hands were fisting his coat as I jerked him to me and then slammed him hard back against the wall. His hands came up for my wrists, but I took the chance to once again slam him, the glass wall behind him shaking from the force.

"You did _not_ just fucking say that!" I growled at him, close enough to see the pores on his face, smell the mint on his breath. Wide eyes, now empty of even a trace of cockiness, stared back. "She's not just a piece of ass."

Another slam, another shudder of glass.

"Jesus Whitlock, calm the fuck down," he stammered.

"Listen to me, I don't fucking care what your reasons are, Newton. You're a piece of shit regardless…but a fucking note? A fucking note? Unacceptable."

"Fine, I'll go talk to her," he hissed, trying to make amends before it was too late.

After one more shove against the brick and glass, I continued to show him just how unacceptable his fucking note was.

If I couldn't throw him in front of a bus, this was my next best option.

Some scraped knuckles, swollen lip and cut brow later, Newton and I sat in front of Principal Marcus, who had pulled out the school's code of conduct policy, highlighting the rule strictly prohibiting physical violence of any kind.

I didn't consider it violence. Exercise in a life lesson perhaps. Violence…hardly.

I sat low in the chair; my legs sprawled out before me, channeling my inner Edward Cullen. Raised blue flesh satisfyingly surrounded Newton's left eye, his bottom lip covered in dried blood while spots of molted black covered his swollen jaw.

Not wanting to neglect a body part, after a few solid hits to his face, I made use of a low jab to his side. I hadn't felt the returning blows at the time, but I was started to feel them now as the adrenaline had begun to wear off.

Unfortunately, before I was able to inflict the kind of bodily harm he fucking deserved, some kids had found us, and had begun to circle around, spurring us on with chanting. Having seen me follow Newton from the lunchroom, and knowing the lack of love between us, they were ready for a show. The yelling and cheering drew the attention of one of the teachers in the lunchroom, who came out and stopped the fight long before I was finished.

"So, Mr. Whitlock, you will receive a three day suspension for fighting. Mr. Newton, you will receive a two day. These suspensions will go on your permanent record. Did you both learn any lessons here today?"

I smirked.

_Yea, the next time I want to make the long painful death a reality, make sure no one follows me._

Because I seriously doubted this was the answer he was looking for, I just nodded.

"Good. I will be calling your homes later to notify your parents of your suspensions. I trust we will have no further problems between the two of you in the future?"

_Not as soon as he's dead, Principal Marcus_.

We stood to leave, Newton glaring at me as we exited.

"This isn't over, Whitlock," he warned as soon as we were out of range of the Principal's office. "Not even close."

Looking at the inflamed skin surrounding his eyes and jaw, along with the blood discoloring his lips, I couldn't believe _he _was threatening _me_.

"Bring it on, Newton," I challenged as I headed in the opposite direction toward my locker to grab the books I would need over the next three days.

He was there, of course, leaning against my locker, feet crossed at the ankles.

"You look…" he eyed me up and down slowly, taking in the bruises and disheveled clothing "colorful," he finished.

I ignored his jab at my fighting skills. "Bella okay?"

Nodding slowly, he reached out for my chin, turning my marred face side to side, inspecting the damage with doctor's son eyes. "She will be. She definitely looks a fuck lot better than you at the moment." I exhaled a breath, releasing some of the tension I had been holding onto since seeing Bella crying on his lap. "You should have my dad look at these later."

Swatting his hand away, I pushed him aside and begin twisting the knob on the combination lock. "I had to let him get a few in, make him think I it was a fair fight and all." I opened the door, grabbing a few books, stuffing them into my backpack.

With a shoulder against the wall of lockers, Edward watched me as I loaded my bag up with supplies for suspension. "I'll grab your assignments for you. Drop them off at your place after school."

I zipped up my backpack, stood and slung it over my shoulder. With a bang, I slammed my locker closed, spinning the dial one last time. Edward could always get anything else I needed, he know the combination as well as I did. "Thanks."

"What are you going to tell the Major?" With cold fingers, he straightened out the collar of my sweatshirt.

"Mmm, not sure yet. Probably the truth. Somehow I don't think he'll have a problem with me defending Bella's honor." I took a step back from him, and pulled my keys from my pocket. With a nod, I turned for the doors, calling to him over my shoulder "Later, Cullen."

"See ya, Whitlock," he chuckled. "Oh, before I forget."He waited for me to stop. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," I admitted as I pushed the door open and stepped into the slush.

"****~~**"**

It just kept blinking at me. The evil cursor just kept mocking me and my lack of creativity.

"Fuck," I spat, tossing the pile of papers across the carpeted floor. Sighing, I leaned back against the side of Edward's bed, his comforter offering some padding as I rocked into his bed a few times. I closed my eyes, my hands in my hair, grasping at the curls pulling them straight out from my head. "Grrrr, I just don't get what they want!" I literally growled.

With one last deep breath, I opened my eyes to find a rather entertained Bella and Edward staring at me. Bella sat crossed legged in next to me, her laptop sitting in front of her. Lying on his stomach on the floor opposite me was Edward, his legs bent at the knees, his bare feet crossed at the ankles.

"Stressed much, Jasper?" he peered up at me over the screen of his own laptop. I couldn't see it, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Okay, Mr. Cullen, you tell me what the hell I am supposed to write for 'evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you'? I mean, seriously, how do I answer that." I blurted out more as a statement of frustration than a question.

"I'll take your question, and raise you a 'discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you'." Bella challenged, her pencil taping against her lip as she peered at her blank open Word document.

At least I wasn't the only one utterly clueless.

I glanced over at Edward, his fingers pounding away on his keyboard, brown crossed as his lips silently mouthed whatever he was typing. Of course he had the answer to his question.

"What's your question, Edward?" He held up one finger indicting to give him a minute. A few more clicks later, and he looked up at me.

"'Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.'" He snorted, "Easy, huh?"

"No shit. Bella and I get the Einstein of college essay questions and you get the 'who's your hero?' from fucking first grade." I leaned against his bed, rubbing my temples with my fingertips. "Why is this so difficult?"

"Oh, I don't know, Hale, maybe because we are writing an essay in hopes of getting into the colleges of our dreams-which decide our entire future. No big deal." She shrugged with fake casualness.

We were gathered at Edward's during our Christmas break, in an attempt to complete our college applications. Bella was applying to Dartmouth's English program. She had always wanted to pursue an Ivy League college and Dartmouth proved to be a good choice for her. Not as expensive as the other Ivy League schools and its location in a small town New Hampshire was an atmosphere that suited her. Edward was concentrating on getting himself into Standford's Pre-Med program, his father's alma mater.

I was concentrating on my University of Texas application, having a desire to get back to the sun and dry heat of my home state to study history. Sure, I had grown to love the rainy atmosphere of Washington, but I believed that I had come to love the clouds and rain for an entirely different reason.

There was no doubt in my mind that either of them would accomplish their goals. In addition to high SAT scores, both were high honor students, Edward had participated in a lot of extracurricular music activities, while Bella was a staple of the journalism department at Forks High.

We were each applying to different colleges, but in our hearts, we knew there was only one place we all wanted to get accepted to. We had found one school that had all three of our majors and would keep us together and close to home; University of Washington. Edward wanted into their Pre-Med program, Bella, their English department, and they had an excellent History department for me as well. I think we were all applying to the other schools to see if we could get in, for our parents satisfaction, but there was no doubt in our hearts, regardless of what prestigious schools we might get accepted to-we wanted to stay together.

We all sat for a minute, silent, considering our essays, our future.

"What if we don't all get in?"Bella asked the question we had all been thinking but not dared to ask out loud. Edward sighed, and sat up, stretching his legs out in front of him, leaning back on his palms.

"Bella, why wouldn't we all get in? Do you really think you can get into Dartmouth and not U of W?"

With shrug, she replied quietly. "I might _not_ get into Dartmouth, Edward. What if two of us get in, and one doesn't? I'm not sure I can…" she took a deep breath. "I'm not sure I can be without either of you. And I know I can't do this alone. "

Reaching across her laptop, I grabbed her hand. "Edward's right, Bella. We'll all get in, don't worry about it." I assured her even as my own concern grew. My grades and SATs were great, although not as great as theirs, but I didn't have the extracurricular activities they both did. Weaving words together to make magic, or play the piano well enough to entrance entire rooms of people were not skills I possessed.

I was a simple boy from simple town just trying to do as good as I could.

"I hope you're both right," she whispered, looking down at our entwined fingers, placing her other hand over them.

"Of course we're right, Bella. We're Edward and Jasper-there is no going wrong with Edward and Jasper," Edward stood, holding out his arms toward us. "Come on, group hug," he smiled, motioning us with his fingers. With an eye roll, I tugged Bella's hand until we were both in Edward's arms, all our arms wrapped around each other. I pulled back first, stepping out of the embrace, and sat the edge of Edward's bed.

With his arms still wrapped around her, Bella turned to face me. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, biting my lip, "Well, as loving and supportive as that hug was, it didn't fucking help. I still don't know what I'm going to write my essay about." The laughter of my two best friends filled the room, Edward's deep chuckle highlighted by Bella's tiny giggle.

Edward winked at me over Bella's shoulder. "Have Bella write it," he suggested.

"Oh, no, if _I_ write about some significant experience in Jasper's life, I'll end up having him losing his virginity to his best friend Edward," she laughed. Her words stung a bit, how open and casual she was about it now.

"Well there you go, significant event, risk, _and _ethical dilemma all wrapped into one answer," Edward replied casually, releasing his hold on Bella, he reached down and grabbed the essay question I had tossed on the floor earlier. Handing it to me, he grinned. "Come on, Jasper. You have an essay to write and we have a college to get into."

With a resigned sigh, I grabbed the paper, sliding back onto the floor in front of my laptop. I glanced up at Edward, once again lying behind his laptop. "Does getting caught with porn mags by your mom count as an 'ethical dilemma'?

Edward's widened eyes quickly shot at Bella and I realized what I said.

_Oh shit._

"Whoa, back up, Hale. What did you just say?" she asked with a huge smile, and blush in her cheeks. I was pretty sure my cheeks were just as red as I stared at the blank screen before me.

"Do you want to tell her, or should I?" Edward tapped my barefoot to get my attention.

"Definitely you," I mumbled.

"Fine-" he started but was interrupted by Bella.

"Wait, should I like…go make popcorn or something? Just how good a story is this?"

"Ew, Bella. Gross," I shuddered dramatically, but peeked at Edward and the Cheshire grin he had plastered on his face.

"So, Jasper and I get back from the movies one day and my dad calls us into his office. There he is all intimidating and serious behind his desk. We walk in and sit down, and that's when we see them. A rather large stack of porn magazines on his desk. The very same ones that had been under my bed when I left the house that morning. My mother had apparently cleaned up in my room, and was under my bed looking for dirty laundry or some shit, and found them."

How he was so comfortable telling Bella this, I will never understand. I could already feel the blush permanently staining my cheeks. Her eyes were bright and wide with anticipation, as she leaned toward Edward, eager for more.

Edward continued in his perfect mimic of Dr. C, "So boys, we have a situation here. Your mother came across these earlier today and has asked me to talk to you both about them, and a few other things, such as your unusually close relationship with Miss Swan."

Her hand went up over her mouth. "Oh my God, no way! How embarrassing." Welcome to my world, Bella.

"It gets worse, trust me," I reply, shaking my head as I remembered sitting in the leather chair facing Doc while Edward sat all sprawled out next to me.

"So, then he talks about the 'objectification of women' and how they are to be treated with respect. And trust me, Bella, Jasper and I treated them with the upmost respect." He looked over and winked at me. "I'm sure the fantasies they induced were nothing but wholesome fun, right Jasper?"

I leaned back on my palms, resting my head against this bed, stretching my legs out in front of me. My hair, in desperate need of a cut, fell into my eyes and I shook my head to move it. "Yes, definitely wholesome fun fantasies."

"I would have just DIED!" Bella shakes her head, glancing between Edward and I. "Then what?" Oh, sure she would have died, but didn't stop her from wanting to know every sordid detail.

"Well, after some talk about basic birds and the bees shit, he tells us how it's natural to be attracted to women's 'assets', which is, by the way, what were concentrating on. You know, their goals, favorite books, and of course, what they look for in a man."

"Oh yes, I am sure that's exactly what you were both concentrating on," she giggled, crossing her arms in front of her own assets.

"Then Dad says, that for boys our age, sometimes this means 'rubbing one out' in the shower, or in the privacy of our bedroom, ya know to release some of the 'tension they create'." He uses his fingers for air quotes.

By then, I had my face in my palms, knowing the worst part was coming. I groaned as Edward continued. "Then my dad does this brief description on how to exactly 'rub one out', as if Jasper or I didn't already know." A loud gasp came from Bella, her eyes impossibly wider, her little mouth open in shock at Edward's bluntness. "Oh yeah, total details, all clinical on hand placement, pace...everything. Finally, he gets to you, and our relationship with you. Even my dad gets embarrassed here, telling us we need to keep our hands off certain body parts of yours, although he managed to skip over which specific parts, I think both Jasper and I were pretty clear on what he was referring to."

Knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, the tears streamed down her face from her laughter, she made no attempt to wipe them away, because they would only be followed by more. Sighing, I pulled my hands from my face and glared at Bella.

"I can't believe you are laughing about this. It was so fucking embarrassing," I practically snapped at her. The lazy grin on Edward's face told me he was enjoying it.

"Aw, Jasper, come on, you have to admit it's pretty funny," she swiped at her cheeks with a hand. "I can just imagine the look on your face when Dr. Cullen starts talking about

'appropriate parts to touch," she had to pause to wait for the current round of laughter to stop before she could continue. "Oh, and then advising you to 'rub one out' when you need to?" she choked out through breaths. "With instructions? That is just...hilarious!"

I thought it was probably inappropriate to tell her exactly what I imagined when I did follow Doc's advice and rub one out.

Edward shifted uncomfortably and glanced at me and back to Bella, who had stopped laughing and looked at him.

"Edward?" Her voice was suddenly quiet.

He grinned wide and open, his eyes betraying to me what he was about to do, even though I began shaking my head furiously. "No, Edward, you can't..." I gave up quickly, there was no use, he was going to whether I spoke up or not. _This_ embarrassing moment was about to get about ten times worse.

"Bella, you might want to go make that popcorn now," he instructed. "It's about to get really interesting."

With a squeal, she hopped up, almost knocking over her laptop in her excitement. "Oh, it gets better than masturbation? That's pretty hard to top..."

"Yes, better than masturbation," Edward promised. Knowing I would never survive this, I debated on leaving, letting Edward continue telling Bella on his own. The more I considered it, the less likely I was to leave. After all, someone had to make sure he didn't embellish much.

"Don't forget the drinks." He called to her as she practically ran down the hallway.

"You're not going to tell her _everything_, are you?" I leaned toward him, whispering, as if she could remotely hear me.

Smirking, he teased, "Why not? We don't keep secrets from each other."

Actually, there was one secret I kept from them both.

I was in love with the giggling girl who had just run to the kitchen to make popcorn before listening to our embarrassing story.

"****~~**"**

Thank you for reading!

Safe and Sound was featured on The Fictionators blog last week, thank you, ladies, for this honor!

http://www(dot)fictionators(dot)com/?zx=28fa0d8eb1f1520d


	7. Worst Fear

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-First, once again, I am not completely happy with this chapter. Second, my apologies to the Edward fans, he isn't in this chapter very much. Third, I had a lot of comments/requests for the little 'talk' at the end of the last chapter to be in this one, however it is not. Originally, I had no intention of writing it, however due to the curiosity of the readers, I am thinking about doing it as an outtake. For those that read _Lost and Found_, remember, those are merely possible moments, or a pseudo alternate universe, if you will. Lastly, my apologies for the delay in posting, not only has my muse unexpectedly decided to up and leave, but in its place, out-of-town family unexpectedly came to visit. Not an even exchange, in my opinion!

**C Me Smile**- thank you, for _everything_-you'e truly amazing.

Huge hugs and thanks to **Dannie** for the encouragement, laughs, and very late night phone calls. Neither me, nor this chapter, would be here without her.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"****~~**"**

Worst Fear

Location: Forks, WA (Acceptance)

"****~~**"**

All along I knew that there was something missing  
And only one thing left to do  
I had to leave behind this life that we'd been living  
But the only thing that left was you-Rascal Flats

"****~~**"**

My fingers played with the cords on the Gibson Hummingbird guitar.

It was one of the most beautiful things I had seen…well, besides the other doe-eyed brown haired beauty in my life.

Not only was it aesthetically beautiful, but the feel of it in my arms and under my hands was sheer perfection. I had been putting some money away each week for it for a little over a year and still only had about half of it saved. Between the outrageous insurance on my motorcycle and saving for college, there wasn't much left for hobbies.

_Some day this beauty would be mine. _

Closing my eyes, I hummed a few notes, while letting my fingers flow over the strings, plucking random cords as I sat on the stool leaning back against the wall with my booted feet propped up on the counter. It was slow at work. No one had come in the store in over an hour, and on those slow days, I sat and courted this beautiful guitar, coaxing her with my notes, soft lyrics, and calloused fingers.

_Some day this beauty would be mine. _

I allowed my fingers to drift over the smooth spruce wood top with the nitrocellulose lacquer finish. It was silky beneath my touch as I moved to trace the floral and bird design of the tortoise pickguard and caressed the brilliant mahogany sides and back. She made beautiful music for me. I adjusted the tuners, listening with my trained ear for the subtle changes.

_Some day this beauty would be mine. _

Jumping at the phone's ring, almost forgetting where I was, I reached over and pick it up to answer. "'Afternoon. Daddy's Music, can I help you?" I had no idea why, but when I was at work my drawl seemed to make a stronger appearance. Garret loved it, said it helped with sales; something about being an authentic cowboy selling acoustic guitars was good for business. I had developed control over my accent, and I admit to pouring it on a bit thick when the mother of a teenage wanna-be rock star came into store looking for their son's first guitar. I would answer their questions, standing there with my blond waves, blue eyes, cowboy boots, ripped jeans, tossing in a few y'alls in a slow twang and then, the coup de grace, I'd flash them a dimpled smile.

I owned them then.

"IT'S HERE!" the voice screamed so loud, I pulled the phone from my ear.

"Excuse me?"

"It's here. I just got in the door. I was late because I had to stay after for the newspaper for the stupid article on the lunchroom food, and then the computers crashed and I had to have the geekspeak guy come fix them and then when I left I had to run by the store and get some food for tonight because my dad was bitching about no food in the house this morning and then after I got home and unloaded all the groceries, I saw it on the table."

I don't think she took a breath, so I reminded her. "Breathe, Bella." I smiled to myself when I heard her deep intake of breath. "There…better. Slow down and tell me, what's there?"

"An envelope with a U of W return address."

My heart dropped. "Are you serious?"

"Deadly," she replied, suddenly quiet. I knew the panic had overtaken her excitement, suddenly realizing what this meant, how much our futures were riding on each one of these letters. If Bella had received hers, then…mine was probably at my house as well.

The nausea hit me hard and fast, but I swallowed it back down, reminding myself it would all be okay. "Are you going to open it? What does it say? Did you get in?" I rapidly fired questions at her.

"Whoa cowboy, you're as bad as me. Remember, Hale, just breathe." She quickly threw my advice back at me.

"Come on, Bella, don't keep me waiting," I pleaded.

With a nervous giggle, she began, "Yes. I don't know and I don't know."

"Open it," I demanded.

"I'm scared, Jasper," she whispered worriedly.

"I know, Bella, me too. But this could be just what we have hoped for, right? All of us off to college together? Just remember what Edward said, we would make it work no matter what."

Even as I assured her, my heart raced in my chest, scared shitless I would be the one holding _them _back, that it would be me that would not be accepted into UW, and being forced to make alternate arrangements.

I could hear the sound the envelope being ripped open, and a nervous sigh. "Bella, it's okay. You can do it. I'm right here," I encouraged her.

Silence.

Then, a joyous scream of relief. "OH MY GOD, JASPER. I GOT IN!"

I couldn't help the grin that broke out across my face in place of my own fear, as I felt her happiness through the phone. "See, Bella, nothing to worry about. Congratulations."

"Thanks, Jasper. For everything." I could practically see the stupid smile plastered on her face. "I'm going to call Edward and tell him. Do you want me to swing by your house and see if yours is there?"

"Wait, Edward doesn't know you have it? He's not there with you?" I asked, a bit surprised he wasn't there for this important moment.

"No, I'm not sure where he is. When I got it…well… you were the first person I thought of telling," she admitted softly, and I couldn't resist smiling.

"Aw, thanks, sweetheart," l laughed, letting my drawl seep in there for her.

Ignoring me, she continued, "So, do you want me to get yours?"

After considering the ramifications of opening a rejection letter in front of Bella, at work no less, I attempted to answer with a confident tone, but failed. "No. I will check when I get home. Besides, my mom's there and you'd have to explain it all to her," I lied outright.

"Okay, but call me as soon as you get home, Jasper," she instructed, buying my lie, or at least letting me think she did.

"Of course. As soon as I get home," I assured her once again. "Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm proud of you," I said quietly, and I swear I heard her sniffle before a little gasp.

"Thanks, Jasper. I'll talk to you later,"

"Bye, Bella." I hung up, leaning back against the wall once again, my eyes never leaving the phone.

_Some day I hoped that beauty would be mine. _

"****~~**"**

Two fucking weeks and three days had passed since Bella had received her acceptance letter. And exactly two fucking weeks since Edward had received his. In fact, he had received acceptance letters to both UW and Stanford.

I hadn't heard shit.

No acceptance. No rejection. Nothing.

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. My worst fears were quickly coming true, I would either hold them back, or they would have to go on without me. Either way I was royally fucked. The pessimist in me was prepared for the worst, for the day that thin envelope would come, proving what I already suspected.

I wasn't good enough. I wasn't smart enough. I just wasn't…_enough. _

A late Tuesday afternoon in March, Bella had given me a ride home after school, the hard rain had kept me from riding my motorcycle to school. She pulled her ancient truck into my driveway after we had ridden home in silence. I knew my mood was getting to them, bringing down their high, but it was beyond my control as I let my fear consume me.

Bella and Edward were always there with the encouraging words, desperately attempting to put my mind at ease. It didn't work but I would nod, agreeing that _'yes, of course I would get it'_.

Yeah, right.

After shifting into park, Bella turned in her seat to look at me. "They could just go alphabetically, and you are a 'W'," she suggested with fake enthusiasm. She and Edward had both been trying to come up with ways to convince me not to worry, everything from it got lost in the mail, to the admissions secretary had fallen in love with my picture and had stashed the application away for later stalking.

Those were some pretty fucking piss-poor excuses.

Sighing, I open the door, dangling a boot in the rain before getting out. "I doubt it, Bella. It doesn't matter. I'm sure it'll be fine."

I had been trying to downplay my concern the past few days, even joking about it. Even though I knew they weren't buying it, it made us all feel better when they pretended to. "Do you want to come inside? We can go over that physics assignment?"

"Sure," she replied immediately." But first, let's check your mailbox."

Shaking my head, I got out and trudged through the mud to my mailbox, while Bella headed to my front door. I opened the little black door and reached inside.

Bill. Bill. Flyer. Another bill.

University of Washington envelope.

A bit dazed, I held it up to Bella.

"Get up here now," she yelled over the heavy rain. Obeying her, I walked to the bottom of the steps. She was under the roof of the porch, but I stood just out of it.

The rain poured down on me and my letter.

"Are you going to open it, Jasper?" She bit her lip, trying to hide her nerves and failing almost as much as I did.

Nodding, I shoved the other mail under my arm and slipped a finger under the flap of the envelope, sliding it along, tearing the wet paper as I went. It was now or never. Quickly, I unfolded the pieces of paper. My future, fuck, all our futures were in these words.

At first it seemed odd Edward wasn't here, he had been a staple at most of my life-altering moments.

He should be here.

I stopped before completely opening it, glancing up to Bella. "What about Edward? Should I wait for him?"

Shaking her head, she replied in an even, soothing voice, "No, Jasper. You were there for me, I will be here for you. Just open it. It'll be okay, remember?"

She was right - I could do this, and she would initially help me get through the bad news, but if I fell apart, I knew Edward would be there to pick up the pieces. Closing my eyes, I was thankful for the rain running down my face and blurring my vision, for when the tears fell at the words of rejection, they would blend in and Bella would not know the difference.

With a deep breath, I opened my eyes and read the first sentence.

_Congratulations, we are pleased to inform you- _

I had been accepted.

I didn't even read the rest of the letter. I looked up at Bella as she stood on my porch, looking as beautiful as ever in her oversized brown corduroy jacket, baggy jeans and duck boots, soaked brown waves of hair lying on her shoulders. Her gaze was on mine, wide with worry and fear and nerves, lips full being pulled between her teeth. Any attempt at hiding my grin was futile, and with a scream she leaped from the porch into my waiting arms, her arms around my neck, her legs gripping my waist.

As the rain fell, I wrapped my arms around her small frame tightly, placing my hands on her ass as I spun her around, her head back, her hair flying out behind her, spitting streams of water from its ends. "I knew it, I knew you would get in," she shouted with a grin as wide was mine.

"Yeah, well you had more faith in me than I did, baby," I let the endearment slip and suddenly, she lifted her head, her eyes now wide with sheer joy, and a bit of surprise.

When I saw the look on her face, I stopped turning, and stood still. Staring into her eyes, I saw a brief flash of what I see in the mirror every day: want, desire, need.

I never expected her to lean in, to breathe her sweet gasps on my face before pressing her soft lips to mine, molding them gently around me.

I never expected to feel her heart pounding against my chest as I crushed her body to me, one hand traveling up her back to tangle in the ends of her hair.

I never expected to feel her moist, warm tongue run along my bottom lip before she took my upper one in her mouth.

I never expected to return the favor, accepting the invitation, letting my tongue roam and explore and taste her before retreating.

I never expected to feel her hands in my hair, holding my face to hers as her fingers twisted and tugged my wet curls.

I never expected to get accepted.

In the rain, we stood like that, her lips on mine, hearts racing, tongues testing limits, hands roaming freely. Moaning into her mouth when her legs tightened around my waist, I groped her ass, shifting her closer to me and felt her purposely arch, rubbing against me.

All I could think was _don't stop_.

And we had entirely too many clothes on.

Bella and I were kissing. Not just a peck on the cheek, but an open-mouthed, moan-worthy, 'oh-my-fucking-god-I-need-you-so-bad' kiss.

Breathing heavily, she pulled back and her look of bliss quickly faded to one of concern.

_Fuck, she regretted it. _

My heart broke even as my body still hummed from her touch.

"Fuck, Bella, I'm so …sorry," I hesitated, not sure what to say to make it right, to take back the last few minutes.

Obviously confused, she asked, "For what?"

"For that. For kissing you. It was wrong. I'm sorry," I let her body slide down mine, inwardly groaning as she passed over my semi-hard cock, until her feet were on the ground. However, my arms remained around her, apparently not quite ready to let her go completely.

"Jasper, don't worry about it. It's not a big deal."

My heart crushed a bit with those words, because to _me,_ it was a big deal.

"It was a heat of the moment thing," she tried to smile as I let her break free from my grasp. "Besides, you know if Edward had been here, he would have done the exact same thing," she joked, smirking.

I couldn't help but laugh of the image of Edward leaping off the steps into my arms. Now that would be quite the sight.

Bella placed her hand in mind, tugging me toward the front door. "Come on, Hale, let's get inside and call Edward with the good news." I nodded, following her up the steps, my letter securely in my hand.

Being accepted to college, knowing I wasn't going to be left behind, or hold them back, was a tangle of feelings like none other: exciting, frightening, relieving.

But it was _nothing_ compared to the feeling of Bella's lips on mine.

"****~~**"**

A week later, I was at home laying on my bed and supposedly studying for midterms, but I found my mind wandering to Bella's lips on mine. I had found myself doing that a lot lately, and usually at the most inopportune times. Sometimes I would find myself staring at her during lunch, remembering those legs wrapped around me, those soft delicate lips pressed against mine, and then my eyes would catch Edward's questioning glances, and I would blush and turn away quickly.

There was a small knock on my door, and before I could answer, the door opened and Bella walked in. I looked up to see wet cheeks and reddened eyes, she had been crying. Immediately, I sat up, opening my arms to her, not even asking what had brought on the tears, the need to comfort them away was more important than knowing why they were there to begin with.

She fell into my arms, sitting on my lap, her face buried in her hands as she sniffled and cried through her words.

"I didn't get in," she mumbled as I soothingly stroked her back, and kissed the stop of her head.

"Ssshh, it's okay," I paused, taking in her words. "Wait, what do you mean you didn't get in? You got your letter weeks ago."

Sighing, she wiped her nose with her sleeve, and looked up at me with beautiful, watery chocolate eyes. "Dartmouth."

"Oh, Bella. I'm sorry," I replied softly, pulling her back to me, trying to think of something consoling to say.

In a quiet voice, she spoke. "It's okay. I mean, I knew I was going to go to UW once I was accepted, but I just wanted to know I was good enough to get into Dartmouth." She leaned back against me, resting her cheek against my cotton tee shirt, before continuing. "I guess I wasn't good enough," she whispered.

"What? No, Bella, don't even begin to think that. You _are_ good enough. It's them, they don't deserve you."

It sounded so cliché, but it was the best I could do, I knew how lost and insecure she felt, having been there only a few weeks prior, and I wanted nothing more than to chase that feeling away for her. I wished Edward was with us because he would know what do to, what to say to make it better, to ease her pain. I just murmured overused phrases and wished I could kiss her sadness away.

Having her in my lap, her body warm and tight against mine, her face snuggled in my chest, taking in my scent with each calming breath she took, my body wanted nothing more than to take her mind off her worries with soft caresses and gentle kisses.

Instead, I lavished her with words of encouragement on her intelligence, strength and courage while I held her, my hands on her back and in her hair. When her steady cries had wilted to occasional sniffles, I shifted my body, grabbing her around her waist, supporting her as I helped her stand.

I sat on the edge of my bed while she stood between my spread legs, and reached up to cup her face in my hands, wiping the last of her tears away.

"No more tears, okay? It kills me to see you like this," I mumbled as she took a step toward me, fitting snug between my thighs, her hands wrapped around my neck drawing my head to her stomach. Leaning my forehead on her, I rested my hands on her hips while her fingers combed through my tangled waves.

"No more tears, Jasper. I promise. We did it. We all got in and we'll still be together. That's something to be thankful for, right?" I could feel her voice vibrate through her body and it sent a shiver down my spine. As much I wanted her hands to stay in my hair forever, I leaned back, and she let them fall off my shoulders.

"Yes, very thankful." I stood up, grabbing her hand in mine. "Let's go see Edward and tell him the good news."

"The _good_ news?" she scoffed. "Gee, thanks, Hale."

_Hale. _

That was a good sign.

"Yes, the good news. We are going to be taking him up on that offer for off-campus housing. I bet he can't wait to find out he will be living with us for the next four years"

"That's assuming you are not on the five-year plan," she smirked.

_Teasing._

Another good sign.

"Wait, what about your homework?" she asked, glancing back at the papers and books on top of my bed.

Shaking my head, I tugged her toward the door again. "It's not important. _You_ are. Come on." I grinned.

I sat in the passenger seat of Bella's truck while she drove us to Edward's. Resting my head on the window, I thought about the letter I had received earlier in the day. My acceptance letting to University of Texas had arrived, even offering a much larger scholarship than UW, but I knew I would be passing on their offer. It would be more difficult to pay for UW and my parents would have to help out in addition to some student loans that I would be paying off for years. Still, any extra monetary price I had to pay would be worth it to stay with Bella and Edward. Edward knew my concern over cost, he knew the money I had been saving since I had started working and how little I spent in order to help out with cost of college. If he knew I was giving up a scholarship to stay with him and Bella, he would not approve, and I knew he would try to talk me out of it.

It killed my pride, but I had accepted the Doc's and Mrs. C's offer to find an off-campus house for the three of us. They knew it would not be beneficial for us to be split up, in separate dorms with new roommates. It would slowly drive each of us insane. Of course, we would probably drive each other crazy living together as well. We were together a lot but this would be unknown territory - the last frontier.

We didn't want new roomies to keep us up at night with their boyfriends or girlfriends, and we didn't need other people to whom we would tell our deep dark secrets.

We only wanted each other.

As Bella pulled into Edward's driveway, she glanced over at me. "You've been awful quiet. What's wrong?"

I decided then that their sympathy would be better than their attempts to convince me to take the scholarship.

"Nothing's wrong, but if it makes you feel better, I got my letter from Texas today," I said quietly in the warm cab of the truck as her eyes widened in anticipation.

"And?" she coaxed.

Sighing, I lied to Bella for the first time. "I didn't get in." The look of pity was quick on her face, as I knew it would be.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I know you wanted to go there, that you wanted to go home again. How did the Major take it?" She knew I had applied to Texas as much for my parents as I had for me.

"Umm, he was okay. Disappointed, of course, and my mom gave me the 'everything happens for a reason' speech. But overall, they're fine. Not much they can do about it, I suppose."

I opened the door, but stopped and looked at Bella. "She's right. This way I don't have to decide between the schools."

"Yeah, but still…" she trailed off and I knew what she meant. Just as she wanted to know she was good enough for Dartmouth, she wanted me to have that same validation.

What she didn't know was I already had that validation. I knew I was good enough for Texas, even worthy of a scholarship, but I didn't need that validation.

I needed them.

With a smile, she pulled the keys from the ignition and opened her door. "God, we're going to drive Edward nuts when we live with him, aren't we?"

"Hell, yeah, why do you think I'm going?" Laughing, we got out and headed to his front door.

I now had two secrets I was keeping from my best friends.

"**~~**"

Before we knew it, graduation day was rapidly approaching. Since the end of March, Edward, Bella and I had been busy with working, school and just enjoying the end of our senior year. We were even pseudo social and attended a few year-end parties - one at Jessica's and one at Lauren's.

While it was nice to hang out with our classmates one last time, as I sat at one party watching Newton hit on Jessica and I witnessed Eric's inability to handle alcohol, I realized I wouldn't miss these people.

As long as I had Bella and Edward, I would have everyone I needed.

The Doc had leased an off-campus three-bedroom, two-bath house for us, about fifteen minutes from campus. Each time we spoke about it, the excitement of being on our own grew. We were all pretty independent already, but to have complete freedom - no dorm RAs or parents to answer to - was something we were still trying to wrap our minds around and would take some getting used to. Bella and Edward had already banned me from the kitchen, knowing my lack of any kind of cooking skills. If it wasn't microwaveable or it didn't come in a can, I didn't even attempt to cook it.

We had a rough idea of our class schedules and Bella and Edward had planned on nightly cooking duties. However, not having any cooking duties meant I was stuck with some extra chores. Emptying the trash and weekly vacuuming would be left to me.

Graduation day came, and I stood in my room knotting the tie around my neck when my mom walked in.

"You look so handsome, Jasper," she said, almost in tears already. Rolling my eyes, I finished doing my tie and turned to her.

"Thanks, Mom. Might want to take a picture, though, because I probably won't be dressing this nice again until my wedding." I smiled, grabbing my red cap and gown off my bed. "Ready to go?"

"In a minute," she said quietly, moving closer to me. "I just want you to know how proud your father and I are of you. I know it wasn't easy for you when we moved here and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful that Edward walked into your life."

I saw her eyes begin to water. "And now you will be off to college in a few months, and on your own." Crying now, she sniffled. "No matter what happens, we are proud of what you've accomplished and the man you've become."

She held out her arms and I walked into them, bending down to her height to whisper in her ear. "Thanks, Mom. I'm sorry I didn't get into Texas like you both wanted." After having told the lie so many times, even I had started to believe it; however the letter hidden deep in my dresser drawer was evidence of my lie. At first, I wasn't sure why I kept it, folded up under my underwear, but I soon realized it was proof…proof I was good enough, even if I was the only one that knew it.

Shaking her head, she pulled back and looked up at me. "No, Jasper, don't be sorry about that. You tried and that is all the matters. Washington will be wonderful for you and you will be with Bella and Edward." Pulling my head down, she placed a gentle 'mom-kiss' on my forehead. "I love you, Jasper."

"I love you too, Mom."

"Okay, now I am ready to go," she sniffled one last time.

I suffered though the heat of graduation, sweltering under the heavy robe, my curls more pronounced in the humidity, sticking out under my cap. I watched everyone receive their diplomas, cheering extra loud when Bella and Edward were called onto the stage. Bella looked beautiful, her smile wide, her eyes bright with pride. Even Edward showed rare excitement as he raised both arms in the air after being handed his diploma.

"Mr. Jasper Whitlock," Principle Marcus called my name, bringing me out of my daze as I stood in the line waiting for my turn. I walked on the stage, shaking hands, grabbing my diploma and I heard Edward and Bella in unison.

"Hale yeah, Whitlock!"

Blushing, I turned to them and winked as I walked off the stage and made my way back to my seat. After the speeches and special awards, I had officially graduated from Forks High School.

_Thank fucking God_.

"**~~**"

Dangling my feet over the sides of the floatie, I watched as Edward dived into the deep end of his pool, his lithe body creating a wake as it entered the warm water. To my left, Bella lay on a floatie similar to mine, her bikini-clad body tan from the late summer sun and I found it more than difficult to keep from staring at her.

"I can tell you're looking at me, "she chuckled, eyes still closed.

"You can not," I denied quickly, averting my eyes to Edward's body under the water.

"Well, you basically just admitted you were,"

Sighing, I saw no use in continuing. She was right anyway, as she always was. Edward pushed through the water between us, his hair slicked back on his head, reflecting the sun in shimmering red hues. Shaking his head, he sprayed water all over us and Bella screamed profanities at him for getting her wet.

"But Bella, you're in a _pool_, it's kind of expected to get wet," he explained once her rant had quieted down a bit.

"Yes, but on my conditions, not yours."

Edward's eyes met mine and I nodded in agreement, knowing his plan without even speaking. Bella closed her eyes once again, relaxing back on her raft. As Edward dunked back under the water, I called Bella's name to distract her just before he resurfaced on the other side of her, tipping her floatie over, dumping Bella into the water.

Laughing, I jumped off my floatie and swam for the edge, not wanting to face Bella's wrath in the water where she could drown me. I heard her break through the water behind me, swearing that Edward would not continue to have the correct equipment much longer to bear children.

Pulling myself out of the water, I sat on the edge, watching them spray water at each other, playfully grabbing, shoving and pushing. Edward easily picked Bella up over his head, tossing her into the water with a huge splash, a smile on his face the entire time he teased her. His hands not shy about touching her all over, her waist, hips, back, even in her skimpy bikini. All the places my fingers itched to caress the bare skin of.

I felt slight twinge of jealousy that grew when I saw what a beautiful couple they made. Not only were they physically beautiful together, but they just… _fit_. Edward was good for Bella - he encouraged her, made her laugh and made her feel she could do anything.

I had done none of those things for her.

Jumping when the drops of water sprayed at me, I glared at Bella. "What the hell?"

Mimicking Edward, she raised an eyebrow at me, her wet sleek body calling to me. "But Jasper, you're in a _pool_, kind of expected to get wet."

I shook my head, trying to stop the smile from spreading into a full grin. Before I knew it, they were sitting beside me, one each side, at the edge of the pool. Edward dangled his feet in the water, while Bella hugged her knees to her chest.

Edward nudged my shoulder with his. "So, two more weeks and we are moving to college. Can you believe it?"

"No," both Bella and I replied loudly.

"High school flew by," Bella sighed. "But I am _so_ ready to move on." Edward and I nodded in agreement.

"Do you think UW is ready for us?" I asked, twirling my feet in the water, leaning back on my palms.

Edward chuckled, "Fuck, no."

Laughing, Bella put a hand out over my lap, palm up, Edward and I both stared at it expectedly.

"Let's make a vow-" she began.

"Vow? What, are we all getting married? Not sure that's legal in this state," Edward snickered, interrupting her.

"Fine," she began, a bit exasperated and raised an eyebrow "A promise…better?"

"Much. Please continue."

I just sat back watching the verbal banter between them, confirming my earlier thoughts and musings on what a perfect couple they would make - beautiful, witty, comfortable…lovers.

"A _promise _to never split up, to never leave one another behind, to always be together no matter what happens," she finished quietly.

Glancing over at Edward, I winked. "Damn, Edward, it looks like you and I will not be running away together after all."

The pain in my right shoulder from his hand was instantaneous, but worth the grin I saw on his face. "Okay, Bella. I promise….that Jasper and I will not run off to get married, leaving you behind."

My long dried curls shook as I tried to contain the laughter that bubbled up inside of me. Edward now held Bella's hand in his own over my lap, and of course, a second later, mine covered both their hands.

"I promise, too, Bella. No matter how much Edward tries to seduce me."

As I glanced between my two best friends, I realized I could not survive without either of them. Regardless of my feelings for Bella, I would not chance my friendship with her, or Edward, for the slight chance at love.

This was my life, and it was perfect as is.

But as I watched Bella's face light up at our joking, her eyes wide and happy, cheeks freckled and bronzed from the sun, her hair drying in messy waves, I knew my life_ could_ be more perfect.

If she could ever love me back.

I sighed.

_That beauty would never be mine._


	8. New Life

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-My apologies for the delay, this chapter was a bitch for me to write, and I worked on L&F pianoward outtake before this chapter. Speaking of, there is a slash outtake moment in this chapter, extra hugs to those that can tell what the next L&F outtake will be!

That being said, this chapter contains underage drinking, if that offends you, move along. They are college now, and there shall be drinking.

Also, I am not familiar with the UW campus other than what their website can provide, and thus I have taken some creative liberties with classes, buildings, and frat house locations. My apologies for those that are familiar with the campus for the complete screwing up of it that most certainly occurs within this chapter.

I am also uncertain of Emmett's home town, but Gatlinburg is what I was told.

Lastly, I know absolutely nothing about music, well, playing it anyway. I am the most unmusical person ever, so all the musical references (other than songs) I have completely guessed at.

**C Me Smile**- thank you, for _everything_-you're truly amazing. Thank God for BBM service to keep in touch with!

Huge hugs and thanks to **Dannie** for the encouragement, laughs, and very late night phone calls. Her love for my Edward never ceases to amaze me.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"****~~**"**

New Life

Location: Seattle, WA (Adjustment)

"****~~**"**

"It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life  
For me  
And I'm feeling good" ~ Muse

"****~~**"**

The drizzle fell steadily, and with a heavy sigh, I pulled the collar of my coat up as I exited Smith Hall on my way to meet Bella and Edward at the Allen library for a quick study session before my next class. I thought it rained a lot in Forks, but the Seattle weather was nothing but miserable torture on my sun-birthed soul. More than once after trudging through rain, I briefly rethought my decision of turning down the UT offer. Instead of being in jeans and a pea coat avoiding puddles, I could have been in shorts and a tee shirt walking in the dry heat.

We were four weeks into our freshman year and, so far, things were going well. Edward, Bella and I had settled into our house comfortably, and had already fallen into an easy routine. Edward was always the first one up, starting the coffee, letting the scent waft up the stairs, coaxing Bella and I from our sleepy states. By the time we stumbled down the stairs rubbing the sleep from our eyes, Edward usually had some sort of breakfast prepared; even something as simple as a toasted bagel was appreciated. We were usually on our own for lunch, either picking up something on campus, or making something easy at the house. Most nights, Bella or Edward fixed dinner, at first sticking to their schedule they had planned before we moved here, but it wasn't long before I would find them both in the kitchen, debating over the proper way to make crème brulee.

Whatever the hell that was.

Our nightly dinners were when we reconnected, catching up, or bitching about our classes. Missing their company during the day, I treasured our nights together more and more. Whether it was hanging out in our kitchen munching on grilled cheese, or studying in the living room together, the time we were all together was my favorite time of the day.

For the most part, I enjoyed my classes, although I could have done without my calculus class, math never having been my strong subject. However, the cute co-ed that set next to me smelling like coconut every day made the class a bit more bearable. And when she leaned over my chair to ask me a question, her auburn hair would fall down around us like a curtain, and I found myself easily returning her friendly smile.

I realized I kind of liked the smell of coconut.

Edward's course load was a bit heavier than mine or Bella's, but he seemed to be taking most of it in stride. Occasionally, I would hear a few choice words float from his bedroom to mine through the door connecting our bedrooms as he grew frustrated with something he was studying. If I felt his anger continue to build, I would drop my work, run downstairs; grab a few sodas and a bag of chips, and jog back up to his room bursting through his door uninvited, claiming_ I_ needed a study break.

As we would sit there, drinking our bottles of soda and chatting about useless shit, I could see the gratitude in his eyes, silently thanking me for saving his sanity for one more hour of the day.

There was no doubt he would do the same for me.

Bella seemed excited about most of her classes, and while she often complained about her Psych professor, she adored her English and American Lit instructors, often raving about them at dinner. It was over dinner one night that Bella first mentioned Rosalie Hale, a classmate that was suffering through her Psych class with her. Bella's eyes lit up with envy when she described Rosalie's supermodel beauty, her long flaxen hair, perfect figure, large blue eyes. While Edward commented on the centerfold good looks of Rosalie, even joking if we had seen her in one of his magazines, all I could think of was why Bella didn't see that same beauty when she looked into the mirror every morning.

The same beauty I saw every time I looked at her.

The pelting rain on my face brought me back to my walk to the library, and as I dipped my head to try to protect my face from the wind, curls plastered against my soaked skin.

I was sick of the rain. Someday, I would be back in the sun-drenched state I missed so much, even if it was briefly.

I jumped when I felt the arm around my shoulders.

"Jasper, my boy, how the fuck are you?" The deep voice boomed much too loud next to my ear as he shook his head, spraying water everywhere.

"Thanks, Emmett…nice. Like I'm not wet enough?" I shrugged out of his hold and shot him a wary glance.

_Emmett had first accosted me in English class, squeezing his Hulk-like body into the student desks, muttering under his breath about being an elephant trying to fit into a VW Bug. His body overflowed from the seat, and he apologized to me when his shoulder would rub against me every time he moved. I told him not to worry about it, and winked at him. His wide eyes and shocked expression cracked me up, and I told him I was just giving him shit. Laughing a bit nervously, he held out his huge bear paw of a hand and introduced himself. Upon hearing my accent, he promptly quirked an eyebrow and asked where I was from, and said something about things being bigger in Texas after I replied._

_Like he should talk about things being bigger. _

_Emmett was from the mountains of Gatlinburg,__Tennessee, born and raised on a small farm, but he had a heart as big as the state he was from. In the month we had been in class together, we had occasionally hung out between classes, and I had seen him open doors for girls, and be nothing but polite to those around him. One day at lunch, the kid in line in front of us had forgotten his wallet, and before he could return his food, Emmett handed the cashier money for both lunches. When I shook my head at him, he just shrugged and said he hoped 'someday the kid would pay it forward.' _

"Yeah, sometimes the wetter the better, if you know what I mean," he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"You're disgusting," I scoffed, trying to suppress a smile.

"True, true," he agreed, nodding. "Where are you heading in such a rush, my boy?"

I motioned to the library ahead of us. "Meeting Bella and Edward for an hour before American Civ. What about you?"

His Atlas-sized shoulders shrugged as he walked next to me, meeting my long strides step for step. Not only was Emmett big in terms of sheer bulk, he was almost my height, with short curly brown hair, and even darker brown eyes. "Nothing," he mumbled as he glanced up at me quickly.

"You want to join us?" I asked, knowing neither Bella nor Edward would mind the extra person. They had both met Emmett before and seemed to enjoy his company.

"Sure," he agreed quickly, and I smiled. "But ummm…"

"What, Em?"

"Well," he hesitated. "I don't want to interfere with the little something-something you got going on with Bella."

I stopped midstride, my mouth gaping open. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Stopping, he turned to me, rain running down his sharp features, his UW sweatshirt three shades darker from the weather. "Oh come on, Whitlock. You don't think I'm that fucking blind, do you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, "I denied. Furrowing my brows and pushing past him, I continued on my way down Skagit Lane, suddenly in a hurry to put some space between me and my overly-perceptive friend.

Jogging, he caught up to me quickly as we reached the library steps. "Jasper, listen, buddy, I totally know you got the hots for your girl Bella there."

I glared at him through my wet hair and was about to put a stop this conversation when he continued. "Dude, why do you think I haven't gone after her? It's not like I couldn't get her if I wanted, but bros don't do that to each other." He finished easily, as if he had stated the sky is blue, or something else as equally obvious.

"You got it all wrong, Em," I feigned a smile, trying to brush off his comments, and open the library door for him.

Emmett might look like a dumb jock, but the guy had a fucking lot of common sense, and even more importantly, knew when to change the subject.

"So I have a question for ya. You pledging any frats this year?" he shifted his bag from one shoulder to the other as he brushed past me through the door.

I hadn't really even considered frat life when I had thought about moving to college, it just wasn't something that interested me, living in such cramped quarters with so many people. Maybe it was a Texas thing, but I treasured my space and preferred wide-open areas. Also, I just didn't have much interest in the party aspect of campus life, not that I was completely anti-social, but I had no problem staying at home on a Friday night studying, or hanging with Edward and Bella.

I knew all the stereotypes weren't true, but I couldn't help but envision Belushi chanting in a toga whenever I thought of a frat boy.

Besides, I didn't need 'brothers'.

I had all the family I needed waiting for me in the library.

We stopped just inside the door so I could take my jacket off, draping it over my messenger bag. Emmett glanced around the library warily, as if he was waiting for something to jump out at him from behind the shelves of books.

Ignoring his odd behavior, I answered his question. "Probably not. Why?"

"Shit." His reply muffled, he pulled his sweatshirt off over his head, tossing it over his bag when he was done. "Well, I wanted to go to the rush party for Phi Kappa Theta this weekend, but don't want to go alone. Thought you might go with me?" When he looked up at me with pouty lips and pleading brown eyes, I knew it would almost impossible to refuse.

"What about your roommate?" I suggested hopefully.

"Seth? Dude, he is so not the frat party type." Leaning down, he picked his bag back up, placing the strap over his shoulder.

_And I was?_

I turned to him and shook my head, a wet curl going into my eye. "I don't know, Emmett. I'm not really a party guy either."

He pushed the bottom lip out a bit more. "Come on, man. Look, bring Edward if you want. That dude needs to seriously loosen up anyway. "

I couldn't help but chuckle. Like I said, Emmett was perceptive.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" I sighed.

"Nope," he grinned, knowing he had already won. Rolling my eyes, I turned and started up the stairs to the second level.

"Fine, but I'm out of there by one," I conceded.

"Thanks, Jasper," he murmured, once again putting his thick arm around my shoulders. "Libraries give me the creeps."

"What the fuck you talking about?"

He visibly shivered, shaking his head. "I don't know what it is. Just something about all these books, or something."

"Oh yes, books _are_ the root of all evil," I snorted and he gave me a 'shut the fuck up look.'

We turned the corner just in time to see Edward and Bella sitting side by side deep in conversation as Edward reached up and brushed a piece of Bella's hair out of her eyes, and she gave him a small smile.

"Whoa. Looks like I'm not the one you need to worry about, "Emmett huffed under his breath.

"No, it's not like that," I defended Edward's actions, even as my heart ached a bit to see them so close, so comfortable, in public. If Emmett thought they were together, then surely others did as well.

"Sure looks like that to me," he replied, raising an eyebrow.

"It's not…"

Edward glanced up when he heard my voice, his eyes going directly to the arm around my shoulder.

Immediately, I shrugged out from under Emmett's arm, and placed my bag on the floor, keeping my eyes on Edward the entire time.

"Hey, Jasper…Emmett," Bella greeted, smiling.

"Bells, Edward," Emmett returned, setting his bag down on the floor and pulling out a chair next to Edward.

Edward's eyes glanced over Emmett and I. "Raining?"

"Wiseass," I smirked as I sat down opposite Bella. Wanting to get it over with, I nodded to Edward. "Um, Edward, Emmett wants us to hit the Phi Kappa rush party this weekend. You in?"

Knowing Edward as well as I did, I could easily see the rush of emotions and questions run through his eyes before he carefully replied. "I can't. Sorry. I have some lab time reserved for an assignment I need to get done."

My hopes of getting out of it were soon dashed when Emmett turned his pouty lips and brown eyes on Bella, even tilting his head a bit.

Oh, he was _good_.

"Bella, you want to join Jasper and me and come to the party?" he flashed her some pearly whites. I sat there quietly, letting the scene play out, knowing Bella would politely refuse. Frat parties were definitely not her thing.

"Sure, Emmett, I'll go.

_Huh?_

Edward and I both shot Bella a look of warning, and surprise. "You _want_ to go?" I almost stuttered in my shocked state.

"Sure, why not? It'll be fun, something different…and you'll be there," she shrugged.

"That's my girl," Emmett held his fist out in front of Edward to Bella, who promptly fist-bumped it back. "Okay, Whitlock, meet me there about eight."

Nodding, I glanced at Edward, unsure of his real reaction under his calm exterior. He was gazing down at his phone texting. As I reached for my books, my cell phone vibrated, and I pulled it out, pressing the menu.

_'Take care of her' _was all it said. There was no way he would say it verbally, not wanting to embarrass Bella in front of Emmett, but his concern was clear. I punched the keys quickly in reply.

_I won't leave her side. Promise_

His face relaxed into a smile, and he returned his attention to the laptop in front of him. It was then that I noticed the chair next to Bella wasn't empty.

Motioning to the bag and jacket on it, I looked at Bella. "Whose is that?"

"Mine," the sweet voice said from behind me. I could tell from the look of sheer shock on Emmett's face that Rosalie Hale was standing behind me.

It was love at first sight.

"****~~**"**

The late afternoon sun filtered through the white gauze curtains, highlighting the dust floating in the air as I lay on my bed, propped up on my pillows, emailing my parents on my laptop. I could have cared less if anything hung in my window, much less matched the comforter on my bed, but Edward and I had agreed to give Bella and Mrs. C creative control on the decorating of the house. It was already painted when we moved in, but they had picked out our furniture, some new and some secondhand, as well as curtains, rugs, and blankets.

My room was next to Edward's; in fact, there was a door connecting our rooms, apparently from a remodeling job done years ago when siblings that had shared one large room decided to make it into two, but didn't want to close each other out entirely. I had chuckled to myself when I realized how much effort Mrs. C had put into my room, the furniture hinting at a southwestern theme in colors and style. There was even a bootjack by my closet to pull my boots off with.

Edward's sparse bedroom was in a masculine gray color; a black quilt covered his double bed, accompanied by only a dresser, nightstand, and desk. The room was really very _Edward_, from the cool tones of the wall and fabrics, to the classic, simple lines of the furniture.

Bella's room, across the hall from Edward's, was painted burgundy, her furniture a bit more intricate, and… dare I say, romantic. Frilly fabrics covered her bed and almost every surface. The top of her large cherry dresser was almost empty with the exception of a huge mirror with pictures of the three of us decorating each corner.

Pans banged together, cupboard doors slammed closed, and I knew Edward and Bella were downstairs in the kitchen, probably sharing the cooking duties for dinner once again.

Often, both of them cooked dinner together, working in a synchronized dance about the kitchen.

It kind of scared me.

Her light giggles were hugged by his deep laughter as I bounded down the stairs, and rounded the corner to find them side by side at the counter. Standing in the doorway in my bare feet, I crossed my arms over my chest and watched their unique way of moving around each other in the small kitchen. The house was large, but the kitchen lacked the openness of the other rooms, and while the appliances were modern, there was little counter space. There was a handy island with a few stools, which we often used for breakfasts, or when only one of us was eating at home.

When he would move, and she counteracted his motion flawlessly; if one moved left two steps, the other filled the void, there were never any bruised foreheads from mistimed opened cupboard doors, or any plates broken from being bumped out of arms. Without verbal requests, cooking supplies or ingredients were handed back and forth from partner to partner, never a mishap to be had.

Until I entered the kitchen.

Let's just say if Edward and Bella were the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers of the kitchen, I was the Tasmanian devil.

If I cooked anything, it was pretty much guaranteed that at least one thing would be broken, misused, misplaced, or mangled. Even small appliances were never safe under my watch.

Almost like Jasper's Law of the Kitchen, 'that which can be broken, shall be broken, that which can be burnt, shall be burnt.'

They had all but banned me from the kitchen, with the exception of breakfast. I guess they figured I couldn't do much damage to the toaster or a bowl of cereal.

Glancing at the stainless steel toaster on the counter, I smiled. It was our third one since we had moved in.

Like I said, even small appliances weren't safe.

Edward held a long knife in his right hand as he chopped the vegetables for the salad, Bella stood to his left, placing the noodles for the lasagna in the casserole dish. Steam rose from a pot on the stove, I assumed from Edward's homemade sauce. They were so wrapped up in each other, and their chores, they didn't hear me enter the kitchen. While Edward's docked iPod played "Sweet Home Alabama", he swayed his hips, purposely hip-checking Bella to the beat. Even though I couldn't see her face, I knew she was mouthing the lyrics to the song, and rolling her eyes at Edward's attempt at dancing.

Edward could play the piano.

Edward could not dance.

At all.

Well I take that back. Edward could slow dance, but anything that remotely required rhythm, he was at a loss.

"Edward," she called over the song, "please pass me the cheese over there." She motioned to the cheese on the counter, before stirring the sauce. Reaching over, he grabbed it, tossing it to her before he put the knife down and dumped the vegetables into a large bowl.

"Salad's done," he announced. "Wanna dance with me, Bella?"

"Oh, is that what you call that?" she snorted, motioning to his hips. "Edward, I adore you, but you dance about as well as I do."

Placing a hand over his heart, he stumbled back. "Ouch Bella, you really know how to hurt a guy where it counts," he feigned hurt in his voice.

With a quick glance to his crotch, Bella smiled at him."Edward, if I wanted to hurt you where it counts, I wouldn't make fun of your lack of dancing skills."

"Oh, that's low," he quirked back before leaning in a placing a small kiss on her cheek. "But you can hurt me there anytime you want," he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

With another roll of her big brown eyes, she playfully pushed him away, laughing.

Briefly, I debated on leaving them to their cooking and returning upstairs, feeling like I was intruding on their time, but before I could turn to leave, Bella saw me.

"Jasper, come taste this sauce," she held out the spoon to me, her hand cupped under it. At the mention of my name, Edward turned, smiling brightly.

"Yes, Jasper, come be my guinea pig," he chucked, rubbing his hands together evilly, resembling a mad-scientist with his odd colored hair sticking up in all directions. Sighing, I stepped forward and took her hand, guiding the spoon to my mouth.

Edward might not be able to dance, but he could definitely fucking cook.

"Mmmm, delicious," I moaned, and as she pulled the spoon from my lips, she reached up with a finger, wiping some sauce from the corner of my lips. Just her finger near my lips was enough to make my pulse race and my cock twitch. I swear she could hear my heart pound in my chest at her small gesture, because her eyes widened a bit as they stared into mine.

Did she feel it too?

That bolt of something, a quickening of a heartbeat, blood rushing through veins, muscles anticipating more.

"Good," Edward exclaimed, breaking the short silence. "It passes the Jasper taste test." He turned back to the sauce, spooning it onto the noodles. As he worked, Bella began setting the table, handing me some plates to carry over for her.

"You do know, Jasper, that the only reason Bella and I wanted you to live with us was so you we could test out our new recipe ideas on you."

Laughing as I set the plates down on the table, I yelled back to him. "Considering I think Chef Boyardee is a genius, I don't think I am a good judge of Epicurean tastes. "

Bella stopped her work and raised an eyebrow at me."Epicurean? Jasper, I think you're taking your English 101 class a bit too far."

I shoved her gently as we both headed back into the kitchen just as Edward was putting the lasagna into the oven. After the setting the timer, he turned to us. "We have about an hour. Anyone up for some music?"

He didn't have to ask us twice, Bella and I practically knocked each other over getting to the couch by his piano. With his heavy course load, he didn't have much time to play anymore, so when he treated Bella and I to an impromptu concert, we hung on to every delicious note he filled the air with. As he sat down on his bench, he nodded to me.

"Why don't you join me?" he suggested hesitantly.

I heard Bella gasp, "Jasper?"

She had no idea Edward had been teaching me to play for the past few weeks, our lessons usually taking place while she was at class, or out with a friend. With suddenly flushed cheeks, I shyly made my way over to the bench, and sat next to him, pushing my curls behind my ear. I had never played for anyone besides Edward, and having Bella as an audience quickly made my palms sweaty with nerves.

Edward reached up and opened the sheet music, pointing to "Dream a Little Dream of Me", a song we had practiced numerous times. It was one I was actually pretty good at, but had never played alone. I made a mental note to myself to thank Edward later for his choice, knowing he had chosen a song I was familiar with.

Hesitantly, I glanced up at him and saw the confidence in his eyes, his faith in me clear and bright. Nodding, he whispered, "You can do this, Jasper."

Biting my lip, I placed my hands over the keys, while Edward's remained on his lap, rubbing up and down his jean-clad thighs. With a deep breath, I began, gradually losing myself in the music, the melody flowing from me as I concentrated on the movement of my hands as they grazed over the keys. I became so focused, I had forgotten Bella was watching from the couch, although I was constantly aware of Edward's warm presence next to me as I stretched before him down the row of keys. My fingers occasionally fumbled, but I usually hit the right notes, even without reading the music. As I reached the crescendo, my heart raced with pride at my accomplishment, and I chanced a glance at Bella. Kneeling on the couch, she was leaning against the back of it, facing us, her face in awe, cheeks slightly flushed and eyes wide. Edward was now perfectly still, but I knew his eyes were following every slight motion of my hands, looking for the small things that I needed to refine in our next lesson.

As I neared the end, I felt a smile begin to form on my face, and by the time my fingers hit those last few notes, punctuating the end, I was grinning. I moved my hands onto my lap and sighed before looking up at Bella, wanting to see her reaction before Edward's.

Her hair gently swung back and forth as she shook her head. "Jasper, I don't know what to say. That was…incredibly beautiful," she said, shocked. "How? When?"

Edward answered for me. "We've been working on it the past few weeks. He didn't think he was ready to play it on his own, but I knew better." He nudged me with his elbow. "Told you, you could do it."

Rolling my eyes, I felt my cheeks heat at their compliments. Needing a diversion, I reached up and changed the sheet music to one of my favorites.

"Play this one for us," I said softly to Edward. He laughed when he saw the music for "Feelin' Good", and he dramatically flexed his fingers before beginning with enthusiasm. By the time he had reached the chorus, Bella and I had joined him in singing, his bluesy voice supporting Bella's soprano and my almost tenor. It had been awhile since we had played around together, the stress of moving to a new city, and starting college had demanded our attention, leaving little time for goofing off.

We were all holding our stomachs from laughing by the time we were done, Edward barely able to finish the song before his laugher overtook him. Grinning, I looked at them both laughing so hard tears were falling down their faces.

Even as the rain came down outside, I realized UT was never an option.

_This _was where I belonged.

"****~~**"**

Friday night arrived and I waited for Bella in the kitchen, grabbing a sandwich before we left for the Phi Kappa house.

I was bending over looking in the fridge when I felt the slap on my ass, startling the fuck out of me. "Jesus…" I yelped surprised.

Bella stood at the island, munching on an apple. "You ready to go, Hale?"

Rubbing my ass with one hand, I grabbed some deli meats and the bread with the other. "Yeah, give me a second to make something to eat real quick."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, shut up. It's just a sandwich. I think you're safe," I answered, rolling my eyes and proceeded to make my dinner. "Remember, we are out of there by one, right?"

"Right. Wait...do we need a safe word in case we need to get out in a hurry?"

"Oh… um, yeah we better," I paused, considering our options. Edward and I had our own safe words but they were probably not appropriate for Bella's ear.

She jumped up off the stool. "I got it! Guitar," she beamed at her suggestion.

"Guitar?"

Nodding enthusiastically, she replied smiling." Yeah, so like if we get to where we want to leave, we just say something like 'gee, I wish I had my guitar'."

It was the stupidest safe word I had ever heard.

"Guitar it is," I agreed, tossing the unused meat back into the fridge. "Ready?" I mumbled around my sandwich as I took a bite.

"Jasper, don't talk with your mouth full," she chided, grabbing her coat. "Come on, let's go to a frat party!"

The Phi Kappa house was about fifteen minutes away, Bella and I walked with our arms hooked. She wore a casual button down with a thin gray sweater over it. It was the softest fucking sweater I had ever felt, I just wanted to run my hands over it all night. Just as we had left the house, I grabbed my sweatshirt, and was glad I did. Bella's sweater wouldn't be enough to keep her warm if we ended up outside.

It only took us about fifteen minutes before we arrived at the frat house. Emmett had given us directions, but they were unnecessary, as the loud music and amount of people out in the front yard were pretty good clues we had the right place.

"Here we go," I chuckled to Bella as we walked up the driveway.

Within seconds of walking in the door, Emmett was before us, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Jasper, my man, you made it," He slung a tree trunk arm around me before leaning down across me and giving Bella a peck on her cheek. "Bella," he greeted and looked around. "Edward really couldn't get away from the lab on a Friday night, huh?"

"Nope, but he sends his regrets in being unable to attend the party at this time," I mocked.

"Yeah, fuck 'em, his loss," Emmett laughed heartily. "Well, as you can see, bar's over there, some food over there-if you can call it that. Bathroom is down the hall on the left. Third floor is off limits, but rest of the house is open. So have a look around and enjoy yourselves. Oh, and Jasper, if you change your mind about pledging, I'll introduce you to a couple of the guys. I'm off to find that hottie Rosalie, I heard she's going to be here." He finished, wagged his eyebrows at us and left.

Bella looked up at me with wide eyes. "What was that?" she asked referring to Emmett's instructional monologue.

"Perhaps he was a cruise director in another life?" I shrugged. "Want a drink?" I offered, snagging her hand, leading her to the bar. Nodding, she followed me, one hand in mine, her other on the hem of the back of my sweatshirt.

As we were standing in the line waiting for our turn at the bar, Rosalie came up and hugged Bella. "Bella! Oh, thank God you're here," she giggled, obviously having already obviously visited the bar a few times. "Hi, Jasper," she greeted almost as an afterthought.

"Rosalie. Bella, you go with Rose, I'll get your drink," I leaned down, letting my breath fan over her ear. "Don't go out of my sight. " She nodded, and Rosalie took her hand, pulling her toward one of the couches.

After what seemed like an hour, I finally reached the front of line.

"What can I get you?"

Like I had much choice?

"Two please." Nodding, he began to pour them from the tap in the keg.

"She with you?" he asked, his eyes a bit brighter than before as he eyed Bella and Rosalie on the couch.

"Which one?" I asked, taking one of the beers from him.

"The hot one…the brunette," he winked, handing me my second beer.

_Excuse me?_

"As a matter of fact, yes, she is," I lied, eyeing him warily.

He pursed his lips, "That's too bad," he finally tore his eyes away from my girl and looked at me for the first time, clearly sizing me up. "Welcome to Phi Kappa. If you need anything, my name's Sam, and that's Paul." He introduced his friend behind the bar with him.

"Thanks, Sam. I'll be sure to do that," I replied, lying again for the second time in less than a minute. Carefully guiding my way between the bodies of people standing in small groups, I found my way over the Bella and Rosalie. There was not a free seat anywhere near them, and no way was I leaving Bella unattended to find Emmett.

Being sure to not interrupt her conversation with Rosalie, I handed Bella her beer, and stood to the side of the couch, watching the frat boys and their typical antics. Classic rock blared through the speakers set up throughout the house, and I was thankful that the frats at least had good taste in music. As I scanned the room in search for Emmett, I saw that Sam had been replaced by another bartender and Sam was now chatting with Paul too damn close to us.

When Sam's friend smiled and pointed at Bella, my eyes narrowed on him. The knowing glances they shared between them while ogling Bella were not making me happy. Oblivious to what was going on, Bella kept chatting with Rosalie, and from the giggles and blushes, I assumed it was about Emmett.

Well at least Rosalie seemed to return the same interest in Emmett that he did in her. They would make a good couple. Emmett was one of the nicest and most down to earth guys I had ever met. Rosalie might be high maintenance, but she was loyal and honest and would keep Emmett in his place.

An idea formed in my head to squash any hope Sam might have of approaching Bella. I would make us look like the couple I had already said we were.

Hopefully, Bella would cooperate and not ask many questions. I leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"Hey, mind if we share your seat?" She broke her look away from Rosalie and glanced up at me, a bit surprised.

"Sure," she handed me her beer and held out her hand. Grabbing it, I pulled her up before I sat down in her seat. Bella waited until I was situated before gently sitting on my lap, her ass scooting up against my cock as she got comfortable. I placed my hands on her hips to still her movements. Once in place, she continued her conversation with Rosalie, every now and then, including me.

I inwardly groaned at my stupidity. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but with every slight shift of her weight, and twitch of my cock, I regretted my attempt at showing off and for putting a claim on something that wasn't mine to begin with. Bouncing up and down when she laughed, I realized this was my payback for the little white lie I had told Sam.

Just as I went to lay my head back against the couch, I caught Sam staring at us out of the corner of his eye.

Sure, payback's a bitch, but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to continue it.

Instead of leaning back, I learned forward, nuzzling Bella's hair before I pulled it over her shoulder exposing the back of neck to me. Trying to suppress a satisfied smile, I placed a soft kiss on the warm tender skin there, wisps of her hair tickling my lips. I didn't expect the shudder that traveled down her back, all the way to where she sat on my legs. Casually, I slid my hips back away from her, in an attempt to alleviate some of the desire building up in my cock with every one of her movements. I laid my head on her back, catching the eye of Sam and his creepy friend Paul, I let my fingers rest on the waistband of her jeans, my thumbs accidently slipping under her sweater to rub her sensitive skin.

I chuckled under my breath when she thought I hadn't noticed her jump when my hands made skin on skin contact. While it wasn't unusual for Bella and I have to have physical contact, but it had been awhile since we had been this close. She made no motion to remove my fingers from their happy place. In fact, I swore I even felt her lean back into me, her entire body relaxing.

We sat there for a few hours, especially after Emmett found us talking with Rosalie. He quickly squished himself in next to her and the four of us talked, laughed, and drank the night away. Emmett often left to refill our cups for us. Bella remained on my lap all night, my hands never leaving her side, literally securely tethering her to me. Once or twice, she had turned to me, running a hand through my hair while she was telling them how Edward, she and I had all met. I couldn't stop my eyes from closing when her fingers combed through my hair, lightly scratching my scalp before working on parting my curls, that simple touch enough to make my heart race.

When I opened my eyes, the smirk on Emmett's face was hard to miss. Shaking my head, I ignored the smile and went back to breathing in the concentrated smell of fruit before me. With every movement of her hair the scent would wash over me, making me drunker than any beer I had had. Emmett was in the process of telling Rosalie about some nonsense when I saw Bella stifle a yawn. Checking my watch, I saw it was a bit after midnight, and I nudged Bella's arm.

"Hey, Bells, it's after midnight, we should get going soon," I barely contained my own yawn.

"Yeah, you're right. Let me go to the bathroom," she said climbing off my lap, which instantly missed her warm pleasant weight. "I'll be right back," she called over her shoulder as she headed, a bit crooked, down the hallway. As Emmett droned on to Rosalie about his stats for his high school football career, I realized Bella had been missing for longer than the allotted 'line at the girls' bathroom time', and decided to check on her.

Fucking good thing I did.

She was in the hallway, near the bathroom, cornered by Sam and his creepy friend Paul. As I approached from behind, I could overhear parts of their conversation.

"So, are you really with that blonde guy, or was he just fucking around with us?" Sam leaned in toward her, not touching her at all, but too fucking close for my comfort. Bella peered over his shoulder and saw me behind him.

"Jasper? No, he wasn't 'fucking around' with you. We really are together. In fact, if you'll excuse me boys," her voice took on a sultry tone I had never heard before, but fucking wanted to hear again.

Soon.

"I'm going to go now so I can take him home and fuck his brains out until he can't remember his own name."

And with that, she pushed Sam aside, and took a step to me and wrapped her hands behind my neck, pulling my lips down to hers. Immediately, small delicate hands fisted my hair, tugging the pieces as she moaned into the kiss. Instinctively, I put my arms around her, one buried in her thick silky hair, the other at her waist, holding her to me tightly, molding her body to mine as she arched her back to angle herself to deepen the kiss.

Our tongues met quickly, twisting and licking before exploring lips and teeth. There was no containing the groan that rumbled in my chest when she pressed hers to mine, standing up on her toes to get even closer. Over and over our lips met, parting to invite each other to taste, mine discovering her minty taste beneath the tang of the beer. Vaguely, I realized mine must have tasted the same way.

I didn't care.

I didn't care if Sam and his creepy friend Paul were still there or not.

I didn't care if a girl was getting sick in the hallway next to us because she couldn't make it to the bathroom.

All I cared about was that this was the hottest kiss of my life…and my body craved more.

When I felt my cock begin to harden, I considering pulling away, putting a safe distance between her body and my erection.

Instead, I reached down to her ass, and pressed her hips to mine, making sure she felt what she had done to me.

How fucking hard I was for her.

Because of her.

Just when I expected her to pull away, I felt her grind her hips into mine, purposely rubbing against me, up and down my length as she rose and fell from her toes.

She gasped when my hands grabbed her ass and lifted her up, slamming her into the wall behind her, her legs wrapped around my waist, her arms tightened around my neck. Panting, I broke the kiss, licking along her jaw and down her neck, leaving a wet trail behind. With one hand, I reached up and tugged on the hem of her sweater.

_Fuck, I needed more._

"Off," I demanded, my voice husky from lust. Letting me go, she reached down, grabbed her sweater and pulled it over her head, letting it drop to the floor. I stared into her slightly hooded wild eyes, her cheeks bright red from the booze and heat in the house, her lips plump and velvety soft. The pulse of her racing heart in her neck begged for attention. I pushed the collar of her shirt aside with one hand, while I licked and sucked her pulse, lavishing attention all over her collarbone before traveling to the other side.

The whimpers that she let loose as she tilted her head for me did nothing but increase the ache in my cock. Seeking relief, or at the very least some fucking friction, my hips began to buck up into hers, which responded with slow tantalizing circles of their own.

Nothing had ever felt so good.

Taking a piece of her tender skin between my lips, I sucked feverishly, marking her for the night, not caring that she might have to explain it to someone.

To Edward.

Her hands were back tangling my hair at the nape of my neck, pulling me back to her lips, where she darted her tongue out to trace my bottom lip before plunging it deep inside my mouth. A tightening had already begun in my balls, and was slowly spreading throughout my abdomen as she panted into my mouth in time with the rhythmic thrust of her hips.

I was going to fucking cum in my pants.

"Bella," I grunted, bucking into her, pushing her against the wall as hard as I could. "What are we doing?" I pulled away enough to let her answer, but my lips still brushed against hers time and time again.

"I don't know, Jasper, but don't stop," she sighed, her hands coming down to cup my face.

_Stop._

_We should stop._

She felt it. The slight hesitation I had when those words floated through my lust-filled brain, a small measure of sanity brightening the dark desire.

"Please," she begged, licking up my neck with her warm, wet tongue.

"Bella," I began. "We need to stop, this isn't….us," I rationalized.

No matter how fucking bad I wanted it to be.

Nodding, she pouted, and with one last kiss to the tip of my nose, loosened the grip of her legs around my waist. I back away from the wall, still supporting her body, but letting her slowly slide down me to the ground. I let her go and picked her sweater up, handing it to her before I slipped my sweatshirt off over my head.

"Here, wear this too," I said handing it to her.

Confused, she looked up at me," It's not that cold out."

Glancing down at her breasts rising with her heavy breaths, I admitted, "It's not the cold I'm thinking about it. I'm not sure my body can handle it all the way home. "

"Oh, okay," she blushed, pulling the sweatshirt on over her head. . Then she took a handful of the material and brought it to her nose, inhaling deeply. "God, it smells good," she sighed.

She was drunker than I thought.

Taking her hand in mine, we headed for the door, thankful for the sobering cool autumn air.

Hand in hand, we walked in silence until we were almost home.

"Jasper," she broke the quiet. "Are we going to tell Edward?"

_Edward_.

"Honestly, Bella. I don't think we need to," I squeezed her hand, knowing she was worried about what Edward would think of our drunk groping. When I had promised him I wouldn't leave her side, I don't think that was quite how he imagined me watching over her. "Besides, we had been drinking. Things happen, right?"

"Right," she sighed, sounding a bit sad.

"Our secret," I promised before we headed into our house.

It wasn't the time to tell her about the man I had seen in the hallway after I had let her down, his eyes wide with surprise, his face grinning with pride and the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

Would Emmett tell Edward?

I hoped the fuck not.

"****~~**"**

Thank you for reading.

So…guess on the slashy outtake?


	9. Except a Void Inside

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Apologies for the lengthy time between chapters, I was working on a large project with a deadline and needed to concentrate on getting it done-which it is, so now I can play with the boys, and Bella, again! Hopefully, this 8k+ chapter will make up for the delay.

There were quite a few guesses for the last L&F outtake, a study session being the most popular, but few guessed Jasper's drunken visit to Edward's room. For the next outtake, let's just say that that in studying for exams, the boys might need to blow off some steam (no pun intended).

**Warning**: This chapter will frustrate a great many of you, and there is some Jasper heartfail ahead, which might lead to some bad decision making skills. Be patient, and let him work through his issues. Don't worry, Texas is right around the corner.

Finally, this chapter is unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

Huge hugs and thanks to **Dannie** for the last minute feedback, and encouragement on this chapter when I didn't think I could get back to it. 'Course, I heart her never ending suggestions for L&F outtakes, and her love for Perfectward.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"****~~**"**

Except a Void Inside

Location: Seattle, WA (Desolate)

"****~~**"**

I can't find anything  
except a void inside  
I went to places where  
I could forget your name  
I can't find anything  
except a void inside  
I don't have anything  
because I don't have you~ Vast

"****~~**"**

As the holidays rapidly approached, so did our semester final exams. Bella, Edward and I spent a majority of our time at the library or in our rooms studying. Apparently overcoming, at least in part, his fear of books, Emmett joined us several times for library study sessions. Of course, knowing that more than likely Rosalie would accompany Bella might have helped alleviate his fear of all things books. Rosalie and Emmett had continued to date since the frat party, even making plans to be in touch over the long holiday break.

As the semester had progressed, Edward was more stressed than ever, a few of his classes proving to be quite challenging. While Bella and I tried to encourage him, he seemed more and more stressed as exams loomed closer. I felt pretty comfortable with my classes, except math, and had become more certain that I had chosen the right major, my love of history never wavering.

Bella also seemed pretty confident going into her exams, taking on an unusual 'whatever happens happens' attitude-surprising both me and Edward with her casualness.

We had never told Edward about our drunken grope at the frat party, although we clearly had avoided most physical contact since that night two months previous. I had woken up the next morning feeling a bit unlike myself and had taken a long jog to clear my head, the pounding of my feet along the pavement matching the pounding in my head from my hangover. Although I had chuckled at the turtlenecks Bella wore for a few days after, using the material to hide the mark my lips had left on her neck. Bella and I had shared a few knowing looks in the following days, but had never actually verbalized our thoughts to each other.

Apparently, while Bella and I never discussed the events, the nasty look I received from Rosalie the next day confirmed that Emmett had told her what he had witness that night.

Two nights before we were to leave for the holiday break, we were all studying at our house. In our kitchen, Emmett sat at the island while I stood across from him making some turkey and cheese sandwiches.

"So, are sandwiches on your 'approved cooking list'?" He jutted his chin out toward the spread of food before me. I raised any eyebrow at him.

"You've been talking to Bella and Edward." I didn't really need to ask, I knew my reputation preceded me.

Shrugging his Hulk-like shoulders, he continued, "Well, I've heard…er… stories about your lack of skills in the kitchen."

With a big sigh, I tossed the cheese on the bread. "They exaggerate. I busted a few toasters, and brunt dinner once," I paused, "…or twice. "

Snorting, he shook his head. "Only twice? And how does one 'bust a toaster' exactly?"

"Hey, they are more fragile then they advertise them to be," I began in my defense. "Apparently, you're supposed to wait for the little thingie to pop up and not force it. Oh…and by the way, it's not a good idea to stick a knife in the slot to get out the burning bagel," I finished, smiling at the memory of Edward bursting half naked into the kitchen, eye his wild in fright as the fire alarm blared at six in the morning. Pushing me away from the toaster, he unplugged it, waving the smoke away from the top of it, swearing under his breath about how I was never allowed in the kitchen unsupervised again. "I prefer safer foods now."

"Safer?"

"Yea, like those not involving flame, ovens, or…toasters." I admitted, concentrating on my sandwich preparation, finishing up one before sliding the plate over to Emmett, who inspected it diligently before taking a bite.

"I can relate, man. I live in a frat house, and if it doesn't come out of a can, it doesn't get eaten. Did you know that there are one-hundred -one ways to cook Spam?"

Wrinkling my nose, I was relieved Edward hadn't heard him say that. "That is just gross, Emmett." I finished making my own sandwich, squishing the bread down before eating.

He ignored my jab. "You really need some cooking lessons, man," he advised thoughtfully. "That would be a good Christmas present from Edward." Then he immediately changed the subject, "So, did you ever talk to Bella?" he mumbled with a full mouth.

Innocently, I asked. "About what?"

"Oh, come on Jasper. Need I remind you of a certain hallway incident in certain frat house?" he sighed heavily, popping the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth.

"Oh, that. Umm…no, we haven't. It hasn't…come up," I hesitated, waiting to see if he would want more explanation. He did. "Besides, we were drunk, it didn't mean anything. It wasn't a big deal."

_Except it was to me. _

"Dude, her legs were fucking _wrapped _around you! _You _were grinding into her. That, my man, is a huge fucking deal, drunk or not. Especially to a chick. Besides, it's just not right to ignore shit like that. What if it doesn't happen again? What if you never feel like this again?"

He had stood up and walked around to my side of the island, slinging his arm comfortably around my shoulders. Keeping my head down, I concentrated on my sandwich, trying to ignore his words of advice. Frat boy or not, he was right. But the fear of the repercussions of a discussion like that with Bella scared the shit of me, much more than I would care to admit to anyone.

"Listen, I know it's scary," he confirmed my fear.

Jesus, were my thoughts that easy to read, or was I just that fucking obvious.

"Take me for example, took me a few days before I got the nerve to ask Rosalie out, and she _still_ scares the shit out of me. But, Jasper man, you just gotta let her know how you feel. "

Say what you will about Emmett, but he was a perceptive fucker.

"First, a few days? I've been dealing with this for…" I stopped, not quite ready to voice the length of time I had been in love with one of my best friends. "a bit longer than a few days."

Sighing, he took his arm off me, putting his hands on my shoulders, turning me to face him completely. "Jasper, some advice? You need to seize this opportunity, man. Carpe fucking diem, ya know what I mean?"

Shaking my head, I looked down at my feet, everything he told me, I had already thought about for days after the party. But even if I did seize the day, did Bella want it seized?

"What if she doesn't feel the same way?" I whispered my concern, relieved to express my feelings, to be honest about them to someone.

Emmett grinned. "Trust me, man, she does. Chicks like Bella don't just wrap their legs around anyone."

Once again, he was right. Bella had, to my knowledge, only been with Edward, and had barely fooled around with Mike. So where did I fit in?

What about Edward? What would me seizing the day do to Edward? What if Emmett was wrong, and misreading her signals. How could I continue to live with them both if things went wrong-it wasn't worth the risk.

"Sorry, Emmett, I just can't risk my rela-"

"What can't you risk?" Bella asked entering the kitchen and promptly sitting on Emmett's empty stool, glancing back and forth between us.

"Nothin-" I began, but Emmett cut me off.

"I was just telling Jazz man he needs to carpe diem-when he sees something he wants, he needs to go for it before it's too late."

Bella frowned, thinking for a minute. "I agree jasper you should go for whatever it is," she suggested quietly.

If she only knew what she was telling me to do, she might think otherwise.

"What should you go for?" Edward's smooth voice didn't betray his stress from the past week.

"Jesus, can't anyone fucking finish a conversation here?" I sighed, frustrated. Edward's hands went up in defense as he sat down next to Bella reaching over to the food to make his own sandwich.

"Jasper, seriously, you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yea, I'm fine, just tired, and a worried about my exam tomorrow." I hated how good I was getting at lying tothem. Bella squinted her eyes at me, and I shifted my weight back and forth under her stare.

"So, Edward," Emmett walked to the other side of the island, draping an arm around Edward's shoulders and whispering in his ear. The smirk on Edward's face while he held my gaze made my heart skip a beat with apprehension of what Emmett was telling him.

Nodding, Edward said, "I agree, Emmett. Jasper definitely needs to get laid. We'll have to see what we can do about that. "

Blushing in relief, I glanced quickly over at Bella, whose cheeks also appeared a little more flushed.

"Jasper man, didn't you say something about a hot chick on your calculus class? Maddie, or Matilda or something?"

"Maria," I answered without thinking.

"Yea, that's it." He put his hand one hand on his chest, and broke into song," Maria, Maria, I've just met a girl named Maria. And suddenly that name will never be the same to me."

With jaws dropped Bella, Edward and I stared at him.

"Emmett," Edward said slowly." I didn't realize you were a," he cleared his throat, "fan of musicals? Something you need to tell us?" The shove Edward received was almost enough to push him off his stool.

"Fuck you," Emmett chucked. "West Side Story spans all generations…and lifestyles."

"Oh really?" Edward laughed, leaning forward placing his elbows on the island, he directed his attention to me. "Details please, Jasper."

I bit my lip, unsure how to proceed with Bella there. Deciding to come clean, at least in part, I began to describe the pretty coconut smelling girl that sat next to me in calculus class. When I described her shiny dark hair, I suddenly realized I had a thing for dark-hair; Alice, Bella, and now Maria. Even my best friend's hair was dark. The more I spoke about her, relaying stories from my class, the more I noticed Bella's quietness compared to the running suggestions and commentary from Emmett and Edward. Then she got up and I watched her quietly leave the room. I shook my head. Why did I always fuck shit up?

"So, she doesn't have a boyfriend, does she?" Emmett asked hopefully.

"No, she doesn't," I replied, putting the food away in the refrigerator with my back to them, I could still feel their gazes on me.

"Well?" Emmett encouraged further.

"Well what, Emmett?" I sighed, turning around. "She's cute, that's all. No need to take it any further than that."

"She free, and she's hot and she appears to be interested. What else is required? If you're not going to do what I suggested earlier, then at least give yourself this as a substitute."

I snorted. As if there could be a substitute for Bella.

"I agree with him, Jasper. You need to get out and socialize. I don't have time for it with my courses, but you should be enjoying your college experience more." Edward added quietly.

They were on a mission to get me laid, and I honestly wasn't sure I could, or even wanted, to stop them. Perhaps it was just what I needed. This was definitely not the time to tell them that Maria had programmed her number into my cell phone in hopes of me calling her.

As I stood there considering my options, Edward sensed my confusion and saved me once again. "Come on guys, we have exams to study for before we can plan Jasper's wedding." He winked at me, getting off his stool, his sandwich in hand, and pushing Emmett toward the living room. Mouthing a 'thank you' to Edward, I followed them, readying myself to face Bella.

"****~~**"**

Holiday break arrived a few days later, and we found ourselves in the Cullen's living room making last minute preparations for their annual Christmas party. Sitting on the couch a safe distance from me, Alice instructed us all in our last minute duties, however, she had left our clothing completely up to us for once. As she reviewed the names of guests that had rsvp'd, one caught my attention.

"Jacob Black?" I practically seethed.

"Yes, Jake's coming," Alice over looked at me, and hesitantly continued. "Bella asked me to invite him."

Immediately, my eyes went to Bella, sitting on the hearth by the fireplace, warming her hands in front of the flames. "Oh really now?" I raised an eyebrow, my hands fisting in my lap.

"Yes, I thought it would be a nice gesture after last time." She turned to me, challenging me to question it.

Accepting her challenge, I narrowed my eyes at her. "Bella, that was a few years ago, I'm sure he's forgotten all about it." To my knowledge, neither of us had told Edward or Alice what had happened the night I caught Black with his hands on Bella.

"Bella?" Edward asked curiously, obviously wanting an explanation.

"It was nothing. Jake and I were talking, Jasper saw us, and over reacted. "

_Over reacted my ass. _

"Over reacted how?" Now his attention was on me.

Shaking my head, I offered some details, hoping it would keep Edward on my team. "Jake had his hands on her, he was..." I swallowed hard, recalculating."It _looked_ like his…_affections_…were unrequited, so I stepped in and made sure he knew not to show her those affections again." I finished, looking at my hands in my lap, slightly embarrassed at my rash behavior that night.

"Bull shit," Bella's voice was quiet, but the anger that laced it was loud and clear. All eyes went to her as she stood up. "Jake wasn't doing anything that I couldn't stop myself, and you know it. I don't need to you to swoop in and rescue me all the time, Jasper. I can handle myself. "

Of course, I knew she was referring to the frat party, but Edward and Alice were in the dark to her reference of 'all the time'. Shocked into silence, I just sat there as she marched out of the room and up the stairs, to Edward's room I assumed.

Lithely, Edward stood up to follow her. "I better go check on her," he murmured, his voice sounding almost as frustrated at hers. Leaning my head against the back of the couch, I almost welcomed the tiny delicate hand that reassuringly wound its way into mine. I squeezed it in gratitude.

At least someone didn't hate me.

Five hours later, the Cullen's house was overflowing with guests of all ages mingling and eating.

Including one Jacob Black…who was just a bit too close to Bella, but I restrained myself as he guided her around the room with his dark hand on the small of her back, occasionally leaning down to her ear to whisper something. Watching from a distance, I stood in a corner with my clenched hands stuffed into my jean pockets in hopes of keeping them off Jacob's face. My duties for the night were complete, I had already talked with the C's, thanking them for their hospitality; I had even danced with Alice, finding comfort in the familiarity of her body pressed up against mine. Occasionally, I would glance over at her, finding her watching me with an inquisitive gaze, which I acknowledged with a nod of my head.

Alice's dress was black, tight, and looked fucking hot hugging the curves of her body. When she walked away, looking at me over her shoulder with a small smile, I swear I felt my cock twitch. Resisting the urge to follow her, squishing the desire to drag her away someplace dark to fuck her brains out, I scanned the room for Bella again. Watching her with Jake would definitely cockblock any impure thoughts I had about Alice.

Suddenly, found Edward standing next to me. He had chosen to dress up a bit more than me, wearing black pants, a crisp white shirt and red tie.

"You okay? You look a little flushed." He tilted his head before placing a hand on my cheek, which I quickly swatted away.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, I'm fine. Thank you for the house call." I sighed. Figuring I owed him more than my sarcasm, I continued. "Just not too fond of Jake at the moment." Edward's eyes followed mine to Jake and Bella dancing.

"Oh yes, Mr. Black," he mumbled, leaning against the wall. "He's not exactly my first pick for Bella either, Jasper." Surprised to finally hear some concern in his voice over Bella's choice in men, I turned to him.

"How come?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "Long story, but the Black's and the Cullen's don't exactly have the best history."

I glanced back at Jake swinging Bella under his arm before pulling back into his embrace, and felt sick when I saw her smile brightly up at him. "Tell me more."

"Well, I'm not clear on details, it happened many years ago, but something to do with boundaries, some sort of land dispute. Supposedly, we're not allowed on their property, or reservation, whatever you want to call it." Waving a hand, he motioned toward the happy dancing couple. "But as you can see, we have tried to put it behind us. My father insisting we be cordial to Jacob, considering everything that happened was long before our generation. I still don't care for him though…or the pack of guys he hangs out with."

Thinking I clearly had Edward on Team Jasper, I asked hopefully."So what do we do about it?"

He smirked. "Nothing, Jasper. Just like usual. Bella is a grown woman, she can make her own choices."

At that moment, I hated Edward's sensible Yoda-like way of thinking. "Yes, but last time you said that, I ended up beating the shit out of Newton in the parking lot," I reminded him.

Smiling at the memory, Edward pushed himself off the wall and put a hand on my shoulder."Yes I remember. Honestly, I am kind of hoping you get that chance again, and if so," he nodded toward Black. "I want in."

"Deal."

"But we have to wait it out, see what happens. This night could amount to nothing but some harmless dancing." He moved to leave, then stopped."Don't forget, we have a little concert to put on later." Groaning, I nodded, wishing I hadn't agreed to play guitar while Edward played the piano for the guests.

"Unfortunately, I haven't forgotten."

Alice appeared in front of me, holding out a tiny hand. "Dance with me?" I took her hand in mine, wrapping one arm around her, holding her other over my chest. "I saw you watching Black. Did Edward tell you about our families?"

Never taking my eyes off Bella, I confirmed that he had. "I hate to say it, but I think they make a cute couple," she chirped. Luckily, she couldn't see my eyes roll at her comment.

"So do you have a prediction, Madam Alice?"

Giggling, she looked up at me with her wide green eyes. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. They are going to date...long distance of course, but they will date."

"As if," I scoffed, not wanting to admit she might be right. Gently, she slapped my arm.

"I warned you once Jasper, never bet against me," she challenged.

"What's the wager?" Me and my gambling problem.

"Hmm…if I'm right, which I know I am, then you have to let me stay at your house in Seattle for a few days during spring break."

"Okay," I agreed quickly, that was easily done. "And if I win?"

Demurely, she looked up at me through her lashes. "Name it?"

Smiling, I rolled my eyes again, never answering her, but I continued to spin her around until the song was over. The party continued, Black consuming Bella's time so much I had barely spoken to her. It took all my strength, and Edward's hand on my arm, to resist the urge to wipe the knowing smirk Black gave me off his face.

The next morning I found out that Alice would be spending a few days with us over her spring break.

Not only had Bella accepted Black's invitation for dinner and a movie, they continue to see each other every day the entire holiday break while I spent most of my time with Edward, and even Alice, at his place. We watched movies, played some video games, even fooled around on the piano a bit, Edward deciding I was ready for more complicated pieces. While we were definitely bored, it was nice to have some serious down time, I knew Edward needed it after his stressful first semester. I also knew his next semester wasn't going to be any easier.

More than eager for mid-January to arrive, I was packed and ready to go on the day we were to return to Seattle. When I pulled up to Edward's, he was packing his Volvo, his leather jacket open even though it was freezing out. I got out of my truck, and walked over to him, picking up a box to put in his car, which looked rather empty.

"Uhh, Edward, where's Bella's stuff?" He stopped mid stride, not turning to look at me.

"She's getting a ride from Black."

My jaw clenched. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nope." He stuffed another box in his trunk before slamming it closed.

"How long is this going to go on?" I asked quietly, finally beginning to realize this might be a lasting thing.

Shaking his head, I could see some sadness in his eyes, but I was unsure what put it there. "I honestly don't know," he whispered before brushing by me to open the door of his car. "I'll meet you at the house." Starting his car, he closed the door, slid his seatbelt on and left me standing there as he pulled away, his tires squealing as he stepped on the gas.

Back at our house, I ignored the laughter coming from Bella's bedroom as I carried my stuff upstairs to my room and began unpacking. I could hear Edward moving in his room as well, probably also unpacking his clothing and Christmas presents. The Cullens had treated us all very well, indulging in some rather expensive gifts for us individually and for our house. Bella and I had learned long ago it was useless to argue with them, they would always get their way, dazzling us into accepting their presents.

I was kneeling at my dresser when I heard his voice. "What's your problem, Whitlock?" Straightening at the question, I turned to see him in leaning in my doorway.

"Honestly, you're my problem, Black."

"I've never done anything to you, never given you any reason to hate me. I can see why Cullen wouldn't like me but you…I don't get it." He paused, tilting his head thoughtfully. "Unless you are one of Cullen's puppets, just doing whatever the fuck he says."

My heart raced in my chest, my fists curling up at my sides. "Fuck off, Black."

He smirked and rolled his eyes. "And here I thought we could have a civilized conversation. Considering I am going to be around here a lot more, I thought it might be a good idea."

"Around here a lot more?" I repeated, trying to comprehend his meaning.

"Yea, as in I am dating Bella, I expect to be here occasionally. Ya know…sleeping over." He stated simply. When he saw my eyes widen, he knew he had a hit a sensitive spot and twisted the knife a bit more. "Oh, I see. It's not that you have a problem with me, it's that you don't want me with Bella." He paused. "Interesting." Smiling, he glanced over his shoulder quickly before turning back to me and lowering his voice. "So you probably don't want to hear about the hand job she gave me on the drive here, do you?"

I snapped. "You son of a bitch," I hissed and stepped forward but was stopped by an iron grip around my waist.

"Let it go, Jasper," his voice soothed in my ear in attempt to calm me.

"Fuck, Edward, let me go." I strained against him and reached to undo his hands clasped around me.

"No." His hold tightened, bracing his weight against me to hold me back. "He's not worth it," he whispered.

"What's going on?"She asked as she slipped into the doorway next to Black. Snaking an arm around her waist, he watched me with a satisfied look, proud he had goaded me into coming after him, making me look like the bad guy.

"I don't think Jasper is too happy with us dating," he smiled sickly sweetly down at her.

When Edward felt my body relax at Bella's arrival, his let me go, but remained beside me.

"Well he will just have to get used to it," she rationalized calmly. As her eyes found mine, I saw a flash of disappointment-in my behavior I assumed. Embarrassed I had lost control again, I looked down at the ground. "Come on, Jake, let's go." And with that, they were gone.

Edward's hands were on my shoulders and he turned me to him. "You okay?"

_Fuck no. _

With a curt nod, I assured him," Yea, I'm fine. Just something about that asshole that pisses me off."

"Me too, but you just got deal with him…for Bella's sake."

"I'm not making any promises," I vowed as he turned back to his room.

"I don't expect you to," he chuckled walking through the door.

"**~~**"

It was one of the longest, coldest winters I could ever remember, and it had nothing to do with the consistently falling snow or sleet.

Our house was fucking freezing.

Edward was more occupied than ever with his classes, and while I saw him daily, our interaction was usually limited to brief encounters as he was on his way out the door to the lab or library. Even our nightly dinners were dwindling, Edward didn't even comment one night when he came downstairs and found me cooking some pasta and sauce, he simply got a drink and returned to his room.

Bella was either at classes or secluded in her room studying. Black had made good on his promise, and had spent a few weekends at our house. Not able to handle the thought of what was going on behind her closed door, I sought solace at Emmett's, often hanging out at his place the nights Black was over. Seth usually spent his weekends at home, and sometimes Emmett spent the night with Rosalie. I would spend those times alone in Emmett's room, usually playing my guitar and wallowing in my own self hatred.

Feeling I had no one to confide in, I was alone in my misery. Barely attending any of my classes, or paying attention when I did, my grades were shit, far below acceptable, and I didn't give a fuck. My 'I didn't give a fuck' attitude lasted through a majority of spring, but somehow I managed to keep my head above water and went into the final few weeks of the semester with passing grades.

About anything.

Thankfully, Emmett had avoided the 'I told you so' conversation. Instead, he encouraged me to go out and find someone, he kept hinting that I should call Maria, and while I denied his offers of his room to fuck her in, I admit I never deleted her number from my phone.

I never thought I would take his suggestion.

Until late spring when my life, once again, turned upside down.

I remember it clearly, that early Sunday morning when I woke up, dreading the studying for spring semester finals I had ahead of me. Realizing I needed to pull off some kick ass final exam grades, I had begun to actually put some effort into studying for finals.

Climbing out of bed, I tossed on my shorts, sneakers, and a tee-shirt and decided to see if Edward wanted to go for a run with me. After no answer when I knocked, I assumed he was in the shower and opened his door.

The sun streamed in his room, warming him as he lay on his side with is back to me, shirtless, and presumably naked, under the sheet that was twisted around his hips, his hair messed up in a typical bed-head way. As I took a step forward to wake him, I stopped when I noticed he was not alone. The face of his lover was partially covered by locks of long mahogany hair as she spooned with him, her back snug against his chest, held there tightly by his arm wrapped around her waist, one of her uncovered legs curled up. The girl wore only a tee shirt, actually one of Edward's, leading me to assume she had put it on after their lovemaking. With his deep breaths were in time with his lover's soft snores, Edward looked more peaceful I had seen in a long time. In his sleep, he nuzzled the back of the girl's neck, burying his nose in her thick hair, as a contented sigh escaped him.

It had been far too long since Edward had even showed interest in someone, much less brought them home. Although, I hadn't been able to recall him going out the night before, in fact, I remembered he had gone up to bed about an hour before me. Concluding he must have called the girl to come over after he had left me, I smiled for him.

At least he had someone to wrap his arms around.

"Edward," the girl murmured in her sleep.

The voice chilled me, my heart freezing in mid-beat, my blood suddenly running cold throughout my entire body, and my eyes grew wide in shock. Shivering, I leaned toward the bed without taking another step in order to confirm my fear.

The slim figure embraced tenderly in his arms was unmistakably my Bella.

Gasping, I bent over, putting an arm around my waist as my stomach churned, its contents wanting to work their way back up. Before I got sick in Edward's room, I began backing up toward the door, shaking my head back and forth in an attempt to wipe the vision of the lovers in bed out of my head even as I continued to witness it. Stumbling back into my room, I closed the door between our rooms, and slid down it. Putting my head on my knees, I grabbed my hair in effort to suppress the scream crawling up from my lungs begging escape. In a compromise, I let the tears stream silently down my face.

How could he fucking do this to me? Those were supposed to be my arms, my body, my love in that bed.

I made a quick dash for the bathroom, barely lifting the seat before my stomach finally won the battle and my dinner reappeared.

A few hours later I sat in my truck overlooking the Pacific with the half empty bottle of Patron I had stolen from the kitchen cupboard sitting next to me on the seat, the effects of it still strong in my body. The numb feeling the booze had given was a welcomed relief from the betrayal and hurt coursing through my heart.

I picked up my cell phone, ignoring the blinking light indicting the voice messages that had been left in the past hour and scrolled through my contacts until I found the one I wanted.

After a few rings, the phone was answered, "Hello?"

"Maria?"

"****~~**"**

"So I was surprised to hear from you, Jasper?" she purred, sitting next to me on the couch at her sorority house. With my bottle of vodka nestled in my lap, I stared straight ahead considering my options in my drunken state. There was still time to make a clean getaway, I could easily get up and walk out, blaming my rash behavior on the bottle between my legs. "What brings you here?" She leaned into me, her hand resting on my thigh, as she gazed up at me.

With a deep breath, I turned to her, a blurry view of her breasts greeting my drunken eyes. Deciding I needed to touch them, pinch and suck them, I smirked at her. "You know what brought me here, and you want it too."

I was going to use this girl to fuck myself numb and I was okay with it.

_I was an asshole._

"I suspect I do," she confirmed, sliding her hand closer to my crotch. "Why don't we go up to my room where we can be more comfortable. My roommate went home this weekend, so we have the place to ourselves." Slithering off the couch, she stood up, grabbed my vodka and held her hand out for me.

I took it and let her led me upstairs to her room, my heart hardening with each step I took, screaming at me to turn around and run back to Bella.

Maria let me up the stairs to the second floor. She must have sense my hesitation because she peeked up at me, urging me to follow her down a long hallway to a door, which I assumed was her room.

At that point, I didn't give a shit where I was.

I needed to fuck.

After opening the door, she closed it behind us and leaned against it coyly, looking sexy as hell, her legs crossed at her ankles, her bottom lip tucked in between her teeth. I hadn't noticed how small she really was until now. The top of her head barely reached my chest; she couldn't have weighed more than ninety pounds. I could feel her determination waver as she looked me over, head to toe. Placing my vodka on her nightstand, she pushed off the door and I gave her my most 'come hither' smirk, curling my index finger at her in an invitation.

_Time to get the show on the road._

With delicate steps, she crossed the floor to me, reaching her arms up around my neck, tilting her head upwards. My lips crashed down on hers and my world turned upside down. That was when things changed; unexpectedly, so quickly that I felt sick again. Suddenly, her lips were fuller, harder as they teased mine open to allow her tongue to explore my mouth. Her fingers ran down my back to the hem of my tee shirt. I broke our kiss, grabbed the bottom and pulled it over my head; tossing it onto the floor. One of her hands rested on my chest, while the other continued downward to my jeans, fingertips grazing lightly over my stomach muscles, which quivered in response to her light touch.

"Mmm…." She stood on her toes to press open mouthed kisses along my collarbone to the base of my neck. I hung my head back and sighed, allowing her more access.

It felt so fucking good.

She was gentle, she wanted to take her time, and received no argument from me. Suddenly, she took a step back, tossed me a wicked grin, and to my surprise, grabbed the hem of her shirt and quickly pulled it over head, exposing her small perfect breasts dressed in a dark blue satin bra. Her hands reached behind her, unclasped her bra and let it fall from her body to the floor.

So much for going slowly.

My eyes traveled from her chest up to rest on the small silver charm hanging delicately around her dark-skinned neck.

"My father gave it to me for my high school graduation. He said it was to watch over me at college. Do you like it?"

Enough of the get to you know you shit, I didn't give a fuck who was watching over her, I wanted her tight pussy wrapped around my cock.

"It's beautiful. Now, where were we?" I answered curtly. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I began to guide her toward the bed behind her, but she stopped me, grabbing my wrists and placing my hands by my side. With the most deliberate of motions, she pressed herself tightly against me, and slowly dragged herself down my chest until she was kneeling in front of me. Dark fringed eyes glanced up at me and I nodded my silent permission as she undid the button and zipper of my jeans, sliding them, and my boxers, down past my hips, freeing my cock. She paused, her breath catching a bit in her throat.

"Like what you see?" I asked as she giggled and gently grabbed the base of my cock, sliding her hand slowly upward. I hung my head back and moaned.

Fuck. That shit felt amazing.

It had been far too long since another hand had stroked me. I mean, I rubbed one out whenever I got the chance, usually in my morning shower, stroking myself at the thought of Bella riding me until I came all over my hand, the evidence of my fantasy traveling down the drain with the shower water before I my orgasm had faded.

Maria's wrist flicked at my tip, squeezing a bit before sliding back down, her languid strokes were gentle and teasing. I stared down at her as she leaned to take me in her mouth, my muscles twitching as her tongue darted out give one long lick down one side and up the other. When her soft lips wrapped themselves around my shaft, I hissed in pleasure. Not wanting to set the faster pace I desired, I left my hands at my side, and let her take her sweet time. Her tongue stroked my length in a steady, maddeningly slow pace while her lips tightened around me even more and the head of my cock repeatedly meet the back of her throat. Small hands found their way to my ass, her thumbs rubbing absent circles on the clenched muscles there.

"Mmmmm…" It was about all I could manage while her lips continued to tease me.

Someone had taught this girl the art of a good blow job.

I silently thanked him.

As her pace began to quicken slightly, I rested a hand in her hair. Her warm mouth embracing me while her tiny fist pumped along my shaft caused the sensation to build inside me much too quickly, and I didn't want to be exiting the ride before she even got on.

That is just fucking embarrassing.

I gently tugged on her hair, wide eyes opened and stared up at me, and I swear I saw them twinkle, in satisfaction of her performance.

"That feels incredible, but why don't we save something for the main act, okay?" Her lips released me with a slight pop and she stood back up, once again dragging her perfect breasts along my hips, across my wet cock and up to my chest. Once again, I placed my hands on her shoulders, guiding her toward the bed. She lay down, the down pillows cushioning her head as I rested over her on my elbows, staring into lusty eyes. Slight shivers ran through my body as her fingers ran up and down my spine, her firm breasts pushing against me with every breath she took.

Nuzzling her cheek with my nose, her manicured nails traveled up my back and weaved into the hair at the nape of my neck, her lips parting as she drew me to her. Only, her taste was different this time, strawberries instead of mint. Her perfect white skin became flawed with freckles dancing across her nose. Her hazel eyes turned warm and called me home. Black hair became brown, straight strands became waves. The small breasts I suckled became fuller, one slightly bigger than the other. Hands that weaved through my hair became larger, clumsier. Delicate fingers softened by expensive lotions became ones calloused by years of neglect. My hands caressed over a toned abdomen that became softer. Slim hips widen, thighs strengthened as they wrapped themselves around me, grinding into my hips. My cock twitched in the confines between our bodies, as my heart swelled. I gasped and pulled away, kneeling, shaking my head in attempt to chase away the invading thoughts. Maria's piercing eyes followed me, her hands sliding down my sides to rest on my hips.

"What's wrong?" the fear of rejection quickly showing her face. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Maria still lay before me, waiting patiently, her lips pursed in concern."Is everything alright?"

'Yeah, everything's fine." I held her gaze as my hands went to the waist of her designer jeans. My fingers traced the waistband, dipping below it, garnering a slight shiver from her, before coming back to undo her button. Reaching out, she grabbed my shaft once again, her fingertips grazing my entire length. As I slid her zipper down as she lifted herself up to me, and I hunched forward a bit, not wanting to lose the contact of her hand on me. She helped me push her jeans down with one hand while keeping her tantalizing pace with the other, but she finally let me go to completely remove her remaining clothes and then lay back, naked and giving before me. Hot, toned and flawless, she was everything any sane man would want in a woman.

At that moment, I was not a sane man.

Fuck, I wasn't even a sober man.

A slight blush crept up her neck and colored her cheeks a lovely pink, making her eyes dance more prominently. Sliding my pants and boxers off completely, I settled back between her legs as her warm skin surrounded my cock, creating a pleasurable friction, but still not enough to meet my needs. My hips ground into hers as my mouth sought hers. In caresses, gropes, pinches and teases, my hands never stopped roaming her bare skin. She moaned into my mouth as our tongues met, entwining easily and comfortably. Leaving her mouth, I made my way down her neck, her scent taking on a sweetness I was trying my damndest to avoid. My eyes fluttered open to see jet black hair fading to brown in sunlit room. I closed them again quickly and she whimpered as my mouth came in contact with her breast, arching up off the bed toward me in offering, soft puffs of air escaping her open mouth. As my mouth suckled one of her hardened nipples, my rough hand kneaded the other.

"Please…."

"Please what?" I teased, but couldn't help but let out a gasp myself as her hands fisted my hair and her hips brushed against my erection.

"Please…more…Jasper" she whispered, almost shyly. I tensed for a second at her casual use of my name.

Answering her begging, I slid a long finger between her folds, she was damp, and so fucking warm. Her hips bucked into my hand, and I pushed my finger deeper, angling it up, sliding it in and out of her at a lazy, agonizing pace. Quickened breaths and her writhing body signaled that I was hitting the right spot. Each small thrust of her hips made my cock twitch against her.

I was a bastard, but I had manners.

Ladies first was my number one rule.

When her hands pulled at my hair tighter, crushing my mouth tightly to her breast, her breathing quickened even more, and her hips continuingly sought a rhythm to match my fingers, I knew she was close. Finally, I moved my thumb to circle her clit, and with a few small circles, her body tensed beneath me. A long moan escaped her and I continued to slide my fingers in and out as she rode out her orgasm, her hands finally loosening on my now sore scalp. Resting back on my elbows, I watched as she opened her eyes, a small satisfied smile on her face that I couldn't help but return.

I pushed back on to my knees, reaching over the side of the bed for my jeans. Curiosity crossed her face as I searched my pockets one by one, finally succeeding in my quest, and pulled out the square foil wrapper.

"Boy scout number one rule: Always be prepared." I rested on my heels and tore the wrapper with my teeth, dropping the pieces on the floor. Slowly, teasingly, I slip the condom down my cock, watching her eyes follow the movement of my hands.

"Ready for me?" I asked as I shifted slightly, positioning myself at her entrance. Her pink tongue darted out to lick her lips as she reached between us, grabbed my cock and slid it down her wetness. With a long groan and one slow push, I sheathed myself completely in her until I rested deep and warm inside her. Instinctively my hips began small, short thrusts, setting a slow pace. My hands were placed on either side of her shoulders and I watched her face as I moved in and out. Traveling up and down my body, her hands caressed me. Briefly, she rested a palm on my cheek and I leaned my face into it, enjoying the comfort she offered me, I felt as though she could take away some of the pain, if even only briefly.

I knew I was fooling myself, I knew deep down I was just trying to fuck _her _out of my mind.

It didn't matter.

Maria was here,_ she_ was not. Her eyes closed as she gasped when I pushed a bit deeper. I leaned down and rested my head in the crook of her neck, breathing her in as her hands grabbed my ass, eager for a slightly faster pace.

Her groin raised to meet mine, her legs wrapped completely around my waist pulling me deeper, and my thrusts became more determined. Our bodies slickened with sweat as pleasure grew inside me, my muscles began straining with the need to hold off, yet, reach that peak at the same time. With my eyes tightly closed, my open mouth breathed gasps against her suddenly freckled collarbone. My pace quickened, my hips thrusting into her softness, her body accepting all I had to offer, even if it wasn't her I was offering it to.

I was close.

I wanted the release, those few minutes of ultimate pleasure where nothing else in the world matters, she pulled my face back to hers, kissing me hard and deep and with a need I returned.

"Come for me," she whispered against my lips in the gentlest of demands. I could only grunt and increase my thrusts in reply.

Deeper.

Harder.

Faster.

Smooth legs tightened against me, their strength surprising me, hips pushed in demand of mine own. My fists sought her hair, to grab the brown waves I imagined. My lips sought hers, to kiss the chapped ones I desired most. My cock pulsed and sought to come inside the one I loved with all my heart. My entire body clenched as I came with one last thrust deep within the ordinary, but beautiful girl that I imagined lay beneath me. The name that flowed through my veins, the name I longed to call out in the height of my passion, was not the one belonging to the slight girl whose pelvis was grinding against my own.

"Oh, Bella…" I cried out as I collapsed on her for a brief moment to catch my breath before placing a kiss on her neck in an attempt to camouflage the single tear that had fallen.

The room was hot, it could have just as easily been sweat. Gently, she fingered my hair, twirling my waves around her fingers, murmuring in my ear, words I did not catch. All I could make out at the time was "Ssssh, it's ok". I pushed off her, searching her face.

"Are you ok?" she asked quietly.

"Of course I am," I leaned in and kissed the damp wisps of hair that clung to her temple. She pulled me back to her mouth, her sweaty legs finally releasing my hips as my limp dick slid from her. I reached down and removed the condom, tossing it in the small trashcan near her nightstand. Frowning, I tried to fight the urge to get up and leave immediately, feeling like I owed her some cuddling, or at the very least, a few moments of kissing while I came down from my delusional orgasm.

She was a smart girl, she would let me leave with no questions asked. There was no doubt she knew I wanted nothing more. From the moment she laid eyes on me, she was a means to end for me, and I was sure this fact did not escape her.

"Who is Bella?" she pulled my face back from hers, her intense gaze making my heart tense.

Sighing heavily, I swung my legs over her, sitting on the edge of the bed, I rubbed my hands through my damp hair.

"No one," I growled, standing up, immediately searching for my boxers, my heart racing a bit too fast for an after sex pace.

She sat up, pulling a sheet to cover herself. "Look, don't worry about it," she almost chuckled.

Ignoring her, I pulled my boxers and jeans up, leaving my button undone while I reached for my shirt. Taking a deep breath, I gathered my patience as she sat, quietly observing me from the bed. With my tee shirt in one hand, my other reached down and cupped her cheek, still flushed from her orgasm. Her eyes closed slowly, her lashes thick against her dark skin. "Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm just… going to grab my things and go."

Her nod was so small I almost missed it, but I could feel it through my palm. I pulled her closer, and kissed her forehead once again, tasting the tangy sweat gathered there, letting my lips rest there for a minute. Silently thanking her for what she attempted to give me, her gift of a few moments of bliss, of not remembering what I longed to forget.

Even if it didn't work.

My bottle of vodka remained on her table as I walked out of her room, closing the door behind me.

In my truck, I picked up my cell phone, once again ignoring the voice messages, but opened the one text message.

_We need to talk-E_

_"**~~**"_

Thanks for reading…oh, and don't kill me, or Jasper. Have faith in him, even though he makes some stupid ass decisions.


	10. Wash Away the Past

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- So, let's find out what happened with Edward and Bella, shall we? Although, I admit, I am not entirely pleased with this chapter-so much dialogue scares me!

Also, if you read Lost and Found, there will be a mirror chapter of this posted there (a slashy version). It will be the last one before Jasper is gone for awhile-although there is one outtake planned while Jasper is away…involving a phone perhaps?

My poor beta, C Me Smile, has been working her fingers to the bone at work, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

Huge hugs and thanks to **Dannie** for the feedback, and encouragement on this chapter when I cringed at everything I wrote. 3 you!

More author's notes at the end.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"****~~**"**

Wash Away the Past

Location: Seattle, WA (Altruistic)

"****~~**"**

Lie awake in bed at night  
And think about your life

It's time to forget about the past  
To wash away what happened last~30 Seconds to Mars

"****~~**"**

Walking into the house, I closed the door quietly, not wanting to announce I had returned home. I didn't want Edward to think that I ran my ass home to talk to him.

It had been three hours since I had left Maria's. I had gone back to the ocean and walked along the beach with the intention of thinking about shit, and in reality all I could think about was Edward and Bella in bed together, images of them fucking passed through my mind like a slideshow. Having to stand by and watch Bella with Jake made me sick enough, there was no way I could watch her and Edward make a life together with their two-point-five kids and white picket-fenced house.

It was my own damn fault. I never fucking manned up and told Bella how I felt. But would it have mattered? If Edward was the one that owned her heart all along, would telling her I loved her have made a difference? Even if I suspected she felt a sliver of the feelings for me that I do her, all I had done was stand by while she moved on with her life.

My life was stagnant, rotting and covered in self loathing…and I didn't do shit about it.

I had closed Bella out, the pain of hearing about her happy times with Jake were too fucking painful. Edward had tried to keep me afloat, as he always did, offering his life raft to me time and time again, even convincing me to go out with him to a local bar. The weekend Bella had gone to La Push for a few days had just about killed me. Edward had tried distracting me with movies, games, and even a cooking lesson, but my mind was on her and La Push all weekend. As much as I had convicted Edward of guilt by association for accepting Jake and Bella's relationship, he was still the one person I on which I could depend. Edward was generous, determined, caring, and lived his life by his terms.

He was everything I wasn't.

I had made up my mind.

As I reached the top of the stairs, I heard Edward's shower and sighed in relief, at least I had a few more minutes. Standing in front of her closed door, I had my hand in the air to knock.

_Edward and Bella naked, her atop of him, her breasts bouncing as she pumps herself up and down on him, her head thrown back, calling out his name as she cums right before Edward does the same. After, they lay in each other's arms, kissing and whispering words of devotion and…love. _

"Fuck," I whispered, lowering my hand, I turned and entered my room. Walking over to my dresser, I opened the top drawer and took it out. I had never told them about it, and now my secret was about to become my ticket out. Rereading the letter, as I had a thousand times, I searched it for anything would answer the one question I had.

Was it too late?

It was in perfect shape, even with the amount of times I had read it, reassuring myself it was real, and it hadn't been a dream. It had been the one thing I had done right.

Standing there, I felt like shit, my stomach was empty and in knots, my breath smelled like Patron, and I reeked of sex. I wasn't ready to talk to Edward, I needed more time to prepare for his news, more time to prepare my heart for the devastation that was surely going to destroy me. My heart had broken into shards at the site of them in bed together; his confirming their love for each other was going shatter those shards into tiny pieces, certainly never to be put back together again.

I would never be complete again.

_Hands stroking each other, grasping hair to pull into a kiss, lips brushing, tongues tasting, muscles clenching as bodies reached unknown heights of passion. Moans of ecstasy filled the dark room as fingers sought secret places. He had remembered what she had liked from their first time together…when he had taken her virginity. _

The shards began to ache uncontrollably, forcing air through my lungs at an unnatural pace, gasping to catch my breath. Putting the letter on the dresser, I took a few deep breaths to try to regain control while I begged someone, anyone, for relief from the pain.

"You're home."

Jumping, I spun around to see Edward in our doorway, still damp from his shower and dressed in only jeans. He had obviously rushed.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Edward. Scared the shit out of me."

Ignoring my comment, he took a step inside my room, hands on his hips. "You got my message."

He wasn't asking, he knew.

"Yeah, I got your fucking message." I stood straight, trying to build a resolve in my body that I didn't feel in my heart.

"Where were you?" He took another tentative step, feeling out my reaction.

What the fuck did he care. What was he, my father?

"Out."

"Out where?" he asked, tilting his head, and taking another step, his eyes glancing down to my hands fisted at my side.

"None of your fucking business," I said defiantly. "You said you want to talk, so fucking talk."

Taking a deep breath, he ran his hands down his face before speaking. "I know you saw us."

"Saw you?" I feigned innocence with my words, but my voice was laced with knowledge, and anger.

"You left the door open," he began, nodding to the door between our rooms. "When I went to bed last night, it was closed." He let the information set in. "I'm sure of it."

"Fuck," I muttered at my own stupidity, hanging my head.

"Listen, it wasn't what you thin-"

"Yeah, right, Edward. It fucking looked like what I thought to me." He stared at me, his eyebrows raised, wanting me to tell him what I thought.

_Fine._

"You, bare-assed, spooning a barely clothed Bella." I swallowed down the bile that had risen in my throat at the words. "Thank you, though, for closing the door so I didn't have to hear the two of you fucking all night long. Fucking bastard," I finished, my voice raw from the vomiting and liquor. Standing before him, my chest heaved, the shards cutting into my lungs and stealing my breath. As much as I refused to let my emotions show, my body betrayed me and the tears welled in my eyes. Clenching my jaw, I willed them away even as one slid down my cheek.

Nodding at my words, he walked toward me, his steps more certain than before.

"Jazz, you okay?" he asked, reaching out to me.

I wanted to slap his out stretched hand, instead, I turned from him as my shame slid down my face. "Fuck you, Edward. What the fuck do you care anyway. Just leave me the fuck alone. Go on with your perfect little life with Bella."

I had to get the fuck out of there. Spotting my backpack on my chair, I grabbed it and went to my dresser again, opening drawers and pulling out clothes, not even caring what I was stuffing in the bag. I could feel him right behind me, so I wasn't surprised when his voice was so close.

What surprised me was the hand on my arm, stilling my movements. "Stop, Jasper." He wasn't demanding, but he knew I would listen regardless. With the partially filled bag in my hands, I stood with my back to him.

"I can't," I whispered.

"Can't what?"

Licking my lips, I felt them dry and cracked. "I can't stand by and watch you two. I'm…sorry. I just can't." I finished, my words broken, fragmented by the beginning of sobs as the images of their future hit me one after the other.

Graduation. Wedding. Pregnancy. Baby. Holiday parties with friends and families, pictures of the happy couple surrounded by loved ones.

Fucking picture perfect life.

Without me in it.

I didn't belong with them anymore.

And yet, as much as that broke me, I knew it was how it should be. It should have always been Edward. I had no right to even consider it should have been me.

"Jasper, listen to me," he spoke to my back, knowing there was no fucking way I would turn around to face him. "Bella and I didn't sleep together."

I snorted. "No, I doubt there was very little actual sleeping except for what I walked in on. I'm sure there was a lot of fucking though." My anger started to return, taking hold of the self pity.

When he sighed, I felt his breath on my neck, his hand still on my forearm. "Fucking turn around and listen to me." Finally, his tone was beginning to match my own, spite crawling into it as his frustration with my behavior grew. Debating on whether or not to do as he asked, I glanced at the letter on the dresser.

_My ticket out_.

Jerking my arm from his grasp, I turned around, and looked down on him, my eyes glaring at his. For once, I appreciated my height advantage. However, Edward didn't back down, in fact, he returned my stare, only his eyes were filled with a peace I would never know again.

"Thank you."

Edward, always so fucking polite. Bastard.

"As I was saying, we didn't sleep together, as in we didn't have sex."

_We didn't have sex._

Immediately, the air rushed from my lungs, only this time in relief, the shards of heart remaining intact for the moment. I went to speak, but no words would come out.

"There was no 'fucking', as you so eloquently put it." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before continuing while I remained dumbfounded. "This isn't my place to tell you this. But after I saw the door this morning, I knew you had seen us…and what it must have looked like…" he voice got quiet.

"What?" My voice finally reappeared, although it was weak and timid with remorse.

"She'll kill me for telling you this, with you not liking Jake and all-"My eyes grew wide at his words, and immediately he shook his head. "They had quite the fight, Bella came to me, she was upset and wanted advice."

"What happened, Edward?"

He glanced behind him, made certain my door was closed and we were alone before he looked up at me."He asked her to marry him."

"WHAT!" I went to move past him, but he caught my arm.

"Jasper, you can't. Let me finish."

I had been on a fucking rollercoaster of emotions all day, and I just wanted to get the fuck off this ride to hell. If Edward could be the one to let me exit the ride, then I was going to stand and listen. The visions I had had earlier repeated, only Jake was in place of Edward.

"Did she say yes?" Even as the words passed my lips, I didn't recognize that I had said them.

"Not exactly," he replied a hell of a lot more calmly than I felt.

"Edward, fucking tell me." The waiting was a form of torture.

"She told him she needed time to think about it."

"Time to think about it? As in, she might still say yes? How much time?"

He had let go of my arm, convinced I wasn't going to go pound on Bella's door demanding answers. "This is so not my place to be telling you about this," he said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, well she isn't going to. Please Edward, tell me what happened."

We stood there, neither of us moving as he relayed the details of the events from the night before. How he had gotten up to go to the bathroom and heard Bella crying in her room, he knocked and entered to find her sobbing on her bed. It had taken him a few minutes to coax out of her what had happened, how Jake had planned a romantic dinner, and proposal, complete with candlelight, diamond ring and bended knee. Bella had said she needed time to think about it, Jake got upset, he was hurt and confused. They argued, and he dropped her off at the house without a word.

"She was a wreck, Jasper, so I invited to come into my room, where we could talk more. "

I raised a questioning brow at him.

"My bed is bigger," he answered my unasked question. "Anyway, we talked about what had happened, and what she was going to do. After a few hours, she started to doze off, I offered her a shirt, she changed and climbed under the covers, asking if she could stay, saying she didn't she didn't want to be alone." He looked down at the floor. "I don't know how we ended up spooning. I swear, when I fell asleep, I was on my back."

I was an ass. Not only had I assumed they had slept together, but Bella had been upset and hadn't been able to come to me because of my feelings on Jake. She had felt alone, with no one to talk to, Edward consoled her, helped her, and I had fucking assumed the worst.

Then there was Maria.

_Fuck_.

I went by Edward and sat on the edge of my bed, my elbows on my knees, and face in my hands. "Aw, man I fucked up big time," I mumbled into my palms.

"Anyone would have thought the same thing," Edward excused my behavior with reasoning.

"No, I mean I _really_ fucked up." I sighed, looking up at him. "I fucked Maria."

"Maria, Maria? Calculus Maria?" His eyes widen in surprise. As far as he knew, I hadn't been with anyone since Alice. Of course, he didn't know about the kisses with Bella.

"Yeah. I left here with our bottle of Patron, went to her place and…she…we....fucked."

"I don't believe it." Not often was Edward shocked. "You definitely fucked up." Joining me on the bed, he leaned back on his hands. "Details. What happened?"

Rolling my eyes, I felt my cheeks flush at my embarrassment. Edward and I were close, no doubt, but we had never really talked sex before, other than the porn magazines we had looked at together. We had never discussed in any details of our sex lives. Considering most of mine included his sister, and one of his included Bella, it was understandable. "I called her, went over, we talked for about five minutes before I was up in her room. She gave me head, I fucked her and left."

God, I was such a bastard.

"Jesus, Jasper," he chided, shaking his head.

"Yeah, I know." I almost couldn't bear to look at him.

"Well, that explains the smell."

"Smell?"

He motioned to me, and sniffed the air around me. "You smell like had sex in a fucking brewery."

"Close…sorority house." I cringed at the memory of Maria leading me up the stairs to her room. Details of her room were blurry, I vaguely remembered two beds, and a window. "I need to shower."

"Good idea," he said as he stood up. "I need to finish getting dressed. Oh, before I forget, your mom called with a message," he said, pulling a paper out of his pocket.

Not exactly in the mood to deal with my mother, I told him to leave it on my dresser. Instantly regretting my decision, I jumped off the bed and bolted past him, but I was too late.

With letter in hand, he stood there reading it. "Is this what it looks like?"

_Here we go._

I nodded.

"What the fuck, Jasper? You said you didn't get in." Green eyes, filled with anger, scanned the letter again, for the third time.

Again, I nodded.

"A fucking FULL RIDE? Jasper…" he went back to the bed and sat down again. I kept my back to him, while I was proud of the letter; I was ashamed I had kept it from him. "Why, Jasper? Why did you lie?" he asked quietly, his voice so full of hurt, my heart ached.

With my back to him, I spoke to my dresser, fingering the grains in the wood. "I just wanted to stay together. I wanted to be with you and Bella."

"But a fucking full ride Jasper? You turned that down for us?"

"Yes," I whispered to my dresser before turning around. Staring at the letter laying on his lap, he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Jasper, this is…fucking huge. Your parents must have been pissed." He read it the letter again.

"They don't know, I never told them." I hung my head, even though I had turned around, I couldn't look at him.

"Are you serious?"

I wanted to explain. I wanted to tell him how I couldn't bear to be without him and Bella. How I couldn't imagine a future without them in it, even for a few months at a time. How they meant more to me than any scholarship. All these things I wanted to explain to him, and yet, nothing came out, I just stood there, dumbfounded, at a total loss for words and reasons.

"I never told anyone. I just…I just didn't want to be alone." I tried to explain, and failed, my simple words not conveying the complexity of the choice I had made, the weight I had given it, the thought and consideration that had been involved. It was not a decision I had made lightly, although I had always known, deep down, that my future was with them. Walking to the bed, I sat next to him, still not looking at him.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, until he reached over and put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"I would have done the same thing." Shocked, I finally looked up at him.

"You would have?"

Nodding, he shrugged. "Yeah, I mean, I would have chosen you and Bella over a scholarship too." Placing the letter in my lap, he pointed to the logo at the top. "But you gave up more than a scholarship, Jasper."

Confused, I stared at him.

"You gave up the chance to go home."

_Home._

Heat, sunshine, Abilene…Petey.

I missed Petey the most. Although we had kept in touch over the years, he was attending a community college studying business so he could run his own garage, and was now engaged to his high school sweetheart Charlotte; our relationship wasn't what it once had been. Edward, of course, had moved into the best friend spot, but my heart always had a special place for Petey. We had experienced so many firsts together, and had gone through those awkward years by each other's sides.

"You miss it, Japser. Texas. I can tell."

"How?" Of course I missed it, it had been my home for more than three quarters of my life, I loved everything about it, I was proud of my Texas upbringing.

"It's a part of you, Jasper. It always has been, and while your parents took the boy of out of Texas, they didn't take the Texas out of the boy," he chuckled at his bad humor. "The way you dress, talk, eat, hell, even your fucking southern charm, it all screams 'Texas', and your pride in it."

Before the first one fell, I tried to catch it but I was too late and it splattered on the paper in my lap, spreading out to create a dark uneven circle. "I do miss it," I admitted quietly.

"I know."

"Regardless," I took a deep breath, "of how much I miss it, I wouldn't have left the two of you…and now, it looks like she might be leaving us."

"Not necessarily. She said she needed time…and I think I have just the solution." Suddenly, his words and movements were animated, and I swear I saw the light bulb go on over his head. He stood up and started pacing in front of me. "What are your plans this summer?"

I watched him walk back and forth, and shrugged. "Umm, go back to the music store, hang out with you at the pool…other than that, I have no fucking clue."

"Before you say no, think about what I am about to suggest, okay?" He stopped and faced me, biting his lip.

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I fucking promise," I blurted out, irritated and impatient.

"Let's go to Texas."

"Huh?" What the hell was he suggesting? More excited than I had seen him in months, he practically bounced in front of me at his idea. He was like a child on Christmas morning having been told they had to wait for the relatives to arrive before they could open presents.

"You, me, Bella, and a road trip to Texas."

Suddenly, I was as excited as he was and stood up, almost bouncing in time with him. "Are you serious?"

"Absolutely," he grinned.

"The three of us in Texas?"

"Yep…all summer. What do you say, Jasper?"

"Fuck yes," I laughed. My head started spinning with ideas, what I wanted to show, where I wanted to take them. Finally, I could share my own history with them. Then, I stopped bouncing and laughing. "Wait, what about Bella? She won't agree to this, not with what's going on."

"Leave her to me. It's exactly what she needs, some time and space to think about her decision."

"What if he doesn't let her go?" I began doubting Edward's abilities. He had stopped pacing, and faced me.

"We need this, Jasper. All of us. We need to get back to…where we were. Something has happened this year, and instead of getting closer by living together, we've grown apart. We need to get back to…us."

He had me convinced. Then again, Edward could talk me into just about anything. "Okay, I'm in."

"Good. I'm going to go work out some details, give my dad a call. I'll talk to you later," he said, heading toward our door.

"Edward, wait."

"Yeah?"

"Does Bella know I saw you?" I looked away from him, fearing his answer would drive the wedge between Bella and me deeper.

"No. I didn't feel it was necessary to tell her," he eased my fear, giving me sad smile.

"Thank you."

"Welcome…and Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything," he murmured before turning and walking into his room.

Home. I was going home.

"**~~**"

After showering and changing, I lay on my bed. It had been one fucking long day, and I let the sounds of house lull me into a light sleep. Edward's muffled voice on the phone in his room, Bella walking down the hall on her way to the kitchen, the sounds of her cooking dinner and starting laundry. I still hadn't seen her yet, my door closed tight since I had arrived home a few hours earlier.

While my body attempted to seek rest, my mind did anything but, instead it crowded with thoughts of Edward's suggested plan, thoughts of money, time, transportation.

I had jumped at the chance, eager to see my home again, but was it even feasible. Money wasn't something I had a lot of; I had worked hard and paid for some of my college, my parents chipping in, as well as school loans. The Cullens had saved my ass by letting me live in the house rent and utility free. Bella, Edward and I split the food costs, and I rarely spent extra money. Still, not working at the music store all summer would hamper my funds for the following year, and as much as I wanted to see Texas again, was it right to have my parents pay more so I could spend the summer road tripping.

"So, did you carpe diem?"

Her voice was cold, chilling me even as I jumped at its sound.

"What?" I cleared my throat and sat up.

"Did you take Emmett's advice and carpe diem?" she leaned against the door jam, dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, her expression was one of anger and hurt.

Edward couldn't have told her.

"What difference does it make to you?" I retorted, and immediately regretted the words and their harsh tone. She lifted a shoulder and glanced around my room, refusing to meet my eyes.

"It doesn't but you weren't here earlier, I just assumed you had spent the night somewhere."

"I went jogging." _Well, I had intended to, until I found you in bed with Edward, then I got drunk and fucked a girl I barely knew. _

"Jogging," she repeated, seeing through my lie. Finally looking directly at me, she furrowed her brow, and I could tell she was debating calling me on the lie. Relieved when she turned to leave, I sighed…until she turned around.

"Did Edward talk to you?"

"About?" I asked, trying to buy myself time.

"He wants to talk to us over dinner. Something about a trip?"

"Yeah, he mentioned it earlier, but I don't know details." I thought that was the end, she would turn and leave. With a palm on the jam, and her back to me, she spoke over her shoulder but kept her eyes down.

"I think it's a good idea," she whispered before leaving.

Edward called me down to dinner about thirty minutes later. While Bella had cooked, Edward had set the table. Before, I would have been down stairs helping them, but a lot had changed in the past five months. They shared a few knowing looks as they carried dinner to the table and set it down. When Bella put the plate in front of me, I glanced up at her.

She had cooked my favorite meal.

I mumbled a thank you, surprised at the effort she had gone through to make the chicken marsala. After sitting down, Edward wasted no time.

"I talked to my dad, and he supports the idea. Even said he would fund part of it, if we needed him to. I told him we would try to conserve money by camping out some nights. The weather is good enough for camping, right Jasper?" He looked at me expectedly.

Caught off guard at the speed of which he spoke, I had almost missed the question."Umm, yes, the nights get cool, but nothing we can't handle."

"Good, so that will help, and if we pool our money, I've got quite a bit left over from tutoring, we should be fine. I'm thinking…six or seven weeks? We should leave enough time to be in Forks when we returned. I'm sure our families will want to see us a little this summer." He stopped and looked at us both.

Was it our turn now?

Bella spoke first. "I really want to go, but I am not sure my dad will go for it, that far away for that long."

Edward smiled his knowing smile. "Leave that to me, or rather, my dad, he said he would talk to Charlie and take care of it. And Jasper, I can't imagine your parents would be upset by you going back to Texas and camping out. "

I nodded. "Yeah I think they will be okay with it. I'm just…"

"What?" he pushed, knowing I wouldn't it say otherwise.

"I'm worried about the money. About tuition for next year. I hate to ask my parents for more than they are already doing. Not only would I not be working this summer, but I would be spending what little I have left from last summer. It just doesn't seem fair."

"You're right, and I've thought about that a little. Maybe…a shorter trip, then you can work the rest of the summer," he suggested hesitantly. "How many weeks do you think you need to work?"

"Assuming he pays me the same as last year, I don't know…ten weeks? That will give me four for the trip."

"We can do it in four weeks, right?" Edward looked back and forth between Bella and me.

I couldn't help it, I had to ask. "What about Jake? He won't be happy with this." Her head shot up and she glared at me.

"I'll deal with Jake," she said, although I could tell she wanted to say more, which I imagined was along the lines of 'mind your own fucking business.'

"We need this, guys, we need to just be the three of us again. Alone." Edward finished pointedly.

As much as I wanted to look at Bella, to see her reaction, I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I continued to stare at my plate, stirring my food around with my fork. "I think we need it too," I finally replied quietly.

"Me too." It wasn't the sudden gentleness in her voice that surprised me, it was her soft hand covering and squeezing mine.

"It's a done deal then. Let's plan on leaving a few days after finals. Give us some time to pack and map it out a bit." Edward grinned bigger than I had seen him in weeks.

"Sounds good," Bella and I answered simultaneously.

Four weeks camping out under the big Texas sky.

Four weeks of being with just Bella and Edward.

"**~~**"

"Should I pack the coffee maker?" she yelled from downstairs. I was up in my room, my door wide open as I stood beside my bed, hands on my hips staring at the mess laid out before me. We were twenty-four hours away from leaving and I had no fucking clue what to pack. Finals were done, and we had been planning our trip for the past few days. While Bella and Edward came up with places they wanted to see, I came up with places I wanted to show them, and people I wanted them to meet.

_Petey._

"Seriously, Bella?" I yelled back at her, shaking my head. Exactly where did she think we would be plugging in the coffee maker when we were camping?

"So, that's a no?" she laughed.

"Bella!"

"Okay, okay," her voice gradually faded, but I could still her giggling to herself, probably in satisfaction of getting me riled up…again. It seemed to have been a goal of hers lately, drive Jasper to the brink of insanity. Even though I was thankful we were at least back on speaking terms, there were still tense moments between us, usually involving Jake.

Edward had told me that Bella's talk with Jake about Texas had gone over a better than expected, Jake actually kissing her good-bye and telling her to have good time, but had reminded her to check in with him daily by phone or text. Groaning, I had rolled my eyes at Jake's instructions.

"_Jesus, can't he just leave her alone for a few weeks?" _

_Edward became silent and raised an eyebrow. "Would you?" _

_I sighed, of course, Edward was right. Wonder if he ever got sick of being right? "Point taken." I moved by him to my dresser and pulled out more clothing I had no idea what to do with. "I still don't like it."_

"_I don't expect you do, but you do need to accept it." Edward sat on my bed, legs crossed, leaning against my headboard. "At least he wasn't an ass about it, he could have been."_

"_True, I guess I am surprised he even agreed to let her go," I paused, rethinking my words."Not that he had much choice."_

_Chuckling, Edward put his hands behind his head. "Regardless of what we think, he's a smart boy, and he didn't want to face the wrath of Bella."_

_I shudder dramatically. "We learned that lesson." _

"Fuck," I muttered, attempting to shove more than physically possible into my huge duffel bag.

"Problem?"

I jumped at his voice and looked up to see him in my doorway. There was something off about him, his face looked drawn, and his hair messed-certainly from running his hands through it.

"Hey," I greeted, and he entered my room, coming to sit on my bed. "This bag is big enough for me to commit a crime, and hide the body in it, but I can't seem to pack everything I need in it."

Leaning over, he scanned the contents of my bag, reaching in he pulled out my Scrabble game. "Do you really need this?"

Shrugging, I grabbed it from him and put it back in. "Never know-always be prepared, right?"

"Right...prepared for those emergency Scrabble tournaments," his voice was low, and full of wistfulness. "I have something to tell you."

My heart immediately jumped into my throat, temporarily clogging my ability to breathe. "What?"

Looking down at his lap, Edward spoke quietly. "I haven't told Bella yet, but remember that meeting I had at my dad's hospital a few weeks ago?"

Smiling, I recalled teasing him about his shirt and tie; it had been the night he had taken me out to a bar for some fun. "Yeah, I remember."

"Well, it was an interview for a position, an internship of sorts…for this summer."

He let the words sink in, and when they did, I sat on the bed next to him. "This summer," I repeated unbelievingly. Biting his bottom lip, he nodded. "And?"

"I start next Monday. I'm moving home this weekend."

"Shit…"

"My thoughts exactly," he sighed, laying back on my duffel bag. "I can't go to Texas. You guys are on your own."

"Well, this sucks." I realized what I had said and apologized."I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't be complaining. I should be congratulating you on getting the position. Your dad must be proud."

"Thanks, and yeah, he seemed pretty happy. As much as I think it's going to be a great step for me," he paused, finally looking up at me, smiling."I was really looking forward to seeing your home, Jasper."

"Me too." We sat in silence for a few minutes as I considered the consequences of Edward not going with us. It would be only Bella and I only for four weeks, without Edward to referee.

Surely we would kill each other.

"You know one of us won't survive this trip?" I joked, trying to lighten his dark mood, as he would have done for me.

He turned to me with a sad smile, "I'm sure you will be fine, both of you."

"I suppose we should tell Bella?"

"Tell Bella what?" she asked, entering my room dragging the largest suitcase I had ever seen. When she saw the somber looks on our faces, she stopped. "What's wrong?"

"Edward has something he needs to tell you."

"**~~**"

Thank you for reading! Texas…here they come.

Also, a huge, huge thank you to everyone that voted for **Mergers and Acquisitions** for the Slash/Backslash contest, M&A has made it to the final round, should you want to vote again, all entries can be found here: http: // www. fanfiction. net/u/2110516/Slash_Backslash (remove spaces)

I am humbled by the support the story has received, and I look forward to continuing it after the conclusion of the contest.


	11. We Were Fine All Along

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Road trip! Okay, so never having been west, except to CA, I relied on Mapquest for these routes, distance times and towns. Please forgive any creative licenses taken with the actual road trip part of the story, my apologies in advance to those living anywhere near where J/B visit.

Also, the last scene scared the shit out of me to write, so be gentle with me, it was my first time writing that kind of scene.

My poor beta, C Me Smile, is still recovering from the holidays, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

Huge hugs and thanks to **Dannie** for the feedback on this chapter, and for telling me to stfu (even though I totally didn't listen) by the last scene.

More author's notes at the end.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"****~~**"**

We Were Fine All Along

Location: Seattle, WA (Clarity)

"****~~**"**

I was her she was me  
We were one we were free  
And if there's somebody calling me on  
She's the one

We were young we were wrong  
We were fine all along

When you get to where you wanna go  
And you know the things you wanna know  
You're smiling  
When you said what you wanna say -Robbie Williams

"****~~**"**

A light drizzle fell from the overcast, dark sky. Shivering, I zipped my leather jacket up, pulling the collar up around my neck for some added protection against the chill that surrounded us; one that I knew would follow me into the cab of my truck after we left Edward. It was too fucking early to be awake, but if Bella and I were going to get anywhere, we needed an early start.

He released her from the hug, cupping her face and kissing her lips before placing his forehead to hers.

Even though I knew I should have turned away and given them privacy, I leaned against the hood of the truck and blatantly watched their goodbye.

I watched her hands grip his hair, tugging it as she clung to him with tears streaming down her face.

I watched as he placed his lips softly on hers, a tear or two on his own cheeks.

I watched as his fingers slid through her thick brown hair.

I watched as she closed her eyes, her lashes wet from sorrow, losing herself in the moment.

I listened as he whispered words into the air between them, words meant for her ears only, words of encouragement and love.

He had gotten up long before he needed to in order to say goodbye to us. Bella had spent the night before with Jake; he had driven her home just in time for her to change clothes for us to leave.

Finally releasing her, he reached for her hand and walked her to the passenger door of my truck. After opening it, he helped her climb in and smiled up at her.

"Call me, okay?"

She nodded, her small hands wiping away her emotions on her cheeks as she sniffled. Since dating Jake Edward had become Bella's sole foundation, relying on him more than she ever had, but for the next four weeks she had to rely on me.

We had to rely on each other.

Sometimes I doubted if it was possible to repair what we had lost, but I honestly believed it might be possible, but I wasn't sure to what extent. As I stood there watching their tearful goodbye, I realized just how much the separation was going to hurt her and wondered why she had even agreed to go without Edward.

_Jake_.

I think he was more a part of her agreeing to go than he realized, the time and space she desired to think about his proposal was exactly what Texas was going to provide. My job was to see her through it, returning her to both Edward and Jake safely.

Glancing over at me, he winked. "And take care of Jasper. Keep him out of trouble."

Sighing, I pushed myself off the truck, going to my door and opening it. Edward met me there, his hand extended. When I clasped mine around his, he pulled me into a tight hug, whispering in my ear."Take care of her Jasper, please," he begged, his voice choking up. Returning his embrace, I made a promise of my own.

"I'll keep her safe and sound, Edward, don't worry." I began to pull back."I'll bring her back in one piece, I promise."

It was the most important promise I had ever made to anyone. And one I fully intended on keeping.

"I wish you were coming," I whispered. Even though I had not wanted an emotional goodbye, the thought of not seeing Edward for four weeks began to terrify me, and that fear had crept into my voice.

"Me too, Jazz, me too," he smiled sadly. "But you two will be fine. You need this, you_ both_ need this."

I knew we did, but that didn't make it any less frightening.

Stepping back, he glanced at the back of my truck, the black cover hiding the contents of the bed. "You got everything?"

I nodded, mentally reviewing the packing list in my head. "Yep, Scrabble game and coffee maker included."

Even Bella couldn't resist smiling at my coffee maker comment as she settled into her side of the truck. I climbed into my seat and started my truck. Rolling down my window, I looked out at him. He looked as I had rarely seen him, haggard, disheveled, bloodshot eyes highlighting the dark circles under them, hair sticking up in every direction from his hands constantly running through it.

"We'll call every day," I promised.

Nodding, he smiled at us both, leaning a bit so he could see Bella, who had moved forward to see him as well. "Bye, sweetheart," he winked. "Be good." Stepping back to let my truck pass, he looked back at me. "Bye, Jasper, please be careful."

"See you in a few weeks, Edward." I shifted into drive and looked over at Bella."Ready?"

With a sad nod, she agreed and we pulled away. Glancing on my rearview mirror, I saw Edward waving in his jeans and sweatshirt waving. I sighed and stepped on the gas, Edward's form getting smaller as we continued down the road.

It seemed I was once again leaving my best friend behind.

"**~~**"

Four hours.

Four very fucking long hours had passed.

Four hours of clipped sentences and furrowed brows.

We had been making good time, and had just turned onto Interstate 82, heading toward Oregon. Checking the time on the dashboard clock, I glanced over at Bella. In jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, she sat with her legs curled up under her, her arms wrapped around her as she laid her head against her window. Rock music replaced the silence of our voices, but even the notes and lyrics of some of my favorite songs couldn't coax away the tension between us.

I already missed Edward's tranquil presence.

"Yakima is the next town of any size, you want to stop for something to eat?" I asked hopefully, my stomach reminding me we had left long before our usual breakfast time.

Shaking her head, she didn't say a word, but continued to stare out her window.

"Fine, you don't have to eat, but I'm starving so I'm going to stop. That okay with you?" I asked curtly.

"Of course."

I rolled my eyes and realized just how tight I had been holding the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white in the process. We had about twenty hours until we crossed the Texas border, even long until we hit Abilene, and then a fucking long four weeks ahead of us if she kept up this attitude.

Near Yakima, I pulled into what I suspected would be the far from last truck stop we would visit. Huge eighteen wheelers filled the lot, lining up for gas at the available pumps. Parking the truck near the entrance, I looked over at Bella.

"Want anything?"

"No, I'm good," she mumbled.

Clenching my jaw, I struggled to hold back the first remark that came to me, and instead, tried another approach.

"Bella, you have to eat. I promised Edward I would take care of you, and that includes making sure you eat."

Scowling, she finally looked at me. "Fine, muffin and a coffee."

Nodding, I got out of the truck, and checked the bedcover, making sure everything was secure before heading into the small dinner. On every stool in front of the counter sat a truck driver, talking and laughing with one another.

After taking advantage of the restrooms, I ordered our coffee and muffins and headed back out to Bella. With a grateful look she probably didn't mean for me to see, she took her food. As I pulled back out onto the highway, I sipped my coffee, letting the hot liquid sooth my frayed nerves.

"Mmmm," she mumbled against her cup, steam curling up around her lips. "This is good, thanks." I glanced over at her and she gave me a half smile. Approvingly, I nodded and returned my eyes to road, trying to suppress my own smile.

"Welcome."

_Progress_.

"**~~**"

Soft snores escaped her as she slept next to me. She had fallen asleep shortly after eating, the warmth of the coffee feeding her already drowsy state. Reaching over the space between us, I laid my leather jacket over her, and pushed her hair back off her face.

She was beautiful even in her sleep. Even when I couldn't hear her voice, or see the sparkle in her eyes, her soul still owned mine, she literally had the power to break me, no matter that I tried to convince myself otherwise.

While she slept, I began to plan our trip a bit more; we had set a basic outline up before leaving, but hadn't worked out the small details. The drive was going to take a little more than thirty hours, and while I could drive straight though, it was safer if we stopped for the night somewhere. I went over the major cities in my head and decided that stopping in Salt Lake would be about half way and allow us a good night's sleep. It would be too cold in Salt Lake to camp out, so we would have to use the credit card Doc C had gotten for us. After Edward had told him about the trip, Doc C added both Bella and I to his account, giving each of us a credit card for the trip. It was to be used for all our hotel and dining expenses, but anything else was to be paid for by us. The credit card would allow us to stay in a hotel when we needed to and eat well without having to worry about money, but Bella and I had to pay it off when we returned.

I remembered his words to me when he handed me my card.

"_I gave each of you one in case anything happens to either of you; the other has one of their own so they can return home safely." _

Talk about a fucking gloomy thought.

She stirred, shifting toward the middle of the seat, her seatbelt restricting her movements. Mumbling my name, she reached for me. Not taking my eyes off the road, I unclipped her seatbelt and she immediately slipped over the seat and curled herself into my side, laying her head on my shoulder.

My heart raced at her touch, at her wanting to be near me, even it if was only in her sleep. At least a small unconscious part of her still required my presence.

With my girl sleeping next to me, I drove down the highway, flying past trees and over mountains. Even with our strained relationship, I had never felt so lucky to have someone by my side.

Gently leaning forward, not wanting to disturb Bella, I tapped the screen on the GPS. Edward had bought it for us before we left, saying he trusted it far more than the sense of direction that neither Bella nor I had.

At first, I had refused the gift, informing him that good ole' Rand McNally was good enough for me.

"_Listen, just take the dam thing, Jasper. I don't want you to spend three of your four weeks driving around lost. "_

_Sighing, I had resigned and went out to my truck to set it up. _

"Pretty damn cool," I murmured as the GPS provided me with a list of restaurants in La Grande, Oregon. At the sound of my voice, Bella's eyes slowly opened.

"G'mornin', Sleeping Beauty," I chuckled. As she realized her close proximity to me, she immediately straightened and moved back to her side of the cab.

"Morning," she yawned, stretching her arms out above her."I'm sore."

"I'm not surprised, you've been asleep for a few hours. " I stifled a yawn myself. "Next time, no decaf for you."

Ignoring my teasing, she rubbed her eyes and glanced around our surroundings. Not that these pines trees were any different than the pine trees four hours ago. "Where are we?"

"We crossed into Oregon about two hours ago, and I was thinking about stopping at La Grande for lunch, then stopping in Salt Lake City for the night. If we leave early enough tomorrow, we should get to Texas by late afternoon."

"Whatever you want. This is your trip, Jasper. I am just along for the ride."

_Bullshit._

"Are you?" I challenged, taking my eyes from the road to glance over at her.

I could tell she was thinking, she knit her brows and bit her bottom lip. "No.…" she finally answered quietly.

"Lunch in La Grande okay then?"

"Yep," she replied, resuming her prior position of staring out the window.

A fucking long four weeks, I repeated to myself.

About an hour later, we arrived in La Grande. After following the GPS directions, I pulled into the lot of the restaurant and parked the truck. Bella had done nothing but stare out the window until we had exited the highway, then she had begun to fix her clothes, and pull her hair back, twisting it into a knot of massive brown on her head.

Silently, we exited the truck, walked into the restaurant and were quickly seated at a booth by a window. Our waitress sauntered over, nonchalantly dropping plastic menus in front of us.

"Anything to drink?" she asked, not even looking at us as she pulled a pen out to write down our order.

She obviously loved her job.

"Just water, please," Bella replied, picking up her menu and studying it. The waitress wrote down Bella's order and then looked at me. She was taller and thinner than average, the orange polyester uniform doing nothing for her slim figure. While I guessed she was only in her early twenties, her soul looked much older. The way she held herself, the dropped shoulders, the messy hairdo, chapped hands and dead eyes all told me she had led a hard twenty years. The plastic nametag pinned to her breast claimed her name to be Jane.

"And for you, doll?" She smiled at me, her voice abruptly a bit more lively.

"Water too, please."

"You got it, doll," she winked before turning away.

"Well," Bella began, flipping through her menu."You've made a friend."

With my head down, I glanced up at her through the hair that had fallen in front of my eyes. Refusing to look at me, her head was also down, her teeth nibbling on her thumbnail; small pieces of her hair had already fallen from her clip. Even in a ratty sweatshirt, jeans, and not a drop of make-up on, she was breathtaking.

She was my world.

With a heavy sigh, she pushed her menu away and caught me staring when she finally looked at me. My breath hitched when I saw her eyes, deep and full and stormy. It had been so long since I had looked at her, really looked at her enough to see the turmoil she was in, to see the toll her stress was having on her. Not just on her body with the dark circles or shallow skin, but on her soul as well. In her eyes, I could see it aching, yearning for answers to questions she had been asked, or had yet to ask others. Had I been paying more attention, I would have seen the light had slowly faded from her, getting dimmer as months had passed by. Edward had seen it, he had warned me about it, encouraging me to talk to her, engage her.

Yet, I hadn't listened to him.

I had gone about my life in my own distorted way, ignoring one of my best friend's anguish.

Feeling I was beyond a fuck-up, sitting there in the vinyl booth across from my girl, vowed to return her sparkle to her eyes, life to her soul-no matter the cost to me.

Even if it meant tossing myself under the proverbial bus.

Straightening up, I returned her look. "This is going to be a fucking long trip," I mumbled under my breath, but knew damn well she heard me.

"I agree," she stated evenly.

"Listen," I leaned forward, proof of my determination to get our shit out in the open. "I don't know about you, but I don't want four weeks of barely speaking. So just tell me, what the fuck did I do, and how do I fix it?"

Ball was in her court now.

Not only was she ready to return my serve, she was going to nail me in the crotch with it. "What the fuck did you do?" she hissed. "Where should I start, Jasper? Hmm? When you almost punched Jake after Christmas? Or how about that you stayed at Emmett's every weekend Jake was over, never once making an attempt to be nice to the guy. Oh wait, perhaps it was the silent treatment you gave him when he was at our place for dinner, and when you weren't silent, you were sarcastic as hell." She took a deep breath, her voice growing quiet. "How about, it's that when I found someone, you pulled away. Just when I needed you most, you weren't there."

Unable to maintain eye contact, I looked down at the brown laminated table, studying the design with intensity as I silently prayed for a reply to come to me. Even though I had gone on the offensive, her reaction had caught me off guard. I had questioned her, demanding we discuss our problems, and yet, I wasn't prepared to answer hers in return.

"I couldn't be there…." I whispered in a moment of weakness.

"Here ya go," the waitress returned with our waters, placing the glasses in front of us. "Decide yet?"

Bella spoke up first, her voice not holding any of the harshness it had a few minutes ago. At least she was sparing the waitress her wrath. "I'll have the BLT with mayo and chips, please."

Silently, the waitress turned her attention to me. "And you?"

"Cheeseburger, medium well, and fries, please." I attempted to smile, but it was useless. The air surrounding me was suffocating me, forcing the air from my lungs as it pushed on my chest, stealing my breath.

"Got it, doll," she flirted before picking up our menus and walking away, swaying her hips along the way.

"You were saying?" Bella encouraged me to continue.

But I couldn't.

"I don't think this is an appropriate place to have this discussion," I countered, wimping out in the worst way.

"But it was fine a few minutes ago," she challenged, raising an eyebrow. I knew she was right, she knew she was right. When I didn't reply, she continued. "Fine. But this little talk was your idea…and it's going to happen sooner or later. "

Nodding, I exhaled a breath I had been holding. I knew I was far from off the hook, but at least I had a temporary stay of execution.

A few minutes later our food arrived, and we ate in silence. Once we were done, Bella went to the restroom while I went to the counter to pay. Taking the bill and my credit card from me, our waitress punched some keys in the register. After I signed the receipt, I was putting it into my wallet with my card when she handed me a paper napkin.

"Hey doll, when you're done with her, here's my number."

I glanced at the name and number. "Oh, um…she's not my girlfriend."

Jane snorted."Yeah, and I'm a millionaire, I just do this job because I'm such a people person." Apparently, my look was one of confusion, because she felt the need to clarify."Doll, there is no doubt in my mind that you got it bad for her. I'm not the type to be the 'other woman', been there done that. So, when you're done with her, come find me."

Just as she finished, her eyes lifted, and settled on something over my shoulder.

Bella had emerged from the restroom and was standing behind me. "Ready?" she growled. I shoved the napkin into my pocket, thanked Jane and turned to leave. Bella was already out the door and waiting by the truck.

Yep, it was going to be a very long four weeks.

"**~~**"

It was dusk when we pulled into a hotel just off the highway in Salt Lake City. We weren't picky, settling on the first one we saw off the exit. Carrying our bags inside, I went to the desk, with Bella close behind me.

"We'd like a room for tonight, please." I placed our small bags on the floor at my feet, and reached for my wallet.

"Name?"

"Whitlock. W-h-i-t-l-o-c-k. Jasper," I finished, handing him my credit card and license. Furiously clicking keys on his keyboard, he asked a few more questions before one I hadn't been expecting.

"One bed or two?" He finally glanced up at us, looking between myself and the pissed off brunette next to me. Before I could even comprehend the question, Bella stepped forward.

"One is good, thank you."

She looked up at me and shrugged. "It's cheaper, fucking deal with it, Jasper."

Turning back to the desk clerk, he had politely returned to his computer monitor and less than a minute later was handing us our keycard.

"Enjoy your stay, Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock."

_Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock_.

As Bella turned for the elevator, he gave me a sympathetic smile and whispered to me."Good luck."

"Thanks, I have a feeling I'm going to need it." Picking up our bags, I followed Bella to the elevator.

We arrived at our door, after arguing three times on the way there on which direction the room was in. At our door, I slid the keycard in the slot.

Fucking red light.

Again, slid the key in.

Again, red light.

"What the fuck!" I hissed, tempted to kick the door with my foot."What the fuck was wrong with the good old fashioned keys?"

Sighing, Bella reached over, grabbed the key, flipped it over and inserted it.

Green light.

"I can see why that confused you," she remarked, pointing the image of the proper card position on the door above the lock. Pushing the door open, she slipped by me and entered the room. "This is nice."

It had been the first positive thing she had said in hours.

The room might have been nice, but all I could focus on was the _one _rather large bed against the wall.

"Do you want to go out for dinner or get room service?" she asked, placing her bag on the dresser.

"Doesn't matter."

_One bed_.

There were really so many things that one bed said. It said_, couple, together, commitment_…and more importantly, it said _sex_.

Now I knew sex was not the reason Bella asked for one bed, certainly we didn't need a bed to have sex, but the idea of sleeping next to her all night made me uncomfortable.

In more than just in my jeans.

"Fine, room service then. I'm tired, I want to go to bed early." She pulled a few things out of her bag. "Can you order while I take a shower?"

I nodded and she gave me a questioning glance before going into the bathroom. Dumfounded, I stood in the middle of the room, staring at the bed while listening to water running, and her showering.

Naked.

Wet.

Soapy.

Adjusting myself, I groaned at the contact of my hand on my cock, even through my jeans, the friction felt so fucking good. There was no way I could sleep next to her all night. There was a reason I hadn't slept next to Bella in years, always using Edward as a buffer between us.

That reason was hardening at the very idea of her being naked and wet in the next room, there was no doubt it would be worse with her warm, soft body next to mine.

When the shower turned off, I realized I hadn't called in our order; I quickly grabbed the menu, swearing at the obscene prices, and ordered salads and burgers for us both. After hanging up, I sat on the edge of the bed, wondering how I was going to survive the night.

Even the cold shoulder she was giving me was not going to elevate the ache in my pants. After all, it wasn't her shoulder my cock was craving.

As the bathroom door opened, I encouraged my eyes to look anywhere but on her body. She walked around the bed to my side, her tank top clinging to her breasts, her shorts curving around her ass, and I caught her wet hair hanging down her back, drops of water racing down the ends before falling to the carpet.

Those tiny drips of water did nothing but feed my fantasy.

Getting up, I walked over to the chair by a small table, and sat down. It was a bit hard, and not the prettiest thing I had seen, but it was big enough for my tall frame with armrests that would serve me well.

I had found my bed for the night.

Fucking long four weeks.

"**~~**"

"I'm just saying you could have slept in the bed, Jasper. There was no need to be uncomfortable all night."

We were doing about seventy-five down the highway, having left Salt Lake City about three hours before, grabbing breakfast on our way out. After I had made the mistake of groaning as I had got up from the chair, my neck, shoulders and back stiff from the position I had slept in, Bella being Bella had argued with me for over an hour, listing a dozen reasons why I should have slept with her in the bed.

I hadn't been able to tell her that the throbbing in my pants was the only reason why I couldn't have slept in the bed. Instead, I had come up with various desperate excuses, even using her virtue as one, and finally I had resorted to Jake, and asking how would he feel about me and Bella in bed together.

She let it go after that.

Tilting my head to one side, then the next, to work out the kinks, I kept my eyes on the road but replied. "The chair was fine. Completely comfortable," I lied.

Snorting, she shuffled through her bag for something. "Yeah, okay. So the swearing as you limped to the shower the morning was you waking up completely comfortable?"

Conceding, I remained silent.

"When will we be in Texas?"

"According to the GPS, we should pass the border in about ten hours. Unless we stop."

"Drive-thus are good enough for me," she shrugged, adding. "The quicker, the better." Settling back into her seat with her cell phone in her hand, she began to type at a blinding pace.

Not being able to resist, I sneered, "Tell Jake I said hi."

She glared at me from under her hair that had blown out of her elastic. "If you must know, I'm texting Edward. Letting him know where we are and when we are expecting to be in Texas."

I had no choice but to apologize. "Sorry."

Was I ever going to learn to keep my fucking mouth closed?

"I'll tell _Edward_ you said hi," she smirked at me before looking down at her phone. Just then it rang, and she answered. "Hello, sweetheart."

Forcing myself not to roll my eyes at the endearment, I glanced over at her, giving her a satisfying smirk of my own. My timing had been off, but I had been right. Blushing at my smugness, she turned her head toward the window a bit, her voice quiet as she answered his questions.

"Yes, everything's fine." Pause. "Yes, of course I've been eating." Pause. "About nine tonight. I know, I miss you too." Pause. "Yes, he's right here, driving." Then some giggling before the dreaded phrase. "I love you too."

The cut to my heart was deep, the shards that had it had broken into when I had found her and Edward together were still sharp, and as they shifted with those three little words, a new wound was formed in my heart, fresh and dripping with blood.

I had never heard her say it to anyone other than Edward or me, and those times had been limited to special occasions, or when something major had happened, like birthdays or graduation. Never just out of the blue, or at the end of conversations.

Hearing her say it, and more importantly _mean_ it, to Jake was only more confirmation in why I needed to keep my feelings to myself, why I had to hide them deep within myself under a lock and key of flesh and bone. There was no way I could let them fester and mature into something that was beyond my control, and even as I knew that was what I had to do, I realized it was also a fucking impossible feat.

There would never be another love for me.

Never another that would fill me as she did, completing my days with her smiles, or breaking them with her whispered words.

In so many ways, my only choice was acceptance.

Acceptance of Jake.

Acceptance of nothing more than friendship between Bella and me.

Lost in my thoughts, I hadn't realized she had hung up, and was back to texting Edward. Once she was done, she turned and looked out her window, much as she had done since we had pulled out of our driveway.

The silence, as uncomfortable as the chair I had slept in the night before, embraced us, shrouding us in a chill. For the next few hours, we lived in the silence, neither of us attempting to remove the cloak we were under.

"Jake asked me to marry him."

Her voice was quiet, almost inaudible over the hum of the engine. Of course, the news did not come to as a shock to me, Edward having told me her secret before I had left, but hearing her admit it, those words passing so easily over the lips I had kissed only forced those shards to gouge me deeper.

"And?"

Sharply, she turned her to head to me, anger settling on her features. "And what?"

I was about to dive into the deep end…head first. Thy name be masochistic.

"And…what did you say?"

With a heavy sigh, she turned back to the window. "I told him I needed time."

"Time?" I repeated.

Again, she turned to me."Yes, time, Jasper. I told him I needed these four weeks to think about it, and I would come home with an answer."

Fuck the deep end, I was going to cliff dive.

"Bella," I began, my voice already heavy with the sarcasm. "If you are _so_ in love with Jake, why not say yes immediately?" In my opinion, it was an honest question, and one I was both curious and petrified to hear the answer to.

"It has nothing to do with how much I love him, Jasper. It's not _him_ that scares me, it's marriage."

"Marriage scares you?"

"Yeah, well my parents got married young and it didn't exactly work out so well for them. I don't want to make the same mistake." Resting her head against the window, she closed her eyes, her arms across her chest protectively.

It was a valid point, but an absurd one as well.

"You're not your parents, Bella," I reasoned with her, or at least I thought I was.

"Jesus, I know that," she spit back at me.

"If you love the guy…" I could feel the bile rise in my throat as I said the words.

"You just don't get it…."

"Get what?" I glanced at her, exasperated. "What do you want from me, Bella?"

_Tell me. Tell me what you fucking need me to say. Help me make it right…please._

"Forget it, just…fuck off, Jasper," she whispered, turning toward the window, refusing to acknowledge my presence.

Sighing, I swear I could see my breath in the air.

The cold silence fell to below zero.

"**~~**"

Even though night had fallen, the Arizona heat was thick in the air. While it lacked the humidity we had both grown accustomed to, it was much warmer than even the hottest days in Washington. Our windows were down, both of us eager to absorb the dry warmth we had grown up in and missed so much. The wind swirled in the cab around us, blowing our hair and clothes. Bella was in a black tank top and cut off jean shorts, her bare legs folded up and little feet under her as she sat with one arm out the window, letting it ride the breeze. I could feel my tee shirt clinging to my sweaty back and briefly considered turning on the air conditioner, but Bella seemed to be enjoying the fresh air too much, not even bothering to tie her hair back, she let it swing around her head, creating a tornado of mahogany tresses. After tucking my own behind my ears a hundred times, I had given up on trying to keep it tame, and let my waves blow freely in the night wind.

Barely any words had passed between since she had told me about the proposal, and as I pulled into a truck stop of the highway for gas and some food I began to wonder if I should put Bella on a bus back to Seattle. We weren't going to last four weeks together, certainly not without one of us needing bail money at some point.

Taking in our surroundings, I noticed the trucks lined up in the lot, where most of the drivers parked to sleep, but the gas pumps were empty, and eerily dark, the normally overly bright lights dulled and blinking on and off. After pulling up to a pump, I put our windows up and grabbed my wallet from the glove box.

"I'm going to go pay for the gas, do you want anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm going to use the bathroom."

"Okay, I'll meet you back here," I instructed, handing her the keys.

We got out and as I walked to the small store, I watched Bella enter the bathroom. Inside, I wandered up and down a few isles, grabbing some stale donuts, and Bella's favorite snack, Sno-balls, before heading to the counter where there was a coffee, and poured two cups.

Two very caffeinated cups.

At the counter, I waited for the cashier to amble from the backroom. I picked up a small stuffed green cactus, complete with eyes and a mouth and pressed the 'try me' button. It started singing "I Can See Clearly Now", the irony not lost on me. Two people from rainy Seattle in dry Arizona who couldn't see past their own clouds to see the sun that beamed down on them. Smiling, I added it to my pile of goods just the clerk walked up to me.

"Fifty on pump five, please." Not even looking at me, the clerk, an older man about my father's age, handed me the change. "Thanks," I mumbled before turning to walk out the door. Balancing the coffee, I pushed the door open with my hips.

I looked over at my truck, and saw two men standing by the passenger door. Confused at first, I scanned the parking lot for Bella, hoping she was still in the bathroom.

One of the men stepped to the side.

And I saw her.

She was standing between them and the truck, her chin stuck out defiantly even as one of them held her upper arm in a tight grip that was surely going to leave bruises.

Both men were older, probably late twenties, and one was as tall as me but the other was a few inches shorter, his greasy hair pulled back at his neck. Dressed in jeans and tee shirts that had seen better days, their tattoos were clearly visible and not very friendly looking.

They must have not seen me get out of the truck, and assumed she was alone, because they both had their backs to me as I approached them from behind, my heart racing with each step I took. As I neared, I could begin to hear their conversation and I glanced around for more of them, needing to know what I my odds were.

"Come on, sexy, just one kiss for my friend, it's his birthday. Don't you want to give him a present?" His voice dripped with a sleaziness that sent a shiver up my spine. The slurring of his words told me he was shitfaced, but I was still outnumbered and his friend might not be as drunk.

"I said no, now LET ME GO!" Bella demanded, her voice not betraying the fear she must have felt as she tried to rip her arm from his firm grasp.

"Just one kiss, sweetie."

"Fuck off!" she yelled, her eyes wide as she saw me coming up behind the men.

My gambling man tendencies were about to get me into some serious shit, and it was probably going to hurt.

Even though I felt anything but, my voice sounded calm. "You heard her, let her go."

Jumping at the sound of my voice, they both turned to me but did not let go of Bella, still at her sides, flanking her. Unfortunately, they were bigger than I had first thought; the taller one had at least three inches and fifty pounds on me, his tee shirt tight around his protruding belly. I would have the advantage of speed, but not force. The smaller one was compact, his muscles flexing under his shirt.

He was going to be the challenge.

I was definitely fucked, the only question was how bad.

"You gonna stop us?" I was relieved to hear the same slur in the smaller man's speech, bettering my odds a bit.

"How cliché'," I retorted. As soon as the words left my mouth, the coffee I had been holding was knocked from my hands and went flying to the ground, along with the singing stuffed cactus I had bought for Bella.

"What the fuck do you care?" the tall one asked, his attention on Bella waning, as did his grip. My mind raced with my options, trying to decide on which one was going to get us both out of their safely, or at least with as little damage as possible.

Without taking my eyes off either of them, I spoke to Bella. "Get in the truck, and lock the doors." When she hesitated for a second, I firmly said, "Now!"

Taking advantage of their attention on me, she yanked her arm from the tall man's hold and moved quickly to the driver's side door. At first, the man went to move after her, but the short one stopped him with hand to his chest.

"No, let's take care of Dudley Do-right first. Then we can take our time with her."

"Fuck you," I growled, my hands clenching at my side.

Smirking, the short one turned to Bella inside the truck as she huddled against the driver's side door, her eyes wide and full of worry. "Don't go anywhere, sweetheart; we'll be with you in one minute."

Oddly, I hoped I would last more than a minute. Or at least long enough for Bella to start the truck and drive off.

"With a tight little body like that, I'm sure she will be worth the wait," he said turning to me.

My left fist connected with his jaw, and the burst of pain that radiated through my hand was immediate. As his face whipped around to the side, his friend's drunken delayed reaction allowed me to land a hit to his jaw as well. As the short one recovered from my hit faster than I expected, I quickly drew my fist back and landed another punch to his nose, hearing a satisfying snap.

That was the last contact I made before the taller one's arms grabbed mine from behind, securing my back to his chest as I struggled against him, he was definitely using his weight advantage. He reeked of sweat and alcohol. While I should have been concentrating on my options, on getting the fuck out of there, all I could think of was Bella.

Was she safe?

Was she hurt?

Was she scared?

I caught her moving in the cab, closer to the passenger door, and I knew exactly what she was going to try to do.

"Stay inside!" I yelled at her, my anger, and some fucking fear, present in my voice. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at me with frightful eyes through the window.

Her mouthing my name was the last thing I saw clearly before it was blurred by the short man's fist slamming into my right eye socket. Letting his partner absorb some of the impact as I stumbled back a step, I forced my muscles to tighten as I saw Shorty's arm pull back, readying to land on my body again.

Only it wasn't my face this time.

The air was forced from my body as his fist sank into my stomach, even prepared for the hit, it hurt like a son of bitch, my flesh immediately bruising and swelling. His next few, with more force behind them, landed higher, near my ribs.

By then I could hear Bella screaming my name, her fists banging on the window, doing everything she could to distract my assailants.

I wasn't a religious man, but as another punch landed on my face, I prayed.

Not for me, but for Bella.

Abruptly, the hitting stopped.

Perhaps my prayers had been answered.

My head hung a bit, and I could taste metallic in my mouth as blood from my cheek ran down over my lips. I wanted to kick his ass, but my body was screaming for relief, a reprieve from the repeated hits.

"What kind of fucking faggot name is Jasper?" Shorty laughed, looking up and down my battered body. Glancing over my shoulder to his taller friend, he spoke again. "What do you say, Demetri, you want to fuck him when we're done with her?" he finished, nodding toward Bella.

Picking my head up at mention of Bella, my resolve grew, I didn't give a fuck what they did to me, but there was no way I would let them lay a hand on my girl, they would have to kill me first. Relief spread through me when I saw Bella still safe in the cab, her cell phone up her ear and her lips moving as she spoke to someone.

"Let him go, you fuckers," she screamed at them, once again her small hands beating the window.

"Aw, ain't their love sweet," Demetri chuckled.

"Fuck you," I spat, blood spraying in tiny droplets from my mouth. Bending forward a bit, I tried to gather some momentum to slam my head back into Demetri's face. My movement threw him off balance enough that I felt his hold on me lighten. Before he realized what he had done, I twisted free, turned and drove my open palm upward into his nose. Dazed, he stumbled back a few steps, his hands going to cover his face. Knowing Shorty was finally catching up to what had happened; I spun around, ready to face him, my hands fisted in front of my chest.

"Hey!"

Shorty's attention was drawn to the voice over my shoulder as the clerk was slowly running up behind us waving a cordless phone.

"Hey," he repeated breathlessly. "The police are on their way." Stopping a safe distance away, he put his hands on his knees, gasping for air.

He wasn't going to be much help to me physically, but his words worked wonders as Shorty and Demetri ran off, swaying side to side as they bumped into each other on the way to their truck. As soon as they had run past me, my hands were on the passenger door, whipping it open and pulling Bella into my arms.

"Oh my God, oh my God," she keep repeating over and over again, clutching me to her, her arms around my waist.

Pulling back, I examined her face quickly and without taking my hands off her, I turned to the clerk. "Are the police coming?"

"No, but do you want me to call them?"

I let Bella go. "Get in the truck, baby." Walking a few steps, I bent over and picked the singing cactus up off the ground, brushing the dirt off it. "No, we're fine," I told the clerk, giving him a grimaced smile, my lip hurting too much for more than that.

"You sure?" he asked, walking back toward his store. Nodding over the bed of the truck, I waved to him and then climbed into the cab.

Bella was immediately in my arms, her face buried in my neck as she sobbed, her entire body shaking. Hissing as my cheek lay against her head, I held her tightly.

"Ssshhh, it's over, it's over...." I whispered to her again and again, trying to calm myself even as the adrenaline soured through my system. She pulled back, her eyes scanning my face before her soft fingertips tentatively grazed over my swollen eye and bloodied lip.

"Oh, Jasper…." she sighed.

"I'm okay." I said confidently, hoping she believed my lie. Her hands took mine and she held them to her face, looking over the torn knuckles before kissing them. "I'm okay."

Pulling her arm closer to my face, I looked over her bruises. "Fucking assholes," I mumbled as my fingers traced the marks Demetri's hand had left behind.

"It's nothing, Jasper. I'm fine."

"That was too fucking close, Bella," I whispered, my voice somber in light of the events. "I don't know…" I forced my eyes from her arm to her face. "I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to you."

This time, she took me into her arms, placing my head on her shoulder, her fingers lightly caressed my hair. She comforted me, telling me it was okay, convincing me that she was safe, that _we _were safe. Taking a deep breath, I sat up and gave her a grateful look.

Giving me a small smile, she reached for the hem of my tee shirt, pulling it up to my chest, exposing the yellow, black and blue bruises scattered all over my abdomen.

"Jesus," she murmured, letting my shirt fall back down as the tears started down her face again. Taking her face in my hands, my thumbs skimming over her cheeks, I forced her to look up at me.

Pain tore through every muscle, those that hadn't been hit were sore from the rush of the fight. My vision in my left eye was blurry due to the thick and heavy lid around it; my bottom lip was fat and split, some dried blood already caking on the corner. It hurt to breath, talk, and move, but none of it mattered.

The pain, the blood, bruises…none of mattered.

What did matter was that Bella was okay.

She was safe and sound.

The relief of having her in my arms overwhelmed me and I felt my cheeks sting from the salt as the tears passed over my cuts.

Silence surrounded us, encircling us in its hold once again, only this time we welcomed it, encouraged it as we held each other's faces, watching as our release from the fear fell down our faces. Our tears granting us the absolution we had both been seeking. The anger, the resentment and the frustration from the past few days, fuck, the past six months, washed away with each tear down our cheeks, each drop carrying away the burden of our friendship, leaving behind a new foundation on which to rebuild our bond.

Feeling the same forgiveness I did, she smiled up at me. "I'm sorry, Jasper"

I wanted to return her smile, the first honest smile meant for me in weeks, possibly months, but the ache would not allow it.

"Me too," I uttered quietly. "Come on, let's go." I expected her to move back to her side, but she clung to me, her head on my shoulder as I started the truck. Remembering her present, I fumbled between us on the seats and grabbed the singing cactus. "This is for you," I mumbled, sounding like there were marbles in my mouth.

As she took the cactus from me, her fingers rubbing the plush, you would have thought I had given the Hope diamond.

"Press it," I instructed, pointing to the sticker. Grinning, she did as I asked and the cactus's song filled the cab.

_I think I can make it now, the pain is gone  
All of the bad feelings have disappeared  
Here is the rainbow I__'__ve been prayin' for  
It's gonna be a bright, bright  
Sun-shiny day. _

As I shifted the truck into drive, Bella placed a kiss on my uninjured cheek.

"Thank you," she sighed, pressing the button again as we pulled back out on to the highway.

All the bad feelings had disappeared.

We could see clearly now.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading!

So, they are starting to clear the air, but they still have a lot of shit to deal with. Oh, and last scene go okay? *nervous*

360+ reviews? Really…I never expected 36, much less 360…thank you to each and every one of you! Also a huge, huge thank you to everyone that read and voted for Mergers and Acquisitions, as it came in second place in the Slash/Backslash contest, out of 60+ entries. I was shocked, speechless and excited. We have already begun the next chapter of Mergerward and Escortsper.

I'm thrilled to announce that Dannie and I have partnered up to host a contest called Devirginizing Edward. Details can be found here http :// www . fanfiction . net/u/2180161/Devirginizing_Edward (remove spaces). So, get busy writing Edward gettin' busy for his first time!


	12. Keep You by My Side

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Again, Mapquest and Google were my friends, so please forgive any creative licenses taken with the actual road trip part of the story, apologies in advance to those living anywhere near where J/B visit. Also, my apologies for the filler chapter, but at least they are finally across the Texas border!

Can I just say that the fact that there are 400 people on alert for this story scares the shit out of me? That's possibly 400 very disappointed readers. *bites nails*

Huge thanks to C Me Smile for her quick turn around on this baby!

Huge hugs and thanks to Dannie, as always, for the encouragement, the hand holding, and the love.

More author notes at the end.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"**~~**"

Keep You by My Side

Location: Seattle, WA (Loyal)

"**~~**"

You called me strong, you called me weak,  
But still your secrets I will keep  
You took for granted all the times  
I never let you down  
You stumbled in and bumped your head,  
If not for me then you'd be dead  
I picked you up and put you back  
On solid ground~3 Doors Down

"**~~**""

"Take the next exit." Bella leaned forward, her fingers pressing the screen of the GPS. She hadn't left my side more than a few inches since we had gotten back into the truck. In the darkness of the cab, she had foregone her seatbelt and had curled up into my side, careful not to lean any of her weight on me.

"Why?" I practically whined, one of my arms wrapped around my stomach as I drove hunched over.

"Just do it," she sighed. I could sympathize; I was too fucked up and too tired to argue. "After the exit, take a left, then go about a mile." She paused, glancing at me, "And you should have let me drive."

She was right. I should have, but at the time, my first thought was getting the fuck out of Dodge.

Less than ten minutes later, I was pulling into a Walgreens. After parking the truck, Bella grabbed her bag and hopped out with a quick "Wait here," before she darted into the store.

Slouched over, I picked the cactus up off the seat and pressed the button. After three cycles of the chorus, Bella was opening her door and climbing in, two white plastic bags in her hands.

"Now, find us a hotel," she ordered.

Had she always been so demanding?

"Bella, it's nice enough to stay outside and camp," I tried to reason as I turned the key.

Frowning, she slid over the seat to her spot next to me and played with the GPS again.

"Oh, okay. You going to set everything up in your condition?" she asked as she hit the 'select' button.

I fucking hurt. A lot. And honestly, a hotel sounded pretty God damn good. Hot shower, room service…a bed.

Or two.

"Good point," I caved quickly and easily. Normally, I would have put up more of a fight, but there was none left in me. I could see her smiling as she took the cactus from the dash where I had laid it and held it in her hands.

A few miles and a few turns down the road, we were pulling up to a small motel. Given what had happened earlier in the night, the fact the neon sign was blinking on and off and the place fucking closely resembled Bates Motel made my stomach grow nervous.

"Ah, Bella, I don't know about this place," I said warily as I parked and leaned forward, looking the place over through the windshield. "Not exactly getting a very friendly vibe. More of a 'chop our customers up into little pieces in the shower' vibe.

"Come on, it's fine, you're just keyed up from earlier. Wait here, I'll go get us a room."

"I'm going with you." I put my hand on the door.

"Jasper, you really need to take it easy," she said, glancing at my side. "Besides, you will scare the shit out of them, and they'll never give us a room with you looking like you just finished the KFC."

It hurt like hell, but I laughed, hard. "You mean UFC?"

"Whatever. I think I can handle getting a room." She went to open the door, but I put a hand on her arm, gripping her far tighter than I had intended and she jumped. Realizing too late I had grabbed the same arm Demetri had held, I let her go immediately.

"Sorry," I apologized, "I just…I don't want to let you out of my sight."

"Jasper, I went into the drug store. I was out your sight then," she reasoned, her door now opened.

"Yeah, well, Walgreens didn't look like they kept their dead mother up in the attic either." I glanced back at the so-called 'office', which looked more like someone's really creepy living room.

"Jasper, I'll be fine," she said, patting my hand before getting out and heading inside. As soon as the door closed, I looked at the clock on the dashboard. I was giving her five minutes, if she wasn't out by then, I was going in, bloodied face and all.

Minute one. I picked up the cactus and played the song.

Minute two. I switched radio stations, trying to find something that wasn't complete static in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Minute three. I took a drink of water and counted the change in my pocket.

Minute four. I started tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, the butterflies in my stomach no longer attempting to settle down.

My hand was on the door when I saw her bouncing back to me, her hair swaying from side to side as she came back to the truck and got in.

When she looked at me, she knew.

"You were going to come inside, weren't you?" she sighed, giving me a 'don't bother lying' look. Guilt prevented me from answering. "How long did you give you me?"

"Five minutes."

Her sigh told me she had accepted, and was even perhaps grateful, for my concern. "Pull over there," she pointed to our left. "Room five."

We parked and I tentatively got out of the cab. It was my first major movement since climbing into it after the fight, and my body was not pleased.

"I'll get the bags," Bella offered as she went to the bed of the truck and grabbed both our duffel bags. I waited at the door for her, chuckling as she stumbled over the nonexistent obstacles in front of her. After unlocking the door, we entered the dark room and I flipped on a light.

_Oh shit_.

"Bella," I actually did whine that time. "What the fuck?"

Walking by me, she shrugged and dropped our bags on the floor. "It was all they had."

There was a small table with two wooden chairs, and a tiny television complete with bunny ears sat on the small dresser. The dark wood paneled walls warped from the walls they should have been attached to.

Against the ugly walls was a bed covered in the tackiest bedspread I had ever seen.

One fucking bed.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I sighed, wanting desperately to just flop down on the bed and sleep for about three days.

"Strip and sit down."

_Excuse me?_

"I said strip and sit down," she repeated when I hadn't moved, her hands on her hips.

"What? Why?" I flustered.

Exasperated, she tossed her plastic bags on the bed and started pulling supplies out.

Bandages, ointment, tape, ice packs, swabs, cotton balls, and a book on first aid.

"What's all that shit?" I asked, finally taking a step toward the bed, pointing at the packages.

"It's for you, now, please, go take off your clothes." She nodded toward the world's smallest bathroom.

"All of them?" I swallowed hard.

She thought for a minute, shuffling through her goodies, which looked a bit torturous to me. Smirking, she looked up at me. "Well, did you get kicked in the balls?"

Instinctively, my hand went to my crotch, either in protection or to check to see if I had. "No."

"Then the boxers can stay," she said, once again nodding to the bathroom. "Now go."

With slow, achy steps, I headed to change, but stopped right at the door and looked at her over my shoulder. "Wait, how did you know?"

"Really, Jasper? We've lived together how many months? I think I know what kind of underwear you prefer."

"Oh." Blushing, I walked into the room and closed the door, glancing around. There was no tub, but rather a small shower stall. The porcelain sink used to be white but was now a shade of gray with rust stains leading from the faucet down to the drain. With a deep breath, I dared to look in the mirror.

I was seriously fucked up.

Shorty had definitely been a righty, because the left side of my face bore the brunt of the injuries. My bottom lip was puffy, crusty blood at the corner of my mouth where it met a purplish bruise that lined the swollen left side of my jaw from the repeated hits. Almost completely shut, my left eye socket was covered in black and blue that spread up toward my hairline. Crimson lines of dried blood led from the several superficial cuts that littered my cheeks, nothing that required stitches, but they still stung like a bitch. The worst cut was above my right eye, traveling from my brow into my forehead.

Slowly, I undid the buttons on my shirt, my hands stiff as I pushed the tiny buttons through the holes. Sliding it off, I was almost afraid to look at myself.

It was as bad as I expected.

My entire chest was one purplish-reddish bruise, with smaller blue and black splotches throughout it. Even if I couldn't feel the pain with every breath, just looking at it hurt like hell. Feeling the need to get it over with, I gently undid my jeans and let them fall to the floor, toeing off my boots before stepping out of my pants.

The longer I stood there staring at my battle scars, the more I realized how lucky I had been that the clerk had come out when he did. While I had gotten out of Demetri's hold and stunned him with a punch, it was probably only a momentary freedom before they had the advantage again. If they had been able to get me unconscious, who knows what would have happened.

And if either of them had had a weapon…

As if on cue, my body began to tremble with relief as it washed through me. The adrenaline rush having slowed down, I suddenly felt weak and limp, my mind becoming a mess of jumbled 'what if' scenarios that did nothing but scare the shit out of me.

I couldn't have lived with myself if something had happened to her. Had I really done all I could have to protect her?

Looking down, I was surprised to see a few red marks covering my thighs as well. I hadn't remembered getting hit anywhere below the waist, but things had happened pretty quickly. Not even bothering to pick up my clothes, I opened the door.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her supplies readily handy next to her. When she looked up, the look of pity that crossed her face hit me before I heard the gasp as her hand went to her mouth.

"Oh my God!"

Biting my lip, I made my way to her and gingerly sat on the edge of the bed next to her, pulling one leg up so I was facing her.

She made no attempt to hide the tears as they fell from her eyes, her hand reaching for my face, soft fingertips brushing over my bruised eye. "Those fucking bastards."

I couldn't help but laugh at her feistiness. "Yeah, too bad you weren't out there with me, I know you could have taken them both," I joked.

"Well, it wasn't exactly fair odds was it," she scowled at me, reminding me I had made her stay in the car, stopping her attempts at distracting them.

"No, but they weren't exactly the fair-fighting type of guys." I licked my chapped lips, tasting the blood on them.

Shaking her head, she stood up and went into the bathroom, only to return with a damn cloth. Sitting next to me again, she diligently went to work, gently holding my chin with one hand as she dabbed the spots of dried blood, the warm moist towel felt rough against my face. Occasionally hissing as she pressed a bit too hard on the cuts, I would attempt to pull my head away but her grip on my chin would tighten and pain shot through my jaw.

"Jesus, Bella!" I grumbled. "Take it easy, will ya."

Smirking, she dropped the towel and picked up the book, flipping through the pages. "Such a brave guy when getting the shit beat of out of you, but not so much now, huh?" Opening a tube of some sort, she squirted ointment onto her finger and started spreading it around some of my deeper cuts. Anticipating it to sting, I was surprised when it felt cool and I relaxed a bit.

When she was done, she scoured through the packages until she came across some bandages. Unwrapping one, she used both hands and placed it over the harsh cut on my brow, pressing down hard to make it stick.

"OUCH!"

"Sorry," she apologized, opening another for a cut on my cheek. Next she took my hands, cleaned them with the towel, applied more ointment and then went back to her book.

"What is that?" I asked nodding to the thick white cream.

"Just some antibacterial cream to keep the cuts clean. Does it hurt to take a breath?" she asked, her eyes trained on the book in her lap as she fingered the pages.

I inhaled and felt a sharp pain radiate through my chest. "Yeah, but it could be worse."

"Well, you probably didn't break any ribs, but they are probably bruised, considering the amount of hits they took and the bruises on your skin. I could wrap them with this." She held up an ace bandage. "But it probably won't help much where they aren't cracked or broken. The book says ice and rest are the best treatment. I have ice, and you can certainly rest."

She was suddenly a wealth of first aid information.

"All this knowledge from this, doc?" I chuckled, picking up the first aid for dummies book.

"Well, some, but all those years of watching ER reruns with you and Edward certainly didn't hurt." She smiled as she opened a bottle of pain medicine, pouring two into her hand. "Here, take these," she directed, handing them to me with a bottle of water.

After I took the pills, she began putting her stuff back in the bag, and I just watched a bit stunned.

"You realize you have enough supplies to treat an entire emergency room, right?"

Shrugging, she replied, "I just wanted to make sure I had everything I might need. Besides, never know when we might need them again."

Groaning, I shook my head. "No more fights, please." Reaching up, I touched the bandages on my face. "How bad does it look?"

"Well, GQ won't be knocking on your door tomorrow, but Sports Illustrated might, declaring you the largest weight champ."

With pain, I furrowed my brows. "You mean heavyweight?"

"Whatever," she mumbled, cracking an icepack open and handed me one. "Put this on your eye. Do you want one for your ribs?"

I shook my head, "No, I just want to sleep. " I stood up, very fucking slowly, and grabbed a pillow from the bed. If I pulled the chair out, I could put my feet up on the table and lean back. It had to be better than the floor. Walking over to the chair, I tossed the pillow down.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, tossing the bags on the floor and standing up.

"Following doctor's orders and getting the rest part of my prescription."

"Like you can rest in the chair, Jasper," she chided, sounding very motherly. "Sleep in the bed."

I wanted to argue, but the words were buried under the bruises, pushing on the sore parts of my body, reminding me of just how much pain I was in. Nodding, I grabbed the pillow again and went back to the bed, drew back the polyester blanket and climbed under it. Lying on my back, I put the icepack over my left eye while attempting to ignore the ache that coursed throughout every single fucking muscle.

I vaguely heard Bella say she was going to change as my mind began to release me from my day. The noises of her moving around the bed woke me, I opened my one good eye and saw she was making her own 'bed' on the floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked sleepily.

"I thought you were asleep," she sighed, bending over. Reaching out, I grabbed her arm, tenderly this time.

"No, here. With me." It was all I could get out.

"Are you sure?" She stood, facing me, but in the dark I could only make out her silhouette.

"Very. I need it."

Quietly, she walked around the bed and slid under the blanket next to me. Shifting the icepack, I carefully rolled so I was facing her, close enough that I could see her clearly. She appeared to have a dark tank top on, and her hair was down, falling in thick waves around her almost bare shoulders. Idly, my mind briefly wondered what she was wearing on her lower half. Even in the dark and my impaired vision, I could see every detail of her face; each individual freckle across her nose, the dull sparkle in her chocolate eyes, the thick lashes that framed them and…her lips. Full, pink and pouty.

A sudden clarity hit me and my words began to form. There was so much I wanted to say, and there in the dark I felt oddly safe, as if whatever passed between us, the quiet whispers of honesty would not exist the next morning.

"What is it?" she asked, concerned.

_How could she tell?_

"Earlier tonight, I promised Edward I would keep you safe and I won't let him down. I just wish…."

She took one of my hands in hers and held it between us. "You wish what?"

"I wish you had just left, taken the truck and driven away. You shouldn't have stayed. Why didn't you leave?" I asked quietly, looking down at our hands, which she brought to her lips to kiss my bruised knuckles.

"Jasper, I would never leave you. Even if you told me to, I would never leave. Don't you know that?"

No time like the present. I felt like I was sitting down to play Russian roulette, and it scared the shit out of me.

"If you marry Jake, you're leaving me…us."

"Us as in you and me, or us as in you and Edward?"

_Both._

My heart constricted with the possibility of Jake taking her out of my life completely. It was my own choice, my own fault even, that I had partially removed myself from her life once Jake had walked in, but there was no way in hell I could handle her walking out of mine. At least with what I had done, I had the ability to see her on my own terms and not just when he allowed her to spend time with us.

The fingers of her left hand were now entwined with mine and I glanced down at them. In my head, I saw a band of gold engraved with declarations of eternal love on her left ring finger, while mine remained naked, empty of the promises a ring held.

Edward would eventually find someone and leave me as well; our friendship demoted to occasional summer barbeques and family picture Christmas cards with letters bragging about how wonderful life was without me.

"Jasper?" she prodded for an answer.

"Edward and me." It was the truth, right?

Shaking her head, she confirmed, "_If_ I marry Jake, it won't change the friendship between you, Edward and me."

"And you can guarantee that?"

"Of course. Jake has no say in who my friends are, and he certainly knows better than to come between the three of us."

But he already had.

"Promise, Bella?" I whispered, denying the urge to lean over and touch her lips with mine. Letting go of my hand, she reached up and gently cupped my cheek, the side of her thumb stroking back and forth over the bruised flesh.

"Yes, I promise."

I wanted to ask her what, what did she promise? To not leave me, or Edward, us both…or was there more behind her words. My mind reached out in its tired, hazy fog searching her words and her tone in any attempt to read the meaning behind the three simple words.

I had to know.

But before I could speak, she whispered, "Thank you, Jasper."

"For?"

"For tonight, for everything…for saving me." The small stream of moonlight that peeked through the break in curtains glistened on the unshed tears as they welled in the corner of her eyes. My lips ached, not from the cuts but from the urge to kiss her wet worry away.

_No, Bella, thank you for saving me_.

"I will always save you. No matter what, I will always do what's best for you."

"I know, and thank you for that."

We both knew there was more being said than a simple thank you. Wanting to push her more, I debated on if it was the appropriate time, my mind always returning to the fact that there was someone back in Seattle waiting for her, wanting to spend the rest of his life with her.

Someone who had asked a question she had yet to answer.

"Bella…" I hesitated before continuing, giving her just enough time to move her thumb to my lips, effectively quieting me.

"Shhh, get some sleep, Jasper. We've got plenty of time to talk." Her soft voice soothed my worries, even though my questione remained unasked, and unanswered, my soul rested with her reassuring words. Nodding, I closed my eyes again. She removed her hand from my face and slid closer to me so my chin rested on the top of her head while her warm breath washed over my chest, healing it far more than any icepacks or bandages ever would.

We lay there in the dark with nothing between us but the beating of our hearts, one of them swelling with relief at each breath she took.

I had come too close to losing her that night, and I wouldn't let it happen again. While the mattress was lumpy and the pillows flat, I had never felt more comfortable, and I finally let sleep claim me.

Hazy sun filtered through the curtains the next morning, waking me from the light sleep I had managed to fall into. Bella still lay facing me, one of my arms was draped over her waist loosely, the ends of her hair fisted in my fingers. Her cheek lay on my other arm and her face was burrowed into my chest with her nose pressed against me so hard it hurt. Soft breaths rhythmically dampened my chest, and her small hands were clasped under her chin. She looked so small, so innocent and childlike.

Stretching as much as I could without screaming out in pain and waking her, I flexed my feet and legs, working out the kinks from remaining in the same position for so long. As my body slowly began to wake up, I was reminded of each and every hit from the night before. It even hurt to yawn, my jaw felt like I had cotton stuffed in it, my cheeks puffy and stiff.

But my cheeks weren't the only thing that was stiff.

Bella stirred before she woke, and I placed a light kiss on her head, deeply inhaling the scent of her hair. Moaning, she opened her eyes slowly, leaning back from me and looked up at me with half-closed eyes.

"Morning," she murmured sleepily.

"Mornin' to you too. Did you get some rest?"

"Yeah, a bit. You?"

"Like a baby," I lied through my teeth. I was lucky to have caught an hour or two where I wasn't in pain.

"How do you feel?" Seeing the concern I her eyes, I sighed. I was supposed to be taking care of her, not the other way around. It's not like Edward told her to keep _me_ safe and sound.

"Sore, but I'll live. Had great a triage nurse last night, treated me well."

This earned me a grin and her hand ruffled my hair, then she stretched as I had, pushing her breasts into me as she arched her back. I inwardly groaned, rocking my hips slightly back from hers, my morning wood ached as it was; I didn't need to worsen it by allowing it to continue to press against her. She turned slightly and my erection brushed her stomach. Immediately recognizing what it was, her cheeks turned scarlet and she quickly moved away, but stayed in bed.

"Aw, fuck, Bella, I'm sorry," I rolled onto my back and realized too late what a bad fucking idea that was as my boxers tented. I was already fucked, what difference did it make, it's not like she didn't already know I was hard as a fucking rock.

"No, it's okay. I mean, it's natural, it happens." She reasoned as she sat up in bed, pulling the sheet to cover her braless breasts pushing against the tank top.

_Good idea, Bella_.

The thought of those soft breasts with their perky nipples did nothing but feed my hard on. Little did she know I was not a frequent flyer of morning wood. Sure it had happened as a teen, but as I had gotten older, it happened much less often. There were only two people that had the ability to make sure I woke up hard…Bella was one of them.

"Do you need to…ah, take care of it? Like in the shower or something?" she asked, motioning to my hips with her hand but politely looking at my face instead of where her eyes were dying to go.

I guess I should have felt flattered she wanted to check out the goods, but at the same time, as any guy does, I grew paranoid that I failed by comparison to both Edward and Jake.

Groaning, I laid an arm over my eyes. "Jesus, Bella! No, I don't need to 'take care of it', thank you very much. "I paused and attempted a fat lip grin. "Unless you want to take care of it for me?"

When she didn't answer, I clarified. "Breathe, Bella, I was joking."

_Actually, I wasn't_.

Relief spread over her face as she left out a breath she had apparently been holding. "Listen, go shower, and after I 'take care of' my…er, problem, I will get our stuff together."

I don't think her eyes could have gotten any wider. If I had been her mother, I would have told her they were going to stick like that if she didn't snap out of it.

"Again…joking," I reminded her, slowly pushing myself up to get out of bed. With my movement, Bella climbed out of bed at the same time and we ended up on opposite sides of the bed staring at each other. I had been right about the tank top, but was surprised to see she wore only panties with it. Standing there, her breasts pushing against her tight shirt and my cock pushing against my boxers, we both started breathing a bit heavier.

No longer could she resist and her eyes dropped sharply to my erection. I have to admit a bit of pride went through me when she unconsciously licked her lips. There was no doubt that I looked like shit, bruises tattooing my chest and sides, my face almost as bad, but at that moment, what I looked like appeared to be the least of her concerns. When my cock twitched under her stare, I saw her blink and then shake her head, fighting an internal battle. One I knew all too well.

Welcome to my hell, Bella.

Deciding to help her out, I spoke first. "Shower, Bella?" I reminded her, jolting her from the daze she was under.

"Shower… right," she blushed and grabbed the sheet off the bed, wrapping it around her waist.

_Too late. _

I had already seen the teal satin panties.

As soon as she had grabbed her bag and turned for the bathroom, I hung my head and exhaled heavily. At the doorway, she looked at me over her shoulder.

"Oh, Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"It's cute," she chuckled before closing the door.

_Cute?_

"Seriously?"

"Completely," she challenged. Crossing her arms she leaned against her door and raised an eyebrow at me.

After Bella had insisted on redoing my bandages and ointment, we had left the hotel and ate breakfast at the local diner. Feeling a bit self conscious about being in public, Bella tugged on my hand, telling me no one would notice. The bell on the door had rung when we entered and I swear every fucking head turned and eyed us. Well, if nothing else, they would probably leave me alone, or think Bella had one hell of a right hook.

Leaving the dinner, we hit the road again, with about a seven-hour drive in front of us.

"Seriously?" I stressed again the importance of what she was confessing.

"Yes!" she stressed right back at me.

The highway was flat, practically barren of cars and anything worth looking along the sides. The singing cactus sat on the dashboard, his face smiling at us, trying to bring the peace between us again. Bella had named him "Sunshine".

I wasn't sure that was ever going to be possible.

The damage was done.

"That's it. Our friendship is over, Bella. I can't even have you in my truck anymore. I'm going to pull over and leave your scrawny ass on the side of the road," I threatened, glancing at her in time to the see the scowl on her face.

"You don't scare me," she challenged.

"It's just not possible." I shook my head, unable to grasp the severity of the situation.

Turning to look out the window, she sighed in frustration. "Yes, Jasper, it is entirely possible."

"Bella, it's not possible to say that the prequels were better than the originals. That's just sacrilegious or something. "

"Two words, Hayden Christinsen."

"Four words, Princess Leia's slave costume." My mind was already in overdrive imagining Bella in the same costume. Karma was a bitch though because as soon as I imagined it, I winced at a bolt of pain that shot through my head. Immediately, her anger changed to concern.

"You okay?" she asked, starting to slide over toward the middle.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just sore."

"I told you to take those pills this morning."

"Bella, I'm fine." I looked over at her as she tried to read if I was telling her the truth or not. "Really," I added for emphasis. Finally, she relented and moved back to her side, putting her arms across her chest again. "As I was saying, there is no way the prequels are better."

"What about the special effects? They were incredible!"

I had to give her that. "I agree, but you have to admit, for their time, the originals' special effects were pretty kick-ass."

Even she couldn't deny that and she shrugged. "Yeah, but… storyline was better in the prequels."

"You did not just say that!" I gasped, my eyes wide with complete awe at her ignorance. "And just how many people can quote your precious prequels compared to the originals?"

"When I'm around you, my mind is no longer my own."

_Oh, she wanted to play_.

"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"

She raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Use your feelings, Obi-Wan, and find him, you will."

And she was good, better than I had anticipated. Edward was a formidable competitor at this game, but Bella was proving herself a challenger as well.

"I suggest a new strategy, R2. Let the wookie win."

"Someday, I will be the most powerful Jedi ever."

"You are so...beautiful" Instead of telling me that I was quoting Attack of the Clones, she return the volley with one from mine.

"Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scuffy-looking nerf herder."

I laughed out loud, my chest hurting with the movement, but it was well worth the price. "Who's scruffy-looking?"

"I love you."

I knew the quote well, it was from one of my favorite scenes, where they encased Han in the carbonite, but I wanted to reply quickly so as to not make her think I was taking it for anything more than just a quote from a movie.

"I know." I quoted, glancing over at her and winking. Smiling knowingly, she blushed before looking out the window.

After a short time, she offered a compromise. "I will give you that the trilogies had better quotes, but the prequels are still better stories…and they had Hayden," she sighed dreamily.

"Originals all the way for quotes, story, _and _they had the slave costume."

"So you've said," she chuckled. "What is it with guys and that outfit?"

"Need you ask?" I snorted. Just as she was about to reply, her phone rang and she dug it out of her bag, smiling before she even said hello. I knew it was one of two people.

"Edward!"

I breathed a sigh of relief, not really in the mood to be subjected to a conversation between her and Jake.

"Yes, he's here, okay, sure." She pressed a button and then I could hear Edward's voice in the cab, like he was there with us.

"Hey, Jasper," he greeted, his voice sounding weary.

"Hey, Edward."

I could hear him yawn before he spoke again. "Bella, Jasper behaving?"

"Define behave?" she replied quickly while smiling at me.

"Come on, Edward, don't ruin all my fun. How's everything up there?"

"Fine, started at working at the hospital, the hours are going to be insane. I am beginning to think dealing with the two of you would have been less exhausting." He sighed and I could hear him shuffling around.

"Do you like it so far?" Bella asked him.

"Yeah, only been one shift, a fucking long shift, but it was good. It's going to be a great experience, but a tiring one."

There was something unidentifiable in his voice, something I hadn't heard in it before. I had heard Edward tired and overworked before, but this was different. Part of me wanted to ask him what, if anything, was wrong, but decided to wait until I talked to him alone.

"Where are you?" he asked, his voice picking up a bit of energy.

Before Bella could answer, I spoke up. "We stayed in Salt Lake the first night and a small town in Arizona last night. We should be in Abilene tonight."

I didn't look over at Bella; I knew I would see a disapproving look for leaving out the details of the previous night. Edward was worried enough about us both, we didn't need to compound it by telling him about my parking lot smack down.

"How's the drive been?" I heard him ask over some banging in the background.

Again, I answered before Bella. "Drive's been good, although I am about to leave Bella on the side of the road."

He chuckled. "What did she do now?"

"What do you mean, what did_ I_ do?" Bella chimed in her defense.

Again, I could hear him smile. "Well, we boys need to stick together, Bella."

"Fine," she huffed. "I just informed Jasper that I thought the prequel Star Wars movies were better than the originals."

I swear he fucking gasped. "Excuse me?"

_That's my boy_.

"See what I'm dealing with, Edward?" When I went to laugh, a sudden a wave of pain hit me and I groaned, a sound not missed by Dr. Cullen.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" he asked quickly, his voice now professional, but worry seeped through the collected veneer.

"Nothing, Edward, I'm fine. Really…." I looked pleadingly over at Bella for help, who gave me a sympathetic shrug but took over for me.

"Edward, everything's fine. Jasper's just sore. He's slept on a chair the past few nights and woke up a bit…stiff."

I kept my eyes on the road in front of me even though there was nothing within miles of us, as my cheeks flushed with heat. Although probably not visible under my bruises, I could certainly feel the warmth spread.

"God damn it," I muttered under my breath. Mentally, I briefly wondered just how much Edward would mind if I returned without Bella.

"Aw, Bella, why are you making him sleep in a chair?" he teased. It was her turn to blush. I knew she didn't want to tell him that we had spent the night before sleeping only inches from each other.

I could hear banging in the background, and even though Bella had embarrassed me, I was going to save her scrawny ass from the same fate.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, um…nothing," he replied hesitantly, his movements stilling to quietness. "Okay, guys, I should go."

"Everything alright?" I asked, looking over at Bella with a raised eyebrow.

"Yep, yep, everything's fine," he sounded a bit breathless. "Call me when you reach Abilene."

Just as Bella and I were about say good-bye, he hung up. Both a bit shocked, we were silent for a minute, processing Edward's odd behavior.

"Well, that was…." I began.

"Strange," Bella finished. Shifting her weight, she reclined against her seat and stuck her bare feet out her window, a smile appearing as soon as the wind hit them. Wiggling her toes, she closed her eyes and sighed. We were both still reluctant to turn on the air conditioner, although I knew eventually the heat would win and we would cave under the sweltering sun.

As much pain as I was in, it all went away when I saw the look of pure relaxation on her face, on her entire body, as she just enjoyed the moment. For a few moments, we drove in silence.

With her eyes still closed she asked, "What?"

Shaking my head, I turned back to the road, glancing at the GPS. About five hours left.

"Do you think he has someone there?" I couldn't resist asking, curious to find out what she was thinking.

"Edward?" she looked over at me, and I nodded. "Nah, probably just doing something. Edward would never bring someone home."

While my first instinct was to agree with her, I wondered why. Why would Edward have not brought someone home while we were both gone? In fact, why hadn't he brought anyone home since…

I looked over at Bella, her hair blowing, her face relaxed as she tapped her feet to the music on the radio.

My answer was sitting right next to me and I had never realized it.

"Roger Moore or Sean Connery?" she offered

That was how our little debate had started. A innocent little game of This or That, which had turned into a full debate.

"Moore," I replied quickly.

"You've got to be kidding?" she disagreed, pivoting her head toward me, opening one eye with a raised brow.

It was going to be a fucking long five hours.

It hadn't changed one bit.

In the setting sun, the wide streets were clean and lined with aging brick buildings. Empty storefront with "For Lease" signs littered the main street where there used to be small local businesses. Two boys walked out of a store, sodas in their hands as they climbed on their bikes and I couldn't help but smile.

Bella was sitting up, eagerly looking out her window as we slowly drove down the street.

"So what do you think?" I asked, glancing over at her.

"It's quaint, smaller than I imagined," she answered, staring at the buildings along First Street.

"It's not as small as it seems, just spread out. I spent most of my time on the base, but we came down here quite a bit. "

After a few turns, we drove by Oscar Rose Park and heard the small crowd of parents cheering on the baseball teams.

"Did you go to these schools?" she inquired as we drove by a small middle school.

"Nope, I was schooled on base."

"It must have been a different life."

"Definitely, but not one I would pass up. There is a certain atmosphere living on a base that you can't get anywhere else. The sense of family is overwhelming. Everyone looks out for everyone else, you are all living under the same circumstances. There is no real 'keeping up with the Jones' because there are none."

A few blocks later, I pulled over and put the truck into park. Looking around, Bella took in her surroundings. We were parked in front of a small, single-level white house. No white picket fence, just a small front yard with a small attached garage and truck parked in the driveway. Wicker furniture sat on the small porch, and a plant hanging looked dried from the heat.

"Where are we?" Bella asked as I put my hand on the door, and she did the same.

"You'll see," I chuckled, carefully getting out of the car. As we crossed the street, the wooden door on the front of the house opened.

Almost my height, he was a bit heavier than me, but his hair was as black as I remembered, although the shorter cut hid his natural curls. Grinning, he walked toward me, but as we got closer, his smile faded.

"Jesus, what the fuck happened to you?"

"I ran into some friends of yours." I answered, stopping a few feet from him, sizing him up.

"Aw, damn, I'm sorry, they weren't supposed to touch the face," he smirked, digging his hands into his jean pockets as he shifted back and forth on his cowboy boots.

"Dock the fuckers' pay then, because they definitely touched the face. My modeling days are on hold now."

He laughed. "As if that was ever an option, you ugly fuck."

At that, Bella giggled. Standing close enough next to me to be holding my hand, dressed in red tee-shirt and jean shorts, she looked radiant with her cheeks sun-kissed pink and her hair tied back.

When she laughed, my heart skipped a beat, and he gave her a Cheshire grin.

"This pretty little thing must be Bella," he grinned, turning on his southern boy charm for all it was worth. The 'aw shucks' ma'am routine always won the ladies over.

"Yes, and you are?" Dazed by his light gray eyes and sparkling grin, Bella blushed at his attentions.

"Peter."

Thanks for reading~


	13. Country Boy

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Please forgive any creative licenses taken with the actual road trip part of the story, my apologies in advance to those living anywhere near where J/B visit, and the pretend river I have in or around Abilene!

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

Huge hugs and thanks to **Dannie** for the read through on this chapter, even if she did take innocent j/p scenes and make them all slashy-

More author's notes at the end.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"****~~**"**

Country Boy

Location: Abilene, TX (Reconciliation)

"****~~**"**

It's the only place that i call home  
No matter where in this country I might roam  
It's where the corn grows tall and the moonshine still flows  
It's the only place that i call home

Your word is good on a handshake  
Preacher still talks about a judgment day  
People gonna stop when a funeral passes by  
We say "yes sir" and say "yes ma'am"~Justin Moore

"****~~**"**

"Nice to finally meet you, Peter," Bella said, extending her hand. Being the mother fucking charmer he was, he took her hand, brought it up to his mouth and kissed it. Rolling my eyes, I shook my head as he released Bella's hand and her sun-kissed cheeks turned an even deeper shade at his attentions.

"Always had a way with the ladies, didn't you?" I chuckled.

Ignoring me, he kept his eyes trained on Bella. "He's just jealous, darlin'. I got all the pretty girls on the base while Jasper was stuck with his hand."

"We were fourteen," I defended myself.

"Exactly!" Peter exclaimed, grinning, his white teeth even brighter against his dark skin. Leaning in toward Bella, he looked at me while he whispered loudly to her. "He always was a late bloomer."

Bella giggled, her eyes flickering back and forth between us. The front door shot open and Peter immediately stood up straight, like a little boy that had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar by his mama.

"Baby, you ever goin' to invite your guests inside? Y'all are crazy, it's hotter than a stolen tamale out there."

I couldn't stop the grin even though it hurt like hell. "Sounds like the boss is calling…baby, " I mocked at Peter.

"Fuck you," he mumbled to me before turning to Bella. "Why don't you come inside, darlin', let me get you something cool to drink."

Before she could accept his offer, Charlotte's eyes skimmed over Bella before moving to me. It took no more than a few seconds before her eyes widened in recognition and she was running down the steps and across the small yard.

"JASPER!" she yelled, it had been a long time since I had heard my name with such twang.

Leaping in my arms, I grunted in pain when her body pressed against my many bruises, but my arms wrapped around her regardless. Holding her tight, I buried my face in her thick hair and inhaled a deep breath of honey shampoo.

"Hey, Charlotte, how are you?" I released her and she looked up at me. She was still the Texas beauty queen she had always been with dark blue eyes, long blond hair, and sculptured cheekbones. Admiring her shapely figure in jean shorts and a tee shirt, I wiggled my eyebrows at her. "You sure filled out nicely," I flirted, recalling a bit of that charm myself.

"Don't you know it, doll," she flirted right back. Suddenly, she noticed my post-parking lot smackdown condition. "What the hell happened to you?"

Looking over her head to Peter, I explained with a smirk. "I was just telling Peter here that I ran into some of his buddies at a truck stop."

"Well, since you left, Peter's taste in friends has gone to shit," she laughed as I held out my arm and Charlotte wrapped her tiny hands around it. "Talk about friends in low places."

"Aw, darlin' stop telling them all my business," he chided her with a loving tone. "And get your hands off my wife," Peter demanded with a smile, grabbing Charlotte's hand and taking it in his own. Hand in hand they headed for the front door. "Y'all comin'?" he called to us over his shoulder.

Peter and Charlotte had started dating about a year after I had moved to Forks. Charlotte hadn't lived on the base, but we had seen her often around town, Peter's eyes always adopting a glint whenever we ran into her. After they had begun dating, his calls to me were to brag about what base he was currently rounding and how perfect she was…how he had found _the _one.

As soon as they had graduated high school, they were married in a simple service with just family and a few friends. Both sets of parents were not pleased that college wasn't happening for either of their children. Peter had been able to get a job at the local court house as a bailiff while Charlotte had taken some night classes in early childhood education and was a teacher's aide at an elementary school. They weren't rich or high class, but they were in love and lived their lives for each other, living the American dream as it should be lived, for the one you love.

I held my arm out for Bella. Taking it she looked up at me as we followed Peter and Charlotte.

"They sure are friendly," Bella observed.

"Aw, baby, you ain't seen nothin' yet," I warned her.

Their house was a small one level ranch with two bedrooms and a bath. The kitchen was modest, but updated with new appliances. The furniture was far from the best or most expensive, but it was clean and comfortable. The most important feature in their house wasn't the furniture but the feeling of love that engulfed you when you walked inside. Everything from the pictures on the mantel, to the fresh flowers on the table, to the loving note stuck to the refrigerator, was evidence of their love for one another, a devotion I longed to experience.

An hour and two glasses of lemonade later, it had been decided that we would stay with them for a few days while I showed Bella around town. They had a small spare bedroom, and would hear nothing about us finding a hotel. Peter argued how wrong it would be in my hometown and not stay with them.

When the phone rang, Charlotte answered and returned with an invitation to have dinner the next night at her parents' ranch. Thinking Bella might already be overwhelmed by the two of them, much less Charlotte's huge family, I politely declined but Bella spoke up.

"It sounds like fun, I want to go." I glanced at her, silently asking if she was sure and she nodded.

"Yeah, come on, Jasper, let's show Bella how everythin's bigger in Texas," Charlotte said.

"Everything except Jasper's dick," Peter mumbled and Bella turned a deep scarlet, but she spoke up.

"I have to disagree with you on that Peter. I have first hand knowledge that Jasper's dick is anything but small."

Shocked, we all looked over at Bella, our chins collectively hitting the floor.

"Oh really?" Peter laughed, recovering first. "Well it's nice to know that it hasn't shriveled up and fallen off from lack of use."

Bella stuck her chin out defiantly. "Oh, it has most certainly not shriveled up or fallen off."

My woman was defending me.

Looking over at her, I smiled my appreciation and she winked in return.

The rest of the evening was spent sitting on their deck in wicker chairs around a plastic table eating the burgers Peter had grilled for us. The moon hung low in the ink black sky, and a slight chill had replaced the dry heat of the late afternoon sun. The change in temperature was always welcome relief to those that had survived another scorching day, but for Bella it was enough to have to put on my sweatshirt. With her legs curled up under her, messy hair and baggy sweatshirt, she sat next to me looking beautiful.

Peter had insisted in telling horror tales of our youth. "So then, this girl passes the note to the Jasper, only the teacher sees her hand it to him."

"Oh no," Bella inserted with the proper amount of interest.

"Yes, ma'am, he did. He stands up and asks Jasper to read the note out loud," Peter confirmed, shaking his head as he remembered Mr. Ford and his bad toupee before continuing with his story. "With the entire class watching, scrawny Jasper stands up, trying to act cool even though he was sweatin' bullets."

Peter stands, imitating me from that day so many years ago. Holding out a napkin in front of him, he shakes his head to brush his non-existent curls off his face as I had done that day before I had begun to read the note. "Dear Jasper, you have the most beautiful eyes I've had the pleasure of seein'. I watched you and Peter at the game the other day, you were so funny. The Sadie Hawkins dance is comin' up and I was wonderin' if you would go with me? Check yes or no below. P.S I promise you can kiss me when we dance. Love, Emma."

At my expense, a round of laughter exploded from everyone, Bella even had tears running down her face. Loving the attention, Peter continued. "So the classroom got all quiet, and Mr. Ford looks from Emma to Jasper and then says, 'Well, son, that sounds like a good time to me, I suggest you take Miss Lane up on her offer.' I swear, I had never seen anyone turn redder than Jasper did at that moment. He looked liked a lobster bein' freshly plucked from the boiling water."

More howls of laughter from everyone. Sighing, I shook my head, desperately trying to think of an equally embarrassing story about Peter to tell them. When she had calmed a bit,  
Bella asked me, "So did you go, or did you break poor Emma's heart."

"Aw, darlin'," Peter answered before I could speak up, "Jasper didn't have the balls to go. He told her yes and then came down with a mysterious illness the day of the dance."

"I really was sick," I argued as Bella placed her hand on my knee, patting it.

"Sure you were," she smiled brightly before turning back to Peter. "Tell me another."

Groaning, I lulled my head back. "No, please...."

Eager to please, Peter quickly recalled another chapter from his Jasper's most embarrassing moments file. "There was this one time that Jasper had to answer question in health class on reproductive organs and had a hard on when he did it." Peter began before pausing for the appropriate laughs from the girls.

"Oh my God," Bella gasped, and the tears began to fall again.

Night had settled heavily around us, each of us had shared laughter and stories from our childhood, entertaining Bella before we finally decided it was time for bed. Peter and I had made plans to take Bella on a little tour of Abilene the following day.

"**~~**"

"Jasper, just sleep in the bed," she sighed as she sat on the edge of the bed in her tank top and cotton boxer shorts. We had both gotten ready for bed, but when I grabbed a pillow to go to the couch, Bella had stopped me.

"After this morning you want me to sleep in the same bed? I don't think that's such a good idea," I reasoned and opened the door.

She didn't argue as I quietly walked to the leather couch and made up a make shift bed. A bit too tall to fit on it completely, my feet hung over the edge as I propped myself up on one end and closed my eyes, hoping sleep would find me soon.

At some point it must have because I woke up when the couch dipped under someone's weight and then there was a hand on my arm.

"Jasper?" she whispered in a sleepy voice.

"Bella?" I asked opening my eyes slowly before pushing myself upright making room for her. "What's wrong?"

Looking down at her hands in her lap, she spoke in a hushed tone. "I can't sleep."

"How come?" I yawned.

Shrugging her shoulders, she swallowed before looking over at me. "Will you come into bed with me?" she requested weakly.

I wouldn't deny her anything.

"Sure," I answered. She stood and held out her hand for me. Taking it, I got off the couch and followed her into the bedroom. After climbing under the blanket first, she held it open for me and I joined her. Facing me, she snuggled up to me much as she had the night before in the hotel, her head right under my chin, her lips almost touching my bruised naked chest. With one arm around her waist, and the other under my head, I kissed her forehead.

"Sweet dreams, Bella," I murmured.

"Night, Jasper."

Of course, sleep claimed me quicker once she was in my arms. Because even though I was home in Texas, it was in her arms that I discovered the true meaning of home.

Gray skies greeted us the next morning as we jumped to the banging on our door.

"Rise and shine, lovers, time for some grub," Peter yelled through the door.

"Be out in a few minutes," Bella replied for us, finding her voice before I had.

"We don't have time for you to be taking care of Jasper's morning wood, darlin'," he warned with a chuckle before walking off.

I wanted to apologize for Peter's comment, certain he had embarrassed Bella, but she beat me to it. "Don't worry about him, he's harmless. It doesn't bother me," she assured me. We had woken up the same way we had fallen asleep, only one of Bella's legs was hitched up over mine and once again, my hands had found their way to her hair, fisting the ends of it tightly, and hers were curled under her chin.

It was then that I noticed a finger tracing the charm that hung around my neck.

"I've noticed you've been playing with this a lot. What is it?" she asked softly.

"It's the Chinese symbol for courage."

"Where did you get it? I don't remember seeing you wear it before we left."

"Edward gave it to me our last night home."

She leaned back and looked up at me with curious eyes, but I gave her no further explanation. Nodding, she accepted it and slid out of bed. Relieved she hadn't said anything about my erection that had been pressing up against her the entire time, I rolled onto my back and stretched.

With a hand on the door knob, she turned back to me with a smile. "I'll shower first while you deal with that," she motioned toward my crotch and left the room before I could reply.

For a moment I actually considered taking her advice, what harm could it do, might even relieve some of the tension my body had felt since the fight. My body still burned with a dull ache and the occasional sharp bolt of pain, having even a small amount of pleasure to sooth the burn was a welcomed idea. I knew an orgasm would only briefly blanket the ache but it was tempting none the less. Just as my hand had wandered down toward my pajama bottoms, sliding under the elastic band, I heard Peter knock on the door again.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty, git your ass out of bed."

With a regretful sigh, I removed my hand and flung the blanket off me. My date with my hand would have to wait until later.

After a quick breakfast of eggs, bacon and grits, Peter and I took Bella around Abilene. Peter's father was still in the Air Force so Peter was able to get us onto Dyess. Driving through the streets was like driving through moments in my own personal history, snapshots in time that had made up the collage of my childhood.

The street where I skinned both knees when I wiped out on my bike trying to go over a jump Peter had set up.

The movie theatre where Peter and I had been caught trying to sneak into a rated "R" movie when we were twelve.

The bowling alley where my father bowled every Tuesday night.

And finally, we pulled up in front of my childhood home. Without a word, I got out and stood next to the truck, staring at the small brick house.

Wolfe had once said you can never go home again, and while a part of me agreed with him, I was living proof that you could go home again. You can go home after you've moved on, although sometimes your home has changed, or you have changed, or both.

For me it was more about being so quickly ripped from my secure childhood, from having my friends and the only home I had known snatched from my young grasp. It was these things I needed to revisit, even if only briefly, to say a proper goodbye.

Let them rest in peace in the recesses of my mind.

Standing in front of my old home, I felt Bella come up beside me, her hand slipping into mine before she looked up at me.

"Tell me about it?" she requested. I looked down at her and smiled. Peter stood behind us leaning against his truck, his hands in his pockets. Glancing back at him, I saw him nod at me.

I pointed to the garage. "My dad had a little workshop in there where he built model airplanes. He had dozens of them on shelves, always buying one for my birthday and helping me build them. Mostly military planes. He also had a table where he rebuilt Civil War battles in great detail. He would spend hours out there. Over there," I motioned to the small deck off the side of the house. "That was where our grill was, and back there," I pointed to the small grassy plot in the back, "was where my tree house was."

I heard Peter chuckle behind us.

"Peter and I had a lot of good times in there, didn't we?" I called to him over my shoulder.

"Damn right," he answered from behind us. "Showed Jasper his first girly magazine in that tree house."

I turned to Peter. "Do you know if anyone lives here?"

"Actually," he began walking up to us as he dug deep into his pocket. "I talked to my dad, and not only does no one live here, but he got me a key to the place."

Biting my lip, I took the key from his outstretched hand. "Go show her around," he encouraged. With her hand in mine, Bella and I walked up the steps and to the door. After I unlocked, it, she squeezed my hand.

"You can do it."

_Yes, with you her,e I can. _

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open and we were hit with the musky scent of a place that had been closed up too long. While the layout hadn't changed, the color on the empty walls was now a light yellow instead of the light brown I had known. The floors were now hardwood instead of carpet, and the mantel had been replaced at some point.

"This way," I said leading Bella toward the back of the house toward the kitchen. The appliances were newer, but the countertop and cupboards hadn't changed at all. Light filtered in through the sliding glass door that led into the back yard and Bella glanced around.

"So this is where it started."

I looked at her confused. "Where what started?"

"You're complete inability to cook," she smiled. Laughing, I told her a story of my mother trying to teach me how to bake cookies with her. "I just couldn't figure out why anyone would bother to bake the cookies when they tasted so much better uncooked."

Taking her hand again, I led her through a small doorway and into the living room. "We had our couch in front of the window and our television over there. My mom would sit in a chair in that corner all the time to work on knitting. We used to put our Christmas tree over there by the fireplace. We were only supposed to have artificial trees on base, but my dad hated them, so he snuck a real tree in every year. One year it was so big, we had to rig it up with wires to keep it from falling over." I remembered my dad on the ladder screwing hooks into the wall to attach the wires to while my mother and I watched."

"Did Santa bring you everything you wished for?" she asked with an innocent giggle.

"Not yet," I sighed, looking down at her. "I'm still waiting."

Avoiding my eyes, she looked around the empty space. "Show me more."

Leaving the living room, I brought her down a small hallway to the two bedrooms. The first one on our left had been my parent's room. We stopped in the doorway. "I remember the first time I walked in on them having sex," I shuddered at the memory. " I was nine or ten, and I had been worried when I had heard odd noises when I had gotten up for a drink in the middle of the night, I knocked but they didn't hear me so I pushed the door open and found my dad on his back with my mom straddling him…naked."

"Ouch," Bella sympathized.

"Ouch was right. I was scarred for life, ran back to bed. The next day, my dad had the birds and the bees talk with me in his workshop using nuts and bolts as examples."

Turning, I led her to my old room. Painted green instead of blue, it was smaller than I had remembered. I stood in the middle of the floor and looked around, each corner holding something special between its sturdy walls. "My bed was over there, my dresser there and my desk over there," I showed Bella, pointing at each spot. It was blue then, my curtains had airplanes on them, so did my sheets and blanket. Hell, everything in the house had to do with airplanes. God, I spent so many hours in here."

"Were you happy?"

"Yes. I mean, I had my fair share of shitty days, my dad definitely didn't believe in sparing the rod, and with Peter as a friend, I was in trouble more often than not. But yes, I was happy…safe." I walked over to one of the windows and looked out at the backyard.

The tree house was still there.

"Is that the one your dad built?" Bella asked, standing next to me resting her head on my arm.

"Yeah."

I wanted to tell her more, tell her how many weekends I had helped him, handing him tools as he put it together piece by piece. I wanted to tell her about the pride I felt when Peter and I climbed into it for the first time, how impressed Peter had been. I wanted to tell her how we shared secrets up there, it was our safe haven.

Until I had left.

Quickly, I turned and left the room, unable to handle the wave of emotions that was cresting inside me, readying to overtake the wall I had set up for protection. With a steady pace, I headed for the front door and out into the fresh air where I took a few deep breaths. She was at my side an instant later, her hand rubbing my back.

"Thank you for showing it to me," she whispered before walking over to Peter. Looking down the street, I clearly remembered pulling away from my home, watching from the backseat of the car as Petey sat on his red bike waving to me as I tried not to cry.

Looking back at the house one more time, I blinked several times to keep the memories at bay.

"Goodbye," I whispered to no one but the ghosts of a childhood well loved and dearly missed. After I gathered myself, I turned and headed toward Peter and Bella, who were both leaning against the truck. Bella engulfed me into a hug when I reached her, her arms wrapping around my neck tightly.

She had suffered the same fate I had; she too had moved from her childhood home to a strange town. Only for her, it had been her choice to leave. Her mother had remarried and Bella had decided to move to Forks to be with her dad and give her mom some space. It was with a familiar understanding that she hugged me, after sharing the same emotions herself.

"Ready to go?" Peter asked as he pushed off the truck. I nodded and released Bella.

"You sure?" she asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm good," I assured her before heading to the passenger side of the truck. I glanced around one more time, savoring the feeling so I could remember it at will in the future.

An hour later, we were sitting on the bleachers of Abilene High School overlooking the empty football field. Bella sat to my right, and Peter sat behind us up one level.

"Go Eagles," he cheered with zero enthusiasm to the empty field before us. "God, I hated high school," he sighed and Bella and I laughed.

"Yeah, it sucked," I agreed leaning back on the palms of my hands.

Bella looked at us, squinting at the sun as it began to break through the clouds. "Aw, come on boys, it wasn't that bad."

Both Peter and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"There had to have been good times?" she asked looking back and forth between us. "Jasper, how about when Edward, you and me skipped and went to the lake? Or Prom? Or the day Edward told off Mrs. Hanely when she bitched about his attitude?"

"Or when Newton tried to bully me because of my accent, or when I beat the shit out of him at lunch because he broke up with you, or when Mr. Barnes embarrassed you when you started your period during art class?" I countered.

"Point taken," she finally agreed. "You guys are right, it did suck."

"Although," Peter began, "there was one happy time right here on these bleachers."

"Your first kiss," I chimed in and Peter nodded.

"Yep. Right under these stands."

"With who?" Bella asked, turning to him.

"Sarah Piederman," Peter answered with a satisfied smile. "First girl to give me a hard on too."

Bella laughed and I corrected him. "I seem to recall Charlotte causing you to sport a woody one day when we ran into at the river."

Peter never blushed, he never got embarrassed, he just was who he was and people either accepted him or they didn't. Unless you were a friend, he could have cared less what anyone thought of him. However, as the memory of seeing Charlotte at the river hit him, a faint pink appeared under this tanned skin.

"Aw damn, you're right, she was the first…and will be the last," he admitted.

He had always been loyal, he had been my friend for years, even after moving away, even after Edward had become my best friend, Peter's loyalty to me had never wavered. Our contact had come and gone in bursts, but there had never been any doubt that he would have been there for me in a heartbeat if needed him to be. It was a loyalty he only shared with those he loved, and Charlotte would forever have a devoted husband by her side.

His cell phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. "Hey, darlin'. Okay, we'll be there in a few minutes." He glanced at me and smiled. "Yeah, we went there, and yeah, he's fine." He listened to her for a minute before saying goodbye. "See you then, love you too." Sliding his phone back into his pocket, he stood up. "Well, this walk down memory lane will have to continue tomorrow, we're supposed to be at the in-laws in an hour and I imagine you probably want to freshen up."

Standing, I held out my hand for Bella. Taking it, she stood and we followed Peter down the steps of the bleachers. At the bottom, Bella hopped on my back and I gave her a piggyback ride back to Peter's truck. Her laugh constantly tickled my ear as she leaned over my shoulder guiding my way, her legs wrapped tightly around my waist, her arms slung around my neck to hold on.

I wasn't sure when I had ever been happier.

Back at the house, Charlotte had all the supplies for the cookout ready to go. Pasta and potato salads sat wrapped on the table while she finished up making the cornbread. Bella went into the bedroom to change while I helped Peter load the coolers and some extra chairs into his truck. Just as Peter and I were having a friendly debate on whether everything would fit, Bella came out to see if she could help.

"Sure ya can, darlin'. Please tell Jasper here that we don't need to put the chairs in first." I had been leaning over the bed of Peter's truck when she had walked up.

Standing before me in a red plaid flannel shirt, jeans and brown cowboy hat with her hair pulled back into a braid, she stole my breath.

"Close your mouth, Jasper," Peter scolded me, "It's not polite to stare at a beautiful woman." He laid the chairs down and went over to Bella, kissing her on her cheek, he whispered something in her ear before heading inside.

"So…." She began looking up at me biting her lip.

"You look great," I finally stammered.

"What do think of these?" She asked pointing to her feet. Looking down, I saw she had on pair of tan cowboy boots. "Charlotte loaned the hat and boots to me, said something about having to be an 'authentic country girl' tonight."

"They're very authentic, totally scream cowgirl."

"Charlotte asked me to tell you to go get ready because we need to leave soon," she said tilting her head up, looking up at me from under the rim of her hat, her eyes already taking on the defiance of a rebellious cowgirl.

"Yes, ma'am," I smiled and headed into the house to change.

Less than an hour later we were pulling into the long driveway of Charlotte's parent's house. A white railed fence lined both sides as a chestnut horse raised his head and watched us pass. There were lush green fields as far as the eye could see with horses in two expansive pastures on both sides of the dirt road. The sun had finally broke through the earlier clouds and now hung low in the sky, getting ready to decorate it with brilliant hues of oranges and pinks as it set on the horizon.

"Wow, it's amazing" Bella exclaimed as she looked out the window and took in the farm before us. Several smaller out buildings surrounded a large three story red barn. To the left of it sat a huge white house with a large porch wrapping around three sides of it. It was your stereotypical Texas ranch, right down the green John Deere tractor sitting next to the barn. Parking near Charlotte and Peter, I turned the truck off and turned to Bella.

"This might get a bit overwhelming. Do you want to use our safe word?" I offered as I opened my door and got out.

"Think we'll need it?" she asked when I met her on the passenger side.

"Better to be prepared," I began. "Just in case one of us needs rescuing. Remember what it is?"

"Guitar," she smiled.

Holding out my hand, she took it and we headed over to Peter to help him unload the truck. We could hear the country music pouring from the open barn doors and the smell of grilling food surrounded us. Peter and I carried the coolers while the girls carried the chairs over to the side of the barn.

As we rounded the corner, I glanced at Bella and saw her eyes grow wide. "Holy shit," she murmured.

Peter looked over at her. "Told ya we did things big in Texas, darlin'."

Before us were at least a dozen long picnic tables covered with cloths and decorated with a floral centerpiece. Three huge grills were fired up, manned by Charlotte's father and uncles, each one constantly flipping, turning and checking the pork, chicken, and steaks they were cooking. A huge buffet table was full of bowls and plates of appetizers and deserts, everything from cheddar corn casserole to peach cobbler. People were everywhere, carrying platters of food, setting up tables, or gossiping as they bounced babies on their laps.

"There's so many of them," Bella observed.

Setting the coolers down next to the others, Peter laughed at Bella's shock. "This is just a weekend get together for close family, sweetheart, you should see the family reunions. They are real barn burners." Bella shook her head and looked at Charlotte.

"How many of you are there?" she asked in awe of the hustle and bustle around her.

Laughing, Charlotte thought for a minute before answering. "Well, I'm the baby of six, each one married and had at least four of their own except for us. My parents both have four siblings, and they are all married, and their children have children. We actually lost track of a number about three years ago after Bobby was born."

"Bobby?"

Charlotte pointed to a toddler as he ran by chasing the family dog.

"Charlotte!" a woman called to her as she walked up wiping her hands on her apron. "Baby, how are you?"

"Howdy, Mama," Charlotte said, taking her mother into her arms. Quickly pulling away, she saw Bella and me.

"Jasper Whitlock? My Lord boy, you sure have grown up to be a tall drink of water." I stepped forward into her embrace.

"It's good to see you again, ma'am," I greeted.

"Darlin', you know better than to call me that. It's Betty to you." She noticed Bella standing next to me. "And you must be Bella?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Pleased to meet you, Bella, welcome to Texas, and call me Betty. Peter, why don't you show our guests around and introduce them to everyone."

Following orders, Peter grabbed Bella's hand and dragged her off to the closest table for the first round of introductions. Charlotte rolled her eyes up at me and then pulled me along behind them.

Finally, we came to Charlotte's papa manning one of the grills. Placing his tongs down, he turned to hug his daughter, picking her up off the ground. "Howdy, baby girl." After releasing her, he extended his hand to me. "Jasper, how you been, son?"

"Very well, thank you, sir."

"A bit formal, don' you think? You're back in Texas, boy, no need for such formalities." He pointed to his grilling colleagues. "Have you met my brothers Dan and Mike?"

"We've howdyed but we ain't shook." I replied, letting the Texan that had been buried in me too long come out to play.

"Much better, son," he laughed.

"Charlotte," her mother called. "Bring them over here to meet Mary and the boys."

For the next few hours, we ate, we talked, and we listened. Everyone took turns telling us a family story, often focusing on Peter and Charlotte. Night had fallen as Bella and I sat next to each other across from Peter and Charlotte while Charlotte's father and uncles worked on getting the bonfire going.

Once the fire was going strong, the flames dancing up toward the sky, everyone gathered around it, chattering in small groups. The older women were offering parenting advice, the men talked about their next hunting trip or how much their crops were going to earn.

I translated for Bella.

"_That turd floater last week was somethin' awful." _

"It rained a lot."

"_Have you seen Sally lately? __She's warm in winter, shady in summer."_

"Sally's fat."

"_He's been working so hard he's got a big hole in his screen door."_

"He's going to go crazy."

Shaking her head, she glanced around at everyone. "It's like a different language," she mused.

"It sure as shit is," I agreed.

"I don't remember you saying any of these when we met?"

"Oh, I did when I first moved, but I had been there for a year before we met. After hanging out with Edward so much, it just faded away a bit. 'Course, bein' down here again makes the country boy in me happier than a gopher in soft dirt."

As she laughed, I watched the light from the fire flicker over her face, lighting up her dark brown eyes with a sparkle and giving her an ethereal glow.

If Edward was my savior, she was my angel.

Minus wings and a halo, but complete with a generous soul forgiving of my many faults, my actions which had driven a wedge between us I had once thought non-repairable. Yet, there we were, standing next to each with the heat of a fire caressing us as we laughed and joked along with those around us, Bella's hand often finding its way to mine as she whispered up at me.

Right then, it was just Bella and me.

No Jake. No proposal. No Edward.

Like all precious moments, it was too short, a passionate brief second in time that teases us with a 'what if' before kicking our ass back to reality.

The night grew thick, and all grew tired, voices faded from gossip to goodbyes and we made our way back to our truck with promises to return before we left for Washington. Back at Peter's, we unloaded the truck before heading inside. After saying good night to Peter and Charlotte, I changed in the bedroom while Bella used the bathroom. When she entered, I went to leave for the couch, but her hand on my wrist stopped me at the door.

"Please," was all she said, but it was enough. Looking down at our hands, I nodded and she reached up to push my hair off my face before whispering, "Thank you."

We took what was quickly becoming our familiar positions in the bed, her body fitting against me comfortably, her sweet breath warming my chest as we both closed our eyes and let the darkness envelope us.

The next few days were a blur of showing Bella around, taking her into small towns like Buffalo Gap and Sweetwater, as well as dinner and a few visits with Peter's parents. One afternoon, Charlotte had taken Bella out for some shopping and Peter and I headed around town to visit a few old friends. After popping into the garage where Luke worked, and the furniture store that Mark managed, we headed to the small river we had spent hours at as kids. We sat on the bank of the river, watching the water froth as it bubbled over the rocks.

"It was real nice seeing everyone today," I said as I tossed a rock into the river, skipping it across the top of the water.

"You know this isn't high school, right?" he asked, leaning back on his elbows as he closed his eyes against the bright sun.

"What the fuck does that mean?" I turned my head to him, squinting.

"There's real emotions involved here, Jasper. Adult emotions, not just teenage hormones," he explained.

"Again, what the fuck does that mean?"

"What's going on with you and Bella?" Opening his eyes, he glared at me evenly. I grew uncomfortable under his scrutiny and turned away.

"We're close friends."

He snorted and shook his head. "Close friends that sleep in bed together? That hold hands constantly? Whose eyes light up when the other enters the room? That's a mighty fucking close friendship you got there, Jasper."

Emmett was the only one that knew of my feelings for Bella. I had the urge to spill it all to Peter, but I knew from experience his advice could be honest and possibly hurtful, and I wasn't sure my heart could handle his bluntness.

"She has a boyfriend," I informed him quietly.

"What!? Are you shittin' me?"

"Wish I was. In fact," I paused to take a deep breath, "shortly before we left, he asked her to marry him."

"And yet, she is here with you."

I picked up another rock, throwing it out before me. "She told him she needed some time to think about it."

"Does he know she's here…with you?" he asked disbelievingly and I nodded. "He let her travel two thousand miles with another man? He's either brave or sure as shit stupid."

"Neither." I answered, looking down at him. "Bella may seem all quiet and reserved but when she wants to do something, there is no stopping her. If he wanted any chance of her saying yes, he had to let her go."

"What are you goin' to do about it?"

Shaking my head, I sighed heavily. "Just wait for her to decide."

"And where does Edward fit into all this?" he asked thoughtfully.

"That is one very good question." I looked away, avoiding thinking about that answer as much as possible.

"And?"

"Without Edward, there is no us."

Thankfully, he accepted my answer and sensing he had pushed me as far as he could, quickly changed the subject. For the next few hours, we discussed him and Charlotte having children, his work and my classes, safely treading away from Bella and Edward.

"**~~**"

Before we knew it almost a week had passed. Bella and I had planned on making the seven hour drive over to Galveston the next day to check out the east coast of Texas. After getting home from work that night, Peter suggested we hit the local pub that night for a pizza. Bella, having had her fill of Texan food, eagerly agreed. After Peter showered, the four of us climbed into his truck and headed to a local bar.

"Oh, will you look at that," Peter said, pointing to a sign on the door was we walked in.

_Thursday night-Karaoke_

"How great," Bella said excitedly. Groaning, I held the door open for everyone and gave Peter a dirty look at he passed. Shrugging, he just smiled and walked by.

"What? It'll be fun," he offered with a wink.

"We are _not_ singing," I replied to his back as ignored me, raising a hand and waving without turning around.

The bar was small, tiny square tables scattered across the floor as waitresses weaved in and out carrying trays of food and drinks. Against the far wall was a little stage lit up with one spotlight, the Karaoke equipment set up to the side. As soon as we were done with our pizza, and after a few dares and double dog dares from Peter, Bella had the forms and was filling in her song requests with I pouted next to her.

"This is gonna be fun, stop worrin'," Peter said, hitting my arm.

I shook my head, "You've never heard her sing."

Laughing, he watched his wife walk up the stage with Bella. "Don't get your cows runn'in, she'll do great."

When the first beats of Gretchen Wilson's "Redneck Woman" began, I swear I heard Peter groan. He looked over at me. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"Told ya."

Bella and Charlotte sang their hearts out, missing the occasional word, giggling through high notes and 'hell yeahs' and improvising dance steps. Peter and I couldn't help but grin as our women entertained the crowd, earning cheers and claps as they continued.

"HELL YEAH!" Peter cheered, standing when they were done. Charlotte jumped into his arms. "You were great, baby," he murmured, kissing her. Bella sat down next to me wearing a huge grin.

"So, was it that bad?" she asked as she tucked her hair behind her ears, her face flushed with excitement.

_My ears bled._

"It was perfect."

Charlotte turned to me. "It's your turn."

"Uh-uh, no way," I replied but Peter was already pushing me toward the stage. Suddenly, I was standing before the small crowd with a mic in my hand and the lyrics to "I Will Survive" scrolling across the monitor. Glaring at Bella's choice of songs for Peter and me, she smiled and gave me the thumbs up. Soon, Peter and I had our arms over each other's shoulders, swaying back and forth, pouring our hearts into the lyrics, ending to a standing ovation.

When I got back to the table, Bella clapped and stomped her feet. "You guys rocked it!"

Peter sat down, patting his lap for Charlotte. She took his invitation before looking at Bella and me. "So what song y'all goin' to do?"

"You'll see," Bella squealed as she jumped up and grabbed my hand, literally dragging me back to the stage. She handed me my mic and grinned, her eyes bright with excitement.

There was no denying her the world much less a song.

"_I hopped off the plane at LAX_

_with a dream and my cardigan_

_welcome to the land of fame excess,_

_am I gonna fit in?"_

If only it hadn't been Miley Cyrus.

I had to admit, but by the time we hit the chorus and Bella had a hand above her head and her hips were swaying back and forth in a wide side to side motion, I didn't mind the song choice so much. I couldn't help but stand behind her, my free hand on her moving hips, reveling in the friction as she occasionally brushed against me.

"_So I put my hands up_

_They're playing my song,_

_And the butterfies fly away_

_Noddin' my head like yeah_

_Moving my hips like yeah,_

_And I got my hands up,_

_They're playin my song_

_I know I'm gonna be ok"_

When we finished to cheers and whistles, and walked back to our table to take our seats when the girls immediately headed for the restroom. After watching Bella's ass walk off in her tight jeans, Peter turned to me, suddenly serious.

"You know that girl's head over heels for you, right?"

"**~~**"

Thank you for reading.

I've been horrible on review replies lately, huge apologies for that. I have read and enjoyed each and every one but without email, I fell so, so, so far behind. I promise I will be much better with this chapter…if anyone is still reading!

Be sure to check out The Slash Awards at http :// theslashawards . blogspot . com/?zx=bf4921c061c2fefd (remove spaces) to nominate your favorite stories for Best Hand job, Best One Shot, and Best "I thought I was straight" among others, twenty five categories in all. Let's show those canon peeps that we love our slash too! Be sure to read the categories and send in your nominations!


	14. Winner at a Losin' Game

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- HUGE, massive creative license taken with Galveston, and the surrounding areas. Google Earth can only tell me so much, the rest I have to guess at. My apologies to anyone in that area that might go WTF when they read this. Forgive me?

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her, even though she put visions of Darkward in my head when I needed to write Safesper.

More author's notes at the end.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much. Five hundred reviews…I'm speechless people, utterly and completely speechless. Thank you!

"****~~**"**

Winner at a Losin' Game

Location: Galveston, TX (Comfortable)

"****~~**"**

Have you ever had to love someone  
That just don't feel the same?  
Tryin' to make somebody care for you  
The way I do  
Is like tryin' to catch the rain.  
And if love is really forever,  
I'm a winner at a losin' game."~Rascal Flats

"**~~**"

"Can you not put your boots on the dash?" I nodded to her boot clad feet on my dashboard. It was still early but the sun had already heated up the cab.

"I thought you liked them?" she countered, tilting her head back to look at me from under the rim of her cowboy hat.

"I do. They look great on you…just not my dashboard."

"Who stuck the burr under your saddle?" I looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. "Fine." With a heavy sigh, she leaned forward and began to pull the boots off her feet, tossing them on the floor with a thud. "Happy now?"

"Than a pig in shit."

Shaking her head, she turned back to the window. "Never known anyone so particular about his truck."

"Bella, you know there is a special relationship between a man and his truck."

"Apparently."

We had back to Peter's late the night before, all but falling into bed, each of us barely having enough energy to undress before I opened my arms and she scooted into them, wrapping her leg around mine. Sleep hit us both hard and fast, enveloping us quickly into its deep dark world. That morning Peter had woken us up at six, banging on our door and telling Bella to 'hurry up with relieving me'. After rolling her eyes at me, we showered and pack the last of our things before we found ourselves standing in their driveway for our goodbyes.

"Promise y'all will be back this way before heading back north?" Charlotte had begged.

"I hope to be kicked to death by grasshoppers if it ain't the truth." I had promised her before prying her arms from around my neck and holding her hands in mine as I placed a kiss on her forehead. "I swear we'll be back in time for my birthday next week."

"Let 'em go, sweetheart, they'll be back," Peter assured his wife. Bella had already said her goodbyes and was sitting in the cab of the truck waiting for me. Sticking out his hand, I clasped it and he pulled me into a hug. "You take care, Jasper. See y'all real soon. Remember what I told you."

_That girl's head over heels for you…._

As he released me, he grinned over my shoulder at Bella. "Darlin', you take care of our boy now, ya hear? Keep his skinny ass out of trouble."

Giggling, she replied, "You got it, Peter."

I walked around the driver's side, climbed in and started the truck. As I shifted into drive, I looked over at Bella, "Ready?"

"Yep."

"Y'all be careful now, ya hear?" Charlotte called out, waving wildly to us as I began to pull away. Looking in the rearview mirror, I saw Charlotte standing in front of Peter, his arms around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder.

Once again I was leaving Peter, only then it was only my own terms. Unlike being ripped from his life like before, I knew I would be returning in a few days.

"On the road again," I sang to Bella as we headed for the highway. Leaning her head back against the seat, she tipped her hat down to cover her eyes and yawned.

"Yeehaw."

"**~~**"

I stole as many glances at her as I dared to while she slept beside me. The brim of her hat covered her eyes, but I could see wisps of her hair hanging out from under the tan rim. Her lips were parted as she took even, sleepy breaths, every now and then her fingers would twitch or she would shift her weight toward me. I thought back to what Peter had said the night before in the bar, recalling how I had laughed out loud at his ridiculous revelation. Peter had always had a bit of a delusional side to him, it was something I admired about him, his ability to dream and dream big.

However I was a realist, and while there was no doubt that, even when Bella and I were barely on speaking terms, she loved me, it wasn't the type of love that Peter spoke of, the kind that he shared with Charlotte. Bella did not feel the all encompassing love for me that she did for Edward. I was her friend, her confidant, her shelter in the storm while Edward was…everything else.

I didn't even feel that Jake fit into her life as well as Edward did. She needed Edward in her life; her constant contact with him daily since we had left was evidence of that. Hell, she had talked to Edward more than she had talked to Jake. Would she say yes to Jake at the risk of Edward being a smaller part of her life? Her choice wasn't between me and Edward, it was between Jake and Edward.

When Peter had blurted out that he felt Bella was head over heels for me, I had been tempted to tell him about her and Edward, smash his little dreamy idea with the realism of the physical side of their relationship that they had shared at least once, if not more. But I kept it to myself, not wanting to be on the receiving end of his pitiful looks and consoling words.

I just wanted to wallow in my own misery without his company.

The trip to Texas was to revisit my childhood, to say goodbye and move on. It was also to repair the broken friendship between Bella and I, to return us to the closeness we had shared for years, and I felt confident we were on way to accomplishing that.

We were friends again.

But we would never be anything more and the sooner I accepted that, the better. Over the years, I had learned to harden my heart a bit, develop an outer layer of protection for it, a fortress of sorts that help soften the blows of the shared looks and whispered words between her and Edward.

Stirring, her head fell toward me, her hat slipping to the side as she mumbled. Edward's name fell from her lips in a soft caress. Sighing as I felt the fortress crack a bit, I turned up the radio hoping to drown out anymore mumblings. I had already heard everything I needed to hear.

"**~~**"

"Paul."

"You've got to be kidding me? Everyone knows John was the best," she gasped. After sleeping for a few hours, she had woken up, refreshed and ready for our next found of This or That. she sat facing me with her feet curled up under her.

"I beg to differ. Paul had a more successful solo career."

"Well, yeah, because John was killed. He was just…so inspirational. You can't deny that."

"I agree, he had it going on…until he married Oko," I conceded on his greatness. "But he still can't hold a candle to Paul."

"Whatever."

"James Dean or Marlon Brando," I tossed out.

"James," she answered with a dreamy sigh. "I supposed it's Brando for you?"

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse," I impersonated. Glancing over at me, she gave me a pitiful look.

"That was awful," she teased. I shrugged as I downshifted to exit the highway. "Breakfast?"

"Yeah. I'm starving."

We pulled into a small greasy spoon right off the exit, and I parked while Bella pulled her boots back on.

"You really like those boots, huh?" I waited outside her open door.

"Hell yeah. It was sweet of Charlotte to buy them for me." She hopped out of the truck, stirring up some dust as her feet hit the ground. Standing before me in her jeans and black tee shirt, her hair held back by an elastic, she peeked up at me from under the hat Charlotte had bought her to match the boots. "Ready?"

"Yep." I held out my hand and grabbing it, she walked next to me. It always amazed me how easily her hand fell into mine, it was like jigsaw pieces fitting together. Her fingers fit between mine, her palm perfectly placed and warm against my own.

We entered the diner to a few curious glances as the bell rang and were quickly escorted to a booth by the window. Sliding into the bright orange booth across from me, she took her hat off and sat it next to her as our waitress came up, took our drink orders while we looked over the menus.

"How come we never do drive-thrus?" Bella asked as her eyes scanned the menu.

"Because it's nice to get out and stretch."

"And you are a tall drink of water," she quoted Betty and smiled at me as she placed her menu on the table. "So what's our plan?"

"Hopefully, we'll hit Galveston early evening and get a spot at the state park to camp. Spend a day or two the coast, got a few places to show you, then head back to Abilene, and if you are a good girl, maybe stop on the way home at some place special."

The waitress dropped off our drinks before skittering off. I watched her before turning back to see Bella's disapproving look.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You have no idea, do you?"

"About?"

"Anything," she mumbled, probably not intending for me to hear her.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just…you have no idea when women are just practically throwing themselves at you."

Suddenly nervous, I glanced around the diner, wondering what I had missed. Just then our waitress caught my eye from behind the counter and winked at me.

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'. Seriously Jasper, when are you going to wake up?"

"Bella, you're exaggerating."

"Oh, really?" she challenged. "How many numbers did you get last night?"

I thought back to the night before at the karaoke bar. I had left with two numbers in my pocket, but neither one had even made it to my truck because I had dropped them both in the trash on my way out. One had been from a woman who had cornered me on my way to the men's room and told me that she could put a big Texas smile on my face. I had gone to push past her but she grabbed my hand and shoved a crumpled piece of paper in it with a 'offer is open anytime' before rejoining her girlfriends. The second girl had been less blatant, writing her number on a napkin and dropping it at me feet as she had walked by our table.

I had no need for any other woman in my life but the one that sat across from me. While I was trying to accept the fact that it wasn't me she belonged with, I also knew I would never move on. Women could continue to give me their numbers, but I would never call any of them.

"I hardly think anyone is 'throwing themselves at me. It wasn't like they were shedding their clothes and spreading their legs, it was just phone numbers. They're just social," I grinned.

"Social my ass," she scoffed just as our waitress returned.

"What can I get you folks?" she might have been speaking to both of us, but she was clearly only looking at me. I looked over at Bella and found a very big 'I told ya so' smirk on her face.

"Two eggs over easy, side of grits, bacon, and toast," I ordered, never taking my eyes off Bella's.

"I'll have the same, please," Bella smiled politely up the woman, trying to get her attention, but 'Sally' would have none of that. After picking up our menus, she swayed her hips back to her counter to place our order. Across from me, Bella leaned back in her booth, her arms crossed over her chest defiantly.

"I still don't agree," I smiled, taking a sip of my juice.

"Yes, well I always knew you were insane, this just confirms it."

We ate quickly, leaving Sally a nice top before hitting the road again. As it neared noon, the sun beat down on us but we refused to turn on the air conditioner. Instead, Bella had changed into some shorts and I had unbuttoned my shirt.

"This or That?" she asked as she leaned her head back against her seat before turning lazily toward me.

"Nah…something different."

"Truth or Dare?"

I chuckled, "Well not sure what kind of dares we can accomplish while in the truck, but I'm game."

Suddenly interested, she sat up straight, pulling one leg up and under her so she could face me better. The wind from open window behind her played havoc with her hair, whipping the dark strands around her face. Admittedly I was a bit nervous about playing Truth or Dare, afraid I was opening up a huge-ass can of worms.

"Me first. Truth or dare?" she asked eagerly, jumping at the chance to ask me anything.

"Truth."

"Why do you still wear those, after all these years?" She pointed to the dark brown cowboy boots on my feet.

I was relieved we were starting off easy, but of course, I had to tease her anyway. "That's the best you got, Swan? You have the chance to ask me anything and you ask about my boots?"

Shrugging, she looked down at them and back up to my face. "I wanna know."

"Easy. Because you gave them to me." My gazed fixed on the road in front of me, not wavering to see her reaction. She had given me the boots for my birthday the year after we had met. Unless I was running, I never wore anything else on my feet.

"Aw, that's so sweet…you sap. Your turn," she grinned.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

The one question I wanted to know the answer to, I didn't dare ask, so treaded around the subject. "Why Newton?"

"Ugh, did you have to go there, Hale?" She wrinkled her nose and frowned at me.

Imitating her previous reply, I said, "I wanna know."

"He was convenient."

"Convenient?"

"Yeah," she whispered, almost inaudibly. "He was available."

What the fuck did that mean? I considered her answer for a moment. Available how? Emotionally? Physically? I cringed at the last thought. Was I not available? Short black hair and a wide smile flash before me.

_Alice. _

I had been about as unavailable as someone could have been.

"Besides, you're supposed to do stupid shit at teenagers. Sow your oats and all."

"Well you could have sowed way better oats." I glanced over at her and smiled.

"I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me." Turning to face forward again, she put her bare feet back onto the dash, her toes pressing against the windshield. "My turn again. Truth or dare?"

Feeling brave, I replied, "Dare."

"Pull up to that truck and wink at the driver…flirt with them." She pointed to a blue Chevy in the lane to our left.

"What if it's a guy?"

"Doesn't matter."

Shocked at her reply, I looked over at her only to find her with a raised brow. With a sigh, I pressed down on the gas.

After all, a dare was a dare.

Pulling up beside the truck, I was relieved to see an older woman driving alone. Probably in her mid-forties with blond hair pulled back, she had on a black cowboy hat and lot of make up. I glanced over at Bella one last time. She nodded toward the woman and smiled. Keeping my truck even with the blond's, I looked at the woman, tooting my horn to get her attention. When she looked over, I licked my lips before giving her my widest dimpled grin and winking. Laughing, she tilted her hat to me and returned my wink and smile.

Bella's laugh was full and loud as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Oh my God, oh my God, that was classic, Jasper…classic."

"Glad you thought so," I rolled my eyes as I felt the heat in my cheeks beginning to fade. "Truth or dare, Swan?"

Bella was smart enough to know that any dare she took was going to be just as embarrassing, if not more so than what she had made me do, she took the safe route, or so she thought. "Truth."

I took a deep breath, wanting to know the answer to one question for years, having only heard one side of the events. It was a topic I avoided, my heart always aching when I thought about it; I had pushed it out my mind, hidden deep until now. "Why Edward?"

"Why Edward what?" she seemed honestly puzzled by the question. When I had asked the same one about Newton earlier, she had understood completely. Suddenly, she realized what I was referring to. "Oh, that," she murmured.

For a minute, I didn't think she was going to continue, and I was undecided between reminding her about the rules of Truth or Dare and not really wanting to hear the answer. However the masochistic in me had to know, had to know why _him_. Just as I was about to urge her on regardless of the pit in my stomach, she turned and looked out her window. Small fingers came up to push her blowing hair behind her ear.

"Honestly? I thought I was ready for it, for sex…and…." she continued without waiting for me to respond, "I knew you had already slept with Alice. She had told me of course, and I figured if you were ready, then so I was I." My heart skipped a bit before charging ahead, racing in my chest in hope and regret. I didn't know what to say, I glanced at her quickly before turning back to the road. Without further prompting, she continued. "I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved, not some random boyfriend I might never see again years later. Your first time should be something special, something you always remember."

We were quiet for a moment, the silence surrounding us, not with a heavy burden, but with a comfort as our memories of our first times came back to us. She was right. My first time with Alice was something I remembered with love and kindness, it wasn't dark or awful, or with someone I didn't love.

She sighed, looking at her hands in resting on her thighs and she whispered. "So I wanted it to be with someone that would be in my life forever. That's only two people…and one wasn't available."

I bit down on my bottom lip, wanting the pain, the slight metallic taste of the blood seeped over my tongue.

"Edward was a gentleman, sweet…." she wiped her cheek. "He took good care of me, Jasper. I asked him to do it and he agreed. Of Course, it took some convincing. "

It was a heavy moment; she had finally confessed to me that she had slept with Edward. After all these years of avoiding the topic, she had told me she loved him. The comfortable silence had become thicker, the vines of it tightening around my heart, squeezing it. I needed out of the conversation, and quickly.

"Yes, well I have always wondered about him." I glanced at her, hoping she would catch my lead and run with it.

"Yeah, he is a bit too fashionable."

She took bait, smart girl.

"I mean, who really wears loafers anymore?" she added with one final swipe to her damp cheeks.

"Exactly…especially when cowboy boots rule." I gave her a weak smile and pointed at her boots on the floor. She let out a laugh and reached behind her.

"Want a drink?" Edward might not have been sitting in the truck next to us, but he _was_ with us, on our minds and most definitely buried deep in our hearts, especially hers. Handing me a bottle of water, she plopped back down on her seat just as her cell rang. "Shit," she murmured as she looked at the display before hitting the end button and sending the caller to voicemail.

"Any decision yet?" I asked, motioning toward her phone.

Tossing the phone back in her bag, she looked out the window. "Can we not talk about it now?"

Frustrated, I snapped back. "If you can't talk about it to your best friend, then…"

"Is that what we are?" she interrupted, snapping her head toward me, her brows arched.

"Aren't we?" I asked, completely confused. She didn't answer but turned back toward the window. The silence remained until I suggested we pulled into Madisonville for lunch, although I doubted either of felt much like eating. Instead, we ordered quickly and pushed the food around our plates as we pretended to eat. Silently, I berated myself for having brought Jake up.

Once we were back in the truck, Bella pulled her cell phone out and I cringed, preferring she called Jake in private, somewhere I didn't have to hear the murmurs of love and promises of a quick return.

"Jake?" I asked and received a nasty glare.

"No, actually, I'm calling Edward," she practically spat at me. Putting the phone up to her ear, she waited for him to answer. After a minute, she hung up and looked at me. "No answer."

Concerned clouded her, her eyes were downcast, but I knew they held worry in them.

"I'm sure he's fine, Bella, probably just working. You know his hours are crazy at hospital. He's kinda at their mercy."

"I know," she sighed as she fondled the phone in her hands. "But this is like the third time he hasn't answered, and he hasn't called back yet." Turning away from me, she wiped at her eye and tipped her hat down to shield herself from me.

"I'm sure he's fine," I repeated quietly, not sure I who I was trying to reassure more, her or me.

"**~~**"

It was about six when we pulled into the Galveston State Park. Stopping at the office, I hopped out and went into see if we could get a site. Luckily, they had some secluded sites available, and I picked the one that would be furthest from anyone. After signing the paperwork, I headed back to the truck and drove to our spot. The brush was thick, even scratching along the sides of the truck as we crawled along the small dirt road.

"Are you sure it's out here? I feel like we're going to drive into the marsh."

Bella glanced down at the map I had tossed in her lap after checking in. "Yep, should be just beyond those markers."

Sure enough, less than a hundred yards later we pulled into a small clearing and parked. "I'll get the tent, you get the bags?"

Nodding, she opened her door and got out. I was pulling out the tent before I realized she wasn't next to me. Walking around the side of the truck, I found her standing there staring out over the horizon. "You okay?"

"It's beautiful," she replied with awe. Following her gaze, I saw the sun as it hung low, casting deep hues of orange and reds across the darkening sky. We stood there quietly appreciating the beautiful sight when I felt her fingers weave with mine. I spread my own to welcome hers and gripped tightly, rubbing my thumb along her hand. Leaning against me, she sighed. "I'm sorry."

Placing a kiss on the top of her head, I whispered into her hair, "Me too." As much as I hated to, I released her hand to get the tent set up before it got dark. She followed, pulling out our bags and lugging them over to the site before heading back for the other supplies.

"Ah, Jasper, why is all this food in the cooler?" she asked as she opened the lid and saw the food I bought at the store before we had arrived.

"It's dinner and breakfast."

"Steak? Potatoes? We don't even have a grill, how are you going to cook this?" she asked dragging the cooler over to me. I had the tent unpacked and was about to pop it open.

"On the fire," I answered her silly question and swear I heard her chuckle, mumbling something about 'that'll be the day'.

Less than an hour later, the tent was up with our sleeping bags inside. Bella had unpacked our cooking supplies and had opened up a bag of chips, munching on them as she sat o a log watching me finish up. Finally, I kneeled before the fire pit.

"I can't believe you are going to attempt this. Why don't you just share these chips with me?" she offered, holding the bag out to me.

"Oh ye of little faith," I shot back as I gathered twigs from ground and laying them in the circle of rocks on top of the grass I had already put there. After building a tiny teepee with the sticks, I pulled out my flint and switchblade. I looked up at Bella before starting. "Still got that first aid kit handy?"

Her eyes widened. "Please tell me you were a Boy Scout?"

"Nope, Major wouldn't let me, said he could teach me everything I needed to know." Carefully, I scraped the magnesium onto a napkin before flipping it over to spark the flint. "Ready?" I asked her before I swiped the blade down the dark line of flint. Three sparks later, a small flame appeared before quickly dying out, but I leaned over and blew on the napkin, encouraging the flame to grow. Gently, I placed it under the teepee and watched with pride as it caught the dry brush.

"Wow, Jasper, I'm seriously impressed."

"Grab me those sticks over there." I pointed to large pile I had gathered earlier. Following my instructions, she brought them over and sat next to me on the ground, her eyes never leaving the growing fire. After tossing on some sticks and larger pieces of wood, I turned to her. "Time for some grub," I stood, dusting off my hands before heading for the food.

She continued to watch in awe as I sliced the potatoes and wrapped them in tin foil before tossing them into the fire. Next, I grabbed a long thin grate and laid it across the rocks, the fire reaching up through the rods. "We got about thirty minutes until the potatoes are done. Want a drink?"

Nodding, she moved back to her log, sitting on ground in front of it, she leaned back against the wood and patted the ground next to her. We were pretty quiet, watching the sun's last rays whisper their good-bye as it lowered on the horizon.

"One of the prettiest sunsets I've ever seen."

"It sure as hell is," I agreed before getting up and grabbing the steaks to toss them on the homemade grill. Kneeling next to the rocks, I flipped the steaks, seasoned them with some spices, and checked the potatoes. Satisfied they were done, I grabbed the plates and served us, handing Bella her steak and potato, complete with butter.

"It is going to moo?" she joked as she sat back to cut her steak. Hesitantly, she took a bit, and as she chewed, her eyes grew wide. "Oh my God, Jasper. How the hell you do this?"

Beaming, I sat across from her, chewing on my own piece as I spread butter on my potato. "Do what?"

Swallowing, I swear she moaned in pleasure. "Cook. This is fucking delicious."

Laughing, I shook my head. "Sweetheart, I might not know my way around a kitchen, but give me a fire and I can make you a three course meal." She challenged me with a raised brow. "Okay, perhaps not three course, but at least a damn good steak."

"Damn good," she agreed with her mouth full. "Does Edward know?"

"Know what?"

"That you can cook?"

"Oh. Actually, I don't know, he's gone camping with me and the Major a few times, but I'm not sure he's eaten something I've cooked."

"After all these years, I can't believe you can cook…"

"Over a fire," I reminded her.

After filling ourselves, I cleaned up the dishes, rinsing them off under the spout of running water the site had and restocked the fire with some wood before grabbing my guitar and settling back next to Bella. The night air had brought a chill with it, and we both moved closer the fire to feed off its warm glow. Cradling the Gibson in my lap, I let my fingers trail over the strings, reacquainting themselves. I hadn't played it since the night before I had left.

"That's not your guitar," Bella observed.

"It is now," I sighed, caressing the smooth wood as gently as I would any lover that lay beneath me.

"You saved the money up?" I shook my head, debating on telling her the truth as to the guitar's original purchaser.

"Jasper?"

Lightly strumming the strings with one hand, my other pressed the cords. "Edward gave it to me." I paused, waiting to see if she would reply. When she didn't, I continued. "For my birthday, but since I wasn't going to be around for it, he gave it to me early."

"The night before we left." She began to fill in the blanks, "Along with the necklace." I nodded and tilted my head.

"Any requests?"

"Anything you want."

I paused for a second before beginning, my fingers moving over the strings.

"Cowboys ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold.  
They'd rather give you a song than diamonds or gold.  
Lonestar belt buckles and old faded Levis,  
And each night begins a new day.  
If you don't understand him, an' he don't die young,  
He'll prob'ly just ride away."

Giggling as soon as the first words had left my mouth, she grinned through the entire song, even joining in on the chorus. I was silently thankful that we were far away from our nearest neighbor.

"Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.  
Don't let 'em pick guitars or drive them old trucks.  
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such.  
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.  
'Cos they'll never stay home and they're always alone.  
Even with someone they love."

I finished the song, letting the last notes fade away before looking up at Bella, seeing her thoughtful stare. "What?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"'Course."

She thought for a moment, pulling her sweatshirt down and resting her chin on her bent knees. "Why didn't you major in music? You obviously love it."

As I felt the guitar in my lap, its weight pleasant and comforting, I considered her question, one I had asked myself more than once. "For the same reason Edward wants med school." She waited for me to explain further. "We are expected to be doctors and lawyers and such." Again, a raised brow. "Alright, so only one of us is going to be a doctor. Regardless, it's expected of us. While Edward's true passion is music, he was expected to follow in his father's footsteps and become a doctor…and he will make a brilliant one."

"And with you?" she asked, tossing a stick into the fire watching the flames engulf it.

"Can you see the Major if I had told him I wanted to study music? History might not have the prestige of a doctor but it will get me a steady job. And if I wasn't going military, I had to pick something useful. Music? Not very useful."

"But you love it."

"Yes, I do, very much. But you never know how much food it'll put on the table."

"And unless you plan on cooking over an open fire every night, you need to make enough money to eat out a lot. "

Smiling, I agreed. "Or marry someone that can cook." I laughed at the thought of getting married, but she turned serious on me.

"Do you think you'll ever get married?" When I looked over at her, I found her staring at the fire as the flames danced toward the sky.

"I don't know, honestly."

And I didn't. Marriage wasn't something I had put much thought into. Hell, I could barely tell a toaster from a microwave, I was hardly ready for marriage. There was so much I needed to do first; graduate, get a job, find a place to live. While she had the proposal on her mind, I knew even if she said yes to Jake, Bella wouldn't marry until she had graduated; she was too responsible to do otherwise. Wanting to steer us away from the very conversation that had caused a rift earlier, I began to play a few random cords.

"Want another?"

She nodded at me and smiled, "Sure."

"This one's dedicated to Peter," I chuckled to myself as I played the first few notes.

"Blame it all on my roots  
I showed up in boots  
And ruined your black tie affair  
The last one to know  
The last one to show  
I was the last one  
You thought you'd see there  
And I saw the surprise  
And the fear in his eyes  
When I took his glass of champagne  
And I toasted you  
Said, honey, we may be through  
But you'll never hear me complain"

Laughing, she joined me in the chorus again.

"'Cause I've got friends in low places  
Where the whiskey drowns  
And the beer chases my blues away  
And I'll be okay  
I'm not big on social graces  
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis  
Oh, I've got friends in low places"

We barely made it through the song, missing a few lines here and there from laughing. Bella's conveniently time 'yee haws' had sent me in a fit of giggles. The rest of the night was spent singing country songs, some old, some new…but each one holding a special meaning to me. As it neared the camp ground's quiet time, I put the guitar back in the truck and grabbed a blanket. Sitting against the log, I spread my legs before me and held the blanket out to Bella. Crawling between my legs, she leaned her back against my chest and I wrapped the blanket around her, taking her hands in mine and placing them on her stomach. With her head on my shoulder, we watched the stars in silence. When she turned her head toward mine, I felt her breath caress my unshaven jaw as she spoke.

"Tell me a story."

_A story?_

"Like a ghost story?" I pulled away a bit and looked down at her.

"No, a story from your childhood."

"Oh, a horror story," I laughed. "Didn't you hear enough of Jasper's most embarrassing moments from Peter?"

"It doesn't have to be embarrassing, just tell me something…." I thought for a moment, and then began.

"I was six or seven and the Major had just gotten back from being overseas for six months and we celebrated by going camping. I don't remember the campground, or where it was, but it was a nice place that had a big lake. There happened to be a fishing competition that weekend and the Major entered us. Early the next morning, long before sunrise, he woke me up and we gathered our stuff. My mom had made us sandwiches and packed a cooler for our lunch. I had my bright yellow life vest on and the Major paddled us out in a small rowboat. It was my first time fishing, and I was so excited to spend the day with my dad, and learn how to fish. He taught me how to bait the hooks…."

"And?"

"Well, I got a little sick and vomited over the side of the boat."

"Oh, no."

"Yep. It wasn't much, but I was pretty embarrassed. The Major baited my hooks after that." Bella giggled and pulled the blanket tighter around her. "We tossed our lines and then just sat and waited. The lake was crystal clear and smooth as glass. We just sat there and watched the sun rise. It was beautiful. The Major told me stories about his tour, where he had been, what he had seen. He talked and I listened with awe. He was…my hero, everything I wanted to grow up to be. After a few hours, I had a bite on my hook. The Major got behind me, helped me reel it in and sure enough, we pulled in a small trout. It plopped on the floor of the boat, flopping around all wild like. Its mouth opening and closing as best it could with the hook in it. I looked up at my dad, he looked so…proud of me and I remember thinking...I couldn't do it. I couldn't take the fish's life for the sake of some contest. I was afraid to tell my dad though, afraid the look of pride he had given me would disappear, but I took a deep breath and told him anyway. His smile faded for a minute, and then he pulled out some clippers, cut the hook, pulled it out the fish's mouth. Then he told me to hold out my hands."

I paused, remembering how scared I had been that day as I stood there, barely able to move with the life jacket on and my tiny hands shaking. It had been one of the first times I had stood up my dad, and the thought of my hero being disappointed in me had almost broken my heart.

"I was afraid of what he was going to do. He was calm and I couldn't tell how mad he was. My hands shook as I held them out in front of me waiting for his belt to come slamming down on them. Instead, I felt the slimy fish. I opened my eyes and grabbed it, trying to keep it still and just looked up at him. He told me 'if you are going to be responsible for saving a life, you need to follow through'. I leaned over the edge of the boat and placed the fish back in the water. My dad and I watched him swim away. I imagined he was going back to his family. Like my dad had come home to me, the fish was going back to his kids. We just stayed in the boat until lunch, we ate the sandwiches my mom had packed and then headed back in. When we got back to the campsite, my mother asked us how we had done, how many fish we had caught. My dad looked down at me, and told her 'they just ain't biting today, sweetheart'. When she turned to walk away, he looked down at me, ruffled my hair and gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen."

"I've never heard you call him dad before," she observed, her voice thick with sleep. "Have you fished since then?"

"Nope and I still won't eat seafood."

"Who knew the Major was such a softy," Bella sighed. Pulling her to me tightly, I let my cheek rest against her head and felt my eyes drift close. I was warm and comfortable and had Bella in my arms.

The tent remained empty that night as we both fell asleep against the log, her wrapped in the blanket and me wrapped around her while the crickets played us their summer lullaby.

The sun rose to find it in almost the same positions we had watched it set in. As its early morning warmth spread over us, my eyes fluttered opened and I realized what had happened. Nudging Bella with my leg, I felt her stir but she only turned her head toward me.

My legs were stiff, my ass was numb, and my back was sore from the rough bark of the log. Yet, I couldn't remember when I had been more comfortable. Even waking up in the hotel rooms with Bella next to me didn't compare to waking up outside by the sunlight with Bella snug against me. I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes again, inhale her scent and let it pull me back into sleep. Instead, I shook her.

"Bella," I whispered. "Wake up." My voice was husky from all the singing the night before.

"Sleep."

"Yeah, I know, but we got to get up and get goin'."

Slowly, her eyes opened and widened when she realized where she was. "Oh my God, Jasper. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep. Why did you wake me up."

"Probably because I fell asleep too," I yawned, turning my head from her.

"I'm stiff," she complained, arching her back as she lifted her arms above her head and stretched.

"Tell me about it," I murmured under my breath when my growing erection felt the friction of her ass against it. Gently, I put my hands on her hips and helped her to her feet. "I'll get the fire started for breakfast while you shower."

Nodding, she stumbled to the truck still wrapped in the blanket.

By the time she returned from her shower, I had the bacon cooked and was flipping the eggs on the pan. She walked over, her hair damp and her cheeks still flushed from the heat of her shower, and stood beside me. "I still don't get it."

"What?" I asked, sliding the eggs into a plate.

"How the hell you can cook eggs over a fire but not on a stove top."

"Hell with the eggs, you should have seen what happened when I tried to cook bacon once."

"I can just imagine."

"Let's just say it's a hella easier to cook bacon on this grate than a pot."

"A pot?"

"Long story," I handed her the plate of food, "Bon appetit." Taking my own plate, I sat across from her and we ate to the sounds of other campers waking up and the ducks calling from the water. "Let's head to into town today, I want to show you something."

"Sure," she mumbled as she chewed. "Jasper, this is really good. We are so installing a firepit when we get home."

After breakfast, Bella cleaned up while I went and took a shower.

"**~~**"

We stood on the shore overlooking the bay, the green water ebbing with the wakes of the touring cruise ships as they passed by. Bella, dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and black tee shirt that said 'Everything's bigger in Texas', stood next to me, her hand shielding her eyes against the high sun.

"See that over there," I put a hand on her shoulder and pointed across the water to the lighthouse on the other side. "That's Point Bolivar Lighthouse and Fort Travis is right there," I moved my hand to the right a bit.

"And where are we?" she asked looking around the bay.

"Fort Point," I took her hand we headed along the shoreline. "In July 1861, the Navy blockaded this harbor, but it remained under Confederate rule. So in October of 1862, Union Commander Renshaw sent in the ship Harriet Lane with a flag of truce. The idea was to tell the authorities of the town that if they did not surrender, the Navy would attack. Colonel Cook, the Confederate commander for the area, refused to send an answer to the ship, so the Harriet Lane returned to the other ships, but was replaced by four Union steamers and mortar boat. To answer, the Confederates fired at the ships. The Navy answered and even disabled one of the Confederate guns at Fort Point."

"So what happened? Did they attack back?" she asked with sincere interest.

"Well, the Confederates had other guns, and fired those at the Union ships. Renshaw demanded surrender of Galveston or he would begin shelling the town. Cook refused and said that if Renshaw fired on the town, he would kill women, children, and aliens. Before the Union could fire though, a Confederate officer asked to speak with Cook and negotiated a four day truce to evacuate the women and children from the town. The agreement was finalized but never written down, which caused problems. The Confederates evacuated alright, taking all their weapons, ammunition, and basically anything they could carry. Well, Renshaw wasn't happy about that, but because there was nothing written down, he couldn't do anything about it."

"Why wasn't he happy about it?"

"Because part of overtaking an area is acquiring all their assets, such as guns and ammo. The less firepower your enemy has, the better for you. But when the people took it all with them, there wasn't much left for the Union to confiscate, and that basically pissed them off, though not much they could do about it."

"How did it end?" she looked out over the harbor, imagining the old ships lined up for battle.

"Galveston fell to the Union, which sucked because it meant one more Confederate port was closed to commerce. No income meant no money to fund the war. However, the port wasn't shut down for long. "

"Was that the only battle here?"

Shaking my head, I picked up a rock and skimmed it out across the water. "No, there was another. Major General Magruder-"

"Macgyver?"

"Magruder," I corrected her, looking down at her and laughing. "became Confederate commander in Texas in November of 1862. Needless to say, they relieved Cook of his duties after what had happened. Well, _Magruder_," I emphasized his name, "was very eager to recapture Galveston back under Confederate rule, so on New Year's Day in 1863, four Rebel gunboats appeared down the bay heading toward the town. As soon as they were in sight, the Rebels attacked via land too. The Union forces here were only three companies from Massachusetts, a volunteer infantry actually, under the command of Burrell. It wasn't too hard for the Confederates to capture or kill all of them, and they boarded and took the Harriet Lane and another schooner. When Renshaw's ship, the U.S.S Westfield, ran aground trying to help the Harriet Lane they blew it up on purpose to prevent her from being captured by the Rebels. In the end, the Confederate took Galveston back, but the Union blockade of the harbor still limited their commerce. "

We stopped walking and took in the view. The sun reflected off the water, bright sparks of light shooting from its surface.

"Over there is a Coast Guard Reserve." Putting my hands on her shoulders, I turned her a bit. "And that is the Fort Point lighthouse."

"When was that built?"

"I'm not sure, but late 1800's I believe, although it wasn't in service very long."

"Tell me more?"

"You're not bored?" I laughed.

"Nope, I want to know more."

"Okay. There was another battle in Texas, fought up in Sabine Pass by the Louisiana border. It was September of 1863 when a small group of people under Dowling defeated a large Union invasion from New Orleans. Dowling's men were more skilled with guns and disabled the lead ships. When they did that, the rest of the ships retreated back to New Orleans. It was a huge victory for the Confederate because of the odds. CSA-"

"CSA?"

"Confederate States of America. Their president was Jefferson Davis. He called the Sabine Pass victory the greatest military victory in history of the world."

"He was a bit full of himself, huh?"

"Yes, he was. I guess he had to be to think he could beat the Union forces. In fact, the last battle of the war was fought in Texas."

"Really? I mean, once it was declared over, it was over, right?"

"Well, Lee surrendered in April of 1865, but there was one last battle fought here in May, but it only lasted a day."

"How do you know all this?"

I stopped and looked down at her, the sun had been working hard on her skin and it was a beautiful shade of pink. "Seriously, Bella?"

Laughing, she continued to walk, pulling my hand. "I know you study history and all, but you are like a walking Google search."

"Want to know more?" Her slight nod was all I needed before I was telling her about the Texas secession from the country in 1861, and how Sam Houston had been replaced because he refused to sign the papers. I babbled out random facts until I was once again at the Battle at Sabine Pass. We had walked back and forth along the beach, Bella never seeming to lose interest, properly inserting well-timed 'ohs and ahs', and asking questions when I confused her or went too fast.

"Thank you for the history lesson, Hale."

"Professor Hale to you, miss," I tipped my head.

"Ya know," she began, looking out over the water. "People might be more inclined to go to class if they were all held on a beach."

"I know I would. "

"You're wrong, ya know."

"About?"

"History _is_ your passion, Jasper. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about it. You get animated, and excited, and happy. You really love it."

Sighing, I knew she was right, my love for history ran deep. It had been installed in me at a young age and the thirst to know more had yet to be fully quenched. "We've been walking for hours, you must be starving."

"I am. Let's get seafood," she chuckled before starting to jog up the beach. I followed and we found a small shack that was selling burgers and fries. Ordering some, we took them back to the beach, sat in the sand and ate, our view one more beautiful than of any restaurant.

After lunch, we drove down Harborside Drive along the bay heading back into the city.

"What are those?" Bella asked, pointing out her window to the metal cities in the water.

"Oil rigs."

"They're huge."

"Lots of oil."

Heading east, we headed back toward the beach, found a place to park and then hit some stores, hunting down some souvenirs for friends and family back home. Bella was undecided about what to get for Edward until we walked into a hat store.

"We have to get him a cowboy hat," she practically squealed.

I stopped short. "You've got to be kidding." Shaking her head, she began searching through the hundreds of hats. "Bella, Edward doesn't seem like the cowboy hat wearing type."

She ignored me, digging through hats, trying the occasional one on. "Well, we got to get him something, right? So why not a hat? I mean, really Jasper, what says Texas more than a cowboy hat?"

She had me there. I had no argument and began to help her look. It seemed like hours later, she finally settled on a red hat with a black band. I had almost expected to see tassels hanging off the brim. Part of me couldn't wait to see the expression on Edward's face when Bella gave it to him. Somehow, I knew he would blame me for it.

When we were done shopping, we headed back to the camp ground, relaxing a bit before I started the fire for dinner, opting for some simple hot dogs and some pasta salad we had picked up at a store. Bella watched as I started the fire and cooked the hot dogs to perfection.

"Seriously, Jasper, the fact that you can cook is the world's best kept secret," she said as she bit into her hot dog.

"Bella, it's a hot dog. Monkeys could cook them."

"Yeah, well monkeys could probably cook toast too," she challenged.

"Point taken." I sat next to her and began to eat. "More songs tonight?" I asked hopefully, eager to feel my guitar in my hands again.

She wiped her mouth with her hand and nodded. "Yep, got to get ready to do more karaoke with Peter and Charlotte. "

"God help us," I groaned before waiting the impact of her tiny fist on my arm, which came with more force than I expected. We spent the night singing, laughing and joking. As soon as we both began to yawn, we climbed into the tent, not wanting to fall asleep outside again. Our sleeping bags were right next to each, the tent not leaving much room for anything else. Once Bella was inside hers, I zipped her up and crawled into my own before opening my arms. In her bag, she slid over into my embrace, her head resting on my chest.

"G'night, Jasper," she sighed.

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

"**~~**"

I was already cooking breakfast by the time Bella crawled yawning out of the tent the next morning. Handing her a plate with a breakfast sandwich on it, I smiled as she shook her head.

"Amazing," she mumbled. "Can't work a toaster, but you can cook bagels on a fire."

"Don't bother showering when you're done."

"Why?" She said before biting into the sandwich and moaning, her eyes rolling back into her head a bit. "This is really good."

"Thanks. Because we're hitting the beach today, swimsuit and towel are all you need." While she finished breakfast, I cleaned up and changed into swimming trunks, tossing on an old tee shirt and throwing towels into the truck.

Sitting next to me in her bathing suit, I had a hard time keeping my eyes on the road. It was black and simple, and even though it covered her well, it left little to the imagination. Suddenly I was thankful my shorts were extra baggy. We crossed the bridge over the bay, Bella pointing out Fort Travis as we went by it. I complimented her for retaining the history lesson from the day before.

Walking onto the sand, we found a place for our blanket and spread it out. After Bella coated herself in sunscreen and I wiped the drool off my chin, we lay in the sun and talked. Bella insisted on more childhood stories. Lying on my stomach, resting my head on my folded arms, I told her about our family trip to the beach we were at and my first trip to a cattle ranch.

"Wait, you know how to ride?" I wasn't sure that question even deserved an answer. Did anyone grow up in small town Texas and not know how to ride? Instead, I raised an eyebrow at her. Quickly, she turned to her side to face me. "Will you teach me?"

A trotting chestnut horse popped into my head and I got an idea. "Sure, if you really want to."

"Awesome," she giggled with excitement as she rolled onto her stomach, her head on her arms facing me. "This is really beautiful here, Jasper."

Squinting, I looked down the shoreline. "Well, it is now. It got slammed by Ike a few years ago, did some damage to a lot of these buildings, docks and piers. The wind hit hard, but there was a nasty storm surge too. Totally destroyed some places, lots of damage to others."

All day we stayed on the beach, heading into the water several times to cool off, splashing and swimming. When the day grew long, we packed up and headed to a restaurant, Bella giving me the night off from cooking. Once back at the campground, we showered off the sand and ocean water before settling in by a small fire I had made. We talked movies, books, and our upcoming classes. Bella fell asleep in my arms to my story about Edward and me camping with the Major. I carried her into the tent, placing her on her sleeping bag. Then I unzipped mine and covered us both with it.

It was another night of peaceful sleep with Bella safe and sound in my arms.

"**~~**"

After breakfast, packing and checking out, we headed northwest on I-45. We had been driving for almost four hours when we started seeing signs for I-20 and Abilene. As Bella realized we had passed the exit for Abilene, she looked over at me surprised.

God, she looked beautiful with her freshly tanned skin.

"Ah, Jasper, why didn't you take the exit?"

Just as we passed under a sign that said 'Dallas 40 miles', I glanced at Bella.

"I told you if you were good, I had someplace special to show you."

She looked up at the sign, "In Dallas?"

"In Dallas," I confirmed.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading!

Voting has begun at the Slash Awards, there are many great stories up for Best Kiss, Best Hand Job and many other categories. Lost and Found was nominated for a few, as well as Merger and Acquisitions. Read through all the nominations and vote here http  . com/ ?zx=16777e4acdfb109a (remove spaces)

Thanks!


	15. One More Day

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- HUGE, massive creative license taken with Dallas, and Gilly's. My apologies to anyone in that area that might go WTF when they read this. Forgive me? Also my apologies for the length of time in between chapters, I worked on a one-shot that was over23k, as well as an M&A chapter that was over 14k, and another smaller one shot for a contest.

I feel it is only fair to warn you that this chapter may or may not frustrate a few of you, and I completely understand the frustration. Should you choose to walk away, I understand that as well, and if so, thank you in advance for sticking with it this far.

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"****~~**"**

One More Day

Location: Dallas, TX (Grateful)

"****~~**"**

One more day  
One more time  
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied  
But then again  
I know what it would do  
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you "~Diamond Rio

"**~~**"

Shifting into park, I glanced over at Bella as she leaned forward, tilted her head and stared up at the brick building. Studying it, she furrowed her brows before sighing.

"Okay, I need one more hint," she said with a twinge of dejection.

"You sure?" I asked, giving her one last chance.

"Yes," she sighed again.

"Okay, just remember what the bet was," I reminded her and wiggled my eyebrows.

"The hint, Jasper," she chided, folding her arms across her chest. I pulled the keys out and stuff them in my pocket as I thought of another clue for her.

"Textbooks," I offered with a devious smile.

"Textbooks?" she repeated, turning her attention back to the square brick building to our right.

"Yep," I nodded. "Let's get out and walk around, maybe it will come to you?" I opened the door and was immediately hit by a wave of intense heat, my tee shirt already clinging to me. Finally caving on the drive from Galveston, we had turned on the air conditioner in the truck. "Damn, I had forgotten how hot Dallas gets."

As she walked up to me, I noticed my tee shirt wasn't the only one clinging and had to avert my gaze quickly. Shielding her eyes from sun, she continued to examine the building. "I know I'm going to hate myself when I don't get this, aren't I?"

Chuckling, I agreed, "Probably. Want the hints again?"

Nodding, she looked up at me, grinning at my offer. It was a simple act, she had done it hundreds of times, and each one was better than the one previous, but then, in that moment, there was something else. It was more than her trying to charm the answer out of me so she could win the bet, it was the way she did it with such ease, a comfort that enveloped us both. The sun reflected in facets off her dark hair, sweat had already started to bead on her forehead, her brown eyes protected under the shade of her hand as she looked expectantly at me. I hid the fact that my breath hitched at her simple beauty by shaking my head and tilting my cowboy hat back off my head a bit.

"Well?" she hedged.

Holding up my hand, I counted off on my fingers. "Historic landmark, Marine, warehouse..."

"And textbooks," she finished, turning to face the building again. "Remind me never to play Jasper's History Trivia again, let's stick to Truth or Dare and This or That, okay?"

Laughing, I grabbed her hand and headed for the sidewalk. "Perhaps another view will help?" We walked up Elm Street where small elm trees lined the sidewalk and the building offered us some welcome shade from the blistering sun.

"Elm St?" she asked, eyeing the green street sign. "Like where the movies took place?"

"Historic landmark? Really, Bella? I mean, it was a good movie and all but not exactly worthy of becoming a historic landmark."

"Was worth a shot," she bargained, looking up at the building, its orange-red bricks, arched windows with dark green trim and thick molding along the top. Finally stopping at the corner of Elm and North Houston, she put her hands on her hips and frowned.

She was ripe for the taking. I had easily won the bet.

"Give up?" I asked.

Frustrated, she looked up at me. I knew she hated to lose, and she was going to be pissed when I told her where we were. Just when I thought she was going to give up, I put my hands on her shoulders and spun in her around. Pointing over her down the road, I directed her gaze to the wide street and park before us.

"Oh my God," she gasped, finally realizing the history around us. "Kennedy," she almost squealed turning around to face me to confirm. I nodded, and she looked back at the building with a new appreciation. "Tell me?"

"I can do better, there is a tour and small museum up there we can do go check out if you want," I started to head for the building, but her hand on my wrist stopped me.

"No."

Confused, I turned, "You don't want to go inside?"

Shaking her head, she replied, "I'm sure it's a great tour, but I bet you tell it so much better."

I think I actually blushed, feeling the heat in my cheeks not caused by the sun's rays. "Are you sure?"

"Definitely," she smiled,"Tell me what you know, Professor Hale,"

"Yes, ma'am. Why don't we go over there in the shade, and I will fill you in." I took her hand and we crossed the street. After purchasing two hot dogs and waters from a vendor, we found a bench under the shade of an elm tree. "Comfortable?" She nodded, her mouth full. "Well, it was the Texas Book Depository, a warehouse for textbooks. Kennedy was in the car heading down Elm Street after they had just driven by the depository. The shot was fired, Kennedy was stuck from behind, the bullet entering his upper back, through his neck and exiting near his Adam's apple." Bella grimaced, taking a sip of her water.

"Only one shot?"

"Well, that is part of the controversy. It depends on what document you read, or what movie you watch. According to the House Select Committee, there were four shots. One hitting Kennedy in the back, and one hitting him in the head. Governor Connolly was also hit, supposedly the first bullet that struck Kennedy, hit him as well. The Warren Commission says three shots, but they both determined that the final shot is the fatal one that hit Kenney in the head. At the time, they didn't know where the shots came from. Witnesses said it was more like a car backfiring."

"How did they catch Oswald?" she asked, her fingers strumming through the green grass beneath her stretched legs. Momentarily, I found myself distracted by her fingers as they repeated their movement over and over again. "Jasper?"

"Sorry," I blushed. "Well, he worked at the Depository, and had been reported missing by his boss. He was arrested about an hour after the assignation for killing a cop who had spotted him in a neighborhood. He was captured trying to sneak into a movie theater. He was charged with the murders that night, but of course, was shot few days later by Ruby."

Looking up at the building thoughtfully, she asked, "Where was he?"

I pointed to the window on the corner on the sixth floor. "Right there, and Kennedy's car was going down that way," I turned, pointing in the other direction.

"Wow, can you imagine?"

"Nope," I replied shaking my head, leaning back on my palms.

"And the conspiracies?"

Snorting, I rolled my eyes. "There are about a hundred of them. First of all, according to the Warren Commission, Oswald was working alone. The House Select Committee claims it was a probably conspiracy. Everyone has been implicated from Castro to Vice President Johnson, the FBI, and CIA. Some even say that Oswald wasn't even involved at all."

"I can't believe they never figured it out," she glanced back at the building, focusing on the sixth floor.

"Well nothing they can completely be certain off. Most people think there was a cover up of some sort, but the only one that really knows is dead," I finished, watching her look up at the building and down the road. "Sure you don't want to do the tour? They have pictures."

Licking her lips after the last bite of her hot dog, she wiped her mouth with the napkin. "Yes, Professor, I'm positive." She smiled before reaching back to twist her hair up into a knot of some kind, her look turning serious. "Did I win the bet?"

"Hmm, I don't know, I had to give you four hints." She raised her eyebrow, and I continued, "And I showed you the road."

When she sighed, I could tell she had conceded. "What are you going to make me do?" she asked, tilting her head up at me.

Deviously, I chuckled and lay back on the grass, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Simultaneously, she rolled her eyes and shook her head before saying thoughtfully, "Edward would have loved seeing this."

I had to agree, while Edward's love of history didn't run nearly as deep as my own, he certainly had an interest. "Yes, he would have," I agreed quietly. A quick and heavy silence feel between us, thickening with each breath we took.

Although it was not the worried silence from before, he had called on the drive to Dallas. Shortly after taking the exit for Dallas, Bella's cell had rung and after glancing at it, she answered it an excitement and relief in her voice I had never heard before. I had expected a squeal of his name, but instead she answered with a "Where the hell have you been?"

She had been silent while he must have filled her on why he hadn't called. I heard her mumble and apology and ask if everything was alright. Tapping her on the leg, I mouthed to put him on speakerphone.

"Hold on, Edward, Jasper wants you on speaker," she said, clicking the button.

A second later, Edward's voice filled the cab, "Hey, Jasper."

It was all he said but it was all it took to tell he was exhausted. "Are you okay?" I asked without thinking. I was sure he was trying to hide the weariness in his voice, and perhaps Bella hadn't caught it, but I couldn't be fooled.

" Yeah, I'm fine, just…" he paused, "really tired. And I miss you guys, the house isn't the same without," he admitted softly.

I didn't need to look at Bella to know the tears were already falling. "We miss you too," I answered for us both, giving Bella time to recover her emotions.

"It's been a long few weeks," he sighed, shuffling around.

Tell me about it," I began," try cooped up with Bella in the truck for hours on end playing This or That."

He laughed weakly. "So, tell me, what have you seen?" he asked, changing the subject. Bella, having wiped the tears, began telling him about our trip to Galveston, where we had gone, what I had showed her, and that I had been hiding a secret from them both.

"Jasper told you his love for women's clothing?" he teased with a bit more energy.

A belly laugh escaped Bella, "Jasper does look nice in heels, but no, actually, he can cook!" she squealed.

"Over a fire?" he asked knowingly.

She eyed me suspiciously. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Because I've camped with him, his dad taught him how to cook over a campfire," he stated simply, as if everyone knew.

"You knew all this time?" she gasped.

"Yeah, I guess," he yawned. "Hey guys, I got to sleep, I have to be at the hospital in a few hours. Be careful."

"Bye, Edward," I said loudly to the phone.

"Bye Edward, get some rest," Bella said with a mom-like tone.

"Bye, Bella, love you," he said as he hung up.

The ache was immediate, only it wasn't because he had told her he loved her. Hell, he had said it to both of us many times, it was the ease in which he had said it. How easily he let those three so very fucking important words fall from his lips.

Why couldn't I do the same thing? What was so fucked up about me that I couldn't express my feelings to her?

Even as I asked myself the question, I already knew the answer.

It was a risk, one I had been too scared to take, for all that it would change, all that it would turn upside down. Not only could she reject my emotions, tell me she loved me too but not the same way that she loved Jacob or Edward. My admission could also drive either her or Edward, or both of them, from my life, or them from each other's. In my mind there was no happily ever after for three of us, it seemed an impossible task.

My only choice was to decide which one was going to be sacrificed or remain status quo. I had often said I was a gambling man, but their friendship, their presence in my life, was not something I was willing to risk.

"Jasper?" Her voiced echoed in my head.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?" She had stopped playing with the grass and moved closer, and reaching out, put a hand on my thigh. Giving her a small smile, I covered her hand with mine.

"Of course."

It wasn't a complete lie.

Thinking for a moment, she watched me, and I knew she was looking for the tell tale signs of my lying. If she saw them, she ignored them. Instead, she stood up and stretched.

"Where to next, Professor?"

"I have a few more places to show you, then a surprise," I dug my keys out of my pocket and began to head back to the truck, Bella following closely at my heels.

"What do you mean a surprise? You know I hate surprises," she reminded me firmly.

"Yes, well, a bet's a bet, Bella," I glanced over my shoulder at her, and heard her groan.

We spent the rest of the afternoon touring the Kennedy Memorial before heading off to find a hotel.

"**~~**"

"Are you ready yet?" I called into the bathroom as I finished tucking my shirt into my jeans and pulled on my boots.

"Is this okay?" she asked hesitantly, stepping into the room. Freshly showered, she was in hip hugging jeans and a plaid button up with a small white tank top underneath, her thick towel-dried hair fell in waves down her back. Most probably thought her body less than perfect with her shorter than average height, light brown freckles scattered over her nose and cheeks, one lip slightly larger than the other, and her breasts were smaller than most guys probably liked. I had heard her described as plain, ordinary, the girl next door.

But to me… she was perfectly beautiful.

I saw a flash of us, naked with sheets twisted about us as we rolled around, bodies touching, hands and lips exploring. All too briefly, I imagined myself under her as she sat astride me, my hands on her slim waist while she slowly rode me, her hair tossed over her face as she smiled down at me, watching me with eyes full of lust and love. It was an image I had imagined hundreds of times, usually in the privacy of my room while taking care of business. Glancing at the hotel bed, I felt my cock twitch.

Eagerness shined in her eyes as she grabbed her ID and some cash. "This is all I need, right?" she asked, bringing me out of my daydream. I mentally kicked my ass again for letting my mind wander where it had absolutely no right going.

"Perfect," I finally complimented, slowly catching up to the conversation. "Yeah, I got my credit card too." I stood and checked the pockets of my jeans. "Ready?"

"Yes! I'm starving," she replied, brushing by me as she headed out the door. "Where are we going?" She had asked the same question all day long.

"You'll see," I replied with my standard answer.

As we climbed into the truck, she said, "I hope wherever we're going has food."

"Actually, they don't, but we will grab something on the way," I promised before starting the truck and pulling out.

"**~~**"

After eating greasy burgers at a small dinner, we headed to our final destination. Pulling up in front of it, I glanced over at Bella and saw her brows knit together in confusion. The building was large and brown with a large neon sign welcoming us.

"Gilly's?" she looked over at me. "As in _Urban Cowboy_? As in…" she swallowed hard, "dancing?"

"Yes, ma'am." I parked and turned the truck off.

"Jasper, I don't know…"

"A bet is a bet, Bella," I reminded her with a grin. Glaring at me, she opened her door and hopped out. After flashing our IDs and getting an underage bracelet, we entered the main building and her eyes widened.

"Holy shit," she mumbled, taking in the flashing lights, the long bar to our left, and row of pool tables. "Where's the mechanical bull?"

"I don't know but look over there," I pointed over the large square dance floor, my eyes lighting up at the sight while Bella rolled hers.

"Don't even think about it, Jasper," she warned me, leading me toward the bar. Laughing, I pulled out a stool for her to sit on, sliding onto one next to her, not leaving much distance between us, before placing an order for a two Cokes with the bartender. The music started and people dressed in everything from red and white plaid skirts to shirts with pearl buttons flocked to the huge, wooden dance floor. Bella watched them spin and kick in amazement.

"Come on, Bella. You made the bet, and you've done it before," I nudged her shoulder a bit with mine. She dropped her chin and raised her eyebrows as she sipped her Coke and sighed.

"Yes, I have…and I think we both remember the outcome of _that_ night."

I chuckled at the memory of us trying to learn the Macarena at one of Edward's family Christmas parties a few years ago. It had been a disaster and when it was all done, Esme's lamp lay broken on the floor by the table after having been knocked over by Bella when she had backed into it. There were four-year olds that could dance it better than Bella, and certainly with more coordination.

"But, Bella, this is different. It's the two-step, you'll be with me. I'll teach you."

"It looks so hard," she said fearfully as she gazed at the out over the dance floor littered with expertly dancing couples.

"You danced with Edward," I hinted, perhaps a bit of hurt and jealousy appearing in my tone.

"That was Prom, and slow…this is…so fast. I don't know if I can."

"Bella, I have no doubt you can," I assured her.

"I can't believe I made this bet with you," she almost growled in frustration. Biting her lip, she finally admitted, "It does look fun." As I stared at her, I could see her resolve wavering, her fear slowly fading.

It was time to bring out the big guns.

I pouted my lip a bit, widened my eyes and tilted my head so my curls fell across my forehead. "Don't you trust me, sugar?" I laid it on thicker than I ever had before, channeling any and all southern charm I had. She sighed heavily, dropping her chin to her chest.

I knew I had won.

Smiling in victory, I hopped off the stool, holding my hand out to her. "Miss Bella, will you do me the honor of this dance?"

With one last long swig of her soda, a giggle and a roll of her eyes, she put her hand in mine, the spark immediately igniting as I wrapped my long fingers around her small hand. She jumped down from the stool, following me, even a bit willingly, out to the floor. The music had just changed to Brad Paisley's "Ticks" as I turned to her, placing one of her hands on my shoulder, the other I clasped tightly in my left. My right hand settled on her waist, holding her securely, as promised. Her shirts bunched up under my hand, my fingers burned at the skin to skin contact.

"Ok, cowboy, you got me out here, now what?" She arched a brow at me.

_Oh, game on, Bella. _

"Well, first, we have to be a little closer." Tugging her to me sharply, her breath caught as she fell against my chest. "Okay, ready? First, we are going to do two small quick steps backward." Her eyes grew in fear. "Don't worry, I _got_ you," I assured her. "Next, two larger, slower steps." I felt her body tense a bit and I realized my thumb had begun to gently slide back and forth at her waist. "There's twirl-"

"What?" she gasped. "No, no, Hale. No twirling." I threw my head back and laughed harder than I had in a long time.

"Okay, Bella, no twirlin'," I drawled. Relieved, she sighed. "Yet." Her eyes shot me a warning.

"Okay, here we go," I counted two, four, six, eight in my head and began on beat. We moved together, and actually remained upright for four entire circles around the dance floor. Bella didn't give herself enough credit, her movements were pretty fluid, my toes would be only slightly bruised from the three times she had used them for balance. The song's tempo was upbeat, the other couples keeping time easily. Bella's hand began to warm in mine, her palm a bit sweaty, probably from the exertion of fighting to remain upright and not fall on her ass.

"Bella, I think it is time for a twirl," I suggested hopefully as we took our two slow steps and I turned us.

"Jasper, no twirls," she resisted. I knew she was content to remain as we were, but I was going to push it anyway. It was what I did.

Time for more big guns.

I dipped my head down and let my lips brushed her cheek on their way to murmur in her ear. "I got you." I felt her entire body tense as my warm breath hit her soft flesh, and she nodded.

Putty in my hands.

Mission accomplished, I straightened up.

"After the two quick steps, let go of my shoulder, turn to your right and go under my arm. Let your right hand become loose in mine, so I can release it to twirl you. One twirl, then right back to me," I instructed as I moved us to the side of the floor where we could stop to practice while standing still. She dropped her left hand from my shoulder, turned right, and dipped under my arm. The fingers of her right hand released my left as mine led her into the twirl. After her spin, her hands went back to their positions and I felt her relax a bit more.

Proudly, she looked up at me. "I did it!"

"Yes you did." I was about to burst her bubble, "Now let's try it while moving." Moving us back to among the crowds to the main part of the floor, we began dancing once again. My hands seemed to be holding her slightly tighter. "Ready?"

With a nod, we took our two quick steps, and as if she was born to do it, Bella released my shoulder, loosened her hand, and performed a perfect turn with my guidance. Once back in my arms, we took our two slower steps.

"You did it!" I grinned. Her brown eyes sparkled with excitement, her smile wide and laughter deep as she threw her head back. Almost squealing in delight, her hair swayed with her movement, brushing over my forearms and sending chills through every inch of me.

It was one of the best moments of my life.

We continued to dance, and twirl, successfully through two more songs. Sweat had begun to bead on us, our shirts clinging as clumps of our hair stuck to our necks and foreheads. I could see the flush in her cheeks from the heat, and knew mine were just as flushed. But we didn't stop; we kept going until we had advanced to doing two twirls consecutively. The sheer joy I felt coming from Bella was almost overwhelming. It had not escaped my attention that she had gradually moved closer to me, her body now only a few inches from mine, her breasts grazing my chest when she laughed, the heat emanating from her as we moved around the dance floor, together, in harmony.

"Ok, y'all, we are doing to slow it down a bit, so pull them ladies in and hold 'em close," the DJ announced as the song changed to "One More Day With You". Unwillingly, I released Bella, but still held one of her hands, ready to make our way back to the bar. I was thirsty as hell after all the dancing, but Bella had other ideas.

Instead of moving with me, she tugged on my hand and jerked me back to her. Without a word, she pulled me close and wrapped her arms up around my neck, clasping her hands. Her head rested on my chest, letting out a deep breath just as I sucked one in at our close contact. We had been sleeping in the same bed, often ending up wrapped around each other, but we were unconscious.

This was different. We were awake, alert, and fucking closer than hell.

As my heart raced, I reached up behind my neck and pulled one of her hands down, cradling it to my chest with my own while letting my other arm wind tightly around her waist, holding her impossibly closer to me. Through my shirt, I could feel her moist breath as I closed my eyes and laid my cheek on her head, her damp hair still smelling of her strawberry shampoo.

Slowly we swayed back and forth, the music flowing around us. If there were other couples on the floor, I didn't notice them. As far as I was concerned, we were alone. My hand moved up and down her back in long, languid strokes over her shirt. Her small fingers lightly caressed the nape of my neck, twisting themselves in my damp curls there before releasing them again. Without thinking, I tilted my head and placed a kiss on top of hers.

That was when I felt it.

The slight tremble I always felt when my lips touched her. It encouraged me. My arm around her tightened instinctively, the thumb of my other hand drawing lazy circles on her hand held close to my heart. She felt the changes and pulled back a bit to look up at me.

"Jasper?"

My heart skipped at the one word. How the fuck did she always manage to do that?

While I continued my ministrations on her body, I placed my forehead to hers and began to sing the song to her in soft whispers. "One more day, one more time, one more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied. But then again; I know what it would do, leave me wishing still, for one more day with you_."_

It was all I wanted, just one more day with her, alone. No Jake, no Edward, no Peter or Charlotte, but it was impossible, I knew our little world was coming to an end all too soon.

It wasn't the days I was counting down until we were home, it was the hours.

We were almost still, her eyes gazing into, searching, questioning…begging. I had never wanted anything more in my life than to just tell her right then.

Tell her how much she meant to me, how in love I was with her, how every fucking move she made filled me with such an impossible feeling that it had taken me years to put a name on it. I was desperate to tell her that she owned me, that I was hers.

_Forever. _

No matter what the future held for either of us, my love for her would never change, whether we were together, or separated by thousands of miles, or even if she was with Jake. Her body sung to me like no other, no one's touch had ever affected me like hers did. Her mind called to me, always questioning me, pushing me forward, her faith in me kept me sane.

She wanted to hear it.

I wanted to say it.

_I am in love with you._

The words were there, on the verge of slipping through my mouth, I licked my lips, ready to let those words free from their years of captivity. My heart raced in my chest, I was certain she could feel it; as her hand had stopped stroking my neck and was now tightly fisted in my hair.

It was time to man the fuck up and tell her.

"Bella, I…" Her finger was on my lips before I could continue.

"Sssh… Just hold me."

So I did.

I just nodded in reply, never taking my eyes from hers. Forehead to forehead, her fingers tangled in my hair, her breath mingling with mine, our eyes fixated on each other's, saying everything we wanted to say verbally, but…couldn't. Clutching our hands to my chest, my arm still snaked around her waist, holding her so close the buttons from my shirt were probably leaving an imprint on her skin. She gave me a faint smile before taking a deep breath and letting it out, her sweet breath fanning over my face while I breathed it in, taking it deep into my lungs to cherish.

She owned my heart, my soul, and now my air.

Deep brown eyes spoke silent words to me. Not of love or lust, but of gratefulness. Of this, I could sympathize, as I was thankful she was in my life, no matter the capacity. My soul would be nothing but damaged goods without hers to save me; she was my salvation. She offered me protection, affection, whether I was right or wrong or lost somewhere in between.

The song ended, and I gradually loosened my arm from around her as the next faster paced dance song began. She stood on her toes, her lips meeting mine in a gentle kiss. With weakened knees and a galloping heart, I let my lips respond, gently brushing back and forth against hers, light caresses with the most intense feeling behind them. My arm tightened once again, holding her to me in fear of the moment ending.

We had kissed before. We had had a drunken kiss, a celebratory kiss, and many kisses to cheeks and hair.

That kiss was different.

It was not demanding, or even passionate, but it said all I needed to hear.

She knew.

My eyes fluttered close while I fought the urge to deepen the kiss. Unable to resist, my tongue ran along her lower lip before I gently tugged on it, sucking it into my mouth.

_Coconut. _

I tasted faint coconut from the gloss she had applied earlier, and it only made me want more.

Without prompting, she parted her lips for me and I slowly let my tongue entwine with hers. I felt her sharp intake of breath, the tremble in her hands, the shiver that ran up her back. Smiling into the kiss, my eyes opened once again.

She pulled back, lowering herself to her feet and releasing me from her grasp.

"I'm going to go to the ladies room. Get me another Coke?" she grinned, spun on her heel and headed for the ladies room, leaving me standing there in the middle of a relatively crowded dance floor wondering what the fuck had just happened.

Shaking my head in confusion at the mysteries that were women, I wondered over to the bar and ordered two more sodas before taking my seat on the stool once again. Gulping my Coke, I found myself wishing for something a bit stronger to calm the nerves that sparked everywhere in me. The song changed once again, something dance about boots, scootin' and boogies and still no sign of Bella. I stood to scan the crowd near the ladies room and saw women in too few clothes waiting in a line, but no Bella. I continued surveying the bar, my worry starting to increase.

Then I heard it.

Bella's laughter.

My eyes shot to the dance floor and there she was, in the front row of a line dance next to a man easily old enough to be her grandfather. With her hand in his, he taught her the moves to the dance as she smiled at him. His plaid shirt was tucked into his black jeans, a large silver belt buckle that looked big enough to eat off of clasped in front. A tan cowboy hat sat pushed back atop his head, scuffs of gray hair popping out in small curls on both sides. He was spry for an old guy. His feet moved quickly and confidently as he continued to show Bella the dance steps.

Good luck with that, buddy.

Bella and line dances did not mix. I chucked to myself, readying to play the hero, swooping in to rescue her from her clumsiness.

She was about to prove me wrong. After just a few moves, she let go of his hand, and hooking her thumbs through the belt loops of her jeans, feet swiftly moved through the synchronized steps, almost in time with the rest of the dancers. Her heels clicking on the floor while her feet skipped, crossed and kicked their way through one rotation of the line. He was obviously encouraging her, I could see their mouths moving but could not hear them over the music. Proud of his accomplishment as a dance instructor, he grinned at her.

I knew that feeling.

It was then that Bella looked up and caught me watching her, her smile wide and free. Tipping the hat I wasn't wearing, I nodded to her. She giggled, tossing her head back before she spun in the other direction. Her ass was encased in her tight, low slung jeans, the heel of her boot adding another two inches to her height, elongating her legs. She had removed her button down shirt and had tied it around her hips. Her tank top was short, the bottom barely reaching the waistband on her jeans, and every time she raised her arms even just a little bit, it slid up, exposing a sliver of tan, smooth skin that begged me to touch it. Long, wavy brown hair swung with her movements, skimming across her back as she swayed back and forth.

_Fuck me._

Her hips rocked side to side gently as she turned toward the next direction, her hair swinging out from her body.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one that had kept a secret.

I could cook over an open fire, and Bella could dance. Briefly, I wondered if Edward, the keeper of our secrets, knew.

She was positively glowing when she turned back toward me, hands resting on her hips as her feet moved in time to the music, and starred right at me, a sexy smirk on her face.

Then she did it.

She fucking winked at me.

I shifted uncomfortably as I got a bit hard in my jeans.

I wanted desperately to go out there and yippee ki-ay with her, as she continued to sway and turn, her feet moving with almost perfect coordination, but she had me stunned motionless.

Fucking stupefied was probably more like it.

Well, that and my erection grew with every swing of _that_ ass in _those_ jeans and moving without pain wasn't an option at that moment. I could only hope that by the time the song ended, I had regained control over my body; or that Bella had lost her sense of sight.

When I didn't join her immediately, she leaned to her dance instructor and motioned to me. He smiled at me and nodded. She made her way through the crowd, and as she got closer, I could see her face was flushed and shiny with sweat.

"Having fun, Bella?" I teased when she reached me.

Pulling her hair off her neck and fanning her face, she challenged, "What? Can't handle a little boot scootin boogie tonight, Hale?" She reached around me to get to her drink; her side pressed against my arm, one of her hands on my chest for balance.

It did nothing but encourage my cock to lengthen.

"Well, I do think your boyfriend is a little old for you." She smiled around her soda at me as she tilted it up and began to drink. Sweat rolled down her neck, her shirt sticking to her in all the right places.

"He's sweet. And one of hell of a dancer." She waved to him from her stool, he waved back, inviting her back on the floor. I leaned down to her, my lips at her ear, and she stilled.

"I don't know, Bella, I think you better tell him you are coming home with me tonight."

"You sure are certain of yourself." She put a hand on my thigh, dangerously close to my cock, and turned her face so she was looking at my eyes. We had been doing that particular dance for years, she teased, I flirted and made suggestive comments. She would pretend to be offended.

"Jasper, You know what I want more than anything?" Her breath was sweet, and her lips were so fucking close to mine.

"Yeah?" I asked in a shaky whisper as her hand slid down toward my knee and back up again.

My erection grew.

"I want to…save a horse and ride a cowboy."

Glimpses of my fantasy briefly flashed in my mind before I forced them away. They would do nothing but encourage the ache contained in my jeans. Before I could reply, she quickly grabbed my hand, yanking me off the stool toward the floor. I laughed when I recognized the song playing was "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy".

As I wrapped her sweaty body in my arms and we were once again two-stepping and twirling our way around the dance floor, our unfinished drinks sat neglected on the bar for the rest of the night.

Hours later, the DJ announced the last song of the night. The floor was practically empty as I held Bella close to me. With her head on my chest, we gently swayed back and forth, my hands resting on her hips, my thumbs rubbing the exposed skin there. She felt so content I actually thought she had fallen asleep. I hummed "Peaceful, Easy Feeling" with the Eagles, my chin on her head. The song ended, and I pulled back a bit.

"Bella? You awake?"

She just nodded against my chest and pulled me to her tighter. "The song's over, it's time to go before they kick our asses out."

She sighed and leaned back to look up at me, her eyes glistening at their rims.

"Jasper, promise me something?"

"Anything, Bella."

Didn't she know I would give her the world? All she had to do was ask.

"Promise me you won't ever forget this trip. That when you are old and gray, you will tell your grandchildren about the summer you took this crazy girl on the best road trip of her life," she said wistfully.

I wanted so fucking much for it to be _our_ grandchildren.

"You bet." I placed a kiss on her forehead. "I will tell them it was the fucking best time of my life."

It was simply the truth.

"Come on, let's get out of here." I grabbed her hand and we headed toward the door. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"You sure you don't want to try to find grandpa dance instructor?" She slapped my arm, laughing.

"Don't worry, he gave me his number already," she retorted quickly. I held the door open for her and as she passed through, I swear she wiggled her ass at me.

"**~~**"

Back at the hotel, we both collapsed in exhaustion, falling onto the bed fully clothed. Bella automatically backing up into me as I curled my body around hers, one arm under her head, the other wrapped tightly around her waist, holding her closely to me. Sleep came quickly, but not quietly to her, her body twitching as soft cries escaped from her. Her dreams had been getting progressively worse since we had left, each night they lasted a bit longer or were more intense than the night before. Never comfortable enough to ask her about them, I assumed they were the result of stress, as the proposal still hung heavy in her mind.

I knew that because she often spoke his name in worried sighs in her sleep,

My hold around her tightened instinctively. In her ear, I whispered that I was there; she was safe, hoping my words soothed her fears and chased her demons back to where they belong, hidden deep in her unconscious, knowing she would not remember them in the morning.

That night, her dreams attacked her as soon as she had entered sleep. While her body relaxed, her mind raced, and just as I put my lips to the back of her head to reassure her, I heard it.

"Yes, Jake."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading…and don't shoot the messenger.

To those that have read and continue to read thank you! I never expected fifty reviews much less over five hundred. There are no words to express my gratitude.

We've got more Peter and Charlotte coming up….and soon, some Lost and Found!


	16. Cowboys ain't Easy to Love

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- One last fun chapter to celebrate Jasper's birthday before they head back to Seattle.

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"****~~**"**

**Cowboys ain't Easy to Love**

Location: Abilene, TX (Tranquil)

"****~~**"**

"Out in the backwoods, workin' hard for a dollar in the  
Backwoods yeah we get it done right  
Work hard, play hard, hold my baby tight  
Lordy have mercy it's a real good life"~Justin Moore

"**~~**"

"I can't believe you went dancing at Gilly's!" Charlotte squealed as we sat in her kitchen table filling her and Peter in on our trip east and Dallas. We had arrived home late the night before, barely making it through the door before we both fell into bed. Peter knew we were back because he had banged on the door at six that morning, telling Bella to hurry up with my morning head because breakfast was almost done. Bella told him she was already having the breakfast of champions and I heard Peter chuckling as he walked off.

After a long birthday hug, Bella had stumbled out of bed and headed for the shower. As I felt my erection ache, I debated on taking care of it while she was in the shower, but knew Peter's impeccable timing would ruin any fun I might have. Instead, I had gotten up and dressed, hissing as I contained my hard on in my jeans.

"I only danced because I had lost a bet, but it was…" she glanced over at me and winked, "fun. I met the cutest guy there. Great dancer too."

Charlotte tossed me a concerned look. "Oh really?"

"Yep," Bella chuckled. "Jasper was incredibly jealous." I nodded and Peter eyed me. "He's so cute when he's jealous."

"Did you beat the shit out of him?" Peter asked as he set his coffee on the table and leaned back to put his arm around Charlotte's shoulders as she sat in the chair next to him. Snuggling down against him, she waited for my answer.

"Ah, no. That wasn't necessary," I finally replied and looked at Bella, who urged me to continue. "You see he was old enough to be her grandfather."

Bella grinned at me. "He was cute though, you got to admit."

"Not that I'm a good judge of 'cute', but he was your typical Texas grandpa."

"Bella," Charlotte nudged her with her foot. "Why would you dance with some grandpa when you had Jasper?"

She had me alright.

"Well, Jasper taught me the two-step, but after dancing for awhile I went to the bathroom and on my way out, I stopped to watch a line dance. This guy saw me and asked if I knew the dance. When I said no, he offered to teach me," she finished with shrug.

"He was totally crushing on her too," I wiggled my eyebrows.

"I hate to ruin the fun, but I promised mama I'd head over to help her set up for the party tonight," Charlotte said as she stood and pulled Peter to his feet. "Kiss me good-bye, stud, and I will see you later tonight. Wear something sexy," she smiled and kissed him before turning to Bella. "Come with me? You don't want to hang out here with these two all day, do you?"

Bella glanced over at me from her chair. "Actually, I have a surprise planned for her later," I spoke up. "But we will be heading over to your place early."

"Jasper," Bella chided, and Charlotte looked back and forth between us.

"She hates surprises," I explained. "Trust me on this, Bella, you'll love it."

"Okay, I'll meet y'all over there later this afternoon." She gave Peter one last kiss and then came over to me, leaned down and kissed my cheek before whispering "Happy birthday," and heading out the door in a blur.

As soon as she was out the door and in her truck, I looked at Peter. "Ready?"

The mischievous glint in his eye got brighter and he nodded. "Damn straight, I'm ready. Been waiting years to do this."

Sipping her drink, Bella looked at us both. "What do you have planned, boys?"

"Do you want to tell her, or should I?" I asked Peter. He motioned with his hand, so I turned to Bella. "The summer before I left, Peter and I became 'blood brothers', you know that is?"

"Of course," she scoffed.

"That summer, we swore when we were old enough, we would get tattoos to symbolize being blood brothers." I grinned at her.

"Tattoos?" she asked in shock. "You and Peter are going to get tattoos?"

"Yes' ma'am," Peter agreed as he gathered his wallet and keys. "See, we've wanted them for years, and well, being Jasper's birthday and all, we thought what better way to fucking celebrate than a tattoo."

"And Charlotte?" Bella raised any eyebrow.

"Charlotte doesn't know, it's a surprise."

"I'll say," Bella mumbled.

"Ready?" Peter asked, heading for the door and I stood up.

"You're going now?" Bella asked, surprised.

"Fuck yeah, don't have much time before we have to be at Betty and Jack's. Ya coming?"

"Fuck yeah," Bella imitated. "I wouldn't miss this for the world." Standing, she grabbed her bag and was out the door before either of us.

"Well, fuck, she's an eager one, isn't she?"

"You have no idea," I shook my head as we headed out to his truck.

Bella sat between us for the ride, her hands constantly brushing the blowing strands of hair off her face. With the windows open, Peter had the music on as we sang and joked while he drove us the tattoo parlor.

"Do you know what you are getting?" Bella asked us as she attempted to put her hair back in an elastic.

"Peter does," I admitted and she turned to him.

"What are you getting?"

"I was thinking of getting the words 'cepi corpus'," he chuckled, "but Jasper said I was full of shit."

"What's it mean?" she asked, pushing her hair back off her face again.

"'I got the body'," he said seriously.

"Jasper's right," Bella agreed.

"Hey now, y'all never seen the goods."

"I beg to differ," I argued, tipping my hat back off my head.

"That was years ago," he countered. "We were kids, things have…matured."

"Matured," I repeated thoughtfully. "So your dic-"

He stopped me, "Not in front of the woman folk. Besides," he patted Bella's knee. "No sense making the poor girl all jealous when she realizes what she's missing out on."

Laughing, Bella turned to me. "Do you know what you're getting?"

After thinking of a moment, I shook my head. "Nah, not yet, I just know I want one."

It was a lie. I knew exactly what I wanted to get.

The parlor was well-lit and comfortable with a waiting room and a pleasant girl behind the counter. Peter greeted her by name as he approached and asked if Jay was in.

"Sure, let me go get him," she answered, stepping out to the back room. A minute later, Jay walked in, dressed in a black tee shirt and jeans, both his arms covered with intricate, colored tattoos. Grinning, he held his hand out to Peter.

"Shit, Peter, been forever, how are ya man?"

Peter shook his hand before turning to me. "I'm great. Do you remember Jasper Whitlock?"

"No fucking way," he looked at me in awe. "Little shit that used to chase my sister around the Base, right? I haven't seen you since junior high. How the hell you been?"

"Good, living up in Seattle now. Just came back for a visit," I replied, shaking his hand.

"Sweet, sweet." He patted my shoulder and pointed to Bella. "This your girl?"

Stunned on how to answer his question, I remained quiet but Bella spoke up, "Not anyone's girl. I'm Bella," she smirked and held her hand out.

After shaking it, Jay turned to Peter. "So you ready?"

Peter motioned to me. "He's getting one too."

Turning to me Jay asked me, "Ya know what you want or do you need to look through some designs?"

"I know," I replied, feeling the weight of Bella's stare on me as my lie in the truck was revealed.

"Great. Well come back here, boys and let's get you setup." He led us through a door and into an open room with three leather chairs that resembled dentist chairs with a screen around each one that would offer privacy. Peter immediately pulled his shirt off over his head and put it on a table.

"Are these the goods you were talking about," Bella asked, nodding to his toned bare chest.

"This is just a sample, darlin'," he winked before sitting down on a stool while Jay gathered some things and set them on the table.

"You been bragging about your dick again?" Jay asked absently as he pulled on some gloves and began swabbing Peter's shoulder with a cotton ball. "You guys can sit over there if you want," Jay informed us, pointing to a few stools nearby. Bella and I each grabbed one and dragged it closer to watch his work on Peter.

After preparing the area on Peter's shoulder where he wanted the tattoo on, Jay applied the transfer and pulled it off. Holding up a mirror for Peter, "That what you want?" he asked gruffly.

"Perfect," Peter smiled and winked at me. Bella stared at the design as Jay began with the needles. "Damn, that stings," Peter groaned.

"Pussy," Jay mumbled as he continued without hesitation. Slowly and precisely, Jay worked on Peter as Bella and I watched. Jay and Peter talked about mutual friends and gossiped to me about some old friends from the Base. Before we knew it, Jay put the tool down and admired his work. "Looks fucking great if I do say so myself."

"Always were a bit conceited," Peter sighed, "Got that mirror." Jay held it up and Peter grinned. "Shit man, you're right, it does looks great."

Jay turned to us, "What do y'all think?"

"Beautiful," Bella whispered, still staring at Peter's shoulder. Four Latin words were written in an elegant script, thin swirls extending from the 'M's, 'A' and 'F', each letter shaded in faint shades of red and blue. "Meus amicus, meus frater. What's it mean?" she asked, her fingers practically twitching. I could tell she was dying to reach out and touch the newly inked skin. Jay began to apply an ointment to the tattoo.

"My friend, my brother," Peter answered, giving me a small smile.

"Damn right," I returned his smile and held my fist out for him to bump. Jay finished applying the ointment, then a bandage to Peter's tattoo and tossed him his shirt.

"Please cover up the 'goods', no need to tease the little lady anymore," he chuckled before turning to me. "Your turn."

Slowly, I tugged my tee shirt over my head and put it on the same table Peter had. Slightly embarrassed to be standing in front of them all shirtless, I felt my cheeks warm up. Shaking my head, I pushed my waves back off my face, tucking them behind me ears.

"Speaking of goods," Peter winked.

"Fuck off," I rolled my eyes and climbed into the chair, resting my elbow on the arm.

Jay had brought over sterile supplies and was setting them up as he began to ask me a few questions. Handing me a piece of paper, I wrote down what I wanted and how I wanted it to look. He asked me a few detailed questions as he prepared my upper left arm the same way he had Peter's shoulder. Peter and Bella sat on the stools and watched, Bella seemed fascinated as Jay began freehanded.

"You're not using the paper?" she asked concerned. Self conscious of them watching me so closely, I kept my eyes in my lap or looking around the shop. It stung at first, but gradually became a rather numb feeling, the pin pricks dipping the ink into my skin.

Jay shook his head. "Not for this one, darlin'. He just wants a simple phrase in an arc. I outlined it in pen quick, but the rest is easy shit. Peter came in a few weeks ago and we designed his, so it was quicker to have the transfer ready."

Bella watched me intently, my face for any signs of pain, my skin as it reddened and became stained from the ink. "Does it hurt?" she asked quietly.

"Stings a bit, but you get used to it," I replied, watching her as she leaned forward in the stool, trying to get a better look. "More Latin?" she sighed as the second word was complete in the steel blue color I had decided on. Peter explained the process to her in more detail as Jay worked on me. When he was done, I held my arm up for inspection.

"Looks great, man," Peter complimented his approval.

"Yeah?" I asked as I looked at it in the mirror. "Thanks, Jay. It's just what I wanted." I waited as he applied the ointment. Bella stood up and walked over, standing beside me, she lifted her fingers and reached for my arm.

Not actually touching it, she traced the elegant script letters, the same exact style as Peter's. "Do ut facias?" she murmured before forcing her eyes from my newly stained skin to my eyes.

"'I give so that you may do'," I whispered, looking down at my lap, and I swear she gasped. Jay covered it up with a bandage and handed me my shirt. Standing, I pulled it on over my head, my arm a sensitive as the material skimmed it. "Ready to go?" I asked Peter.

"Wait," Bella spoke up and we all looked at her expectantly. "I want one too."

"No fucking way," I practically yelled. "No, no, no…"

"What, you can get one and I can't?" she challenged me with her hands on her hips.

"That's different," I countered quickly without thinking.

"Why, because you're a guy?"

My hole was being dug deeper and I knew it. I looked to Peter and Jay for a shovel.

"You're on your own man," Jay chuckled as he cleaned up the table. Glancing over at Peter, I silently begged for back-up.

"She's a grown woman…" he began before my look stopped him from proceeding. Smugly, Bella turned to me and smiled her 'I told you so' smile that I knew all too well.

"Fine, but _you_ tell Edward," I caved quickly and easily. "Because he's gonna fucking kill me," I murmured.

"Deal," she agreed before turning to Jay. "Do you have any designs I can see?"

Jay nodded and carried over some books for Bella to flip through. Peter and I looked at the designs with her, joking about some of the rather graphic ones. Peter thought Bella would look great with a penis on her shoulder, even volunteering his own for the transfer.

"I'm not having your penis tattooed on my body, Peter. If I put anyone's penis on my body, it would be Jasper's," she reasoned. Realizing what she had said, her cheeks flushed bright pink.

"Can't blame a guy for trying," Peter shrugged. "Though, my penis is much prettier," he sighed wistfully. Jay finished up and came back to join us.

"Find anything?" he asked as he sat on his stool.

Closing the book, Bella looked up at him thoughtfully. "Can you do an original if I describe it?"

"Course, darlin'," he smiled, grabbing some paper and pencil. Bella very quietly began to tell him what she wanted and he began to sketch it out. When he was finished, he turned it over for her to inspect and she burst into a huge smile, telling him it was perfect. "Where do you want it?"

Bella looked up at me as if I knew the answer. "I want it somewhere private." She thought for a moment before answering confidently, "My hip."

"Okay," Jay stood and faced us. "Out boys," he began to push us away so he could pull the screen around the chair. Bella waved to me as I pleaded with Jay to let me stay. Peter and I wandered around the office, casually listening for wails of pain but we only heard the occasional hiss from Bella as she endured the pain. Finally, we heard Jay tell her she could get dressed and Peter wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"Is that all you fucking think about?" I shook my head.

"Ahhh, yeah. Jesus, Jasper, you need to get some, man, lighten up a bit," Peter suggested just as Jay pulled the curtain aside and Bella stood there buttoning her shorts, grimacing a bit at the discomfort. I was dying to ask her what she had done, but thought I might not want to know the answer. I wasn't sure I could stomach a heart with Jake's name in the center.

"All done," Jay said, pulling his gloves off. "Thanks for coming in. Great to see you again, Jasper," he held out his hand again.

Shaking it, I replied, "You too, thanks for the tattoos. You do great work."

"Thanks. You guys can pay Amy out front," he ushered us through the door to Amy. After paying, the three of us walked outside into the heat of the mid-day sun.

"Where to now?" Peter asked as we headed to his truck.

"Actually, Bella and I need to get to Jack and Betty's," I opened the door and helped Bella into the seat, careful not to touch her hip. Climbing in behind her, I did up the seatbelt.

"Why?" Peter asked as he shifted and back out of the space.

"Another surprise," I grinned at Bella's glare.

"Alrighty then, let's swing by the house to pick up a few things, then we can head over there." He pulled out on to the street and aimed for his house.

An hour later, we were following Peter down the long driveway of Betty and Jack's ranch. We parked next to Peter's truck and got out.

"I still don't understand why you made me wear jeans and boots when it's so hot out," Bella complained as she met me at the back of the truck. I opened the bed and we began to unload the coolers we had brought.

"You'll see," I sighed again. She had done nothing but complain the entire drive there, either about the jeans or the surprise itself. Peter walked over and helped us carry the stuff over to the side of the barn. Charlotte and Betty were hanging some lights while Jack and one of his brother's were working on hammering some planks of wood together. It was just another typical get together for them. About a dozen picnic tables and a few buffet tables were set up. The guests were due to arrive in less than an hour.

"Why don't you go with her, I can take care of this shit," he suggested as he dropped a cooler onto the ground.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go have fun. It is your birthday after all," he smiled. Not waiting for him to change his mind, I turned and headed to Bella, who was chatting with Charlotte. As I walked by, I grabbed her hand.

"Come with me," I commanded quietly and kept walking. Stumbling a bit, she fell into stride with me and we headed for the large red barn.

It was wide with stalls lining both sides, the middle isle was uncluttered and clean. It barely smelled like a barn. Bella looked around, curious.

"It's really nice," she said, dropping my hand, she headed toward the first stall. Most were empty, the horses spending a good portion of the day out in the fields. Each stall was large with a nameplate at the top. A large chestnut stuck his head over the half door as Bella approached holding her hand out cautiously to stroke the blaze on his face. "He's beautiful," she smiled, looking up at his nameplate. "Hello, Impish," she greeted.

"I'll be right back," I called out as I jogged down the isle toward the tack room. When I returned carrying a bridle, Bella was patting Impish's neck as he rubbed his head against her. I could hear her quiet murmurs to him. Setting the tack down, I walked over and grabbed his halter as I slid his door open and walked him out.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, jumping back out of his way. Standing in the middle of the isle, I attached the crossties to his halter and began to run a brush over his sleek, reddish coat. Bella walked over, watching me for a minute before asking if she could help. I nodded to the brushes in the wooden box on the floor and she grabbed one and began on the other side, constantly talking to him a soothing voice as she did so. Once he was brushed, I grabbed his bridle. "Jasper, are you going for a ride?" she asked as she watched me.

"No. _We_ are going for a ride," I grinned.

"Whoa, no. No riding for me. I can barely stand on my own two feet, how am I going to stay on a horse?" she asked, backing away from me and Impish wearily.

"Look at it this way, he has twice as many feet as you do, his odds are better at staying upright," I surmised as I slid his halter off and replaced it with his leather bridle.

Sighing, she folder her arms across her chest, "I don't know how to ride."

"I do."

"But…"

"Bella, we are going for a ride. Follow me," I demanded as I walked Impish from the barn out the back door toward an open field. Obeying, she trailed closely behind me. Stopping, I turned to her and waved her closer with my hand. "Come 'ere," I requested. Slowly, she walked over to me and stood next to me. I placed the reins over his neck let them go as I turned to Bella. "I'm going to help you up. Don't worry, I won't touch your hip."

Biting her lip, she nodded and turned toward Impish.

"Grab his mane for leverage and swing your right leg over his back when I lift you," I instructed.

She fisted his mane and lifted her left foot up. Clasping my hands tightly, she stepped into them and I easily lifted her up as she swung her right leg over and settled onto his back.

"Oh my God," she gasped, "It's so high." She gripped his mane with both hands until her knuckles turned white. "Um, who are you riding, Jasper? You said 'we'," she began to panic.

"Hold your horses," I chuckled.

"Very funny," she glared at me.

"I'll be right back, forgot something." I ran back into the barn, ignoring her pleas of not leaving her alone. A minute later, I walked out with a canteen hung over my shoulder. I reached up over her thigh and placed my left hand on his withers. "Stay still," I instructed as I took a step back and then jumped up, swinging my right leg over his back and sat behind her. Reaching around her waist, I grabbed the reins without looking and whispered in her ear. "Are you ready?" She nodded and I felt her body tremble. "Don't worry, I got you," I assured her as I nudged Impish's sides with my heels. With a slight jolt, he lifted his head and started walking.

"Oh my God, oh my God," she repeated over and over. I aimed Impish toward the back forty and urged him to pick up the pace a bit. "Are you crazy?" Bella asked as he began to walk faster.

"No, but we have a way to go, it's getting late and I want to show you something," I replied, letting the horse have his head so he could move freely. Silently we rode, and I felt Bella's body gradually relax in front of me, her ass moving with the motion of his movements, her legs gripping his sides tightly, her fingers loosening on his mane.

"Couldn't we have used a saddle?" she asked, adjusting her weight. "I feel like I'm sliding all over the place."

"It's easier to ride double without a saddle, and I assumed you wouldn't want to ride alone," I answered.

"You assumed right," she smiled. "Where are we going?" she asked, turning her head to the side a bit.

"What's with all the questions? Just enjoy the scenery," I sighed and pointed to a hawk in the sky. Looking around, I realized it was getting later than I had thought, we were running out of time. "Mind if we speed up a bit?"

"No, please, don't," she began to panic again.

"Bella, I'm not going to let you fall, you'll be fine." After a minute, she conceded and grabbed onto his mane for dear life. With a small kick to his sides, Impish transitioned into a slow lope, his rhythm smooth as his hooves struck the ground with each long stride. "You okay?" I asked over the sound of his beat.

She nodded. "It's so freeing," she called out.

"You want to feel free?" I asked and without waiting for an answer, pulled her to me tightly with one arm while my other hand held the reins. Squeezing his sides, I encouraged him into a gallop. Bella began to laugh as she bounced with his strides, her hair coming loose from its tie and blowing in my face as we galloped over the open field. Less than a minute later, I slowed Impish down to a walk, not wanting to strain him as we came up to a slope. "Okay, hold on tight, this is steeper than it looks," I told her as Impish put his head down and began up the hill.

I felt free and happy. Not only did being on the back of a horse after so many years thrill me, but having Bella experience something I loved so much with me made it even better. I had known her for years, but it was only on the trip that she had really gotten to know me, see me do the things I had missed so much, see me through the eyes of those that loved me. Peter was a pain in the ass, but he provided her with insight to my past that no one else could. She saw me as the person I was today, not the person I had been, the little boy that had been happy in the heat of the Texas sun. Having her know that side of me was important to me, it was part of understanding who I was. As well, I felt I began to know her better too, not only the physical things, like what she looks like when her eyes first open, but the quiet confidence she had when it came to trying new things. How with slight encouragement, and the threat of bodily harm, she could be convinced to try something new. Her stubbornness that I had grown so used to had slowly crumbled throughout the trip, each day chipping away at it, allowing a sliver of submissiveness to show. I relished in the feeling of having her so close, not physically, which was enjoyable enough, but emotionally as well. I felt for the first time in a long time, we were finally on the same page; an understanding had developed as she got to know me better. Inhaling deeply, I smelled her fresh scent, her shampoo mingling with it, both filling my lungs with pleasant air.

As soon as we hit the top of the hill, she gasped. I pulled Impish to a stop and rested my chin on her shoulder.

"Jasper," she exclaimed in awe. "It's…amazing."

"Surprise," I whispered into her ear and felt her shiver. Low in the sky before us sat the sun with its last rays of the day splaying out across the vast sky in brilliant shades of orange, pink, and even some purple. As we sat there in complete silence, even Impish enjoying the sight before him, we watched as the earth seemed to swallow the sun. The lower it got, the faster it seemed to move.

I wondered if there was ever a way for it to always be like that. If I would ever have what Peter and Charlotte had, a simple, hardworking life full of love. Of course I wanted it to be with Bella by my side, but she deserved the best of everything, and I was not the best. My career was going to be enough to get by on, but it wouldn't provide us with the best things life had to offer.

However, a doctor could provide those things.

"Is this why you were in such a rush?" she asked me, tilting her head and bringing me out of my thoughts.

"A few more minutes and we would have missed it."

She leaned back against me, her head on my shoulder as the sun began its final descent behind the horizon. "How did you know about it?"

"Well, Bella, the sun sets every day. I learned that in kindergarten," I joked and felt a quick jab of her elbow to my ribs. "Petey and I would ride out here to watch it sometimes. Over that way," I pointed to our left, "is a river we used to swim in as kids, had a neat rope swing too."

"You had a horse?"

"No, we used to … borrow them."

"Borrow?"

"Yeah. It's was Petey's idea. We could come out to the field, snag a horse and ride it up here. Sometimes we'd get off and the horse would head back without us, but at least we only had to walk one way."

"No saddle?"

I shook my head. "Or bridle, we rode Indian style." I grinned at the memory. "Course, Petey broke his collarbone one time when the horse stopped moving and he didn't. Went flying off. That was interesting to explain to his parents." A look of worry crossed her face. "Don't worry, I won't let you fall."

"Promise?"

"Yes, ma'am."

After the sun had completely set, Bella released a loud sigh. "We should head back, we have a party to get to," I announced, picking up the reins again and turning Impish around. Turning her head, she placed a kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you for sharing it with me," she whispered. "It was beautiful." I leaned in and nuzzled her cheek before telling her to hold on tight and kicking Impish into a lope again.

We arrived back at the barn to music playing, grills fired up and guests mingling around the tables. I pulled Impish up just outside the barn and slid off his back before turning to help Bella off. Careful not to touch her hip, I grabbed her waist and lowered her to the ground. Suddenly, her arms were around my neck in a fierce hug before she quickly let go and ran into the barn. Shaking my head, I walked the horse to his stall and took of his bridle before slipping on his halter and closing his door.

Exiting the barn, I was greeted by Charlotte who grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the crowd.

"Everyone," she called out. "This is our birthday boy, Jasper."

My cheeks turned scarlet as birthday wishes came from people I had never met before. Strangers came up and greeted me, introducing themselves as some relation to Charlotte. Eventually, the line faded and Betty announced it was time to eat, a rush of people swarmed the buffet tables, piling food on their plates. Bella came up behind me with her plate.

"Have you ever seen anything like this?" she asked in awe. Each table had lanterns at both ends, flowered centerpieces, and condiments in the middle. Small twinkle lights were strung from the trees to the barn, lighting up the entire area. A small, temporary wood area had been set up for dancing with a little stage before it.

"It's the way we do things down here," I shrugged, realizing I had said the word 'we' instead of 'they'. I was beginning to include myself as a Texan again, and I smiled at the thought.

It truly was my home.

Gathering our food, we took it to the table where Peter and Charlotte sat. Across from them, Bella and I sat next to each other and began eating. Chatter was all around us, everyone gossiping or talking about work and families. Peter and I told some more stories, mostly embarrassing ones for me, to Bella. He gave more details on his horse thievery and Charlotte spoke up.

"You used to steal our horses?" she asked us incredulously, in a slightly accusing tone.

He bit into his burger. "Borrowed, sweetheart, borrowed."

"Without permission, which is stealing," she raised an eyebrow. "Does daddy know?"

"I imagine not," he smiled confidently, "Beside, we always returned them, no harm done. Bella," he drew attention to her. "Why don't you give Jasper his birthday present?"

I glanced over at her and she glared at Peter. "I was going to do it later, so thanks, Peter, for giving it away." He laughed, taking a drink of his soda. "Fine. Where is it?"

Charlotte pointed to a bag at the end of the table. Wiping her hands off, Bella stood and got the bag. Placing it on the table in front of me, she sat back down. "This is from me, but I had help," she gave me a small smile.

Slowly, I opened the bag and pulled out something wrapped in white tissue. With their eyes watching me, I ripped the paper off, my breath catching in my throat when I saw what it was.

A picture, apparently taken the last time we were at Charlotte's parents, surrounded with a cherry stained wood frame. Carved at the top were the words "Texas Forever." At the time, I hadn't realized we were being photographed. I was sitting in a chair with Bella on my lap, one of her arms was around my neck, and one of mine behind her back, holding her in place while my other hand rested on her knee. With her forehead to mine, we were smiling at each other. I ran my fingers over it reverently.

"Do you like it?" she asked anxiously. I looked up and pulled her into a tight hug.

I murmured in her ear, "It's perfect, thank you."

Pulling away, I saw her wipe her eyes as Charlotte sniffled across from us.

"Not you too," Peter groaned at Charlotte. "Women and the waterworks." Charlotte shoved him hard.

"Charlotte's dad framed it for me, he worked on it while we were gone," she supplied proudly. Leaning over, I gave her a kiss on her cheek, thanking her again.

"Hey y'all," Betty spoke from the microphone on the stage, and everyone turned their attention to her. "First, thank y'all for coming all the way out here for our little party,"

"Little?" Bella scoffed, looking around.

"Please help yourselves to more food, but we're going to get the party rumbling with some music. Where are you, Jasper?" she asked scanning the crowd. Bella pushed my back and I raised my hand. "There you are," she pointed at me. "There's the birthday boy. Happy birthday, darlin', and this first one is for you."

Behind her a small band had gathered, picking up their instruments. As she walked off the stage they began to play Garth Brook's "Friends in Low Places". Everyone broke out into laughter and began making their way to the small dance floor.

"Well shit, ain't that a fitting song," Peter laughed.

"You would know, babe," Charlotte challenged with a seductive smile. "Come on, sexy, dance with me," she stood, pulling on his hand.

Turning to Bella I raised an eyebrow in a silent invitation.

She began shaking her head. "No, no, I can't," she argued.

"Why not, you danced at Gilly's? Come on, Bella, it's my birthday." I lowered my chin and pouted my lips.

"So not fair with the pouty lips," she sighed heavily, holding out her hand, which I grabbed quickly before she could change her mind. Practically dragging her, we made our way to the crowded floor. Turning, I took her into my arms and she placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Remember the steps?" I asked and she nodded. Then we were two-stepping our way around the floor, weaving in and out of other couples like we had been doing it all our lives. Bella's feet moved effortlessly as we kept our hold. Peter and Charlotte smiled at us every time we neared them, and Bella would smile back proudly.

"I think it's time for a twirl," she suggested.

Surprised, I looked down at her. "Well, aren't you livin' la vida loca," I grinned. "Ready?"

"Yep." We took our two slow steps before she released me and twirled before coming back to me for our two quick steps. Glancing up at me, she winked, proud of her accomplishment.

We spent the remainder of the night dancing and laughing and just… being. Her in my arms was something I would never tire of, whether it was something as innocent as a dancing or riding, or something more intense, my arms would never forget what it felt like to hold her in them, holding her as mine for one last night.

Because the next day we were heading back to Seattle…and Edward and Jake.

The night long since set as we sat around a table talking when suddenly Peter stood and held out his hand to Bella.

"Miss Bella, would you do me the honor," he bowed his head. Glancing at me, she stood and took his hand. As Peter led her to the floor, he looked at me over his shoulder and winked. Chuckling, I shook my head and looked at Charlotte and found her staring at me expectantly.

"How do you stand him?" I asked as I stood and held out my hand, leading her to the dance floor.

Shrugging, she turned and put a her hand on my shoulder. "Simple. I love him with all that I am." I nodded slightly and turned to watch Bella and Peter as they two-stepped around the floor, even tossing in the occasionally twirl. Charlotte and I began to move with the other couples. "Just like you."

"I do love Peter with all that I am," I agreed.

"Asshole," she mumbled. "You know what I meant."

"How do you know?"

"What, that you love her?" She looked up at me even as we danced. "Jasper, you'd have to be a blind fool not to see it. Maybe you're better at hiding it up in Seattle, but here it's pretty damn obvious. So what do you plan on doing about it?"

"Nothing. She has a boyfriend…and he's proposed."

"Why is she here with you then?"

"She told him she needed to think about it. She thought the time away would do her some good."

"And did it do any good?"

"I don't know, I kind of avoid the topic. Every time I bring it up, she tells me to drop it."

"Jasper, can I be honest?" she didn't wait for my answer before continuing. "It's time for you to shit or get off the pot. It seems you have a decision to make, cowboy up and make it."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Peter and Bella; she laughed as Peter dipped her and then sharply pulled her back up. As the song ended, Betty appeared back on the stage.

"Jasper, son," she began, "the band asked if you would play a few songs with them."

My eyes widened and I looked at Charlotte for help. "Don't look at me, I have no control over mama. You don't mess with a woman on a mission."

There was no way I could refuse Betty, especially after of all she had done for me. Peter slapped my back as I passed him on my way to the stage. Their lead guitarist handed me an extra guitar and I strapped it on. After a few minutes of warming up, I stepped up to the microphone.

"This is for Peter and all the trouble he got my ass into," I winked at him before starting the first notes of "As Good as I Once Was". Laughing, he swayed back and forth with Bella and Charlotte, one arm over each of their shoulders. Together, as if they had been friends for years, they moved and laughed and loved. As I smiled down on them, my three friends, I realized there was one missing and my heart clenched a bit. I had missed him the entire trip, each time I had showed something to Bella, I had wished he was there with us, but on that night, my birthday, I missed him even more.

As the song ended, cheers erupted and a few 'hell yeahs' from Peter. A few dozen people stood before me, all eyes on me waiting for my next song.

Grabbing the mike, I looked out over the crowd. "This one is for my friend Edward who wasn't able to make the trip."

Bella smiled up at me as she leaned back against Peter. Clearing my throat, I began.

"When you're down and troubled  
And you need a helping hand  
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.  
Close your eyes and think of me  
And soon I will be there  
To brighten up even your darkest nights.  
You just call out my name,  
And you know where ever I am  
I'll come running, oh yeah baby  
To see you again."

By the time the song ended, tears streaked Bella's cheeks, and Charlotte pulled her into a tight hug. There were quiet claps as I finished and took a deep breath. He hadn't been there to hear it, but hopefully, he knew how much he meant to me.

"Okay, one more… and this one is for everyone in this beautiful state that had the dream of being a cowboy," I turned to the band and told them the song. Nodding, they all began to play.

With my foot tapping and I began in my Texan drawl.

"Cowboys ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold.  
They'd rather give you a song than diamonds or gold.  
Lonestar belt buckles and old faded Levis,  
And each night begins a new day.  
If you don't understand him, an' he don't die young,  
He'll prob'ly just ride away."

By the second verse, the entire crowd was singing with me, their collective voices almost overpowering mine. At the end of the song, I thanked them all and tipped my hat before thanking the band and heading off the stage. Soon after, guests started leaving and Jack, Betty, Peter, Charlotte, Bella and I sat around a small fire pit and reminisced about the good ole days, Jack and Betty making Peter blush more than once with stories about him and Charlotte. It was nice to be on the other end of the embarrassing stories for once.

As the night chill settled on us, we finally said goodbye to Jack and Betty, thanking them for such a wonderful birthday, I hugged them both.

"Take care, son," Jack said with a firm handshake.

Betty hugged me like her life depended on it. "Don't be such a stranger, ya hear?" After promises to visit again soon, Bella, Peter, Charlotte and I all loaded up the trucks and left. Bella spent most of the drive with her eyes closed, her head rested against my shoulder until I nudged her as we pulled into the driveway. Sleepily, she yawned and climbed out of the truck. Just as we walked into the house, her cell phone rang. I furrowed my brows at her; it was late for a call and I worried something was wrong.

Glancing at the screen, she shook her head and mouthed, "Jake," before heading into the bedroom. "Hello?" I heard her say as the door closed.

Suddenly reality struck me hard. We would be home in a few days, and my time with her was running out. While I had appreciated every minute, every second we had had, I wanted more.

I wanted a lifetime.

Sighing, I sat on the couch and turned on the television.

"Want some company?" Charlotte offered as Peter cleaned up and put stuff away.

"No, you go to bed, I don't think she'll be long." I leaned over and kissed her cheek before she stood up.

"If you need anything…" she trailed off and I nodded knowingly. Ruffling my hair, she left the room. Peter poked his head in and said good night before heading to his room with Charlotte.

An hour later, I sat with my eyes half closed with no idea what the hell I was watching on television. The bag with Bella's gift was on the floor near my feet. I pulled out the picture and stared at it.

We looked happy.

We looked together.

Carefully, I set the picture on the table next to the couch, and as hard as I tried to focus on the television, my eyes kept returning to the smile on her face. My eyes drifted closed repeatedly and I finally gave up, kicked off my boots and lay back on the couch, sleep overcoming me slowly.

Something shook me and I startled. Opening my eyes and sitting up quickly, I found Bella standing before me in the moonlight still dressed in her shorts and tee shirt. Rubbing my eyes, I looked up at her and yawned, noticing her cheeks were damp, her eyes were puffy and red.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked with concern.

She took a deep breath and spoke in a shaky voice. "It's over. I said no. We broke up."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading…next chapter, homeward bound. Many have asked how long this story will be, I think there are about four more chapters, give or take, it really depends on the length of each chapter.


	17. We'll Skip the Goodbyes

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Two words…prologue & angst.

Once again, L&F was updated with S&S, and once again, there will be duplicate scenes altered to fit the L&F AU. If you read both, I would suggest reading S&S first.

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"**~~**"

Skip the Goodbyes

Location: Nowhere (Grief)

"**~~**"

_We'll skip the goodbyes  
If I had it my way  
I'd turn the car around and runaway  
just you and I."_ -Matchbox Romance

"**~~**"

The silence was killing me.

We had silence before but it was different. I felt her sadness, her sorrow, as it filled the cab around us both.

She sat next to me, learning back against the headrest, just staring blankly out her open window, her hair whipped around her face from the force of the wind, but she didn't care. She made no attempt to tie it back as she normally would have. Instead, it obscured her view, not that she was really seeing anything before her anyway.

I don't think she had seen or heard anything since waking me the night before. It had been dark and late when she had come out to the living room and woken me up, tears still fresh on her cheeks as she told me she and Jake were over.

She had said no.

Up until that very second, it was exactly what I had wanted and waited for.

That was until I saw the devastation it caused her.

While it was the opportunity I had been waiting to seize, all I did was open my arms for her to collapse into. Curling up on lap, she had folded her knees to her chin as she rested her head against my shoulder. Her hands cupping her face as she sobbed into them, her pain palpable and real, emitting from her with each gasp for breath. I had held her tightly, one hand rubbing her back, traveling under silky hair up to her neck each time while the other gripped her arm lightly to offer what little comfort I could. Pressing my cheek to her hair, I bit my lip to stop myself from offering words that I knew would be wrong.

I didn't know what to do, but I knew enough to not to tell her it was going to be okay. I had no fucking clue if it was and I wasn't going to lie.

We had sat like that for hours; the only movement had been her body accepting her grief by trembling, the occasional shudder overtaking her as she tried to regain the control she had lost. My legs had numbed, my shirt long since soaked from her sadness, I had tried to absorb some of her anguish.

I failed.

She only cried harder.

The sun had begun to rise and she had finally stilled, soft breaths came from her parted lips as she lay slumped against me, her body spent from anguish. Releasing her arm and slid my hand under her legs and pushed off the couch, never letting her limp body go. Groaning at the ache that traveled through me from head to foot, I stumbled toward the bedroom. Pushing the door open with my hip, I went to the bed and laid her down. She had immediately rolled to her side with her back to me, almost as if she was waiting for me to climb in behind her.

But I didn't.

Instead, I pulled off my tee shirt and grabbed a clean one before heading out to begin packing the truck. We were due to leave in less than two hours. After I pulled out a few things for her to wear, I packed our luggage and cooler, loading it all in the bed of the truck tightly with all our camping gear. When I had finished about an hour later, I showered and went into the kitchen to find something to eat only to find Charlotte already cooking breakfast.

"You were up with the rosters," she greeted me with a kiss to my cheek. As she stepped back and took in my haggard appearance, she grew concerned. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and sat at their table. "Remember the boyfriend? " She nodded. "They broke up."

Her eyes lit up with excitement for me briefly before turning to sympathy for Bella. "This is a good thing?" she asked cautiously.

Sighing, I put my head in my hands; the lack of sleep for the past two nights taking its toll. "Honestly, I really don't know. She was a mess last night."

Charlotte sat next to me and put her hand on mine. "That's to be expected. Just try to be there for her, Jasper."

"I don't…I don't know how," I replied wearily. Putting her hand on my chin, she forced me to look at her.

"I think you do," she smiled before standing and returning to the stove.

She had more faith in me than I did.

Peter had gotten up just as Charlotte finished cooking, and after kissing her, he sat down and began eating.

"Fucking delicious, baby," he grinned up at her. "Where's Bella?" he turned to me.

"Sleeping," I answered, my own plate sitting untouched in front of me as I pushed the food around absently.

"Everythin' alright?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "No morning head today?" he chuckled.

I ignored him and stood up. "I better go get her up, we have to head out soon," I excused myself and went to the bedroom. As I entered, I heard the shower running and saw her clean clothes missing. I stripped the bed for Charlotte, putting the linens in a laundry basket before I straightened up the rest of the room. Bella exited the bathroom dressed in her clean clothes, the scent of fresh strawberries clinging to her damp hair.

"Hey," I greeted. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Tired," she paused. "Thanks for last night, Jasper," she said as she combed through her hair.

"No problem," I replied. "Everything's packed, breakfast is done if you want some before we leave."

She shook her head. "Nah, I don't feel like eating."

Knowing better than argue with her, I told her, "Then we can head out as soon as you're ready." I went to leave, but turned to her when I got to the door. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes. Go spend time with them before we go," she gave me weak smile. Opening the door, I returned kitchen where I found Charlotte sitting on the counter, her legs wrapped tightly around Peter's waist as he stood between them kissing her deeply. With his hands on her hips and hers in his hair, they seemed like they were the only two people on earth.

They existed for only each other.

Clearing my throat, Peter pulled away from her and glanced at me over his shoulder. "Just thanking her for breakfast."

"Do you thank everyone that way?" I teased as I cleared my dishes from the table.

Releasing her, he turned to face me. "Want me to thank you?" he asked, sticking out his tongue and wiggling it.

Rolling my eyes, I put the dishes in the sink and rinsed them. Not facing them, I spoke in a shaky voice. "I think we're ready to go."

My statement was met by a minute of silence before I heard Charlotte sniffle. "I don't want you to leave," she said, wiping her face.

"Fuck, me either," Peter sighed. "But I know you have to."

Thirty minutes later, we stood beside my truck, Charlotte in my arms as she cried softly and murmured something about coming back soon. She lifted her head from my chest and reached up on her toes.

"Tell her, Jasper," she whispered in my ear. Closing my eyes, I nodded slightly and she pulled away. She was only gone for a second before Peter threw his arms around me in a strong embrace. Over his shoulder, I saw Charlotte hug Bella tightly, whispering in her ear as well.

"Go get 'er, you ugly fuck," Peter mumbled his encouragement the only way he knew how. Releasing me, he stepped back and held out his hand. "Have a safe trip, Jasper. Call and let us know when you make it home. Charlotte will be worried sick," he glanced over at her to see if she would call him out on his white lie.

"I will. And I'll be back, I don't know when, but some day I'll come back for a visit," I promised quietly. After shaking my hand, he turned to Bella and hugged her just as tight.

"Take care of each other," he instructed her before continuing, "Keep the fucker out of trouble."

Bella actually smiled at his words before agreeing to his demand. Letting him go, she went to the passenger side and climbed in, closing the door behind her. With a tip of my hat to Charlotte and Peter, I got in and started up the truck. I rolled down the window and backed out the driveway.

Peter held his fist out toward me. "Texas forever!" he yelled.

Putting my own fist out the widow toward his, "Texas forever," I called out loudly.

Driving down the road, I looked in my rearview mirror, catching a glimpse of a fourteen-year old boy brushing his messy black curls from his face as he cried before it morphed into the man running his hand through his hair as he bit his lip and stared after his best friend, who was once again leaving him.

Exhaling heavily, I pulled my eyes from the mirror. The finality of leaving hitting me harder than I had expected, the ache in my heart as powerful as it had been the first time I had left him behind.

At least this time, I had a proper goodbye.

We had driven like that for a few hours. Her staring silently out the window while I watched the road.

"Want to talk about it?" I offered hopefully. She shook her head, not even looking at me. "Bella…." I sighed, giving up.

I felt utterly and completely useless.

I didn't know what the fuck to say…or do.

Watching the road in front of us, my mind tossed with ways to make her feel better. I was at a loss; nothing I had said or done had made an impact. I had held her the night before, but anyone could have done that. I had provided nothing more useful than a warm embrace.

Charlotte was wrong, I didn't know what to do, but I knew who would.

Glancing at the signs along the highway, I got an idea. "Mind if I pull over at the next truck stop? I need to use the bathroom and get some food."

Of course, just as I expected, she shook her head.

She wouldn't even speak.

A few miles later, I pulled off the highway into the parking lot of a large truck stop. "Do you need anything?" I asked I turned the truck off. Again, she shook her head. "I don't like leaving you alone in the truck," I told her.

"Jasper, it's broad daylight, I'll be fine," she sighed.

"Lock the doors," I instructed as I got out and headed for the building. Stepping around the corner of the convenience store, out of her view, I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed his number.

"Hello," his sleepy voice mumbled.

"Edward, sorry to wake you," I apologized.

"You didn't wake me," he yawned. "I was actually… um…" he hesitated.

"Edward?" I began to fear I had disturbed him while he was with someone.

"Aw, fuck it," he sighed. "I was painting."

"Painting?" I asked, confused. Was that what he was calling it these days?

"Yes, painting. It was supposed to be a surprise. I had some bookcases built for Bella in her bedroom. All kinds of shelves, doors, drawers…everything she needs for school." he admitted.

"That time we were talking to you, the banging?"

"Was the construction guys, they got it done in a few days, but the painting has taken me awhile, but I'm trying to get it done before you guys get home."

With all the hours he worked, the night shifts he was putting in one after the other and instead of spending his days sleeping, he was painting.

For her.

It was one of the most thoughtful things I had ever heard. Being an English major, the amount of books Bella had collected was three times what I had. Even the library of medical books Edward lugged around didn't compare. Literature, grammar, writing, you name it, Bella had it. The books had begun to overtake her small desk, even taking up residence on the floor next to it, balancing precariously on each other. While I noticed the tower of books every time I was in her room, it never dawned on me to get her shelves to store them on; I had only suggested selling them at the Cullen's annual yard sale. My suggested had been met with a cold glare. Edward, on the other hand, knew how much Bella treasured each and every book.

He was the one that thought to build something for her to keep her books on. Sacrificing his sleep to get it done for when she arrived home.

I said sell the books, and he built her something to keep them.

It was one of many differences between us. His thoughtfulness overshadowing….

"Listen I only have a minute, Bella doesn't know I'm calling, I need your help. I just…I don't know what to do," I whispered as if she could hear me before glancing around the building to the truck.

"What's going on?" his voice peaked, taking on the tone of concern.

"Bella and Jake broke up, she said no," I blurted out.

"Shit," he mumbled under his breath. "When?"

"Happened late last night and she's been a zombie ever since. She hasn't eaten and she won't talk to me. Has barely spoken since we left Abilene. I don't know what to do, Edward." I finished, exacerbated.

He was silent for a moment, but I could hear him moving around. "Okay, let me finish this up, and I will call her in a while, see if I can get her to talk."

I leaned back against the building. "Don't tell her you know that I told you. She'll kick my ass."

"I won't say a word," he promised. "Give me about an hour, then I'll call her."

"Thanks, Edward," I said relieved, "We'll be home soon, going to try to make it back in less time than the drive down here. I need to get her home."

To him so he could fix her.

"Be safe, Jasper, see you both soon," he said before hanging up.

Stuffing the phone back in my pocket, I went into the restroom before heading into the store to grab some food. As I walked to the truck, I shoveled the chips from the bag into my mouth, holding Bella's Sno-Balls in my other hand. After I got into the cab, I tossed the Sno-balls into her lap.

"Those are for you," I mumbled around my chips as I started the truck. Absently, she picked them up and put them on the seat next to her, mumbling a thank you. I reached over and pressed the cactus, and he began singing "I can See Clearly Now". When I looked at her for a reaction, I found none.

Giving up, I pulled out of the lot and back onto the highway, the silence once again welcoming us into its cold embrace.

She was sleeping with her phone rang about seventy miles later. I tapped her thigh, and motioned to her phone in her bag when she eyes opened. Leaning down, she picked it up and smiled when she saw the name.

"Edward," she sighed as she answered. "I'm fine," she replied to his question before listening to him. "Well," she said as she glanced over at me. Unsure what to do, and wanting to give them privacy, I pulled to the shoulder of the highway and put the truck into park.

"Bathroom," I mouthed and pointed at the woods when gave me a questioning look. Getting out, I slowly made my way down the small hill and into the small group of trees nearby. The sound of the traffic faded as I found a large tree and went behind it. After relieving myself, I peeked around the tree as I did my zipper up. I could see her in the cab, her hands wiping her face constantly. She nodded a few times, her shoulders shaking a bit.

Thinking I had been gone as long as I could without causing suspicion, I walked back to the truck and got in.

"I promise," she said to him quietly. "I can't wait to see you either." Pause. "I love you, too," she smiled before hitting the end button and tossing the phone back into her bag.

"Everything okay?" I asked, looking in the mirror as I pulled back out onto the highway.

"It will be." For the first time since my birthday party, she looked at me and smiled. It was small and weak but it was a smile.

Edward had made it okay.

Just as I knew he would.

"**~~**"

In her cutoff shorts and a black tank top, Bella hung her arm out the window, moving it up and down as we drove along. Her head leaned back against the seat, facing the window, eagerly drinking in the warmth of the sun, her eyes closed as her foot tapped to the music on the radio.

Her mood had improved since talking with Edward. She was hardly unicorns and rainbows, but she had a peacefulness about her I hadn't felt in weeks. The weight of her decision was off her small shoulders, only the ramifications of that decision were left behind. Edward's ten minute conversation with her had soothed her in a way I had failed to do after hours.

Once again, I owed him.

Bella brought me out of my thoughts with a squeal of delight, her hand pointing to a sign on the side of the road for the Mustang River. We were somewhere in Arizona, but I had lost track of the towns as they blurred by us one by one at eighty miles an hour.

"Oh, Jasper, we _have_ to stop there," she insisted.

"Bella, it's getting late and we still have five hours of driving until we stop for the night," I argued.

Turning to me, her back against her door, she curled a leg up under her. I made a huge mistake in glancing over at her. Her hair blew wildly around her, her full mouth in a small pout, her small chin cast downward while those eyes begged me.

Those fucking eyes.

See, Bella had big guns of her own and she was using them on me then.

I sighed heavily in defeat. Why did I even bother to argue? "Fine, but not for too long. Okay?"

She smiled in victory, as if she had ever doubted she would get her way.

We took the exit and followed the signs to a dirt path.

"That's it," she pointed down the road. Examining the GPS, I realized the road was even on it, although there was a small blue line indicating a river nearby. There had to be another road further up.

Shaking my head, I looked around for evidence of life…or something. "I don't think so Bella, there's no one around, this is some sort access road or something. "

"Exactly," she agreed, looking at me. "Like access to the river," she smirked.

"Okay," I sighed, turning on the path, barely wide enough for the truck to fit down. As the brush got thicker and the road got thinner, I tossed an 'I told you so' glance to Bella; to which she rolled her eyes.

"Ah…Bella? You sure that was the right turn? Because we seem to be blazing our own path…"

"I'm sure, just keep going," she directed confidently. The sound of the sound of the brush scraping along the side of my truck made me cringe.

Of course, she was right. Five minutes later, we reached a small clearing where I was able to park the truck. I dared to glace over at Bella, who had a very smug smile on her face, arms crossed over her chest, eyebrow arched.

"Fine. You were right, I was wrong. Happy?"

"Yes, very. Now let's go check it out."

Somehow, Bella had led us to paradise. Not far from where I had parked truck flowed a beautiful river, not huge and certainly not rushing, but smoothly flowing downstream. There was a small sandy area surrounded by large rocks at the river's edge. The water was crystal clear, with the occasional white foam gathering around weeds and smaller rocks. Trees lined both sides, offering shaded protection from the sun. Bella and I both loved the sun, after our years in Forks and Seattle, we cherished every sunny moment we could get. My southern roots had graced me with skin that would darken to a golden brown in the sunlight, and even Bella's paler than normal skin had taken on a darker hue.

"Oh, Jasper…it's beautiful," she stood, hands on hips, admiring the river. I stood, hands on hips, admiring Bella.

"Yea, it is," I walked up behind her. "We should go for a swim." She said nothing but nodded with her head tilted up, eyes closed, enjoying the warm sun. "I'll go get the blanket and towels," I started to walk away and she turned around to face me.

"Wait, we don't have suits?"

It was my time to arch an eyebrow at her. "Bella, it's not like we haven't seen each other naked before. Besides, we're adults, I am sure you can control yourself around me,"

"Oh, I don't know, Hale, you're pretty enticing," she teased and turned back to the river. I headed to the truck for the blanket and towels we kept in the bed.

As I walked back to the river's edge, I saw Bella beginning to undress. Her sandals were already off as she undid her shorts and let them fall to the ground, the muscles in her calves moving beneath her skin as she stepped out of her them. She bent over to pick them up and fold them, her ass covered in white cotton panties with small pink hearts on them. Bella, always the romantic, right down to her underwear. When I laughed out loud, she turned quickly and caught me gawking at her.

"What's so funny?"

"Pink hearts, Bella? Really?" I paused. "You're such a romantic."

She glanced down at her panties, "What's wrong with pink hearts?"

I walked over to her, spreading the blanket out at her feet, placing rocks at the corners to keep it in place. I toed off my boots before I undid my jeans and pulled them off. "Nothing's wrong with pink hearts, but on underwear?"

"Sure, why not?" she questioned. My eyes were drawn to her hands on her hips, the very edge of the bandage on her tattoo peaking out from between her fingers.

"You should probably take that off, it's going to get wet anyway." I motioned to the gauze on her hip. Nodding, she pulled the elastic of her panties back and peeled off the bandage, barely giving me a glimpse of her ink before letting the elastic back into place. I grabbed my tee shirt and pulled it over my head, tossing it on the ground. Bella stared, her eyes roaming over me as I stood before her in nothing but my black boxer briefs.

"What?" I looked down, my hands self consciously brushing over my chest, thinking perhaps there was something on me I was unaware of.

"You been working out this summer behind my back?" she whistled. Reaching up, I removed my own bandage from my arm and tossed it on the blanket.

"Oh yes, sitting in the truck driving for hours on end has done wonders for my physique," I retorted as I turned for the river, I called to her over my back. "Come on, let's go."

The water felt incredible. I hadn't realized how hot I was until my feet hit the fresh, cold water. I debated taking my briefs off and turned around to see if Bella had continued to undress. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable by getting naked if she wasn't. She was heading to me, dressed in her bra and panties, her tank top lying with the rest of her clothes.

Even in her romantic, pink-hearted panties, she was a sight for sore eyes. While Bella didn't work out on a regular basis, her body was fit and toned. My cock twitched and I forced myself to look away as she walked slowly into the water toward me.

The next few hours, we splashed, swam, and floated in the small river. We let the cool water flow over our bodies as we lay on our stomachs near the shore, using our hands for balance and letting the buoyancy of the water hold us up.

We spoke about our upcoming classes. Bella was particularly nervous over her upcoming internship with one of her English professors. He had been an exceptionally hard on her the previous year, but they shared a mutual respect and at the end of year, he had asked her to return as an intern for the fall semester to help prepare for class and grade papers.

Of course, we talked about Edward and how his medical internship with his father had gone, how tired he seemed. It was coming to end in a few weeks, hopefully leaving him enough time to recuperate before starting his fall semester. She didn't mention her call with him earlier, and I didn't bring it up.

We never mentioned Jake.

Her mood was somber, reflective even, but also optimistic. When she spoke about school, while nervous, she was excited as well. The mere mention of Edward's name encouraged a sparkle in her eye and a smile to her lips. She even laughed a few times, and even though the laughter was for him, because of him, the sound caressed my heart in a way I never thought possible

After the water had cooled our bodies, we made our way to the blanket and lay down on our backs, arms at our sides, eyes closed, letting the sun once again warm us.

Apparently, we were all talked out, as we were completely silent.

I concentrated on the sounds of the flowing river, the heat bugs buzzing, the wind rustling through the leaves of the trees nearby. I concentrated on these things so I would not concentrate on the beautiful girl next to me. Her skin glistened with drops of river water; her wet bra was clearly see-through, exposing her dark nipples, and pink-hearted panties clung to her hips, her bones peeking out above the waistband. The tangled brown waves of her hair, bathed in the scent of fresh water, spread underneath her, semi-dry pieces reaching up to tickle my shoulder with every breeze. She had small curves in all the right places, but it was other things about her body that turned me on. The way her collarbones jutted out just the right amount, the freckles that danced across her nose, or those fucking brown eyes that held me captive with every glace in my direction.

We lay like that for awhile, and just when I thought she might be asleep, I felt her hand crawl under mind, her palm up, twisting her fingers with my own, and I squeezed hers in reply, but still did not speak. I turned my head toward her, squinting one eye open. She hadn't moved, except to place her hand in mine. The sun loved her, kissing her skin, flushing a light pink to her cheeks. I was actually jealous of the sun; wanting it to be my hands that got to caress that smooth, soft skin.

Desperately, I tried to imagine our future together as a couple, and I saw blurry images of us together, holidays, summers, classes. We weren't complete, there was a piece of us missing, a piece that helped make us who we were, a piece I knew we both needed. When I imagined her and Edward together, the image became crystal clear, their smiles bright and complete with no piece of their life missing.

It was how it should have always been.

Suddenly, it hit me.

I had been what stopped them from being together. It had been Edward she had asked to make love to her for her first time, it had been Edward she went to when she had the argument with Jake, it had been Edward that thought to build her bookcases for her precious books, it had been Edward that was able to bring out of the dark earlier that day. The way she smiled with he called, words of love falling so easily from her to him, the emotion that filled her eyes when she spoke about him.

It had always been Edward.

I had just been so blinded by my own love for her that I had missed it all along.

He was the right choice for her; he could provide her with her heart's desire. I…I would probably just fuck up her life somehow. I felt my throat tighten as the thoughts rushed through my head like a fucking freight train.

"Penny for your thoughts," her voice broke through the air gently. I swallowed hard, choking back some of the emotions threatening to betray my fake calmness.

"My thoughts aren't worth even a penny," I sighed, trying to act casual but felt my hand tighten around hers a bit. She rolled to her side, leaned against me and placed her chin on my chest. Even after laying it the sun, her skin was still chilled from the river and my nipples hardened.

"I am sure whatever is floating around that head of yours is worth a lot more than a penny," Her warm breath washed over my chest leaving goosebumps in their wake.

I opened my eyes to find her gazing at me. It was a bit unnerving actually. Like she was trying to dig through my mind and find the answer to her question.

"Alright. I was thinking about whether or not Edward is going to like that hat we bought him in Galveston." When in doubt, bring the conversation back to Edward. Her giggle shook my chest, sending sparks flowing through my body.

"You got to admit, red _is_ totally his color," she smiled.

"Shows off his eyes," I smirked. Her other arm had come around to rest across my stomach, her thumb briefly lightly caressing the skin on my side before she dragged it up to my arm. She tentatively touched my tattoo; her fingertips barely skimming the surface of my newly stained skin.

"Does it still hurt?" her lips pursed in worry.

"Nah, does yours?" She shook her head. "What do you think Edward will say?" I asked.

Her fingers never left my skin; instead, they constantly traced the pattern of my inked design while she thought for a moment, then laughed a bit.

"He'll be pissed we did it," she considered for a moment, "then he'll be jealous we did it without him." The more her fingers brushed over me, the quicker my resolve weakened.

"We'll just tell him that we couldn't allow him to mar his otherwise perfect form."

Letting out a heavy sigh, she returned to her original position on the blanket. My skin immediately missed her presence, forcing me to follow her so that I was the one leaning over her on my elbow.

She looked up at me, her eyes wide, her face pinked from the sun's rays, her hair fanned out behind her.

I didn't see it, but I felt her hand skim along my arm up to my face where she pushed my blond curls back, her eyes never leaving mine. Her fingers continued to run through my hair. My brows furrowed in confusion. Her touch was intimate, that of an almost lover, not of a friend. Her signals were confusing the shit out of me. It wasn't just a physical attraction for me, it was my heart she was fucking with and she didn't even know it. It was not our typical verbal dance of flirting, the dance had move to unknown territory and I didn't know the steps.

It was wrong, I knew it was. She was feeling bad about Jake and missing Edward and I was a convenient distraction. While I knew it was going to hurt like hell, I couldn't stop myself.

I wanted her.

Just once I wanted her.

I didn't care if it was only for one night or one hour.

My eyes closed in hope and in fear. Her other hand came up to cup my cheek and I opened my eyes to see her lick her lips, her gaze studying my own. My heart raced in my chest as I leaned down to capture her lips with my own. Immediately her hand in my hair fisted into my curls, her other slid to my neck to draw me even closer to her. Her tongue traced my bottom lip, and with no hesitation, I allowed her entrance to my mouth. The first taste; the first touch of her tongue against mine, enticed an embarrassing moan from me.

My hands to reach up, curl under her head, weave into her damp locks and press her to me as tightly as possible. Our breaths were coming in pants as I pulled away from her lips, daring to let mine roam down her neck. Tilting her head back in my hands, she allowed my mouth better access to the tender skin on the column of her neck as her body arched up into mine.

She wanted more.

I let go of her hair with one hand, letting it travel down her side and back up again, grazing the side of her breast. Trembling under me, she whimpered as I nibbled my way down to her collarbone, my tongue tracing the lines from one side to the other. Cupping her breast with my hand, I caressed it through the material of her bra and felt the vibrations of her moan through my lips. The erection I had been sporting since high school pressed into her side, with only my briefs between us.

I rested on one elbow, my body half covering hers. When I slipped a leg between hers, I felt her fingers run down my back, curve around my side and reach between us. My cock twitched when her fingertips brushed over its head, I groaned into the kiss and deepened it even more.

It felt fucking amazing.

Then she wrapped her fingers around my cock through the wet, lightweight material, and I thought was going to come right then. Pulling my lips from hers, I kissed my way down her neck once again, continue over her warming skin. When I reached her breasts, I nuzzled one with my nose before tracing her nipple through her bra with my tongue.

She hissed, her hand pulling my hair while her other closed over my hip, her fingers digging into my skin. Moving from her breast, I left open mouth kisses over her flat stomach, dipping my tongue into her navel. Dragging my hands along the same route my mouth had taken, they met my lips at the waistband of her pink heart panties. Sliding a finger under the elastic, I looked up at her through the hair that had fallen back in front of my face, asking for permission.

Nodding, she gasped as I slowly pulled her panties down over her hipbone enough to see her tattoo. It wasn't very large, about three inches. In a beautiful, unique shade of copper was the letter "E". At the bottom of it, in a dark chestnut brown was the letter "B", and finally, the letter "J" in a golden honey. Each letter in the same script I had received, only they were on top of each other, entwined completely so that one never ended, but rather flowed seamlessly into the next with no separation.

Just like us.

Touched, I kissed the "B", murmuring thank you against her skin.

She had put herself in the middle.

Only in life it was me that was between them.

I felt a bit lighter, knowing that no matter where I was, she would always have that reminder of me permanently inked into her skin.

I let her underwear slip back into place and slid my body back up hers until our lips were touching once again. The backs of my fingers stroked her cheek as she let my tongue slip past her parted lips to tangle with hers. Back in my previous position, her hand returned between us, wrapping her fingers around me as best she could through the material. Instinctively, my hips thrust into her light grasp.

We were almost naked, alone, and she was touching me in ways I had dreamt about for years.

There was nothing stopping us from continuing. Even if we never told another soul what happened, we would be permanently changed, and so would our relationship. I knew if I made love to her, I could never go back to being just friends.

For me, it wasn't just sex. It was so much more than a release, an orgasm that no doubt would be mind blowing. It was about love, commitment…forever.

Things she had with another.

Pumping me slowly, my hips began a rhythm into her hand on their own while my tongue explored her mouth and my hand caressed her breast, eager to find their way under the silky material to feel her naked skin under their touch. Whimpering into the kiss, her hips rose in an attempt to meet mine, but my weight held them down, frustrating her immensely as she sought the fiction of my touch.

Knowing all I had to do was slid my hand down her body and under her pink hearts, and she would be mine. I could bring her to climax with my hand, my tongue, my body, watch her as wave after wave of ecstasy passed through her body. Above her, I could enter her soft warmth, letting her envelope me as I sank deeper into her body. The thoughts, the fact that I was on the precipice of having her was too much. When it felt like my heart was going to burst through my chest, I went to pull away from the kiss, but she just followed me, not letting me go. Her grip on my shaft tightened as she slowly stroked up and down and I groaned loudly.

I was quickly losing control. I couldn't let it go further, no matter what my body wanted…and it wanted it so fucking bad.

With one hand, I reached down to hers and gently pried her fingers from around me. She broke the kiss, laying back on the blanket, rejection flowing into her eyes. I shook my head, and put my forehead to hers.

"No, it's not you…it's just…" I gasped. My dick desperately missed her touch, twitching against her, begging for more. Her eyes closed tightly and she nodded in understanding. As the fog of passion cleared from her brain and thoughts of what we almost did entered it, she sighed. "We just…can't." I pleaded for her to understand.

"I know," she murmured, "you're right."

We lay like that for awhile, foreheads together, eyes closed, breaths mingling, bodies pressed together. Just like when we were dancing…only with less clothes.

It would be so easy to say.

_I love you_.

It was so hard to say.

Feeling a slight chill down my spine, I lifted my head and opened my eyes to see sun had lowered behind the trees and was beginning to set, tossing red and orange flames across the sky. It was breathtaking.

I looked at Bella beneath me.

_She_ was breathtaking. I placed a kiss on her forehead and went to lean back on my knees, to put some distance between our needing bodies, but she grabbed my hand.

"Jasper, can we stay here tonight?" Her eyes were finally open, and they looked a bit sad. I gave her hand a squeeze and smiled a little.

"Course we can. You want me to set up the tent?"

"No, just here, on the blanket," she requested quietly.

"Sure, let me go grab the sleeping bags." I stood and walked to the truck, grabbing the bags out of the bed. Opening the cooler, I took out a few bottled waters, a jar of salsa and some nacho chips. As I approached Bella, I noticed she had not redressed, and was facing me kneeling. I tossed her a bottle of water and she agilely reached out and caught it, her speed surprising me.

"Nice catch," I complimented as I tossed the bag of chips on the blanket. Sitting down in front her, I felt exposed in only my underwear. Crossing my legs, I held up the unopened jar of salsa for her approval. She nodded and I proceeded to twist the cover off with a loud pop. Bella wrestled the bag of chips open and held them to me before grabbing a few for herself. As she went to dip her chip in, I grabbed her wrist, Startled, she looked up. The electrical current from earlier still flowing through us both, intensifying our touch. I glanced at her wrist in my hand, her pulse pounding under my thumb, before looking deeply into her eyes.

"Bella," I started sternly, "absolutely, no double dipping,"

She laughed and I let go of her wrist. "Jasper, that was years ago," she recalled and proceeded to dip.

"Yes, and I still remember it clearly, which is a testament to how traumatic it was," I admitted as I pulled out a few chips. I watched her cup her hand under the chip as she brought it to her mouth and closed her perfect lips around it. My erection, which had not completely waned, came back instantly.

"Ya know, Jasper, you really do take me to the nicest places," she mumbled through a mouthful of chips.

"You got a problem with Chez Whitlock?" I glanced around our surroundings, the sun behind the trees, the river glistening with the last hints of daylight. I looked back at Bella in front of me, practically naked, eating her salsa and chips. I tilted my head and stared at her. "You have to admit, the view is beautiful."

And I didn't mean the sunset.

She glanced around us, much like I had, and sighed. "Yes it is. One of the prettiest places we've seen." Her eyes met mine. "And the view _is_ definitely beautiful."

My heart skipped a beat.

"Thank you, Jasper. For stopping here today and for…for everything."

I wanted to tell her again. My mind was chanting it over and over again but my mouth would not say the words. "You're welcome, Bella. It has been incredible. Thank you for coming with me." I reached out and pushed some hair off her shoulder, running my hand down her arm, leaving goose bumps in my wake. It was starting to get chilly.

Pointing to the salsa, Bella asked, "How come no three course meal over a fire?"

I put a chip in my mouth before answering. "We don't have anything to cook on it, I hadn't planned on camping here tonight." I paused, "Got a problem with the dinner menu?"

"Not at all, it's delicious," she smiled and popped another chip in her mouth. We continued to eat and discussed our plans for the remainder of the drive, our stay at the river put us behind schedule by several hours, which would give Edward more time to complete his gift for her.

The sun had set; darkness wrapping itself around us.

"Want some music?" I offered, eager to have my mind occupied.

"Sure," she pulled her knees up and laid her chin on them while I got up to get my guitar. Returning to her with it, I sat down in front of her, the guitar on my lap.

"Any requests?"

She thought for a minute before smiling. "Anything country."

"Alrighty then," I chuckled, strumming the strings while I ran through the list of songs I knew. I wanted something upbeat, knowing anything else would threaten to betray my emotions. I finally settled on Brad Paisley's "Start a Band". By the chorus, I had Bella swaying back and forth, moving her shoulders and hips with the music. When I finished, I put on my best accent and began "Backwoods" by Justin Moore, earning a giggle from Bella when I drawled out vowels like a pro. Three songs later, I put the guitar on the ground next to me.

"We should sleep so we can head out early tomorrow, long day," I suggested as I recapped the salsa and closed the chips. I brought the guitar and food back to the truck and put it back in the cooler. We gathered our sleeping bags on the blanket and I began to unzip mine to get in, but Bella stopped me.

"Let's share," she offered. She had unzipped hers completely and was holding it open for me. Without hesitating, I climbed under, my arms automatically pulled her to my side and she rested her head on my chest, wrapping her arm around my stomach as she had earlier. Using my bag as a pillow for us, I pulled her sleeping bag back up to cover her, knowing the chill from the night would soon settle in. The flowing river was the most soothing music to fall asleep to.

"You warm enough?" I asked her as I rubbed one hand up and down her back, the other along the arm across my chest. The feeling of her almost naked body pressed against me was a rush I would never have the chance to get used to. She nodded into my chest and I kissed the top of her head. "Your tattoo…it's beautiful."

"You like it?" she asked sleepily.

"Very much. It's perfect."

"I hope Edward likes it…." Her voice trailed off as she began to drift in and out of sleep.

It was only moments later I heard her soft snores assuring me of her sleep. Her arm around me had loosened slightly and her hand had come to rest on my hipbone. I stared at the stars above me for hours, their twinkling in the black sky unhindered by trees or a city skyline.

Then, I did something I hadn't done in years. I began to pray, to whoever would listen. I prayed for the courage to do what I knew was best for all of us. I prayed for Bella to be safe and find happiness. I prayed for life to fulfill her dreams, for them all to come true.

When I was certain her sleep was deep enough not to be disturbed, I whispered to the dark sky.

"I love you, Bella."

I closed my eyes, and when I did, the tears that had hovered on the edges silently streamed down my cheeks.

I cried, I prayed and I held Bella tight.

For the third night in a row, I didn't sleep.

"**~~**"

Turned out our little paradise had been just north of Albuquerque, putting us a bit less than twenty-three hours from home.

Twenty-three hours left alone with her.

Soon, I would be down to counting the minutes.

We had gotten up as the sun rose, quickly packing up our bags and heading back to the highway, only stopping at a store to pick up some donuts and coffee for breakfast.

I never touched mine.

While I had lain awake watching over her, Bella had slept soundly the night before, all the nights she had tossed and turned were gone as her decision had been made. She had been reading a bit, and had even called Edward when we had pulled off the highway for a quick lunch. Their conversation had been quick, but happy, and finished with an emotional 'I love you', which had made my heart clench. Bella and I had talked, and while her mood never exceeded melancholy, she was on the right road, making progress with each hour. My lack of sleep had caught up with me, and as the highway stretched neverending before me I would feel my lids droop and drift closed.

Her chatter, and challenges of This or That topics, kept me alert enough for driving, though my thoughts were often disorientated and distracted. No matter the discussion, my mind, and heart, always returned to one thing.

One more night and another day's worth of driving and we would be on the doorstep of home.

Of Edward.

Eleven hours after getting into the truck that morning, we pulled into Salt Lake City. Unable to stay awake any longer, I turned into a hotel just off the highway and we checked in. While I took a very welcomed hot shower, Bella went to get us some food at a Chinese place down the road. We ate lo mein and moo goo gai pan while we sat on the bed and watched some television. Well, Bella watched, I just stared at it, not really comprehending the mindless comedy that was on. It was barely eight when I looked at Bella, my jaw slack and my eyes closing.

"Gotta sleep," I mumbled as I rolled to my side, away from her. Lithely, she reached over me, grabbing my lo mein before I knocked it on the floor, and placed it on the table next to the bed, my plastic spork still sticking out of it. Vaguely, I felt the bed shift as she put her own food away and turned the lights off. There was the soft glow from the television lighting up the room as she went into the bathroom. My body exhausted, I never heard her exit, or get back into bed, but I woke up with her warm body behind mine, curled into me with her small arm around my waist, her nose buried in my back.

The sun had broken through the clouds from the day before and was shining into our room. My body still tired, I felt heavy and guilty for having slept so late.

But I couldn't bring myself to let it end. Not only our time alone together, but our time in bed together as the friends we had always been. Knowing it would all change irrevocably once we got home.

After I weaved my fingers with hers as they lay under my tee shirt on the heated skin of my stomach, I felt her move behind me, stretching the night's sleep away from her body.

"We should get going," I announced sadly, taking her hand and moving it off me and climbing out bed. I had showered the night before, so I brushed my teeth, dressed and packed up our bag before Bella had barely gotten out of bed.

"Eager?" she asked as she passed me on her way to the bathroom.

I wanted to scream no, that I didn't even want to return to our previous lives, much less so soon.

"It's just late," I shrugged. "Long drive ahead of us."

Ten minutes later we were in the truck and heading to a coffee shop for breakfast. Bella eyed me, her attention unnerving as I sipped my coffee while we merged onto the highway. Finally, I looked over at her and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked.

Shaking her head, she sipped her coffee before speaking. "Nothing, you just seem down or something."

_Or something._

"Still tired," I replied flatly. Reaching over, I turned on the radio, hoping the music would hinder any further conversation.

Less than eight hours left and my mind and heart battled inside me, much like they had at the river. Over and over in my head, I heard Peter telling me Bella was head over heels for me, or Charlotte telling me to man the fuck up and confess my love.

Their voices were clear, but they stood in the shadows of Edward's power. His ability to sooth Bella, to comfort her, please her, make her happy in ways I could only dream of.

I chucked to myself. Dreams were for those that slept. I tossed, I turned, I didn't sleep.

Their tender words of affection, their touches at the house, casual and loving.

Nothing Peter or Charlotte had seen in a few days could compare to what I had witnessed for years.

It wasn't me.

It was him.

He was her breath, her soul, and he had her heart.

Four hours. We had stopped for lunch, though I had barely eaten, settling on drinking some lemonade while Bella ate a salad and chatted about a text she had received from Rosalie, something about Emmett and a big surprise he had planned.

Two hours. I pulled over on the side of the road and ran into the woods, claiming I had to go to the bathroom. Once I was out of her view, I fell to the ground on my knees just as my stomach dry heaved, clenching and twisting up nothing. Wiping the tears that had gathered in my eyes from the vomiting, I stood up and leaned against the tree, convincing myself I could it.

Returning to the truck, I got back in and pulled back out without saying a word. Bella just stared at me.

She was on to me.

For the last hundred miles I had thought about not going to Edward's; about telling her how I felt. The closer we got to Seattle, the more my heart felt like it was being ripped from chest.

"I can't wait to see him," she said excitedly. When I didn't reply, she looked up from her cell phone; she was texting Edward, letting him know we were about ten minutes away. "You okay, Jasper? You've been awfully quiet."

She sat with her bare feet up on the dashboard. Her tee shirt was loose, the wind from her open window catching it and blowing it away from her body. Her hair was in a loose, and once again blowing in her face.

I refused to look at her. "I'm okay. Just tired. We've done a lot of driving, it will be nice to lay back and relax for a few weeks before classes start."

She reached out and ran hand down my arm, stopping briefly at my hand. I turned my palm up and she entwined her fingers with mine.

We drove like that in silence.

Holding our hands together while my heart fell apart.

It seemed only seconds later we pulled into the driveway of their house. I saw the silver Volvo in front of the garage.

Edward was home.

Barely able to contain her excitement at the thought of seeing Edward, Bella let go of my hand and had her door open before I had even come to a complete stop. I took a deep breath, trying to slow my racing heart, got out, and headed to the bed of the truck to retrieve her bags. Bella was practically jumping in place beside me as she waited for me to fold the cover back to access our stuff.

"Bella, go on in and see Edward, I'll get these for you," I smiled at her.

Grinning up at me, she reached up, placing the softest, briefest kiss on my lips and then she was turning, running to the steps of the house. At the top, she turned to me, a vision from the gods, her smile bright and eyes full of anticipation, her long hair hung in thick waves around her shoulders, her tanned skin glowing.

It was perfect, to see her that way. That last time.

"Just toss them on the ground, Hale, we can grab them later," and with that, she was gone.

I walked to the steps, placing her bags on the porch next to the wicker chair. I looked at the door and considered, for a second, about going inside. Nothing would have to change. We could all go back to status quo, they would be none the wiser.

But I would be.

I couldn't find the courage in me to go inside to witness their happy reunion. Her jumping into his waiting arms, his grin wide with the joy of seeing her for the first time in weeks. She would wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him as he spun her around, laughing, commenting on how skinny she was or what a mess her hair was.

No. It was better this way.

He could love her so much better than I could.

He was the most loyal person I knew, he was intelligent and going to have a brilliant career as a doctor, allowing him to provide Bella with the best of everything that life had to offer, including loving her I a way I couldn't.

I saw their future together; her coming home from work, Edward at the kitchen counter finishing up dinner, turning to hug and kiss her before ushering her to the table and serving her a plate of home-cooked food. After, they would cuddle on the couch and watch television, laughing and talking about their day. Ending the night in bed, him on top of her as he thrust in and out of her slowly, staring at her with so much love while she brushed his hair out of his eyes and moaned at the sensations he filled her with. Love and passion flowing effortlessly between them as they both cried out the other's names as they came together.

I felt sick.

I couldn't even cook her a nice meal.

I turned and headed back to the truck, climbing in behind the wheel once again. Leaning back against the headrest, I closed my eyes as they filled with unshed tears. My phone vibrated with a text message and I flipped it open.

_U coming inside? _She asked_._

I immediately typed my reply.

_Be there in a few, need to call home to check in with the Major_

I lied.

_Ok c u in a few. Tell him hi for me_

I took a deep breath and started the truck. My resolve and determination was cracking quickly. Shifting into reverse, I backed the truck out of the driveway.

"**~~**"

I drove.

For hours, I just drove, not stopping for gas or food or to take a piss, knowing slightest pause would give me enough time to reconsider my decision and ultimately lead me back to Seattle…to Bella. My cell phone vibrated every few minutes with a new text message or voice mail. I knew she was panicking but I couldn't bring myself to answer it. I contemplated turning it off, but it seemed too harsh, too real. At least its vibrations told me she cared, she was concerned about me, where I was, what had happened. I was sure some of the messages were from Edward…an unhappy one at that. He would not like that I was worrying Bella. I understood that; he was filling _our_ role alone now. The role of Bella's protector, a position previously held by two, was now down to one.

With my free hand, I wiped at my face, I thought the tears would have been long gone but I had underestimated the pain my decision would cost me. My face was wet as tears rolled down my cheeks, the neck of my tee shirt soaked from the tears mixed with sweat. My curls were damp, clinging to my forehead and neck, even the breeze from the open window was not enough to coax them from my skin.

I ached.

My heart ached so fucking much. I could be burned alive and gutted and feel better than I did at that moment.

My head hurt from concentrating through blurry eyes to make out the road in front of me.

My entire body ached from hours of driving. My bladder felt like it was going to burst if I didn't stop soon.

I pushed harder on the gas pedal. Miles of woods passed by me at speeds not even near legal. The faster I went, the further I could get.

Next to me, my cell phone vibrated again. Without a second thought, I grabbed it and whipped it out my window, watching in my mirror as it hit the road and shattered into pieces.

Just like my heart.

The fucking tears came faster.

Harder.

I could feel my chest beginning to heave as I entirely lost what little control I had had over my emotions. Pulling over to the side of the road, I threw the truck into park and rested my forehead on the steering wheel.

I sobbed.

I cried.

I screamed in agony and loss.

My entire body shook with more pain than I ever believed fucking possible until there was nothing left in me but emptiness, weakness. Every part of me drained, leaving nothing in its wake, the pain had stolen my life from me, pulling it from me in tears and screams until I was broken.

Numbness slowly circled itself around my heart, allowing me to finally open my swollen eyes and realize night had solidly fallen. Once again, I started the truck and pulled out on to the road, leaving my sorrow to rest on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. That was exactly where it belonged.

I had done what I was supposed to do.

I had buried my love for her deep inside my soul where it would forever remain a part of me.

I had made sure their friendship would not be broken.

I had delivered her to Edward's arms. I knew he would care for her, watch over her, love her with all that he was. Of that, I had no doubt.

I had returned her to him.

Safe and sound.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Sad, happy, pissed? To clear up any confusion, there have been a few reviews asking if this was the end, it is not, there is more to come...

A picture of Bella's tattoo can be found on my profile page. Also, there is a thread for S&S at Twilighted, the link is also in my profile page.


	18. I Never Told You

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-A short chapter… and maybe a bit angsty.

Once again, L&F was updated with S&S, and once again, there will be duplicate scenes altered to fit the L&F AU. If you read both, I would suggest reading S&S first.

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"****~~**"**

Never Told You

Location: Hell (Agony)

"****~~**"**

"I miss those blue eyes  
How you kiss me at night  
I miss the way we sleep  
Like there's no sunrise  
Like the taste of your smile  
I miss the way we breathe  
But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No, I never told you  
I just held it in_."_ –Colbie Caillat

"**~~**"

A blinding white light streaked across my face and my eyes shot open. Panicking I was swerving into oncoming traffic, I bolted up straight and grabbed the wheel. For an instant, my heart swelled, thinking everything was okay, that I wasn't alone, that I hadn't left. Then I looked to my right and saw the passenger seat that had been filled by her presence for weeks empty.

Only a second later, the swelling turned to a painful ache as reality hit me.

I was alone.

I had left.

I would no longer stand in their way, no longer between them. They were free to live their lives, exploring what they could have had had I never been there, as if I had never existed.

My tired eyes adjusted to the dark and I realized I was sitting in the parking lot of a truck stop. One I didn't even remember pulling in to. It had been the first time I had slept in over two days. After delivering her to his arms, I had just driven as fast and as long as I could until I found myself almost running off the highway in a place I didn't recognize. I didn't even know what state I was in, much less what town. Apparently, I still had some sense as I must have pulled into the next truck stop and parked, finally allowing my eyes, long since dry but swollen heavily from the crying, to close.

As soon as they did, I saw her, standing on the porch, smiling at me before she entered. The tears started and in the dead silence of the cab, with the windows up, I had wailed as the agony overcame me once again. As it had traveled throughout my body like a parasite eating me from the inside out, I tried to fight it, clawing at it uselessly to drag it out of me. It remained, solid and powerful.

On both sides of my truck, engines purred loudly and lights entered and left my cab repeatedly as big rigs pulled in and parked. Drivers with nicknames like Big Bear and Red Duke turned in one after the after the other to fuel up, eat, or sleep. No one ever knew anyone's real name. Truck stops were places of animosity, no questions asked no matter how shitty you looked. It was just the type of place I needed to be. When I reached over to the glove box for my wallet, I saw the cactus smiling up at me from the floor in front of the passenger seat. After I had tossed my phone out the window, I had been tempted to do the same with the singing cactus, but as I had held it out the open window, I accidently pressed his button and he began singing. I couldn't bring myself to let it go and ended up throwing it forcefully onto the floor out of my line of vision. Pulling my wallet out of the glove box, I counted what little cash I had and got out of the truck. Every muscle in my body was stiff and sore, each one protesting as I slowly walked into the small diner. After using the restroom, I found a stool at the end of the counter…away from everyone.

The waitress came over put a mug in front of me. "Coffee?" I nodded. "Black?" I nodded again. "Talkative fella, ain't ya?"

Shrugging, I took the cup as soon as she was done pouring it and took a sip. It was tasteless, but hot and caffeinated.

"What can I get for ya, sweetheart?" she asked and I cringed at her words.

I wanted to tell her not to call me that, that I was no one's fucking sweetheart.

"Just coffee," I said, not surprised when my voice was rough. They were the first words I had spoken since leaving her.

"If you change your mind, give me a yell," she said before walking off. I was on my third cup when two older men came and sat a few stools down from me. The waitress came over, poured their coffee and took their orders. Hanging my head, letting my dirty hair fall over my eyes, I tried to ignore them.

"How much longer you got?" one asked the other.

"I should be home in about four days, have one more delivery and then a pick up before I can head back to Kansas. You?"

"I just started, at least two weeks still," he took a sip of his coffee, "but damn I miss her and the kids already."

"I know what you mean, Helen and I are like teenagers when I get back from a trip. Just lock ourselves in the bedroom for days on end."

The other chuckled, "How long you been married?"

"It'll be twenty years next month," he answered proudly.

"I hope we make it that far," he sighed, then reached into his pocket. "Have I showed you a picture of little Jenny yet?" He opened his wallet to reveal the image of a baby. "Two months yesterday."

"She's beautiful. You're third?"

"Fourth."

"Sounds like you're busy when you get home as well," the other laughed. "I don't know what I would do without Helen. She keeps me grounded. All the days on the road, the late nights, I just picture her and it's all worth it. Her smile, her glow…nothing like lifelong love."

"Yeah I know what you mean. Patty is the most wonderful thing. I don't know what I'd do without her and the girls in my life."

Sighing, I got up and left money on the counter. Luckily, I made it to the door of the diner before the tears began to fall again. By the time I reached the truck, my vision was so blurry I had a hard time getting the keys into the lock, barely making it inside the truck before I began sobbing.

It just wouldn't fucking stop.

Those men had spoken of things I would never know. There would be no life long love for me. I had left my heart on the doorstep of their house and it would never belong to another. What scared me, even more than the pain I felt at that moment, was knowing that my future was bleak, that my best times were behind me and the darkest moments were still ahead. I had no where to go but down, and I had little hope of my heart and soul surviving the decent.

As the clock on my dash ticked off the hours, I felt the talons of despair begin to release their hold on me, and while my surrender to the darkness was anything but sweet, I was able to pick my head up off the steering wheel and take a deep, but not cleansing, breath. Even as I felt my heart being wretched from my body, I started the truck and drove back out onto the highway.

I drove fast, but no speed was enough to chase the thoughts from my head. Just being in the fucking truck, surrounded by her faint scent was enough to pull me unwillingly back into fresh pain. It was like a wound, seeping crimson blood and being in the truck was like constantly pouring salt on it. Looking over at her seat, I saw her there, her head tossed back as the sun warmed her skin. Her lips parted in a smile as she shook her head at something ridiculous I had said. Her voice was soft, soothing, coaxing.

She called me Hale.

Quickly changing lanes, I came to a screeching halt on the side of the road. Not even turning the truck off, I got out and ran to the passenger side just as my stomach heaved up its empty contents. Spasm after spasm, my muscles forced up nothing but bitter bile and self hatred as I fell to all fours. Saliva trailed from my mouth as the tears welled in my eyes for a seemingly endless amount of time. Gradually, my stomach returned to the emptiness I had become familiar with since leaving and I exhaled. Feeling the worst of it was over, I sat back on my heels and wiped my mouth before spitting on the ground that had been darkened by my tasteless coffee. I berated myself for my weakness as I put a palm on the side of the truck and pulled myself upright. Folding my arms on the edge of the bed and laying my forehead on them, I caught my breath while waiting for the blue to turn to black, to let me into the void of numbness instead of the ache I felt. I made my way to the driver's side and climbed back in, resting my head against the seat for a minute before merging back out onto the highway.

The miles passed, the towns went flying by as I kept my foot on the gas and eyes on the road, refusing to look at the empty seat next to me. I should have known better than to have let her memories assault me, but it was like wild horses dragging me back into a happiness too recent. Maintaining my focus, I concentrated on the road, my tires eating the white dashes under me as I put more and more distance between us.

"**~~**"

When I couldn't drive anymore, I took an exit and found a grungy hotel. After checking in, I went to the room and stripped out of my clothes and got into the shower. The scalding hot water reddened my skin as I absently washed my hair and lathered up. Once I was done, I got out, dried off and finally put on clean clothes. Disappointed when I realized there was no liquor bar in the room, I grabbed my wallet and left. I walked into the small office, which was actually someone's living room, and rang the bell on the counter. The woman that had checked me in walked over.

"I need a bar," I stated.

"There's one down less than an eighth of a mile on the left, O'Reilly's," she replied, pulling the cigarette from her mouth.

"I need one that doesn't…."

"Check IDs?" she assumed and I nodded. "You look like you could use it. I know Ryan, the bartender; I'll give him a call and tell him a friend of mine needs some liquid refreshment."

For the first time in days, I smiled, grateful of her understanding and said thanks before I headed out the door. Leaving the truck behind, I walked to the bar, hoping that when I was done I wouldn't be in any shape to drive.

It was a small bar with a few men sitting on the wooden stools in front of the long counter. Hesitantly, I sat down near the farthest end and waited for Ryan to wait on me.

"Shelia's friend?" he asked as he approached.

"Yeah."

"What can I get for you?" He tossed a cocktail napkin in front of me.

"Jack, straight," I requested. Nodding, he turned and grabbed a fifth before filling a glass half way with the amber alcohol. As it burned my throat going down, I pursed my lips and readied myself for the next gulp. Two glasses later, my body felt heavy, my head hanging low, my thoughts mixing and blending together as the alcohol began to have an affect.

While I had wished the whiskey to chase away my thoughts of her, they only made them clearer. There was no numbness I had been hoping for, only images of her telling me how stupid I was being by trying to drink her out of my life and chase away her memories with booze. I could almost feel her sitting next to me with a look of disgrace on her face as she shook her head in pity. When she spoke her voice was higher than I remember.

"Hey, cowboy," she said. "You look like you could use a friend tonight."

Swallowing, I turned my head toward her, surprised when I saw blond hair and a scantily clad body. Her hand went to my shoulder, her long fingernail traced the shell of my ear. Cringing, I pulled away from her touch.

"Leave me alone," I mumbled, bringing the glass back to my lips. She ran her hand down my arm, over my tattoo to my wrist.

"Aw, cowboy, let me help you forget about her," she suggested, leaning to me, she continued in my ear. "My name's is Michelle, and if you take me home, I guarantee you'll be calling it out instead of hers."

Nodding to the bartender, he refilled my glass and Michelle ordered something for herself.

"Michelle is it?" I turned my head to her. "I guarantee I won't be taking you home," I sneered.

She smiled and moved her hand from my arm to my thigh, stroking it. While my mind told me to walk away, my whiskey logged body won the battle and I stood up. Swaying a bit as I grabbed her hand, I yanked her off her stool and dragged her to the women's room. Closing the door behind me, I locked it and turned to her. With a wicked grin on her face, she wrapped her arms around me, lifting her lips to mine. I took her hands from my neck and stepped back.

"No kissing," I instructed as I began to undo my belt and jeans. Her disappointment faded quickly when she realized what I was doing and she dropped to her knees before me, her hands helping my unsteady ones pulling my jeans and briefs down over my ass, releasing my hardening cock as her red stained lips went around the head, sucking eagerly. I refused to look at her, my eyes closed as I felt her hands travel around to my ass, groping it as she pulled me deeper into her mouth. Groaning, I bucked my hips and lay my chin on my chest. My jaw clenched as she bobbed her head up and down my length. When she moaned, my body stiffened with reality. Opening my eyes, I fisted her blond hair and pulled her off me. Confused she looked up at me.

"What's wrong?"

_Everything. _

Disgusted with myself, I let her go, quickly tugged my pants up. Without a second glance, I zipped them and turned for the door. After leaving money for my tab on the bar, I walked out. I stumbled my way back to the hotel and unlocked my door. The room was dark except for a slight glow of moonlight through a small window. Standing at the end of the bed, I stared at it.

I saw us spooning, her waking up in my arms, her smile as she teased me about my morning wood. I saw her biting her lips as she had attended to my wounds.

I saw…us, together.

I couldn't sleep in it alone.

"Fuck," I mumbled as I grabbed my bag and headed for the truck. Unlocking it, I got in and closed the door. Lying down across the seat, I used my bag for a pillow and closed my eyes just as the first of many tears fell.

"**~~**"

Three days later, I was still driving with no idea where I was going. I just drove, passing through towns, cities, and some pretty fucking rural areas. Places rarely seen by anyone but those like me…without a destination. Stopping only for gas, caffeine, or a bathroom, I hadn't eaten anything solid since before dropping Bella off. My stomach churned with the very thought of food. I hadn't slept since the night in the bar. In fact, I never wanted to close my eyes again. Even when I blinked, flashes of her sleeping next to me, laughing, dancing and swaying her hips pierced my mind. I was tortured by images of her kissing me, her hands tangled in my hair, her lips moist and soft on mine.

The feelings of grief, guilt, anger, and selfishness had been through me like a kaleidoscope. Each one had taken up a residence in my soul several times during my driving. With each thought I had, the emotion changed, wearing me down even more, pulling me into an abyss to deep to crawl out from. Grief had been the strongest, its hold on me powerful and unforgiving, often stealing my breath when I least expected it. I had lost people in my life before. As a child, both set of my grandparents had passed away. Then we moved and I lost Peter. But those losses had been as a result of something beyond my control such as illness, old age, and my father's employment. What I had done, voluntarily leaving, had been entirely in my control, and that made the grief even worse. While it was my fault I was suffering to begin with, I also had the power to end it.

I just had to turn around.

The guilt for the way I had left was almost as painful as the sadness. When the guilt was washed away by the next emotion, my last thoughts were always that I hoped they could forgive me, that someday they would understand why I had done it.

Anger and frustration had been the intense emotions that had led me to seek out the failed attempt of comfort from another. I was angry with myself for never having spoken up. All the miss opportunities I had had to confess my love and I had let them slip away in the wind. And now… it was too late.

One by one I considered my options in the rare moments of clarity I had. I could return to my parents with my tail between my legs, asking for a place to stay in Forks until I could get my life together. The Major would not be happy, and possibly refuse my request, telling me I had to grow up and be a man. But my mother would look at him with her blue eyes and he would cave, all the while giving me the disappointed glare I had grown accustomed to.

Returning to the university was also an option, I could attempt to get in a campus dorm. Though I would have to room alone because the idea of a roommate made me sick.. The campus was huge and I knew their schedules, their classes; I could manage to avoid them with some effort.

I could keep driving, ending up some fucking place in the middle of nowhere, finding a job and making the best of a non-existent life.

Or I could go their house. Crawling on my hands and knees, begging for a forgiveness I didn't deserve. Neither of them would grant it quickly. Fuck, I missed Edward. I needed him so much, his advice, his comfort, his friendship. He would be angry with me for scaring them, for leaving without word or reason.

She would…hate me.

After all, I had broken the vow we had made to each other the summer after graduation. Bella had made us promise that we would 'never split up, never leave one another behind, to always be together, no matter what happened'. Even though I had pledged my loyalty to them that night when I covered their hands with my own, I had left them.

_I had left them._

The words were so final, so desolate.

With each mile I was on the road, I considered the choices, my mind always returning to the desire to go back home, that pull they both had on my life was undeniable. Every time I stopped, even at a red light or stop sign, I had to fight the urge to turn around. The highway, without stoplights, was my savoir in preventing me from acting on the need to return to them. It would have been so easy.

A beeping alerted me that I was low on gas. I dreaded stopping but took the next exit a few miles later and pulled into a small gas station. Glancing around the parking lot, I saw a lot of license plates from Nebraska and Kansas, leading me to believe I was near the border of one of those states. I went inside the small convenience store and grabbed a few waters from the cooler before going to the counter, avoiding the isle with Sno-balls.

"Fifty on pump four," I said. Putting the waters on the counter, I looked around for a newspaper, hoping to find out where I was. When I didn't see any, I was forced to ask. "What state is this?"

"State?" the cashier asked ringing in my waters. Nodding, I slid my money across the counter. "Well, you're a bit less than two hundred miles north of Kansas in Silver Creek," she answered as she took my money and gave me change.

"I'm in Nebraska?"

"Oh, sorry, yes, Nebraska."

"Do you have a bathroom?"

"Outside, around the corner to the left. You don't need a key."

I took the waters and went back to the truck to pump the gas. When I was done, I pulled into a parking space and went into the bathroom wondering how the hell I had gotten to Nebraska and hadn't realized it. Vaguely, I had remembered passing through a few states, apparently criss-crossing my way across half a dozen of them. Knocking before I pushed the heavy steel door opened, I was glad to see it was for only one person. Over the past few days I had been in my share of public restrooms, usually running in and out quickly, avoiding my reflection in the dirty mirrors. I used the toilet and went to the sink to wash my hands, making sure to keep my head down.

There was no way I could look as bad as I felt.

Slowly, I lifted my eyes to my reflection.

I had been wrong, I could look as bad as I felt. I looked like fucking shit. Uneven scruff covered my jaw, my eyes were bloodshot, and the area under them was puffy from the crying and dark from lack of sleep. My tanned skin had paled and looked gaunt, greasy hair was plastered to my head and my tee shirt had certainly seen better days. My lips were dry and chapped from dehydration and the constant gnawing on them with my teeth to try to stop the fucking tears.

I still hurt.

Curiously, I slowly pulled my tee shirt up to my shoulders. I ran a finger hesitantly down the center of my chest.

It didn't make sense.

My chest was fine; it was in one piece, unmarred on the outside. The gaping hole I felt there was completely invisible to the naked eye. I squinted and looked harder at my image, trying to see the cracked heart that barely beat underneath my flesh. Other than being in some serious need of sleep and a shower, physically I looked fine.

All of my scars were on the inside and hurt more than anything I had done to the outside.

I dropped my shirt and turned the water on, washing my hands before splashing some cold water on my face. I rested my palms on the side of the sink staring at the water running down the drain. Just like my life, circling the drain, just waiting to flow into nothingness.

The pounding on the door broke me from my trance.

"Just a minute," I called out. I turned the water off and opened the door.

"Sorry, the ladies room is broken and I can't make until the next stop," she explained. I stood there, staring at her. She was petite with long brown hair tied back, her big brown eyes pleaded with me to hurry as she bounced back and forth from one foot to the other. She looked just like her, same build, hair color, eyes…even the way she crossed her legs in her need was familiar.

When I didn't move from the doorway, she spoke again "Do you mind? I _really_ have to go…" she motioned behind me.

"Oh, yes. Of course, sorry," I apologized and held the door for her as she walked past me. Digging my keys out of my pocket, I walked with my head down, staring at the pavement as I hurried to my truck. I needed to get the truck and get the fuck out of there before I lost it. A car's tires squealed and my head snapped up and what I saw stopped me in my tracks.

The very thing I had spent days avoiding was right in front of me.

I hadn't seen one in a long time but it called to me like nothing else. The security it could provide me, the small space warmed by the midday sun. While my hand rested in my pocket on my keys, my fingers unconsciously searching for what I needed. Before I knew it, I was standing inside, the glass dirtied with greasy handprints surrounding me as I picked the receiver up off the lever and dropped the change into the slot one coin at a time. Without actively thinking of it, my trembling fingers hesitated over each number; numbers that could give me all I hoped; all I ever needed. Those numbers held my fate. They were hard to make out through the tears streaming down my face.

It rang.

I took a deep breath.

"Hello?" the voice was soothing, just like I knew it would be; just how it always had been. At the sound, I began to cry harder, my shoulders shaking. I leaned my forehead against the glass, exhaustion taking over my body. I ran a hand through my hair and attempted to regain control of myself. I didn't want her to hear me that way. "Jasper? Is that you?"

Instead of answering, I gasped, my breath quivering, her voice was a salve on the cracks on my broken heart.

"Please, Jasper…is it you?" she begged for an answer I wasn't sure I could provide.

I struggled to find my voice, when it came out it was weak and shaky.

"Bella….please…" I whispered before breaking into sobs as I hung the phone up and ran as fast as I could back to my truck. Sitting there, in the former sanctuary of the cab, I had a sudden calmness spread over me. The singing cactus on the floor caught my eye and I leaned over to pick it up. I dusted it off and put it back on the dashboard.

Hearing her voice had helped me realize what I needed to, where I need to be.

I needed my heart to be safe and sound.

I needed to be home.

"**~~**"

Less than twenty-four hours later, I pulled up in front of their house. After having driven almost straight through, I had followed the GPS directions, only stopping twice for gas and a bathroom. I wasn't sure I wanted them to see me dirty and worn, but something told me they wouldn't care, that their anger would overshadow any bad hygiene of mine. I took a few deep breaths, collecting myself before I opened my door and got out. I felt uncomfortable, the house both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Frightened of their possible reactions, their possible rejection at my return, I began to tremble and have second thoughts. What if they didn't want me back? What if what I had done was so horrific, they wanted nothing to do with me? I worried about what I was going to tell them, where I had been...and most importantly why I had left.

My heart raced, beating harder than it had since the day I had left that driveway. All the lights were out as I walked up the steps, I didn't even know what time it was but it must have been late. They were probably in bed together, spooning naked after having made love. Even though I could, it felt wrong to just walk in. Biting my lip nervously, I knocked and waited and doubted, listening for signs of life on the other side of the door. Just as I had given up hope and began to turn around, the door swung open.

He stared at me with a look of shock on his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~


	19. That They May Do

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-A big thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed this story, we are over 700 reviews, closing in on 800. That just…amazes me. Seriously, thank you! I might just have to do something special if we hit 1k reviews…any suggestions?

Lately, I've been writing S&S first and adapting L&F to it, however this chapter is completely L&F original, and S&S was adapted to it, with exception of the last scene, which was written for them both last October.

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"****~~**"**

That They May Do

Location: Hell (Anguish)

"****~~**"**

"Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
I hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_."_ –Sia

"**~~**"

I had expected he would be surprised but hadn't planned on my arrival being met with quite so much annoyance.

Quickly, he tried to recover. "I mean, I knew you said you'd be back but I thought it would be a bit longer."

"Can I come in?" I shuffled back and forth on my feet a bit, my bottom lip still between my teeth. He tilted his head, suddenly taking in my appearance, the dirty clothes, greasy hair, unshaven face and eyes that were barely open. I kept my eyes downcast, ashamed of how I looked and the desperation that must have been palpable around me.

Immediately, he asked, "Are Edward and Bella okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, they're fine….please…."

He stepped aside and I walked in. When I didn't immediately see his wife, I turned to Peter. "Where's Charlotte?"

He closed the door with a soft click. "She's with her parents, they take a trip together every year, some family bonding or some shit."

The words were barely out of his mouth when I fell to my knees, the sobs overtaking my body. Instantly, Peter was on the floor with me.

"Jesus, Jasper, what's going on? Are you okay?" he asked as his hands traveled all over my body looking for evidence that warranted the condition I was in. I didn't even have the voice to tell him the wounds were all on the inside. That I had I already looked on the surface for the gaping hole and had found nothing but paling skin covered in sweat and dirt. "Jasper…" he whispered as he gathered me into his arms and pulled me to him. Resting my cheek against his shoulder, I let my grief soak his shirt thoroughly as his hand ran up and down my back. We stayed like that for a few minutes before he broke the hold and began to stand up. "Come on, let's get you into bed."

Holding my hands, he helped me onto shaky legs, gripping my hips until I was steady enough to move on my own. I headed for the room I had stayed in with Bella, and he followed me. After sitting me on the edge of the bed, he pulled off my boots and socks. Wordlessly, he slid my shirt over my head. He pulled the covers back on the bed and pushed me down. Wiping my cheeks as I laid my head on the pillow, I remembered feeling his presence, and missing hers, and hearing him pull a chair up next to the bed. "Sleep. I'm here," was the last thing I heard before I finally, for the first time in days, let myself fully succumb to the hell of sleep.

The sunlight was harsh, sharp and piercing. Rolling over, I buried my face into the pillow and felt empty. Squinting my eyes, I confirmed she wasn't there and I panicked, wondering where she was. Then, I realized I was in the bed without her, for the first time since we had arrived in Texas, I had slept in a bed alone. The emptiness of the it brought on a new rush of misery that clenched me so quickly that it robbed me of my breath. Taking short slight gulps of air, I slowly unclamped the constraints around my chest. Being alone was something I was going to have to get used to and the sooner I faced it the better. Just as I rolled over to get up, the door opened and he entered.

"Fuck, did I wake you? Shit, I'm sorry," he apologized as he sat back in the chair. "I had to go to the bathroom. Sorry," he repeated, putting his feet up on the edge of the bed. I remained quiet, and just stared at him.

Every mile I had driven between Nebraska and Texas I had fought with guilt. Selfishly, I knew Peter could take care of me, let me stay with him, perhaps even mend a few of my broken pieces with friendship. I had never needed him more than I did then. When my life was falling apart, I was counting on him to put it back together for me. After offering me comfort, he would know what to do, he could guide me when I was blind. But in order for him to put the pieces back together, he had to know what happened and I wasn't sure I could say the words out loud yet.

"Jasper, please, talk to me." Adamantly, I shook my head, refusing to speak. "Whatever it is, it's going to be okay."

I sighed, praying he was right and broke the gaze he held.

"Please," he begged again. .

"I didn't go home," I admitted quietly. Furrowing his brows, his eyes dived into the depths of mine as he searched for the answer to his unasked question.

"Bella?"

"She's home. I drove her home and then left."

"Left?" he hinted for me to elaborate. "Tell me?"

It was too soon, too painful and I felt my cheeks dampen. "It just wasn't going to work between her and me. She needs to be with Edward. He's right for her and I'm…." I paused, working up the courage to say the words aloud for the first time, "wrong. She deserves better than me."

"And what did she say?"

"She doesn't know. I never told her. I dropped her off and when she went inside to see Edward, I …" a sob escaped me, "left."

"Oh, fuck, Jasper," he sighed. "Do they know where you are? What happened to you?" Regretfully, I shook my head. "Jesus…" he murmured. Gradually, I felt the tenseness in my body begin to fade as sleep once again overcame me.

When my eyes fluttered open again, it was still dark, and the chair beside me was empty. Physically I felt much better, my muscles had relaxed after so many hours in the same position. Mentally, emotionally, I felt utterly drained and broken. There was still a gaping hole in my chest and ached with every breath but for the moment, my eyes were dry and I felt better than I had in days.

I was beginning to think it was the best I was every going to feel. I opened the door and headed down the hallway.

"Yeah, he's here." Pause. "That's what I said. Yes, I told him he can stay as long as he wants. Peter spoke quietly into his cell phone. When he heard me, he looked up, smiled and held up a finger. "Hey, baby, he's up so I'm going to go. I know, I love you, too. Bye," he finished and closed his phone. "You okay?" he asked me as he put his phone down and walked over to me.

"Yeah. What time is it? I rubbed my eyes.

"Almost midnight. You've been sleeping since last night, straight through."

"Shit," I mumbled. "Sorry."

"Don't be. You obviously needed it. I just came out to call Charlotte. She was going to cut her trip short but I told her not to. Said you and I could use some male bonding time. Figure you didn't want a woman around right about now."

I went and flopped down on the couch, even though I had only been up for a few minutes, but body already felt exhausted.

"Wanna talk?" he asked sitting next to me, putting his feet up on the coffee table and yawning.

"How did you do it?"

He raised an eyebrow. "It's late and my mindreading skills are a bit defunct, so you're going to have to clarify what the hell you're referring to."

"Tell her you loved her."

"Aw, fuck it was easy. I mean, she already knew anyway. I wasn't exactly trying hide it," he raised a brow at me, "though I tried to be all manly and shit about it. We had been dating for, fuck, three months maybe, and we had gone out to the movies. When I was dropping her off, we had been, ah, making out and shit in the truck and it just slipped out when she went to leave." He paused, smiling fondly before continuing, "She had had her hand on the door and she just stopped moving and my heart froze because I was like shit man, did I just say that out loud. I got all panicky for a minute…then she turned and look at me and…damn, I just knew she felt the same way, even before she said it."

I sighed. If only….

He nudged my leg with his foot. "Wanna go back to bed?" I nodded.

When he followed me into the bedroom, I turned to him. "You don't need to babysit me every night. I'm fine."

"Shut the fuck up, I'm coming with you," he insisted, closing the door, he took his position in the chair. Climbing into bed, I got under the sheets and rolled on to my side away from him, hoping he couldn't see the tears fall.

"Hey, cowboy," she slurred as her hand ran up and down my thigh. There was an empty glass sitting on the bar top in front of me as she dragged her nails up my arm. When I turned and saw her blond hair, low cut tee shirt and pouty lips, I glanced around the bar to see how alone we were. Without a second thought, I dragged her to the ladies room where I closed the door and locked it. Her red lips curled up around bright white teeth.

"What do you want, cowboy?"

Roughly, I pushed her to knees. "Suck me," I demanded.

She eagerly waited while I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. She took over and pulled them down over my erection, watching as it bobbed in front of her face. Instantly, I shoved myself inside her mouth. Surprised, her wet lips went around the head, licking and sucking.

"Yeah, fucking whore, suck me hard," I moaned as her skilled mouth moved up and down my length. My hips began to move, forcing myself deeper into her mouth, striking the back of her throat even thought she began to gag.

Suddenly, cool air brushed over my cock as I pulled out. "Stand," I demanded. When she stood, I ripped her shirt into pieces, exposing her naked breasts to me. Pushing her back toward the counter, I grabbed her hips and lifted her up on it. Tugging her jean skirt up, I reached under it and tore her panties from her body, letting them fall to the floor. Spreading her legs, she invited me in. I roughly grabbed her knees and pulled her legs apart even more, guiding my cock into her.

"Want me to fuck you?" I asked as I pushed deep into her. Biting her lip, she watched me as I began thrusting in and out of her at a quick, pounding pace. My cock throbbed with the need for release. Gripping her thighs, I slammed into her, repeatedly banging her head on the mirror behind her. When she moaned, I got angry.

"Shut the fuck up," I grunted. As her breasts bounced in front of me, her high heels gouged my ass as she pushed me deeper into her. I growled, grabbing one of her breasts and roughly pulled it to my mouth, my teeth bearing down on the plump flesh, biting her nipple.

While one of my hands grabbed her ass to steady myself, I wrapped my fingers around her throat and squeezed. Satisfied only when she began to gasp, sucking air in the shallow breaths I allowed, I felt my balls begin to tighten, reading for my orgasm. Continuously, I thrust into her, each one more powerful than the one before it. I felt her body begin to go limp, her lips moving as she tried to speak.

"Like it when a cowboy fucks you hard, slut," I sneered as her hands reached for my wrists. My hold was firm, her strength nothing compared to my own, and she uselessly clawed at my arms to release her. Smirking, I gripped tighter, watching her eyes widen in fright. Two thrust later, I came, my entire body tensing as I filled her, my cock pulsed with each burst of hot seed just as her life drifted from her. When I pulled out and her limp body fell to the side, her hair became long waves, freckles spotted across her face and dark brown lifeless eyes stared back at me.

"BELLA!" I screamed as I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, willing the life back into her body, but as her head swayed side to side, her jaw slack, I realized it was too late. Like a vampire, I had drained the life from her.

"Jasper," he called to me. "Wake up, it's okay, wake up," his voice coaxed me awake. Slowly my eyes opened, Peter's hand was on my chest as he shook me. Focusing, I saw the look of fear on his face, his eyes wide. "What the hell was that?"

"What?" I murmured.

"You were fucking screaming Bella's name, and your entire body was shaking, convulsing. Then you just stopped. That's when I woke you up. Scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"What to talk about it?" he offered.

How could I tell him? How could I tell him that I just had just practically raped and then strangled Bella in my dream? What did it mean, did I feel I was sucking the life from her with my presence, was the nightmare just confirmation I had done the right thing or did it mean something else entirely? In the beginning the woman had clearly been the one I had attempted to get a blow job from, and in the end she had turned into the love of my life. I had had the nightmare a few times before where the woman in the bar had turned into Bella as we had sex but I was getting progressively rougher in each and every one, ultimately leading to her death at my hands.

I shook my head and rolled over, away from Peter. I thought he would leave, but instead, he sighed and leaned back in his seat. When I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, my lids heavy, I felt them flutter closed and I unwillingly fell into the darkness.

The next time they opened, it was dark and I was alone. Slowly, I got out of the bed I had barely left for days. I reeked and desperately needed a shower, but had to get my luggage. Shirtless, I went outside to the truck. Opening the passenger door, I reached in for my small duffle back and spotted the singing cactus on the floor, his smiling face staring back up at me. Tentatively, I reached down and picked it up. Slowly, I brought it up to my nose and inhaled, hoping her scent might have remained on the plush fur.

_Think I can make it now, the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared  
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for. It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day._

I wished it was so easy, that praying for a rainbow would brighten my days, lift the darkness that had settled around me and allowed the sunshine that I had left with her to shine on me again. As the song played, I saw her sitting beside me in the truck, a grin on her face she as she sang with the cactus.

I smiled.

And my heart broke.

I wanted nothing more than to destroy it, it was nothing but a lie. I wouldn't see clearly again and the sun would never shine down on me. Tightening my fist around it, I began to beat it against the dashboard of my truck, slamming it as hard as I could into the hard plastic. I wanted it broken and destroyed like I was, I wanted something, anything, to share my anguish with me.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked from behind me. His voice surprised me and I stopped. Looking down at the cactus, his body deformed but his wide eyes and smile unchanged, I slid to the ground.

"I don't want it," I growled, covering my face with my hands as I sat on the cool pavement, the moon and stars decorating the black blanketed sky above us. Peter kneeled in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder. Gradually, I calmed, my body going from shaking to quivering. He pried the cactus from my hands and looked at its mangled form.

"Did she give it to you," he asked. I shook my head.

"I got it for her," I said in unsteady voice.

He sighed. "Don't destroy it, Jasper. It was given out of love. Go inside, take a shower, I'll bring your stuff in."

Obediently, I went inside and headed for the bathroom. I took a long, hot shower, relishing in the hot water as it nearly scalded my skin. He had done as he promised. When I got back to the bedroom, my clothes were on the bed. After I dried off, I put on clean underwear and slid back into bed, knowing he would join me soon.

I wasn't wrong. Moments later, he opened the door and took his position in the chair. I almost suggested that if he insisted on staying, he could sleep in the bed, but as the thought occurred to me, my eyes drifted closed and slumber took me.

"**~~**"

"Jasper," he called from the doorway. Groaning, I rolled over to find him standing there in nothing but a pair of jeans. "You need to eat something, come get some food."

Nodding and numb, I got out of the bed and followed him to the kitchen where there was some pizza on the table.

Apparently, it wasn't morning.

"What time is it?" I asked as I sat down.

"About six, I got up about an hour ago, called in the pizza and took a shower. I got out just as the delivery guy came. I think he was a bit surprised when I answered in nothing but a towel," he smirked. I actually smiled, picturing the awkward delivery boy trying to avoid looking at Peter as he paid for the pizza. "You feel okay?"

Shrugging, I grabbed a slice of pizza and took a bite. It was the first solid food in days, and it was tasteless but it quickly filled me up.

"Are you going out?" I asked worriedly.

"No, I just smelled like shit. I was going to watch a movie. Care to join me?" he swallowed and took another bite. I nodded and we continued to eat in silence, finishing off about half the pizza. When we were done, Peter stood and put the leftovers in the fridge before heading for his room to change. When he joined me on the couch in the living room a few minutes later, he was in a pair of cotton sleep pants and tee shirt.

"Want a beer?" he asked heading into the kitchen.

"How do you have beer?"

He winked over his shoulder at me. "Charlotte. She's a year older than us. I don't drink often but it's nice to have some around. Want one?"

The night in the bar I had had whiskey and had felt a bit lighter when it flowed in my bloodstream. I knew alcohol wasn't going to make the pain go away, but it would help me forget for a few minutes. And if a few minutes were all I could get, I would gladly take it.

"A few please," I replied. Chuckling, he returned with a six pack and placed it on the coffee table. After opening one, I took a long swig. It was refreshing and cold going down. Immediately, I wanted more. He sat next to me, mimicking my position, slumped on the couch with our feet on the table in front of the couch. Quickly he skipped through the channels, finally settling on some action movie.

"This okay?" he asked, tossing the remote down. Taking a gulp of my beer, I nodded.

Silently we watched the movie. As much as I tried to pay attention the plot, I found my mind wandering, always finding its way back to her and Edward. When I caught Peter watching me with a worried look, I wondered why.

"Sorry, man, we can change it," he said as he reached over to pick up the remote. The 'action' movie had turned romantic, the couple was camping near a campfire, their flirting disguised as banter. When the male lead leaned in to kiss his girl by the glow of the warm fire, my stomach twisted. It could have just as easily been her and I.

Closing my eyes to block out the romantic images on the television was a mistake. What I saw behind my lids was a hundred times worse. I saw Edward and her together, quick intimate moments between them, stolen kisses at the grocery store, him teaching her how to drive a standard, Christmas with the Cullens. In each moment they were happy, their life having gone on without me in it. The last image was of her in a gown of white and him in a black tuxedo as they stood holding hands. He smiled down on her as he slid the wedding band symbolizing their lifelong commitment onto her finger. With tears on her cheeks, she smiled proudly up at him, the love between them visible to even the blind.

"I do," she whispered to him.

The words had barely left her mouth and I was pushing myself off the couch and running for the bathroom. Not even closing the door, I knelt in front of the toilet just as my stomach twisted my dinner back up. Sweaty, I leaned back against the wall, gasping for breath. He stood in the doorway with a look of worry on his face.

"You okay?"

Nodding, I rubbed my hands over my face. The nauseous returned and I leaned over the toilet again. His hand rubbed my back and my body gagged and retched. Weak, I laid my head on my arm, my sides heaving from the exertion. Sliding his hands under my arms, he lifted me up. With an arm around my waist, he helped back to the bedroom. I had woken up hours prior thinking I had improved only to then realize I had taken many steps downward my own staircase to hell.

In the room, he laid me on the bed, covering me with a sheet. He sat in the chair while I cried myself to sleep.

"**~**~~"

"Jasper, fucking help me out here," he growled as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me from the truck. I didn't know what time it was but it was dark out as he and I shuffled up the stairs to the door. He leaned me against the wall and I swayed while he unlocked the door and guided me inside. "Can you make it to the bedroom?"

"Yessssir," I slurred as I rested my head on his shoulder. "How'd I get here?" I spoke but my own voice sounded distant and unrecognizable. Pushing the door open, he stood me by the bed and as he went to pull off my shirt, I lost my balance and fell onto the mattress. "Wheeeee," I said as the room spun in circles. "When did the bed start movin'?" Sighing heavily, he roughly pulled off my boots. "Jesus, man, careful of the goods," I complained gruffly.

"Move your ass into bed," he demanded. Slowly, I did as I was told and felt my head hit the pillow. "You better not fuckin' get sick," he insisted as I heard him sit in his chair.

The alcohol, thick in my blood, encouraged a deep, dark and nightmare free sleep.

The throbbing wouldn't stop, every part of my head pounded as I struggled to open my eyes. My throat felt as though something had long since died in it and tasted even worse. Slowly, I turned my head to the side and saw him sitting there, sleeping peacefully. I didn't remember much from the night before, the last thing I recalled was arguing with Peter about college.

"Are you fucking shitting me?" he had almost yelled. With my head bowed, I shook it and remained silent during his tirade. "You got a fucking full scholarship to University of Texas and you fucking refused it?" That time I nodded, still refusing to look at him. "I can't fucking believe you did that." He stood up and walked into the kitchen. I heard a few cupboard doors slam before he reappeared in the doorway. "Explain why? Tell me, Jasper, why did you not want to come home?"

I traced the pattern on his couch with a finger, plucking at the random strings while I tried to think of an answer that would satisfy him.

I failed.

I never would have told him, it was a secret I had carried alone for over year until Edward had seen the letter. Not thinking, I had asked Peter to get something from my luggage and he had found it. When he stood in the doorway of the bathroom while I shaved, he had the envelope in his hand and asked what it was. I couldn't lie and confessed about the acceptance and scholarship. After the look of shock on his face had turned to outrage, he threw the letter on the bed and stormed outside. I had dressed quickly and went to look for him, finding him pacing along the deck between the plastic chairs. His rant began out there but we had ended up in the living room where I sat on the couch like a scolded boy as he sat beside me, making no attempt to conceal the frustration flowing freely from him.

He returned to the couch and sat next to me again. "Why Jasper?" he had asked quietly, his voice calmer than only seconds earlier. "You had a chance to come home and you didn't do it."

When I finally spoke to defend myself, my voice was meek, "I couldn't."

Running his hand through his hair, he sighed heavily. "You must really love her."

He knew. He knew my reason wasn't because I didn't want to see him, or be in Texas, but it was because I couldn't have left her and Edward.

Which was exactly what I had done, only a year later.

"It doesn't matter," I whispered, confirming his suspicions.

The anger returned to his voice. "The fuck it doesn't," he declared. "Jasper, you gave up almost eighty thousand dollars, you'll be paying back student loans for years…you gave up Texas, all you had ever known."

Finally, I raised my head and looked at him. His face was passive, the anger suddenly gone, replaced with a tranquility. Without another word, he got up and left the room, closing his bedroom door lightly behind him. Less than a minute later, I was grabbing my keys and heading for my truck.

When he groaned, his eyes opened and he caught me watching him.

"How do you feel?" his voice was husky with sleep.

"Like shit," I answered thickly.

Stretching, he mumbled, "I'm not surprised."

"Do I even want to know what happened?"

"What do you remember?"

"Talking about college with you," I replied, glancing away.

Sitting up, he got out of the chair. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Wait, tell me what happened last night?"

"We'll talk about it later, but Jasper, you've got some thinking to do. You've been here a week, and I know it's been rough and you're hurting but…" He opened the door but turned to me before he left. "You need to decide if you're staying here or going back to Washington. But…aw fuck, you know I'll support whatever you decide, and if you decide to stay in Texas, you're welcome to stay with us."

Leaving me with that thought, he closed the door softly behind him. Sighing, I closed my eyes, trying to drive the panic that had risen in me away. Finally, he had he had basically told me to cowboy up and decide what the hell I was going to do.

He was asking me to do the very thing I was afraid of doing.

Going on with my life.

A few hours later, he had left, finally returning to work after taking five days off to be with me. Charlotte wasn't due home for a week, so I was home alone. After sleeping most of the day away, and doing my best to avoid any thoughts relating to my life, I finally crawled out of bed and went into the bathroom. Even though the Texas sun was shining brightly, a darkness enveloped me, thick and hazy, settling around me like ash. Hoping I could wash it away, I stripped off my boxers and headed for the bathroom.

Naked, I stood in front of the scarred porcelain sink as I dragged the razor blade slowly along the soft, tender skin of my throat in long upward strokes. My hands expertly guided the plastic handle over my Adam's apple, curving along the tougher skin of my jaw covered in blond stubble, leaving trails of bare skin in the white foam. In my reflection, my eyes ignored the face in the mirror, instead they focused only on following the movement of my hand as it continued. Out of habit, after every stroke, I banged the razor on the side of the sink, dropping small whiskers in the porcelain, then quickly rinsed the blade under the running water before reintroducing it to my throat.

After tapping the blade against the sink, I looked down at it curiously, studying the thin strips of metal with tiny hairs scattered on them. Such small weapons for the damage they could inflict, the life they could drain.

So sharp.

I ran my index finger horizontally along the blade, crimson drops splattering onto the white porcelain below, landing, they spread out until they were only thin, faint pink drops before being captured by the water and circling down the drain. Turning my finger over, I inspected the slices closely, three thin perfectly straight marks decorated my fingertip, the small flaps of skin already pale from lack of blood. I relished in the sting the self inflicted cut had brought me.

Suddenly, frighteningly, I realized I wanted more; I realized my heart was distracted by the burn of my finger. For a moment, I felt…something. Though it was far from normal. Not sure I would ever feel normal, whatever the fuck that was, again, but I did feel something other than the intense ache that had dug a hole in my black soul and nestled in my chest. With every beat of my dead heart, my blood pushed the ache throughout my body, making sure it wrapped tightly around every muscle, touching every fucking cell and fiber. Bringing my wrist up close to my face, I studied the blue tinted map of veins running just under the delicate layer of skin. I imagined how much a larger burn would ease the burden of my heart even more, distract the ache in my chest, even temporarily.

It would be so easy.

So fucking easy.

Glancing at the tub I had just gotten out of, it occurred to me that it would be the most appropriate place to perform such a messy task. The image of my pale, cold body, half covered up with tepid pink-tinted water flashed before my eyes. The blurry form of my legs, folded up to fit into the small tub, my eyes blank in death, half open, blue clouded over with emptiness left in the wake of my actions. Damp curls stuck to my face, mouth gaped open a bit as my last breath escaped from my purplish lips, my head lay against the back of the curved tub. I saw my wrist hanging over the edge, fingers with dirty nails dangling as lines of blood ran down them, dropping red blots onto the tiled floor where they pooled before congealing, thickening to a syrup-like texture. As my life drained out of me, it gathered on the linoleum, grouping where the dirt and lint there discolored it as it spread out, gradually increasing the size of the puddle.

The dull florescent light above the mirror flickered and caught the reflection of a tear, drawing my eyes back to my face. I hadn't looked at myself in days, avoiding seeing the broken man that had taken my place, my new best friend, the empty shell that had become Jasper Whitlock. Silently, the tears fell from my eyes, down my cheeks and dropped into the sink, mixing and blending with my blood there. Bloodshot eyes, dirty, greasy hair, pale skin and black circles greeted me in my reflection. With my bloody finger, I reached up, tracing my face in the mirror, down my cheek, along the curve of my half-shaven jaw line, smudging faint blood engraved with fingerprints along the marred mirror. Mesmerized by the bloody face staring back at me; I realized the outside of my body was finally start to match the inside-bitter, dirty, worthless. Even my inked skin seemed pale and dull. The words faded as I stared at them. Their meaning never being truer than it was then. I had given so that they may do. Glancing from the razor to my dead body in the tub, my fingers gripped the plastic handle tighter. Just drag it along….

So easy.

I could physically do it. I was sure of it.

I couldn't emotionally do it. I was sure of it.

The desperation, the isolation, the fucking loneliness, wouldn't leave me, instead they had each wrapped their evil vines tightly around my soul, draining it more and more with each beat of my heart. Sucking, taking everything good from my life and replacing it with nothing but darkness, a darkness I couldn't see through. Pangs of agony ran through me, the solace I had hoped to find in Texas was non-existent, no matter how hard I had hoped to find it.

Closing my eyes, my palms rested on the edge of the sink for balance as I felt the angel's warm hands wrap around my waist, the moist breath on my back as soft lips place tiny kisses along my skin, my muscles flexing under the brief caresses. Tiny fingers graze my abdomen, outlining the indentations shadowed there, other fingers ran the outline of my tattoo. Deftly, the tips of the fingers slid lower, skimming over my flaccid cock, coaxing it to lengthen. My head lolled back, and I felt the shaving cream begin to slip down my throat a bit when my lips curled up into a satisfied smile.

The angel's breath tickles my ear as she whispers to me. "Hey, Hale."

Not even sure the word is audible, but I choked out a 'hey' in reply, the vines strangling the word as it escaped me, denying her angel ears the chance to hear. Thinking I hadn't replied, that I didn't care, that I didn't love her, she removed her hands from around me, and with one last kiss to my shoulder began to fade away, unable to hear my response to her greeting, not knowing how much I loved her.

_Please, angel, don't leave me, I need you, _I begged silently.

For only in my angle's eyes, I was a complete man, not the shell standing here thinking of an escape route because he is too fucking weak to deal with the pain.

Thoughtfully, I stared at the razor, tempting my fingers to bring it to my wrist. With little planning, I could be resting, suffering no more. I briefly wondered if I would leave a note, easing their minds of their involvement in my decision; or would I leave them wondering why for the rest of their lives.

I would do neither.

It wasn't my heart to stop anymore. My angel owned it, not me. It hadn't been mine since the day she walked into the lunchroom at Forks High all those years ago. I had left it in her hands the day I left her at Edward's, for her to watch over and protect. I had entrusted it to her and she didn't even know it. I could only hope I had done the right thing. I hadn't even had the chance to ask her watch over it for me.

I considered that. If she did have my heart, then how could it fucking hurt in my chest so much; the constant ache, tightening, throbbing always there just under the surface. How could my heart hurt if it wasn't even in me?

So easy.

So easy just to end the ache, to fill the emptiness with nothingness instead. I didn't realize I had dropped the razor until I heard it clink on the sink, sliding down the side, landing at the bottom while the warm water steadily flowed around it.

With a loud cry, I fell to my knees, my hands fisting my hair as the sobs wreaked havoc on my body and soul, traveling through it forcefully. I fell against the cool tub, my hot flesh jumping at the contact, I drew my legs up to my chest, resting my forehead on my knees, the tears soaking my skin quickly. Loud cries fill the tiny room as the uncontrollable emotions flowed throughout every cell in my body, seeking escape. I had let the most beautiful thing in my life walk away without a fight; without even telling her how much she meant to me.

It fucking hurt.

So much.

I prayed briefly for it to end. I prayed longer for the strength I knew I didn't have to end it.

For what seemed like hours, I sat there, my body shaking from the exhaustion the emptying of emotions left behind. As my wailing cries withered into whimpers, I felt completely drained, my stinging eyes eventually dried, dehydration setting in.

Almost as if I had drained the blood from my body already.

Those drops of blood long washed away in the sink had her name on them, my blood was hers, my heart, my breath.

How could I survive without those things?

As I sat there, slowly I realized I could go on with my life. I would be that empty shell of man, cold blood filling my veins instead of her warmth, bitter tasting air in my lungs instead of her sweet breath, and stone harden muscle in place a soft thumping heart. With a few deep breaths, I picked myself up off the floor, once again facing the mirror.

I looked at my eyes, the blue hue still visible, but the life behind them clearly not, only emptiness was left behind.

That was the man I would have to become if I was going to survive.

So easy.

Like Peter had said, I had a decision to make. Only it wasn't whether I was going to stay in Texas or return to her, it was whether I was going to live or die.

I was too weak to follow through with taking my life, and I was too ashamed to return to her and Edward. Staring at my lifeless eyes, I decided I would compromise by becoming walking dead. Physically alive, but emotionally void.

Decision made, I quickly wiped off my face and went back to the bedroom. I didn't have to look hard, it was sitting on top of my clothes in my duffle bag. Pulling it out, I went to the bed and grabbed the phone on the table.

I was going to give to that they may do.

I dialed the number.

"University of Texas, admissions office, how can I help you?"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

So was anyone surprised? I think it was about 50/50 on whether he was at home or Peter's, some thought he went to his parents, and a few thought he went home but it was Jake that answered.

As of now, we've got 2 more chapters and then the epilogue, perhaps a few outtakes if we hit 1k in reviews.


	20. In Their Keeping

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Okay, once again L&F and S&S are similar in actions, but not necessarily the thoughts. L&F was written first, although while some scenes are the same, the povs are different. You'll see what I mean. Epically long A/N at the bottom.

The angst ain't over…

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"****~~**"**

In Their Keeping

Location: Home (Helpless)

"****~~**"**

"You have always been my friend  
I can see your beauty shining  
I will love you till the end  
long will I remain in your keeping

and I know this much is true  
I have lived inside of you  
you have always seen me through  
while i am peacefully sleeping_."_ –Jan Arden

"**~~**"

He thought he had hid his love.

He was a fool.

His affection, his love, for her was so obvious.

Well, to me anyway.

Since the day I walked with her into the cafeteria, he had pretended to not care, to not notice her but the light in his eyes said the opposite. Smirking, I introduced them and watched as Jasper's leg bounced up and down and his eyes glanced up from his book to her every few seconds.

I knew Jasper pretty well, hell, I could practically read his thoughts, but Bella was harder to read, and I couldn't tell if the nervousness she felt was because of Jasper or because she was new in the school. Our friendship really began that weekend when we took Bella to the meadow for the first time, and the more time we spent together, the closer we got. The physical casualness we shared caused concern for my parents, and led to a stern talking to from my father. After my mother had found some porn magazines in my room, my father had called Jasper and I into his office for 'the talk'. He was a doctor, I already knew all the technicals, but he felt the need to remind me every so often. That day though, the talk focused on respecting women, and keeping our hands off Bella.

I almost laughed out loud.

I had never seen Jasper more nervous or mortified as he was then sitting in my father's office. His legs bounced up and down, he bit his fingernail and his lip. It was kind of cute. When we left the office, Jasper had practically bolted for the door, and once in the safety of the hallway, disclosed his true fear.

All our porn had been confiscated.

Setting his concerns at ease, I told him of my secret stash.

One of them anyway.

The three of us continued to do everything together. Jasper even dated my sister. They seemed to make a good couple, she idolized him and he doted on her. Some days I think he would have given her the moon if could have. At the same time, I still saw the looks he gave Bella, even thought they were few and farther apart, the intensity of them was still there. His beautiful blue eyes turned shades of green when he saw Bella with other boys. I understood his need to protect her, I shared it. At first, I told myself that's all it was, his need to keep her protected but slowly I began to realize, it was more than that for him.

I found out just how much our junior year.

Bella had asked me to take her virginity.

I had balked at her request, adamantly refusing. Then she began to tell me her reasons, she wanted to someone she loved, someone that would always be in her life, not some guy she might not know in a year. There was no doubt I loved Bella, there was no doubt I would do as she asked.

What was harder was when she asked me to not tell Jasper. I had never kept a secret from him, and I never wanted to. It pained me the night of the Prom to see him watching us, suspecting something was going on but not sure what. While he danced with Alice, he watched me and Bella with suspicious eyes. It was one fucking uncomfortable night.

And it got even more uncomfortable when Bella and I got to the hotel room. I was a virgin too. Not that I wasn't well aware of a girl's anatomy, I had read my father's medical books on male and female anatomies, which I studied before our night together, but my I had never had any hands-on experience. After undressing, we had gotten into bed, our hands roaming and investigating each others bodies. My body instinctively responded to the warmth of another. It was awkward, we giggled a bit, but when her hand wrapped tightly around me, I thought I was going to come right then. I had to pull away, my cock already throbbing. While I felt clumsy, I managed to find her clit and bring her to her first orgasm by another's hand. As her body still trembled, I climbed on top of her and put a condom on. After making sure she was certain, I pushed inside her.

I had never felt anything so good in my life.

She was warm and slick and felt tight around my cock. Gently, I thrust forward through her hymen and felt her cringe under me. Her eyes closed tightly as she held her breath and waited for the burn to fade. I almost told her exactly what was causing the pain, and that she might bleed, but decided it more information than she needed to know at the moment. Closing my eyes, I held off as long as I could before I began rocking my hips and pumping in and out of her. Her legs tightened around me and I quickened my pace. Moaning, I laid my head on her shoulder, my mind so focused on the sensations I had forgotten who I was with.

Her body turned firm, her hair lightened.

Suddenly, without warning, my balls tightened, the feeling immediately followed by my cock jerking and shooting into the condom. Grunting, I stilled in her before collapsing on top of her.

Guilt overwhelmed me after, although I tried to both hide and deny it, I knew she felt it.

It was only a few weeks later that I told Jasper what had happened. That day in the pool when I told him was one of the worst in my life. The hurt that filled his eyes, that sat on their edges waiting to fall, over stabbed me. I wasn't sure if it was caused by me having slept with Bella, having waited to tell him or that she hadn't asked him. The guilt at keeping it from him had eaten at me, and I betrayed my promise to Bella to keep the one I had promised to Jasper before Bella had entered our lives.

That we would never keep a secret from each other.

But…

I had been keeping the biggest secret of all from them both.

I was gay.

I had known shortly before Jasper had arrived to Forks, realizing that my heart raced and my cock twitched when I saw nice looking men or thought about the guy that mowed our lawn without his shirt on. When I would stroke myself at night, it was images of boys that brought me to satisfaction. That day I walked into geometry and saw him sitting at my table, my heart skipped a bit. When he spoke in a slow, southern drawl, stuttering through his introduction, I heard the snickers of those around me and had to grip the side of the table in order to stop myself from shutting them up. In the hall after class, I saw Newton and his friends giving Jasper a hard time. Newton was all bark and no bite, and after I tossed him against the lockers, he never said another word to Jasper.

Jasper had gone to lunch, but I found him sitting alone in the crowd and went over to his table. When I offered him my sandwich, he smiled and it was the beginning of the best thing in my life.

The second best thing entered my life about a year later.

Our times were happy.

Until I told Jasper I had slept with Bella. It wasn't long after that he and Alice broke up and Jasper began to spend more and more time alone, refusing to take my calls and avoiding both Bella and I for a few weeks. When school started back up, I walked up to him like nothing had changed and when he chased after me and I put my arm around his shoulders and commented how hot he would look in a skirt, we were back to being us.

Our next rough patch was when we were applying to colleges. Jasper had been tense and short as we all waited to hear back from the colleges we had applied to. Jasper had a beautiful soul, but he lacked confidence. A product of his childhood, but he always felt he was unworthy of being accepted, of anything good in his life. He often told me he thought some day I was going to up and leave him because he didn't deserve such a good friend. Jokingly, I agreed.

I had never understood his lack of confidence in himself. While he was shy, stubborn, and a pessimist, he was also handsome, talented, intelligent, and had an innate southern charm. Those traits lead to a lot of female attention. Jasper could easily have had any girl …but there was only one he wanted.

Once we were all accepted on University of Washington, my father got us a place to stay and we spent that summer daydreaming of life on our own. College started, classes were hard, but we all adjusted well to living together. Jasper met Emmett and Bella met Rosalie. I focused on studying, my classes were challenging and I wanted to make my father proud.

Living together, I felt the occasional tension between Bella and Jasper. Curious, I would watch them interact, the way they practically danced around each other, their flirting cleverly disguised as banter. Sometimes I suspected they had done more than flirt, there was something intimate about the way he would brush by her or the way her fingers pushed his hair back of his face with a tenderness that took my breath away. I saw the way he looked at her, pure love and adoration mixed with an undercoat of desire. She returned it to him, hers more uncertain, hesitant. When she and I were alone one time, I asked her about. She denied feeling anything more than the close friends we all were, but I saw the faint stain to her cheeks, and the way her hand rubbed her thigh anxiously.

When Bella was gone from the house, Jasper and I would hang out and I had even taught him to play the piano. Being alone with him were moments I cherished. I never fooled myself, I knew Jasper was straight, I witnessed it every day, but I admit, a different time, a different place…an alternate universe, perhaps Jasper and I could have been something together. I never dwelled on the fact that I loved him in a different way than he did me, and I never doubted that he loved me. I accepted Jasper for who he was, and enjoyed every facet of him, even his sexuality.

Would I have jumped him if he was gay? Hell, yeah.

But never once did I feel bad for myself, or wallow in the what ifs. He was my best friend, and straight or gay, that would never change.

However, the biggest obstacle we came across was tall, dark and handsome.

We had actually known Jake for a few years, he had always showed an interest in Bella but she had never returned it…until after a holiday party at my parents our freshmen year. Jake was not my favorite person, there was something about him I didn't like, but I kept it to myself.

Jasper did not.

Every opportunity he had to point out Jake's faults, or start something with Bella about Jake, he took advantage of. It became difficult to be in the same room with them both, until finally Jasper started avoiding Bella all together, especially if she was with Jake. The simmering rage that hovered below the surface in Jasper when Jake was at our house was almost tangible. Squinting eyes, darkened with jealousy, the tense jaw and pursed lips were common whenever Jake was around. In Jasper's defense, Jake sensed the dislike and antagonized Jasper every chance he got.

At first I wasn't sure if Jasper didn't like Jake or just didn't like him with Bella.

The night Jake had asked Bella to marry him, she had told him she needed time and space, he accepted her decision but not without some sarcastic remarks about Jasper and I. She had came home late that night and found me studying in my room. When she knocked and opened the door, I saw her tear-stained face and put my books away. Bursting into tears as I motioned for her to join me on the bed, she sobbed out what had happened. As the night wore on, our eyes grew weary and we eventually fell asleep in each other's arms only to be discovered by Jasper the next morning.

As soon as I saw the door open I knew he had seen us.

When I confronted him the next day, he was more agitated than I had ever seen him. He jumped to conclusions, his voice low with anger as he accused me of fucking Bella.

Part of me wanted to scream 'I'm gay' but I bit my tongue, instead taking his abuse and telling him why Bella had been with me to begin with. I wasn't sure why I didn't tell him, but it felt more like an excuse than a coming out and I didn't want it to be like that.

Hearing about Jake's proposal only upset him further.

Then I found the letter.

He had given up a full scholarship in Texas for us…for her.

I no longer doubted it was love.

To me, she was everything, to him, she was the world.

When I had suggested the road trip to Texas, I figured it was killing two birds with one stone. Jasper would get to go home for a visit and Bella would have her much needed space from Jake…literally. At the time I suspected that I wouldn't be able to go, I had had the interview at the hospital and it was looking pretty good but I wanted them to go with or without me. Jasper agreed, and surprisingly Bella did as well. It was what they needed to mend their broken friendship. They had avoided each other long enough, the tension between them was affecting all of us and the hostile environment was getting old.

The day they left was miserable. I knew it was the right thing but the idea of being away from them for so long tormented me. Jasper and I had spent the night before hanging out and I had given him a guitar for his birthday present. The next day, I said goodbye to them both, taking Bella into a warm embrace before sending her and Jasper off to the wide open skies of Texas.

The days without them were long, the nights even longer. The internship at the hospital was busy and kept me occupied but every minute of quiet in the house only made me miss them more. Their presence was everywhere and I took comfort in it, spending what little downtime I had playing the piano, sleeping and reading.

It was the longest two weeks of my life.

The day they returned, I had taken off from work, eager to see them and hear about their trip. The phone calls we had shared had been nice but I wanted to see them and hold them as they told me stories about Texas. Bella burst in the door and I ran down the stairs, picking her up and swinging her around. After putting her down, I asked her a thousand questions about the trip before I looked out the opened door and saw the driveway empty.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked her. She came over and looked outside, her happy expression changed to one of fear and worry.

"He said he going to be in a minute. I text him and he said he had to call his parents. Maybe something happened?"

Closing the door softly, I nodded. "Maybe."

Six hours, twelve phones calls, text messages and voice mails later and there was still no Jasper.

He had left, and I had no fucking idea why.

"He's not at his parents," I said as I hung up the phone again. "And he's not answering his phone either." I stood and looked out the window again, hoping but by some fucking magical shift in the universe, he had reappeared. "Fuck," I murmured when I saw nothing but an empty driveway.

Turning, I saw her curled up on the couch, her knees drawn up to her chest with her chin resting on them. She looked smaller than I had ever seen her. I knew she had grown up, she wasn't the girl I had met in biology, she was a woman. But sitting on the couch, she looked more like that scared girl from high school. I kneeled in front of her and took her hands in her lap.

"Bella, something must have happened. I mean, did you argue or fight?" I asked urgently.

"No. I mean, no more than usual," she replied, staring at our hands.

"Something is keeping him away, Bella. What happened?" I raised my voice, resisting the urge to shake her.

I wanted my best friend back.

"Nothing…"

"Think, Bella… please," I begged. One sob escaped her before she broke down completely and started crying. I took her into my arms.

"Jesus, I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just worried," I whispered as she cried on my shoulder. Deciding to take a different approach, I sat on the couch next to her and pulled her into my lap and began asking her questions about their trip, hoping something would give me an idea as to where Jasper was. With a quiet voice she told me of their nights camping, of meeting Peter and Charlotte and their trips to Dallas and Galveston. She mentioned a singing cactus and playing This or That. Occasional tears fell but she quickly wiped them away.

I knew there was more.

"What are you not telling me, Bella?"

Sniffling, she took a deep breath and lifted her head off my shoulder.

"There was a truck stop. I don't remember where, but these two guys,-"

"Oh, Jesus," I interrupted. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but…well, these two guys came up and started giving me a hard time. Jasper had gone into the store and when he came out and saw them, he came up behind them and told them to let me go. They did and I got in the truck but…"

"But what?"

"They beat up Jasper," she began to cry. "One held him while the other punched him, his face and his stomach. I felt so helpless Edward, it was awful."

"Shit," I moaned, closing my eyes, images of a bruised Jasper battering my mind.

"The clerk came running out and scared the guys off and Jasper and I left."

"Left? You didn't call the police?"

She shook her head. "No, Jasper didn't want to. We left and went to a hotel where I tried to clean and bandage his cuts. You would have been proud of me," she gave me a small smile and I kissed her head.

"No hospital? Was he alright?"

"I think he had some bruised ribs, but his cuts weren't too bad, mostly swelling and bruising. "

"He's so stupid. I should have gone with you guys," I sighed.

"Yeah, he was but he was my knight in shining armor. Edward…" she lowered her chin to her chest her fingers playing with a string on her shorts. "I think… I don't know how to say this but…"

Her voice was broken as she tried to gather the words, they were hidden safely in her and saying them aloud made them real, which made his absence that much harder to bear. I remained silent, letting her take her time, I wasn't going rush her.

After all these years, she was finally going to say what I had suspected.

"I'm in love with him."

I couldn't help but smile as I tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at me, and saw her dark eyes in turmoil and worry.

"I know."

I was tempted to roll my eyes at the look of shock on her face.

"How…how long?"

"Since the day you met," I snorted. "Seriously, I've suspected for a long time. But it was when you started dating Jake and I saw what it did to the two of you that knew for sure."

Pulling her chin from my grasp, she hid her face in my shoulder. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"What was I going to say? 'Bella, you're fooling yourself by dating a guy you don't love'? Love is something you need to discover on your own. Someone can't tell you that love someone, you have to feel it and realize it for yourself. Can I ask you a question?"

Against me, she nodded.

"When did you know?"

With her head still buried, she mumbled against me. "I've known for a long time that I felt something for him, something more than friendship, but I got so good at hiding it, that I became kind of numb to it. But the night of the fight, we slept in bed together. I was going to sleep on the chair but he asked me to sleep in the bed. When he was behind me, holding me, I realized I never wanted anyone else's arms around me. I had never felt more… safe and complete. The next day, I thought maybe it had just been because of the fight, but then each day, I fell for him more. My heart raced when he told me stories about Texas, when he smiled and looked at me. We went dancing one night and it was just perfect. "

She turned her head and took a deep breath before continuing as my fingers played with the ends of her hair.

"I had been fooling myself with Jake. I thought I felt those things with him, but when I was alone with Jasper I realized what I felt with Jake was nothing compared to Jasper. Each day I was with him, I became more certain it wasn't Jake. I broke up with Jake the night before we left and Jasper just held me. He was kind and gentle and understanding. He didn't speak, he just held."

"What happened Bella, why didn't he come home?"

The tears began to flow more steadily from her eyes as she shook her head.

"I don't know. We stopped by a river on the way home and things got… um…" Her cheeks flushed a bit. "physical, but we stopped it and I thought we were okay."

"Why did you stop it?"

"Because of you."

I pulled back to look at her, my brow knitted in confusion. "Because of me?"

"I didn't want to lose you, and felt that if Jasper and I were a couple, you would feel left out. You and I have been together and I didn't know…I just didn't know."

"You thought I would be upset, like jealous?" Embarrassed, she nodded. It was time to come clean, to open that closet door and let her in. "Bella, I'm gay."

For the second time that night, a look of utter shock fell on her face.

"You're…"

"Gay," I finished for her.

"How long?"

"Have I been gay?"

"Have you known?"

"Summer before freshmen year, right before Jasper moved here."

"But we…"

"Yes, and it was good but definitely not what I would have preferred."

"Wow…" she uttered as she bit her lip and took in the revelation. "Jasper?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you…have…"

"Am I in love with Jasper?" Her lashes fanned across the shadows under her eyes as she nodded. "I love Jasper, very much, but in love…he isn't gay, so there isn't much sense in that," I chuckled. "But if he was…"

"Does he know?"

"I've never told him."

"Wow," she repeated.

"You said that already." I pulled away. "Are you okay with this?"

"Yes, yes, of course, I just wished you had felt you could have told us sooner."

"I haven't told anyone, well, until now."

She reached up and placed a kiss on my cheek. "Thank you for telling me."

"Welcome. Now…where the fuck is our boy?" I reached for the phone and call his cell phone again.

The days that passed were a blur, each one melting into the next, days and nights became one as we both waited for any word from Jasper. Bella cried a lot, her mood jumping from anger, to sadness to worried. I think she regretted never telling him how she felt, thinking she could have stopped him from leaving. We were both confused and hurt. But beyond those both, we were lost without him. It felt as if a piece of us both was missing, Jasper had often said I was what held them together, but he was what ignited us. His passion, humor and presence were over us like an umbrella and without him we felt the rain pour down on us. Bella had taken to sleeping in my bed, often in my arms, as she cried herself to sleep. I shared her burden, her ache for him but I knew she carried part of it alone, the part that they had shared in Texas without me, the bond they had made there wasn't one I shared. Those moments she held deep inside, in a warm place of comfort and sorrow.

About a week after she had come home, we were sitting at the table eating pizza. Well, I was eating, she was picking at hers. It had been a hard day for us both, I had gone back to work after taking some time off and had spent the day wishing I was home with her and she had spent the entire day alone wishing Jasper was home with her. I had brought home pizza for dinner and had dragged her downstairs to eat.

Just as I got up to the put leftovers away, Bella's cell phone rang. Startled, she reached across the table for it.

"Hello?" she paused as she waited for a response. "Jasper? Is that you?"

Spinning, I went to her and took her free hand in mine. As I held it, I felt her racing pulse matching my own pounding heart.

"Please, Jasper…is it you?" she begged before letting the phone slide from her hand to the floor.

"Bella? What's wrong? Was it Jasper?"

Nodding, she put her hand over her mouth before the running to the bathroom where she fell before the toilet and got sick. Following her, I kneeled behind her, holding her hair and stroking her back feeling more useless than I ever had.

I was supposed to be the one that \ fixed everything. I was going to be a doctor, my hands could heal people, I could diagnose medical conditions but when it came to a broken heart, there was nothing I could do. Mine ached beside hers, and seeing her so distraught, so shattered, I almost thought I would kill him if I ever saw him again. When her body was done heaving, she sat back and took a few breaths.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"Don't be," I said quietly, still stroking her hair. "What did he say?"

Wiping the tears from her eyes, she turned to face me. "'Bella…please', then he hung up." She began shaking her head, brown waves tangling over her shoulders. "I could hear him crying, Edward."

I sat there and held her for a few minutes, my mind churning with possibilities. Was he hurt, was he safe, was he in danger?

So many questions and no fucking answers.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," I said, standing and holding out my hand. Taking it, she let me pull her up. I started the shower, and without asking, I reached for the bottom of her tee shirt and lifted it. She raised her arms and let me pull it over head. Next, I slipped her sweatpants down her legs and let her use my shoulders for support as she stepped out of them. As I went to stand up, a mark on her hip caught my attention. Curious, I pulled the waistband of her panties down and gasped.

"What the fuck… you got a tattoo?" I asked, looking up at her with wide eyes to find her biting her lip. Exposing more of her inked skin, I examined it. It had been professionally done, was clean and had healed well. The design of each of our initials was beautiful and intricate, each one connected to the other, just like our lives. I placed my lips to the J and looked back up at her. "It's beautiful."

Standing, I toed off my shoes and took off my scubs while Bella just stared blankly at the floor. Down to my briefs, I opened the shower and got inside before I turned to her and took her hand. Silently, she got in and let me direct her under the water, tilting her head back to let the spray soak her hair. After lathering her hair, I ran my fingers through the long, thick hair gently before pulling the showerhead down and rinsing it. Replacing the head, I took some bodywash and squirted it on my hands before rubbing over her shoulders, arms, stomach and legs. Motionless, she stood while I bathed her, moving when I pushed or directed her but never speaking a word. The tears she had shed mixed with the shower water as she closed her eyes and lulled her head back. Finished, I made sure she was rinsed clean and then I took her into my arms, her face pressed against my chest as she began to cry in my embrace. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, my mouth next to her ear, telling her it was going to be okay. Together we stood in the shower, mourning our loss in each other's arms. We missed him for different reasons, but his absence was felt by both of us. Her body shook against mine as she finally let her grief out in the small space of the shower. I felt tears of my own roll down my cheeks, my own heart aching in its own way for her, for me… for them. The warm water eventually gave way to cold and she started to shiver against me. Not letting her go, I reached around her and turned the shower off. Once I had dried us off, I grabbed some clothes of hers and let her change into them while I did the same in my bedroom. Just as I put on a dry pair of underwear, there was a knock at my door.

"Come in," I invited, as if she needed an invitation. She looked so small and weak and alone. "Come on," I pulled back the blanket and patted the bed. Quickly, she walked over and climbed in, immediately snuggling up to my chest.

"I miss him so much, Edward," she whispered. "It hurts," she sobbed. "Please make it go away…"

"Oh, Bella, I wish I could," I held her close and sighed.

"Why did he leave me, what did I do?"

"You didn't do anything. I don't know why he's gone, but it's not because of you."

The next few days came and went, I went to work and Bella sat at home. Sometimes she moved from my bed to her bed but she rarely made it downstairs. I didn't know what to do, I tried to comfort her but it wasn't my body, my warmth she yearned, it was his. I was no replacement. Early one morning after I had gotten off the late shift, I came home and put my bag on the kitchen table. Spotting Bella's phone, I picked it up and scrolled through her call log. One number stood out, and I wondered if it had been the one Jasper had called from. The date and time matched. I hit redial and the phone began to ring. Pacing the kitchen, I let it ring and ring but no one answered. Frustrated, I almost slammed it down until I decided to go through her contacts.

_Alice._

_Charlie_

_Charlotte_

_Cullen, Mr. & Mrs._

Charlotte.

Peter and Charlotte.

I pressed the call button and waited. Unbelievably, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Charlotte?"

"Yes."

"This is Edward Cullen, I'm Jasper and Bella's roommate. Have you seen Jasper?" I wasted no time.

"Ah, I heard a lot about you, Edward," she drawled out. "Nice to meet you. The last time I saw Jasper was the day they left. I took off with my parents the next day and I haven't been home."

"Shit," I murmured under my breath. "Is Peter with you?"

"No, he's home. My parents take me on a vacation every year. Peter stays at home, let's me have some time alone with my parents. What's wrong?"

I told her about Jasper dropping Bella off and leaving again, and how he had called but nothing since. She said she would call Peter and get back to me. I gave her my cell number to call. After hanging up, I put a few things away and started dinner, my heart sinking a bit every time I caught a glimpse of the toaster. Just as I put the pot on to boil the water, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"He's there."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"But Edward?"

"What?"

"He's a mess. Peter said he collapsed when he arrived. He hadn't eaten, he was crying, shaking. Peter said he's been sleeping since he arrived."

It sounded very familiar.

"He's alright though? He's not hurt?"

"Peter didn't say. I assume he's okay. What happened?"

"I don't know. Thanks for your help, Charlotte."

"Welcome, Edward. If there's anything I can do, please let me know."

I turned the burner off and bolted up the stairs, taking them two by two. Pushing her door open, I found her sitting on the floor in front of her new bookcase holding a picture of her and Jasper together. It had been taken at a cookout at my parent's house. She and Jasper were sitting on a swing, she was on his lap, both their hands holding the chain. Her hair was down and blowing a few strands across his face as he grinned huge dimples. The wind tousled his hair as well, mingling it with hers as she smiled at the camera. Jasper wasn't looking at my mother though, he was looking at Bella, his eyes bright and excited.

They looked so in love.

When she heard me, she looked up, unashamed at the tears steaming down her cheeks. Her dirty hair hung in her face, and she made no effort to move it. Clutching the pictures in her hands, she tilted her head when I didn't speak.

Finally, I said the words. "He's in Texas."

"**~~**"

We had grown up together, almost from the time since we took our first steps we had been friends. Our fathers had been stationed together, our mothers became friends and our homes were separated only by few houses in between.

My first solid memory of our friendship was in second or third grade. We were at school and presenting projects on the Oregon Trail. Jasper had stood to give his presentation, his voice stuttering, his lanky body shifting back and forth as he nervously read from his crumpled paper. Jasper was always filling me in on random history facts. We would be riding our bikes to the river and he would blurt out information better than an encyclopedia, and probably more accurate. I sat and watched him, attempting to ignore the cruel remarks a few of our classmates were whispering. The girl next to me, Sarah, sat with wide eyes and a silly smile plastered on her face as she watched Jasper flick his head to get the curls out of his face. Jasper stumbled through his presentation and rushed back to his seat next to me as soon as the teacher gave him permission. I looked over and gave him thumbs up as he sighed in relief. When it was my turn to go, I wasn't nervous. I didn't care what other kids thought of me.

At recess, I spotted one of the snickering classmates walk around the side of the school alone. I followed him, and made sure he would never gave Jasper a hard time again.

We spent almost every waking hour together, we were rarely separated. Weekends at each other's houses, baseball games, fishing and swimming in the river after borrowing Charlotte's horses. Our friendship grew, we were dependant on each other and in the small community of the Base, we were able to grow up without the influence of the outside world in our own protected bubble. I showed him his first porn magazine in the treehouse, and gave him his first beer a few months later.

I had always been the devil that sat on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

It was me that usually got us into trouble, and Jasper that usually got us out. He had a charm about him, innocent, endearing and honest. Usually it only took one of his large dimpled grins and a flash of his blue eye and his mother would forgo any punishment. The Major, however, had taken the belt to Jasper more than once because of me…and that was only the things they caught us doing.

We were inseparable.

Until the Major retired and got a job in Washington.

I'll never forget the day Jasper told me.

He had called, his voice quiet, and said he had to see me and asked me to meet him in the treehouse after dinner. I had barely been able to contain myself at dinner, my mother eyeing me as I rushed through my meal and asked to be excused. As soon as I was out of their sight, I broke into a run. When I climbed the treehouse, I found Jasper already there, sitting with his back against a wall, his knees to his chest, his forehead resting on them as he rocked back and forth.

"Jasper?"

He looked up at me, tears rolling down his cheeks.

My heart sank. Crawling over to him on my hands and knees, I took him into my arms and comforted him, letting him cry on my shirt as I told him it was going to be alright. After a few minutes of sniffling, he finally lifted his head, his blue eyes dark and troubled.

"We're moving," he said without warning. Stunned, I stared at him as I absorbed what he had said.

"Where? When? Why?"

"Washington, three days, my dad got job there."

"Fuck…" was all I managed before I pulled him to me again.

The next three days were both the fucking worst and the best of my life.

I treasured every second we had together, we even managed to laugh a few times. Our parents were had felt bad so they allowed us extra time together and we took advantage of it. The night before he left, we had gone to Charlotte's and borrowed two horses and rode to the river, swimming and jumping from the swing until the sun had long set. We laughed about all the trouble we had gotten into, and made the promise to never forget each other.

When the sun rose, we were still awake, having stayed awake all night, we hadn't wanted to waste one second of our last night. His mother called us in and we ate breakfast silently. It seemed only minutes later the Major was calling Jasper out to the car to leave. Out in the early midday heat, I gave him a quick, manly hug.

"Don't forget me," I whispered in his ear before I handed him a pewter keychain of the Lone Star.

"Never," was his simple answer before he pulled away, the keychain in his hand, and turned to get into the car. I sat on my bike as they pulled away. Through the back window he watched me, and I waved frantically, yelling Texas forever until I couldn't see him anymore. I brushed my unruly curls from my face, wiping the tears away in the process.

I was fourteen and not supposed to fucking cry.

But I did.

Five years later he showed up on my doorstep with a girl. He hadn't changed.

Well, he had gotten a bit taller, but still had his long, blond hair and big grin. After joking about his bruises, my attention shifted to the beautiful girl standing next to him with dark hair and even darker eyes. I watched his reactions as I flirted with her. He chuckled and laughed, but I saw the warning glance he gave me. I was all shit eating smiles until Charlotte ruined my fun and called us inside.

He and Bella agreed to stay with us. Jasper and I showed her around town, even taking her onto the base to his old house. While I waited outside, he showed her inside. When they came out, I saw a serene look on his face, he had made peace with his past. I glanced from him to Bella, she watched him with a tenderly.

It was then that I knew she was more than a friend.

Later that night, Charlotte and I were in bed, having just made love, she was lying with her head on my chest as we both slowly and reluctantly came down from our orgasms.

"I think Jasper's in love with Bella," I blurted out. Giggling, Charlotte put her chin on my chest and traced a nipple with her finger. My entire body shivered.

"You have such sweet pillowtalk, baby," she grinned. I shrugged and pulled her closer, enjoying the feeling of her naked body pressed against my side. Sighing, she laid her head back down. "I think you're right. There is love in the air between those two."

"So what do we do about it?"

"Nothing. They'll do something when they are good and ready."

"But-"

She put a finger to my lips. "No buts. Baby, didn't your mama ever tell you can't hurry love?"

Rolling my eyes, I kissed her head. "My mama told me that once love hits you over the head, you don't let it go."

"Smart mama," she said as she closed her eyes and drifted into sleep. Regardless of Charlotte's advice, I began to make plans to at least talk to Jasper. I began teasing him every morning when I woke them up with comments about his morning wood. I figured at the very least, I was embarrassing the shit out of him. He was always with Bella, but when we out to a bar one night, the girls went to the restroom and Jasper and I were finally alone.

That's when I turned to him and out right told him Bella was head over heels.

His reply nearly knocked me off my fucking seat. She had a boyfriend and he had asked her to marry him.

It explained the hesitation I had felt from him around her. He had been holding back, his feelings sitting just under the surface. More than once I saw his fingers twitch with need to touch her or reach out and push her hair back. His feelings were past simmering, they were fucking boiling over.

I don't know about the rest of the country, but in Texas, if you want something you go after it. And if you love a girl, you don't let her out of your sight much less the state. But here she was, two thousand miles away from her boyfriend sitting in a bar and singing to a boy who obviously loved her.

Not only that, but they were sleeping in the same bed together night after night. Jasper claimed it was because of the fight, they both felt safer, more comfortable but it was more than that.

We took Bella to her first Texas bar-b-que at my in-laws. I don't think she had seen anything so grand before. Charlotte's family didn't do anything simple, including bar-b-ques, and when the family was there, well, hell, they probably had the entire population of a small country attending. I did my duty and embarrassed Jasper more than once with stories of our childhood, watching him blush as Bella laughed and teased him.

They left for a few days but returned in time for Jasper's birthday. While Charlotte went to her parents, Jasper and I went and did something we had waited years to do. We got tattoos- choosing a Latin phrase that meant some to us. Bella surprised us both by getting one of her, though she kept what it was a secret. To celebrate his birthday we had a big party at the ranch, Betty even hiring a band for entertainment. When Jasper had opened the present from Bella, he was speechless. His eyes glistened as his fingers reverently touched the picture. Bella watched with her bottom lip between her teeth. I half expected him to reach over and pull her into a kiss.

But he didn't.

They did dance though, and apparently Jasper had overcome his stage fight and got up and sang with the band. I watched Bella as she watched him, he sang for her, and she saw no one but him.

Pulling Charlotte to me, I whispered in her ear and she smiled, nodding.

There was definitely love in the air.

Just as we walked into the door to our house, Bella's phone rang and she went into her room. I felt awful leaving Jasper alone while he waited but Charlotte's warm body was calling to my cock. With a last word of encouragement, I let him be and went to make love to my beautiful wife.

They left together the next morning.

A week later, he showed up on my doorstep…alone.

And looking like complete shit. He stood before me with greasy hair, blood-shot eyes with dark shadows under them and pale skin. Concerned, I asked if Bella and Edward were okay, when he said they were, he collapsed. After checking him over, I got him into bed. Pulling a chair up to the side of the bed, I watched over him as he slept in a restless sleep, and eventually fell asleep myself. The next morning he told me he had left but not why, before falling back asleep. He slept for days on end, waking only to use the bathroom or when his nightmares struck him so hard, I had to shake him to pull him from their darkness. I never found out what they were about but they were scaring the shit out of him.

I had called into work and took the week off. Charlotte had gone with her parents, and when she called to check in, I told her he was there. I saw him sinking deeper and deeper into a void, and I couldn't fucking prevent it. Nothing I did or said helped, and I had never felt more useless. I had called into work and took the week off. And as his heart broke more each day, mine broke for him. Seeing my best friend so worn and tired and empty was almost too much to bear, but faithfully, I watched over him, never letting him out of my sight. He left a room, I left the room, he went outside, I went outside.

I had even caught him beating up a stuff cactus one time.

One of the worst nights was when we had sat down to watch a movie and have a few beers. It was the first time he had been out of his bedroom for any length of time and I began to have some hope he was getting better. The action movie we were watching turned romantic and he bolted for the bathroom, barely making it in time as his stomach churned up his dinner. Once again, he cried himself to sleep while I sat helpless and watched.

The next day I had found the letter from the University of Texas, and I had gotten fucking pissed. A full scholarship given up for his friends, friends that if they loved him so much, could have gone to Texas with him. I had yelled, in complete disbelief of his ignorance at what he had sacrificed for them. I was all about sacrificing for love, but he had put his entire future on the line.

After I had gone into my room to be alone, I had heard the front door closed and knew he was gone. For a second, I considered going after him but I knew he needed time alone, he needed to think about what he wanted.

Just as I had finally drifted off to sleep while thinking about it, my phone rang and woke me up.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Nelson? It's Roger from the PD.I think we've got a friend of yours here."

"Who?" I asked sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

"A guy named Whitluke."

"Whitlock. Fuck," I mumbled. "What's he there for?" I ran my hand through my hair tossing on my jeans and shoes. I went the kitchen and opened the fridge.

All the beer was gone.

"Drunk and disorderly. Started mouthing off in a bar, he was drunk when he entered, the bartender refused to serve him. Whitluke got agitated, started arguing, tried to start a fight with one of the customers. Gerry from the bar called us, we came and got him. He kept saying he wanted his one phone call even though we hadn't arrested him. When we asked where he was staying, he gave us your address. Said you guys were friends."

"Yeah."

I was in my truck and driving down the road while he continued on. "So we tossed him in the drunk tank to sleep it off. He didn't to any harm or damage, no one is pressing any charges so we were just letting him sleep it off but thought you might want to come get him," he finally finished.

"I'm on my way, be there in less than ten minutes."

Mumbling about his stupid ass the entire way there, I pulled up in front of the police department and entered, saying hi to everyone along the way. Working in the court, I knew a lot of the guys there. Walking out back, I signed in and Roger met me in the hall and took me to the cell where Jasper was. I found him lying on the cot, flat on his back, singing our high school anthem. He sat up when he heard my voice, using the wall to pull himself upright.

"Let's get you the fuck out of here, Jasper," I sighed as Roger opened the door and I walked in. As I neared him, I could smell the alcohol on his breath and clothes.

"Hey, Peter Cotton Tail," he slurred his childhood nickname for me. Pulling him off the cot, I had him lean against me, and I put one arm around his waist and one of his around my shoulder. Holding that hand, I led him through the station and out to the truck. He swayed and stumbled a few times but he stayed upright.

"Whass the mattah?" he asked me.

Ignoring him, I opened his door, I pushed him inside the truck and put on his seatbelt. The ride home was quiet; I had his window down hoping the fresh air might sober him up a bit. Once home, I got him into the house and got him into bed. Seconds later he was asleep, leaving me to think about what the fuck I was going to do.

I wanted to be his friend, I wanted to support him, be there for him, but he couldn't do shit like that. It had been a week, it wasn't fair to any of us that we didn't know what he was going to do.

Stay.

Go.

He had some decisions to make and he needed to know it. It was time to tell him.

The next morning I woke up and found him watching me, feeling a little satisfied that he was hungover. He hadn't remembered much from the night before other than our argument. I got up to get ready to go back to work that day, and told him he needed to decide what he was going to do. I was his friend, and I would support him no matter what, but I wouldn't let him waste his life away any longer. I left for work about an hour later, checking on him one more time before I walked out the door and found him sleeping soundly.

The fucking day dragged. I called home a few times to check on him. Finally, quitting time fucking came and I couldn't get home fast enough. I had missed and worried about the bastard all day. When I walked into the house, I found him in the kitchen, staring at the toaster, some sandwich items laid out untouched before him. He looked like he had begun to make a sandwich and had gotten distracted.

"Jasper?" I asked so I didn't surprise him when I walked up behind him.

Spinning, he faced me and I saw a new look on his face. One of resignation, an eerie calmness that both scared and relieved me.

He had made his decision.

"Sit. I'll make dinner," I offered.

He didn't respond, but he did as I told him. Gathering what I needed, I went out the grill and cooked us cheeseburgers. Silently, he followed me, watching every move I made but never saying a word.

He was starting to freak me the fuck out.

Internally, I berated myself for having left him alone all day. I had thought the time alone would give him the space to think but perhaps it had been too soon. Maybe I had pushed him too fast to do something he clearly wasn't ready to confront. When the burgers were done, I put his in front him and I sat down across from him with my own. The sun was just lowering in the horizon, the hot dry air from the day cooling a bit. Without a word, he picked up his burger and took a bite.

A few bites later, he pushed his plate away and looked at me.

"I decided," he announced.

I calmly nodded and put my burger down. "And?"

"I called U of T today and accepted the scholarship. It wasn't easy, I had to jump through some hoops and they need some paperwork from U of W, but I am going down day after tomorrow to register for classes for September."

"Are you sure, Jasper?"

The night may have been setting and the light on the deck poor, but I could still see the tears as they gathered in the corner of his eyes.

"It's what I need to do."

Need. Not want.

"Can I stay here until the semester starts?" he asked quietly.

"You know you can."

"Thanks," he mumbled before getting up and bringing his dish into the kitchen. We spent the rest of the night watching television until I said I had to get to bed. I headed into the bedroom, Jasper at my heels. Without a word, he got into bed and I sat in the chair. He didn't even argue about me being in there anymore.

"BELLA! BELLA!" he screamed, his body thrashing.

"Jasper, wake up. Wake up, it's okay. It's okay." I repeated over and over until his eyes opened. Panting, he took long breaths as he attempted to calm himself. "Jasper, what the fuck is going on? Tell me…please tell me."

"There's this nightmare I keep having…" he stopped.

"About?"

"On my way back here, I stopped in some town and went to a bar. There was this girl, I took her into the bathroom and pushed her to her knees, she started to give me head, but I stopped it after a minute or two."

I was having a hard time seeing the problem.

Nodding that I understood, he took a deep breath and continued. "In the dream, I'm really rough with her, I have sex with her on the counter, I hit her, I even strangle her," he began to take short shallow breaths. "She turns into Bella just as I kill her."

"Jesus, Jasper," I sighed, sitting back and running a hand through my hair.

"What does it mean?"

"It doesn't mean you're a sick fuck, that's' for shit sure." I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees. "It's just a dream, Jasper. It doesn't _mean_ anything. It's your subconscious trying to work through this shit you got going on. Your heart is broken, that pain has to come out somewhere and for you, it's your dreams."

"But-"

"No. It's just a dream Jasper. It doesn't mean you want to do that shit, it's just your fucked up mind and heart battling it out. Your heart is telling you one thing while your brain tells you something else. I remember Charlotte and I had a rough time once about two years ago, I had God awful nightmares while she was gone. They made absolutely no sense to what was going on, but they scared the shit out of me. Yours are no different."

He took a deep breath.

"Get some sleep, we'll talk more tomorrow." I sat back in my chair and watched him as he rolled over and tried to hide his shaking shoulders. The misery he was carrying on them too much for him to bear, and I couldn't help. It was something he had to do on his own, battle those inner demons he had since childhood. While he slept, my mind raced. He would never be the boy I knew, the one that had the band in his garage, the one that borrowed horses with me, or that swam in the river. As much as I wanted to hold on to him, that memory of us, it wasn't my time with him anymore. It was theirs.

He belonged with them.

He would never find happiness in Texas, he would never find happiness without her in his life. If Charlotte was gone…well, fuck, I might as well shrivel up and die because she was my air and my blood. I knew what I needed to do.

The next day, I was in the kitchen when he joined me, his hair sticking up in every direction, his pants hung low on his hips from his weight loss.

"Sit," I commanded as I flipped the eggs over in the pan. He watched me with a bit of awe as I turned the bacon and put toast in the toaster. "What?" I finally asked.

"Toasters and I don't get along well."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Nothing," he sighed and put his face in his hands.

I put his food on a plate and slide it in front on of him. "Eat, your pants are falling off your skinny ass and I don't need you mooning me."

Picking up his fork, he pushed it around before he finally took a bite. I sat down across from him and began eating.

"Talk to me," I mumbled with a mouthful food. I could see his internal debate and when he took a deep breath, I knew he had decided to tell me everything. He began with her walking into the cafeteria at school to her asking Edward to make love to her, to graduating, getting into college, and finally to Jake. In great detail, he described the complex relationship he had with Bella and Edward. How he felt complete with them, the vow they had made to one another to always be together. How Edward had a soothing, calming and perfect nature about him, that he was the glue that held them all together. I listened to every word, occasionally nodding, but never interrupting.

"Well, Edward sounds great, but tell me," I said, taking a sip of my orange juice. "What does he have that you don't?"

"Everything," he answered simple and honestly.

"Bullshit." My answer caught me off guard. "The guy isn't perfect, Jasper. Neither are you, no one is. But love isn't perfect either. It's full of mistakes, ups and downs. There is a definite flaw in the design but that is what makes it worth it. When you overcome one of those bad times together, the ups are just that much better. You have no confidence in yourself, you never have. Even when girls were practically throwing themselves at you in junior high, you were completely oblivious. You're twenty years told and you've only had one real girlfriend. You've put Edward on a pedestal because you think he's smarter, richer, better looking…who wouldn't want Edward, right?" I waited for my words to sink in. "Look at me," I demanded. Slowly, he lifted his head. "I can tell you who doesn't want Edward." I paused. "Bella. It's has clear as the Texas sky that girl is in love with you. What you've done by leaving her, is potentially fucked up the most important thing in your life. Love."

His eyes welled up at my words. "How do you know? So many signs pointed to him. She said no to Jake to be with Edward."

"She said no to Jake because she didn't want to fucking marry him. Nothing more, nothing less." I sighed. "I wish Charlotte were here, she kicked your ass and then tell you to go home."

"I am home," he said sadly.

I snorted. "You've known for a long time that Texas isn't your home anymore. You belong with them."

"I can't. I can't watch them together."

I ran a hand through my hair. "Jesus, haven't you heard a word I just said? I swear, for a smart guy you sure as shit are dense." Wiping his eyes, he clenched them to ward off any further emotions, but I was relentless. "Being away from them is tearing you apart. Not just her, but him as well."

"It doesn't matter. Even if I could stand by and watch them, they won't take me back."

"What a fucking bet?"

"Okay, say, you're right, say I tell her and she feels the same and then…" he sighed." What if Edward loves her like that too, but what if by some miracle, she chose me over him. I don't think I could do that, I can't remove him from her life. She relies on him as much as I do. It would kill her to not have him around."

"But, Jasper, isn't that her choice to make. Admit it, you're fucking scared that if you gave her the choice, she would chose you."

His eyes widened at my word and I knew I had hit it the soul of the problem.

He was scared.

Scare of the future, scared of losing Edward or Bella or both. Instead of manning up and risking it all for love, he had taken the coward way out and had run.

Not that I blamed him, I might have done the same fucking thing but it didn't make it right.

"Jasper, trust me, you don't fuck with that kind of love. That all encompassing fairytale-can't live without you-love. It only comes around once in a lifetime. Don't fuck it up. "

"I don't know…" he mumbled, staring at his plate.

The knock on my door scared the shit out of me. Sliding my chair out, I went to the door. The knocking wouldn't stop, it was insistent and loud. Praying it wasn't Roger with some bad news about Charlotte, I took a deep breath before opening the door.

Standing before me were green eyes that held the same anguish as the blue ones I knew so well. They could only belong to one person.

"Edward, I presume?"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Can I just say how scared I was writing Perfecward? Yeah, Dannie can tell you just how paranoid I was, she had to reassure me more than once. I mean...it's Perfectward. I can write him in L&F but S&S? Totally diff and really freaking scary.

I hope I did him justice.

And damn I confused myself with this chapter. Three different povs, but one was two different versions, so technically four povs, two of them slashy and one female, and one straight male. Try keeping them all straight and making sure you remember to include everything! It was not easy.

We've got one more chapter and then the epilogue. I know I've been leaving you all hanging with some cliffies lately, and I hate to do it again but I _really _want to get the next few chapters right and not forget anything,(and I need to write M&A this week) so they will probably take longer than a week to post, and they will probably go up separately.


	21. Ad Vitam Aeternam

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Okay, once again L&F and S&S are similar in actions, but a bit less so than before because of what's happened in previous chapters. We are back to Jpov …oh and seriously dialogue heavy! It's a long one too, over 17k.

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"****~~**"**

Ad Vitam Aeternam

Location: Abilene (Love)

"****~~**"**

The tragedies of chemistry,  
People dream of what you and me  
Have found...  
Effortlessly.

You're the reason I come home.  
You're the reason I come home, my love.  
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart...  
Well, you're the reason I come home. –Ron Pope

"**~~**"

I heard low voices in hall near the doorway and stood up to clear my plate. At the sink, I rinsed it and then put it in the dishwasher. My mind raced with what Peter had told me, the possibility that Bella didn't love Edward, well, not romantically anyway.

More unbelievable was his suggestion that she was in love with me.

While I wanted nothing more to be true, that was something I couldn't except as possible. We had certainly grown close during the trip, and I knew she loved me as a friend. The physical shit that had happened between us had been a result of alcohol or hormones. She had been away from Jake for weeks and I hadn't fucked a woman since Maria.

If anyone understood sexual frustration, it was me. The object of my desire was always within my physical reach, even sleeping next to me nightly, and that was exactly where it stopped. Even though I woke up hard from her warm body so close, and wanted nothing more than to pull her to me and settle between her legs until we were both crying out, I walked out of the room each day with an ache.

Yeah, frustration was my middle name, and it had led me to seek gratification in a women's restroom in a bar. Her lips had felt sweet around my dick for all of about two seconds, but while my body responded in kind, what was left of my heart crumbled with each bob of her head, each moan she released…

Closing the dishwasher, I heard Peter enter the kitchen.

"Everything alright?" I asked before turning around.

"Not yet," he answered calmly. Spinning, I saw him.

Two weeks, three days, twelve hours and sixteen minutes since I had left the driveway.

And he was standing before me.

Looking like shit.

He was paler than usual, his hair dirtied and clumping, his eyes decorated with dark shadows under them, and I swear he had lost weight.

"Edward," I whispered, stunned. I had had little sleep for the past few weeks, my eyes were so swollen they were almost closed, my heart raced with the disappointment of him being a cruel illusion. "What…what are you doing…here? How did you…"

"Hey, Jasper," he greeted with a weak smile. Taking two big strides I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me.

"You really here?" I squeezed him tighter feeling his body against mine to assure me he was real. I felt his hands pat my back.

"Yeah, I'm here," he chuckled as he pulled away. "My question is, why are you here?"

I released him and moved back to the table, almost collapsing into a chair. With my elbows on the table, I buried my face in my hands.

"I'm so sorry. I just had to go. I knew…I'm sorry," I stuttered and heard him drag a chair over and sit down next to me.

"You scared the shit out of us, Jasper. We had no idea where you were, if you were safe, why you had left." Even though his voice was harsh, it still had the same calming affect he always had on me. My heart rate slowed and I took a few deep breaths.

"I know, I'm so sorry," I sighed and looked up at him. His green eyes were bright with relief as he raised his eyebrows, obviously wanting me to continue. "I don't know where to begin," I told him honestly, shrugging my shoulders.

"How about with the truth. Why did you leave?"

Biting my lip, I stared at the table, tracing the pattern in the worn laminate. Peter had told me to cowboy up, and he was right, the time had come.

"Because I love Bella," I whispered.

"Yeah, I love Bella too," he reasoned. "But I certainly wouldn't up and run away because of it."

Learning back in the chair, I watched my index finger outline the same swirl over and over before I took a deep breath and lifted my head, finally meeting his gaze, seeing a hint the mischievous glint I was so used to seeing in Peter's eyes.

"What I should have said is I'm _in love_ with Bella."

It was out.

I had finally admitted to Edward that I was in love with Bella _our _Bella. My chest ached as my heart pounding in it, blood rushing through me as I waited for the inevitable.

For my world to come crashing down again.

For confirmation I was going to lose both of them, that I was nothing but a hindrance on their future.

"It's about fucking time, Jasper," he grinned and shook his head.

"What?"

"It's about fucking time that you admitted it."

Confused, I leaned toward the table again. "Admitted it?"

"You really haven't gotten much sleep, have you?" he teased and then rubbed his hands down his face a few times. "Jasper, I've known for years you've been in love with Bella…" he let his words sink in briefly before adding, "and that Bella has been in love with you."

My breath caught in my throat, and then I forgot to fucking breathe all together even though my chest heaved rapidly in attempt to get air into my lungs.

"What…did you say?" I asked, swallowing hard, half expecting him to say something completely different.

"I said, I've known for years that you have been in love with Bella and her with you." He shook his head and then furrowed his brows. "But what I don't understand is if you are in love with Bella, then why did you drop her off and leave?"

Ashamed, I hung my head. "Because you're in love with her too, and I thought tha-"

"Whoa, what did you say?" he paused but not long enough for me to repeat myself. "You think I'm in love with Bella?"

I nodded my head, my eyes back on the pattern of the table.

"Jasper, that's not possible," he chuckled, shaking his head. For some reason, I became furious, angry at his mocking tone and I clenched my jaw and slowly raised my eyes to his, meeting them defiantly.

"Not possible? Like having sex with her after the prom wasn't love? Like touching her, sleeping with her in your bed, building her bookcases, calming when she needed it…none of those were love?"

He narrowed his stare and challenged me. "You're right. All of those were done out of love, Jasper, because I do love her, very much actually. But it's not possible for me to be _in love_ with her."

Then I became infuriated, as if she wasn't good enough or worthy of his love. It was not the Edward I knew sitting in front of me, the confidence that he emitted swirled around him in a thick aura, his knowing smile irritated me and the glaze in his eyes teased me. I felt like I had been left out of a joke and I was the punch line.

Squaring my shoulders, I challenged him right back. "Why the fuck not?"

His smile faded at my harsh tone and he turned serious again, it was his turn to stare at the table, his hands folded before him as he thought about my question. I could see a raging conflict behind his ocean-green eyes and began to panic at what his next words would be.

_Fuck off, Jasper, Bella and I are getting married._

_Jasper, you might be in love with each other but I'm the better guy for her. _

_You fucked up when you left, she doesn't want you anymore. _

"Because I'm gay."

Stunned, I stared blankly at him, my mouth open as my chin dropped at his admission. I had expected him to say any number of things, but that he was gay was not one of them.

Edward was gay.

My best friend. The one that had saved my ass more than once in high school, that had spent many nights at my house, that had helped me up the stairs when I was drunk, rubbing my back as I got sick in the toilet, that had tended to my bruises on my hip after a particularly rough game of flag football, that had hugged me on a weekly basis.

He was gay.

The history of our friendship flashed before my eyes, my mind searching for hints and clues throughout the years that I had missed along the way, overt affections for boys, gay porn in his room, trying to sneak peaks at me in the shower.

And yet, all I saw was Edward being a wonderful friend that I loved.

His being gay changed absolutely nothing about him, other than his preference for who shared his bed. He was still brilliant, considerate, funny and honest.

He was still my Edward and we were still Edward and Jasper.

However his being gay did change one thing that I had assumed.

He wasn't in love with Bella.

"Oh," I murmured quietly, staring at him, examining him for something that must have changed over the past month. I found nothing. His hair, eyes, demeanor was all still very Edward. Bella and I had joked over the years about Edward's lack of girlfriends or his taste in clothes, but we had just joked, we didn't know.

Or did she?

"Bella?" I asked.

He nodded a bit, still not meeting my eyes. "She knows. I told her a few days ago. She was surprised." Inhaling deeply, he raised his eyes. "So, are we okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and me, does me being gay change anything?" he voice was soft and I could hear the slight tremble in it. He was worried that being gay meant things between him and I would change and my heart ached. Had that been why he never came out before? Had he known for years he was gay and yet never came out because he feared our reaction? My reaction? Didn't he know me better than that, I loved him as Edward, gay or straight, it didn't matter. How long had he carried it around with him, the worry and fear of rejection?

Then I realized I had done the same thing. For years, I had never told Bella how I felt for fear of her rejecting me and not being able to deal with losing her friendship too and yet Edward had suffered right along with me.

Smiling, I reached out and took his hand in mine, giving it a small squeeze. "Not a fucking thing. You're still Edward."

Letting out the breath he had apparently been holding, he squeezed back and then released my hand. "Thanks, I've been worried about it."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, Edward?"

Deep green eyes met mine evenly, his lips turned up in a knowing smirk. "Why didn't you?"

I glanced away quickly. "Point taken." My hands returned to the pattern on the table. "Can I ask you something?"

"Jasper, I just came out to you, I'm pretty sure nothing you ask is going to shock me," he chuckled.

"Oh, yeah, you're probably right."

"So, your question?"

"How did you know that I love Bella?" I asked slowly.

"It was easy, Jasper. Any fool could see it. It was in…well, everything. The way you looked at her, touched her, protected her, even in the way you spoke to her. It was in the way that…that you lived for her. Everything you did was for her, because of her."

I hung my head, my dirty curls shielding my face and embarrassment. "I thought I hid it."

"You did a poor job. It was a beautiful thing to witness but honestly it was frustrating as hell as well."

A blush covered my cheeks and I felt them heat up. "Frustrating how?"

"I just wanted to yell at you, tell you to get it over with, tell her, but I couldn't," he scolded. Clearing my throat at his tone, I sat up straight, readying to ask him to clarify but he beat me to it. "Jasper, you had to do it on your own. No one could force you into it, you had to go at your own pace but God damn your pace was fucking slow. And unfortunately, once you realized it, you were too scared. Then you thought that she and I…"

In a shaking voice, I asked, "How do you know she loves me?"

"Because of all the same reasons I knew you did, she might have hid it a bit better, but once I had seen it on your end, I began to look for it on hers and saw it clear as day. It was in everything, but the…" he sighed and smiled, "the way she would push her hair behind your ears, that just spoke volumes. Oh and…she told me," he finished with a wide, happy grin.

In shock, my eyes widened, my head shot up and my heart halted in my chest. "She…" I began.

"Told me," he finished.

"When?"

"Right before I told her I was gay, she had told me she was in love with you but hadn't done anything because she feared making me jealous," he laughed a bit at the last part. "When she told me that, I had to tell her why I wouldn't be jealous."

"What about Jake? She loved him," I countered.

Shrugging, he shook his head. "I think she did in some way but, Jasper, she didn't love him the same way she does you. He was nothing compared to her love for you. She did say no, right?"

The night she had told me she had said no was so clear, I could practically feel her curled up in my arms like she had been that night, her soft breaths on my chest as she cried and held me tight. I had felt so useless being unable to console her, to offer her nothing more than a hug. It had been Edward that had been able to pull her from the darkness she had fallen into, not me. Clearly, he had an ability with her that I did not.

"You're wrong," he stated simply.

"How do you that? It's like your reading my mind or something?"

Laughing, he reached up and stretched his arms above his head. "Nah, it's more like I've been your best friend for six years, I can read you pretty damn well." After leaning to both sides, he put his arms back down. "You gave her exactly what she needed that night, Jasper, comfort, love, silence. She just needed to be held. _You_ did that, not me."

"Only because you weren't here."

"Stop it, stop making excuses. You've done it for years, it's time to just stop. She wants you, I don't know how else to say it any clearer. She loves you, you love her, I don't see the problem."

I felt my eyes begin to water. There was no doubt he was right, he always had been, but that didn't change my biggest fear.

"Edward, what…" I took a deep breath. "What if I fuck it up? What if things are great for a few months then I fuck up and she leaves. I don't think could handle that. I can't have her, all of her and then just…not. It would break me."

"It's okay to be scared, Jasper. We all are when it comes to love, we all fear that same thing. Losing the love of our lives, but ya know, it's a gamble, a risk but when you take that risk with the right person? It's so worth it." He finished with a small, dreamy smile.

Suddenly, I wondered if Edward had a love of his life. Who would he take the risk for?

"What about you? Anyone you would risk it all for?"

"Honestly?" he asked and I nodded. "The one I would prefer above all others is off the market." He paused and let the words sink before he winked and I swallowed hard.

"Do you mean m-"

He interrupted, "I'm content, Jasper. I have school, a good future. I need to focus on that right now. Love will come for me someday, but until then, I'm good with just waiting."

Pushing his chair out, he stood up. "She's here," he announced suddenly.

Looking up at him to see his wide grin, my heart skipped what I thought might be its final beat. "What?"

"She's outside in the car." He motioned toward the doorway.

"She's here?"

"Outside in the car," he repeated slowly for me. Standing, I shook my head.

"I'm a mess, look at me?" I looked down at my dirty clothes. "I haven't showered, shaved…"

"You look great," he teased as he winked. "Seriously, Jasper, we flew down here in the middle of the night and then drove, do you really think she gives a shit what you look like? Besides, she hasn't showered yet either. You guys can smell awful together."

Suddenly I needed to be with her, to see her, hold her, to finally let her know.

"I got to go," I said as I brushed by him and headed for the door. My heart was already outside with her, and I needed to catch up with it. Stopping at the doorway, I put a hand on the wall as a horrible thought hit me. "What if she doesn't forgive me?" I whispered to the floor.

"She already does."

The tears started and I turned to face him, showing him my vulnerability and love for her once and for all. In three steps, I had him in my arms, crushing him tightly to me.

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered in his ear. I felt his head nod next to mine before he pulled back and wiped my tears from my cheeks.

"Go get your happily ever after, Jasper," he whispered back. "You deserve it."

Nodding, I turned and walked out the doorway, and prayed he was right.

The morning sun was blinding when I walked outside. There was a small rental parked on the street at the end of the driveway but even when I squinted and shielded my eyes, I didn't see her.

She wasn't in it or standing by it.

My body started to shake with the fear that she'd had second thoughts; she had realized how foolish it was to have come with Edward, that I wasn't worth it after it all.

"You are worth it," a soft voice said from the driveway. Turning slowly, I saw her, learning up against my truck and looking all kinds of ordinarily beautiful. Her hair was pulled back, but partially falling down around her face in long, loose waves, her eyes were filled with emotion and their shadows revealed her lack of sleep. With her legs crossed at the ankles and her arms folded across her chest, she was biting her lips while her eyes warily glanced around.

For the first time weeks, I felt hope.

Slowly, I walked over to her and stood so close she had to tilt her head up to see me. I didn't even think about what I was doing as my hands cupped her face and I bent to her, all I thought of were the years that had passed, that had been wasted by my stupidity and lack of faith in her and Edward. All I could think of was kissing her…as a man in love with her.

I was barely aware of her gasp as our lips met. Softly brushing my lips over hers, I felt my cheeks dampen again and I let the tears fall and mingle with hers as her tongue pressed against my lips. Our kiss had quickly gone from languidly reacquainting to impatient and greedy. Her small fingers twisted into my hair, gripping it as she stood on her toes, pressing her body to mine, and I wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground completely. When I moaned into the kiss, I felt her smile.

We had kissed before, even some groping but none of them compared to that one kiss on a steamy summer day in a driveway in Texas.

Because that time we were in love.

Our hearts pounded in a synchronized rhythm against each other as our lips met over and over. Breaking the kiss, she pulled away first and looked into my eyes, searching for what she already knew. The sunlight in her own made them almost gold, bringing out golden highlights of her deep brown I had never noticed before.

There were so many things I had never noticed before, that I hadn't allowed myself to notice for fear of losing it all. But it was time to notice it all, the location of every freckle, those new colors in her eyes, the way her body contoured to mine so perfectly.

I closed my eyes and thanked God. I wasn't a religious man, but Bella was surely an angel and it had taken an act of divine intervention to bring her to me.

Or perhaps just Edward.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Bella."

Nothing I said, or did, would or could ever make up the pain I had caused her, caused us. Resting my forehead to hers, I stroked her cheek with my thumb.

Then my life became more complete than I ever thought possible.

"I love you, Jasper," she whispered into the sweet air that we shared between us. My heart no longer pounded, it had burst, exploding with a happiness I had never felt before and dreaded I might never again. The heart that had been so broken, so crushed and shattered was completely mended with four small words. I vowed to worship at her alter for the rest of my life.

"I love you, too, so fucking much," I murmured as I tilted my head to take her lips with mine again. Laughing and crying into the kiss, we couldn't get close enough, our hands fisting clothes and hair, our nails digging into flesh. "I love you, I love you, I love you," I repeated, each time enjoying saying the words more than the previous.

I didn't realize they had come out to until Peter spoke behind us. "About fucking time," he chuckled.

"Amen," Edward agreed, laughing.

Bella smiled as I rocked us back and forth by my truck. The truck we had spent so much time, the one that had safely brought us to and home from Texas, where we had learned so much about each other, and had mended our broken friendship.

"I'm really fucking glad to see you again," I sighed, squeezing her.

"It's nice to be seen," she said, laying her head against my chest.

Peter cleared his throat behind me. "Well, damn this is sweet and romantic and all that shit, but it's hotter than a stolen tamale out here, so how about y'all take this little reunion inside while I take Edward here to the store for some food for the grill."

I released my hold on Bella, but kept her hand in mine and turned toward them.

Edward looked slightly uncomfortable at the suggestion but nodded his head in agreement anyway.

Tugging on Bella's hand, I walked up to them. "Don't worry, Edward, Peter is harmless…mostly."

"Fuck you, _mostly_," he scoffed and turned to Edward. "I'm an outstanding member of this community, a employee of the court system, a-"

"Be sure you tell him about borrowing the horses, stealing from the five and dime and sneaking into the movies," I reminded him.

Shrugging, he flashed us all a wide grin. "Alright, so there are a few indiscretions in my youth, we all have them, right, Jasper?"

Edward folded his arms across his chest. "Oh really? I got to hear about those."

"How long you here for?" Peter asked Edward.

"Tonight, I have to go back to work day after tomorrow."

"Well, one night isn't long enough for all the indiscretions but it's a good start. You're staying here, right?" Peter asked but didn't wait for an answer. "You can stay here, the couch is comfortable. I'll grill, we'll eat and I'll tell you a few stories about the sordid past of your best friend, "Peter promised. "Lets you and me run to the store and give these lovebirds some alone time," he said as he headed for his truck with Edward following. "Oh and Jasper?" he called out from his truck. "Condoms are in the top drawer in my room."

Blushing, I rolled my eyes and listened to Edward's roaring laughter as he climbed into the truck and they pulled out. Something told me I was going to pay a steep price for letting my old best friend and current best friend have time alone together.

When they were out of sight, I looked down at Bella and saw her staring up at me. "What?" I asked self consciously.

"You're beautiful," she smiled.

"So are you," I kissed her forehead. "Want to go sit out on the deck?" Nodding, she led the way through the house, stopping in the kitchen for a few lemonades before we walked back into the heat and sat in the shade under the umbrella. Sitting down next to me, she reached out with one hand and grasped one of mine. My heart leaped at the gesture. Tightly, I retuned her hold. We sat in the silence in the heat as she gazed at our hands, constantly moving them. Her fingers tracing the lines in my palms, stroking the back of my hand, tangling our fingers together, or putting the tips and palms together like she was comparing their size. The sun was high in the light blue sky and time slowly passed as she played with our hands.

Finally, she spoke. "Does it ever cool off here?" she asked fanning herself.

"Sure, a few days in January it gets below seventy," I replied lightly, taking a sip of my lemonade.

Reaching up, she pushed my hair off my face and behind my ear, "You're a mess, Jasper," she said worriedly. I took her hand from my hair and brought it to my lips.

I took a leap and hoped she had a safety net. "So you forgive me?"

She sighed and frowned. "Of course I forgive you. I love you." Her eyes narrowed at me. "But that doesn't mean that I'm not fucking pissed off at you."

"And you've got every right to b-"

"Let me finish," she said sternly, glaring at me. "You just up and left, no text, no phone call, nothing. We had no idea where you were or if you were even safe or alive. Edward tried to keep it together, to go about things reasonably but he was just as worried and lost as I was."

As she spoke, I hung my head like a scolded child. Of course, she was right. I opened my mouth to speak, not to defend myself, there was no use in that, but to explain why had I had done it. Pressing her finger to my lip, she stopped me.

"How long have you known?" she asked.

"That I loved you?"

"Yes."

Taking a deep breath I thought back to the first time I had discovered it was love. "I've felt…something since the first day I met you. But love didn't come until later. The first time think I realized I loved you was at the Prom. Holding you, dancing with you…and watching you dance with Edward, how it made me feel. I felt so much for you and at the same time, felt guilty as hell."

"Alice," she whispered and I nodded.

"Yeah. I was there with her, and all I could think of was wanting to be there with you."

"Did you love Alice?"

Considering her words, I closed my eyes and thought back to my relationship with Alice, how fun and exciting it had been. Exploring each others bodies, making love for the first time, her tinkling laugh, the way she looked up at me, the way my heart raced when she bit her lip.

"Yes, I did, but by the time I realized I was in love with you, Alice and I had become more close friends than anything, I knew my love for her had changed. At some point it had evolved. With her it was all about the newness, but with you, it was about…everything else. There was really no comparison, Bella, I was utterly head over heels for you."

When she looked down, I saw her cheeks flush. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

It was a fair question, but one I could ask of her as well.

"A few reasons. At first, I wasn't sure if it was love, and then there was so much bad timing and then there was Edward…and Jake."

"And?" she squeezed my hand. "Tell me."

I released her hand and buried my face in mine. "I felt like I was never good enough. Not necessarily that you gave me that impression but I lived in Edward's shadow. The guy is fucking perfect at everything, and being around him all those years, well, it destroyed what little confidence I had. Girls fawned over him, the teachers adored him, hell, even the Major liked him more than me. And if my own family liked him more, well, then why wouldn't you? Why would ever choose the tall, lanky guy with hair too long and eyes the odd shade of blue who is a history geek when you could have had perfect looking Edward the doctor? And if I had told you and you rejected me, I wouldn't have been able to deal with that. I was better off to just ignore the feelings, push them away and enjoy your friendship instead. Then Jake came along and our friendship started to deteriorate because I let it. I was so fucking jealous of him, I thought I was going to explode, so it was better to just avoid you, save my sanity and keep me out of jail."

"Jasper-"

"I didn't know Edward was gay. So, I thought that you were perfect for each other, that he could give you all the things in life that I couldn't, all the things you deserve. I thought he loved you like I did, and I thought that you loved him back. I just don't understand how someone could choose me."

"You stupid fool," she sighed sadly. "We wasted so much time, Jasper, worrying over something we didn't have to worry about."

"I was afraid of losing what I never had to him and then having to stand by and watch your happy lives together. It would have destroyed me, so I just gave you what I thought you wanted and left. I didn't realize what you wanted."

"Because you never asked. I want you. I've wanted you for a long time. I asked you when you knew and for me…it was many moments, each one made the one previous pale in comparison. When I met Edward, I was enthralled, he was beautiful and friendly and talked to plain ole me, then we walked into the cafeteria and you looked up from you book with this look of… distain, that I was interfering in your world and I needed to just go away." She smiled at the memory. "But I saw something there in those odd colored blue eyes, something you tried to hide, but I saw it and as much as I admired Edward, it was you that touched me, it was you that I had to get to know. As for knowing I loved you, God there were so many moments. The Prom, the day you got into college, the night of the frat party, the day I saw you go upstairs when you saw me with Jake. The look on your face, the hurt you tried to hide just killed me and I knew even though I was standing there with Jake, that you took my heart up the stairs with you." She paused for a moment, thinking back, the memories spinning through her head. With a heavy sigh, she continued.

"Then, the night at the truck stop, when those guys were…" a tear ran down her cheek and she swiped at it absently. "I was useless to help and all I could think of was what if something happened to you and I hadn't had the chance to tell you I loved you yet. Then when it was over, telling you that didn't seem so important anymore, just you being alive was enough. That night, when we slept in bed together, I realized I never wanted anyone else's arms around me. The next day, I thought maybe it had just been because of the fight, but then each day, I fell for you more. I had been fooling myself with Jake. I thought I felt those things with him, but when I was alone with you I realized what I felt with Jake was nothing compared to you."

I could see the guilt behind her toffee eyes as she continued.

"The day by the river on the way home was amazing. I felt guilty, I had just broken up with Jake and was so in love with you and wanted you much that day, I would have made love if you hadn't stopped us. I wanted it…bad. Then there was Edward. I love him, Jasper, you know that, and I need him in my life and I feared if you and I became a couple, he would leave and I wasn't sure I could handle that. If you had rejected me, or we had broken up, where would that have left us, left Edward? I mean, would we have shared custody of him or something? So I fooled myself into thinking that we would just go on with our lives, living together and hanging out and that you and Edward would both still be in my life, and if had to hide my love for you, then I would. I didn't want to loose you or him."

"And now? Are you still worried about losing Edward?"

"Yes and no. We talked on the way here and he told me that I had to take a chance, that love with a risk but it was a risk worth doing, and that you were worth that risk."

Nodding, I smiled. "He told me the same thing in the kitchen. "

"And he's right."

I leaned back in my chair and shook my head. "Of course he is, he's Edward." It felt quiet between us, she reached for my hand again and held it between both of hers. When she took a deep breath, I knew it was over.

"I'm extremely upset and hurt that you left, that you didn't give me the chance to have a say in _our_ future. You made a decision for the both of us without asking me. That was wrong and you know it. I was broken too, Jasper. I didn't sleep or eat, I screamed and cried. Only, unlike you, I didn't know why. I didn't understand why one minute I was waving to you from the porch and the next you were gone from my life without a word. I worried about you, I grieved for you, for us. You have no idea what that did to me."

"I'm so sorry." It was all I could say, and if I had to say it a thousand times a day for the rest of my life, I would. I would spend every second of every minute making what I did up to her.

If she let me.

She tried to stifle the yawn but failed and then glanced up to see if I had seen it.

"You're exhausted."

"You are too." I pushed the chair out and stood up, holding my hand to her. "Where are we going?" she asked, but stood and took my hand. Motioning to the door, I tugged her along behind me.

"Come on, we've got some time before they get back," I explained leading her through the house to the spare bedroom. "Take a nap with me? I've discovered that I seem to sleep well only when you're in my arms, Bella."

Letting go of my hand, she crawled into the bed, took her position and then waited for me. I climbed in behind her, wrapping one arm around her waist, I pulled her to me. I reached up and pulled her hair down, letting it cascade around the pillows before I buried my nose in it, nuzzling the back of her neck.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?" she hummed, her fingers tangling with mine on her stomach.

"I love you," I sighed happily as my eyes closed and my body, for the first time in weeks, relaxed enough to sleep.

"I love you, too," she replied, just as happy and even more content.

"**~~**"

The sounds were muffled, as if they were trying to be quiet but failed. I could clearly hear the cupboard doors closing and deep laughter coming from the direction of the kitchen. Anxious about opening my eyes, worried she wouldn't be there, that what had had happened had been nothing more than a cruel dream, I stretched, moaning when I felt her soft body still against me.

"Should we go see what kind of trouble they got into?" she asked quietly.

"Probably," I replied but made no effort to move. The comfort of her in my arms again too much to give up to go check on Edward and Peter, but Bella, being more thoughtful, pulled from my embrace and rolled over to face me. "Do we have to?"

"It's Peter," was all she needed to say and I was sitting up along with her. I knew Peter, even Bella knew Peter a bit but Edward didn't know Peter. His foul mouth, honest approach and Texas slang would all be culture shock to Edward.

We climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen to find Peter and Edward unloading some groceries. Various meats, marinades, spices, and vegetables were spread over the counter.

Peter glanced behind him, "Oh, the lovers are awake." Edward turned and smiled at us.

"Hey" he said shyly, almost blushing as Bella and I stood in front of him, openly in love and holding hands. It felt so natural but it was something we had never done before earlier that day. All of our handholding had been in Texas or behind closed doors, never out in the open under his watchful gaze. In a way it was ironic, he had come out to us about his sexuality, and we were coming out to him about our love. Even though he had known of it, for the first time he was seeing us accept it and admit it in front of him. Bella released my hand and went to him, suddenly wrapping her arms around his neck. He took her into his embrace and held her tight. "Not that I don't appreciate the hug, Bella, but why?"

"Sorry we left you alone with Peter," she apologized with complete seriousness. Peter rolled his eyes and put some steaks in a plate.

"I'm not _that _much of a dick," he grinned.

"Is there any food left at the grocery store?" I asked, pawing through the bags of food.

"Fuck you," Peter chuckled. "Why don't you and Bella go get the grill going while I get the food ready? My new best friend can help me in here."

Turning to Bella, I motioned to the door and we headed back onto the deck. The sun had set, and dusk was darkening the sky when I lit the grill and the candle on the table.

"Need any help?" I yelled into Peter.

"Nope," he replied and I went to sit down at the table with and Bella. Minutes later, Peter came out carrying the tray of food and started putting the meat on grill while Edward carried out chips, salads and drinks.

"Peter, unless you've invited all of Charlotte's relatives, you've got way too much food," Bella commented.

With his back to us, his shrugged. "Nothing wrong with some leftovers. Mama always said everything tastes better the next day."

"Chinese food and cold pizza," Edward added.

Peter glanced over his shoulder at Edward. "Exactly."

"Jesus Christ," Edward mumbled when he saw all the finished food Peter began to put on the table. "Do you always cook so much?"

Peter cut into his steak. "What's the saying, Bella?"

"Everything's bigger in Texas," she answered perfectly.

Peter grinned, cutting a piece of steak. "This here is nothing, a mere snack compared to the real bar-b-ques that happen at Charlotte's parent's ranch." He looked up at Edward. "You'll have to come back someday and go to one. They're great."

"I'd like that very much. So, Peter," Edward said as he pulled his vegetables off his kabob. "Tell me about the trouble you and Jasper used to get in to."

For the next several hours, Peter told Edward many embarrassing stories about me, how we borrowed horses, how I got a hard on in algebra once, my stutter when I gave presentations, the first time a girl tried to kiss me, and our first time we had gotten drunk.

I told Peter about Edward as well. Peter was impressed when I told him what a talented piano player Edward was, and he asked Edward a lot about his classes and what he wanted to do as a doctor. When Edward said he really wanted to be a pediatrician, Peter smiled.

"You'd be great with kids," he agreed.

We debated over music styles, the best country songs, and Rangers versus Mariners. We laughed, we joked, we teased.

It was a perfect night, I had my past and my present at the table, enjoying each other's company.

What made it even more perfect was when Bella left her chair and moved to my lap. Leaning back against me, I felt her warmth and the shivers of her body when I ran my fingers up her arm. The scent of her hair enveloped me when she laughed. As we sat there, with Peter and Edward, it was as if it had always been like that, like we had always been a couple.

While I watched my tan fingers thread through her hair, I smiled at the words.

_A couple. _

We were though? We hadn't really established anything more than our love for each other, anything beyond that, including our futures, seemed insignificant at the time. But sitting there so relaxed and comfortable and fucking happy, I pushed thoughts of the future aside and concentrated on the moment.

As I was playing with her hair, she turned and gave me a quick smile before kissing my cheek. It was innocent and pure and yet, my cock twitched and my heart raced.

When Peter asked Edward how he time for a girlfriend with his classes, we all got silent. Edward glanced at me and I nodded.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Peter, but not only because of lack of time," Edward replied.

"Oh? Just haven't found the right girl?" Peter sipped his soda and belched. "'Cuse me."

"More like I haven't found the right_ boy_," Edward answered hesitantly, his head bowed but his eyes watching Peter's reaction. Putting his soda on the table, Peter raised an eyebrow at Edward.

"You're gay?" he asked and Edward shrugged. "Well, damn, why didn't you tell me that when I was trying to fix you up with that checkout girl?"

"It didn't seem like the best of time, being in the grocery store and all," Edward laughed. "Do you care?"

"That you're gay? Fuck no. My best friend is gay too," Peter shrugged and gulped his soda.

"I'm not gay," I chuckled, squeezing Bella tighter.

"Not you, asshole. Riley."

"Riley is gay?" Riley had lived on the base with us and his parents divorced. His father had stayed on base, but his mother had moved into town and Riley spent his time shuffling from house to house. I had known him until I moved.

"As a three dollar bill," Peter grinned

"Is he cute?" Edward asked absently as he reached for another drink.

"Actually, he is, I guess…I think… maybe?" Peter stammered.

Finally, the night grew long and midnight approached. Peter was the first to say he needed to go to bed, and stood up. We helped clear the dishes, but he said he'd clean them the next day. He said good night and retreated to his room. Edward undressed and headed for the couch and Bella and I went into our room. At the end of the bed she stopped and looked around.

"What's wrong?"

"My bag is in the car, I don't have anything to change into," she said as she went toward the door.

"Here," I tossed her one of my tee shirts, "just wear this." She brought it up to her nose and inhaled.

"It smells like you," she smiled and then turned her back to me and took off her shirt before quickly pulling mine on. Long enough to hang past her hips, she slipped off her shorts before turning to me.

I wasn't sure when I had seen a more beautiful sight. It was just Bella but…it wasn't.

She was _my_ Bella now.

Her hair was loose over her shoulders, her eyes shiny, a slight flush to her cheeks as she stood in my worn tee shirt that hid her figure.

"Have a toothbrush I can use too?"

"In the top drawer there are extras," I said as I took off my own shirt while Bella went into the bathroom. Standing the doorway, I watched her as she brushed her teeth.

"What are you doing?" she mumbled around the toothbrush. Shrugging, I leaned against the door jam and stared as she brushed her and teeth and washed her face. "Seriously, Jasper?"

"I just…I don't want to let you out of my sight," I sighed and looked down. Turning off the water, she dried her face and came to me. Putting her forehead on my chest, I kissed her head.

"I'm not going to disappear, Jasper," she whispered into my chest, her breath pebbling my nipples. I put my hand in her hair and pulled her head back.

"It's just that I know I fucked up and I'm afraid if I leave you alone for a minute, you're going to have time to reconsider and then run for the hills."

"Baby," she sighed, "I promise, I'm not going anywhere. And if you remember correctly, it wasn't me that ran for the hills, it was you." She got on her toes and kissed me, tentatively at first, but as soon as felt her body lean against mine, my hands were on her hips, my head tilted, deepening the kiss.

"Bella," I moaned when she broke the kiss, my lips traveling down her neck to the collar of my shirt. "God, I want you, but…"

"I know, it's not right here."

Sighing, I straightened up. "No, it's not. I want it to be special, not just because."

"I agree," she said, taking my hand and leading me to the bed where she climbed under the blankets while I pulled my jeans off. Instead of her usually position with her back to me, she faced me and snuggled up to my chest, one of her hands rested on my hips while the other was curled up between us. Laying on one of my arms, I put my other around her waist and weaved a leg between hers. "This feels nice," she whispered, like it was a secret.

"It feels right," I whispered back. "G' night, Bella."

"Night, Jasper," she sighed right before sleep took her.

I watched her sleep in my arms all night.

"**~~**"

It was still dark when we all stood out by Edward's rental car. Peter kept yawning as he stood there in sweatpants and a ripped tee shirt. Bella and I were dressed much the same way.

"You sure you don't want me to go to the airport with you?" I asked Edward as he tossed his bag into the backseat.

"Nah, get some more rest, I'm going to catch my flight. You heading out tomorrow?"

Bella stood next to me, her arms around my waist. "Yeah, early tomorrow morning, we should be back in about three days, going to try to drive as fast as we can."

Edward walked around the side to Peter and held out his hand.

"Thank you for taking care of him," he said in a hushed voice. Peter gave him weak smile and his eyes lacked their mischievous glint as he nodded and shook Edward's hand.

"I would do anything for him," Peter replied honestly. "Come on back, ya hear?"

"I will, promise," Edward said before turning to Bella and I. She let me go and rushed into his open arms. I heard her soft sobs as she clung to him. Pulling her head back, he kissed her forehead before putting his to hers. "Watch over him, okay?"

"I will," she promised as she wiped a few tears away.

"See you in a few days. Love you, beautiful," he said and kissed her head one last time before walking up to me. I opened my arms and he stepped into my embrace.

"Thank you for bringing her to me, I owe you," I murmured into his ear. Pulling back, he ruffled my hair.

"Damn right you do. Hook me up with a cute cowboy, I seem to have liking for them," he grinned and I blushed, "and we'll call it even."

"I'll see what I can do," I laughed.

"See you soon, Jasper, drive carefully."

"I will," I replied squeezing him once more before letting him go. A minute later he was in his car and pulling away with one last long wave. Bella had returned to my side and I kissed her head. "We'll see him in a few days, don't worry."

"I know," she sighed sadly, missing him already. Beside us, Peter yawned.

"It's too fucking early, I'm going back to bed for an hour. You two keep down the screaming, okay? I need my beauty rest," he grinned and winked before heading back into the house.

Bella and I stood in the driveway staring down the road long after Edward's car had disappeared from our sight.

"**~~**"

Peter had left for work about a few hours later, leaving Bella and I alone. After sleeping in, we got up and showered, separately. While I was in the shower, she made us some breakfast and we ate on the deck. We held hands, we stared at each other, we blushed, and we smiled.

We barely talked.

It wasn't that we didn't have anything to say, on the contrary, we had a shit load of talking to do, but in those few hours, we seemed content just being. Nothing more, no 'what are we going to do now' or 'should we do this', just happy to be in the presence of the other again.

My heart had never felt lighter. It was hard for me to believe that less than forty-eight hours before I had been contemplating suicide.

Bella looked up from her toast and bacon and graced me with a smile. "What should we do today?"

"I just want to do this, just be here with you, be able to touch you and hold you whenever I want." I squeezed her hand. "But I do have some plans for later this afternoon."

"Oh? What?"

Shaking my head, I avoided her eyes. "Nope, it's a surprise."

"Jasper?" she scolded.

"I know, I know, you hate surprises, but trust me on this one, okay?"

Nodding, she sipped her juice.

We spent the next hour just sitting the warm sun holding hands and then finally headed into the house. She came with me when I drove to the courthouse to see Peter for a minute, although I made her wait in the truck for me. Eyeing me suspiciously when I came back out the truck, I just shrugged and told her I needed to get something from him. As she packed up our room so we could leave early the next morning, I gathered a few items into a backpack and put it in the back of the truck. When I walked into the bedroom, she was changing the sheets on the bed.

"I just thought it'd be nice to have it done for them," she explained.

"I agree. Almost done?"

"Yeah, why?"

Instead of replying, I held out my hand. Hesitantly, she took it and without a word of complaint, let me lead her out the truck. Trusting me, she got in and buckled up.

She only spoke once on the way. "This is the surprise I take it?" I looked over at grinned. When we pulled into the driveway of Charlotte's parent's ranch, she looked confused.

"I thought they were out of town?" she asked, sitting up straight.

"They are." I parked in front of the barn and got out. "Come on," I encouraged. She got out and obediently followed me into the barn after I got the backpack from the truck. Curious, she watched me as I got Impish from his stall and began to brush him. Silently, she got a brush from the grooming kit and began on his other side. Dust and hair swirled in the still sunlight as I went up to the tack room and grabbed his bridle. When I came back down, Bella was giving him a kiss on his nose and petting his face. She stepped back when I approached, letting me next to him to put his bridle on, leaving his halter on as well. I tossed his lead rope into my bag.

She definitely knew what was up, but I still hoped some of it would be a surprise. With the backpack on, I walked Impish to the back field and waited for Bella. She stood by his side and I put my hands down for her foot.

"Remember how to do this?" I asked.

"Yep," she nodded. After gripping his mane, she put her foot in my hands and as I lifted her, she swung her right leg over his back. Once she was on, I place my hand on his withers and took a step back before jumping up onto him behind her. When I reached around her for the reins, I felt her relax.

"Still nervous?" I asked as I nudged Impish's sides.

"A little," she replied honestly.

"Just hold on," I told her and gathered up the reins. "We'll go slow."

"Yeah, right," she snorted. "You said that last time and we ended up galloping."

"But you liked it," I reminded her.

"It was wonderful," she agreed.

"Good," I said as I kicked Impish. "Hold on." A beat later, we were in a canter, steadily working into a gallop. Vaguely, I heard her swearing at me over the sounds of the horse's hooves beating against the ground. When I pulled him up a bit later, he was slightly winded under the effort of carrying two adults at a gallop, but he was alert and prancing, ready for more.

"I'm going to kill you," Bella scolded me.

"But, baby, I thought you liked going fast?" I chuckled. Settling back against me, she looked around.

"It really is beautiful here," she said quietly.

"Here?" I asked. "The field?"

"The field, this town, Texas in general. I never expected it to be so nice. Just thought I would be flat and brown, like Arizona, but it's not," she paused, considering, "well, it is, but in a different way."

"Remember the last time we came out here?" I asked her.

"Of course."

"God, I was so in love with you, I wanted to tell you that night as we watched the sunset," I admitted.

"Me too," she replied. A few minutes later, we reached the top of the hill and I stopped Impish. Swinging my leg over, I slid off him and helped Bella do the same. Dropping the backpack to the ground, I pulled out a lead rope. Clipping it to his halter, I took his bridle off and set it on the ground. Then I dropped the lead rope to the ground as well.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, watching me.

"He is trained to ground tie. Took his bridle off so he can eat the grass without the bit," I explained, giving him a pat.

"Ground tie?"

Turning to her, I grabbed the backpack. "Sorry. It means he is trained to stay where his lead it dropped, he won't wonder off."

"Wow," she said impressed. I walked by her and found the spot I had been looking for. Squatting, I emptied the contents of the backpack onto the grass. Spreading a blanket out, I put a smaller blanket on it, then pulled out some cups of fruit, a bottle of wine, salsa and tortilla chips. "Chez Whitlock?" she teased as she kneeled into the blanket, trying to sneak a peak into the bag.

I took it from her view. "As a matter of fact, yes." I sat down next to her, drawing my knees up and putting my arms around them.

"No three course meal over an open flame tonight?" she asked sitting next to me in almost the same position.

"No, I don't want Charlotte's parents to come home to a burnt field."

"Good point. Salsa and chips it is." The sun had just begun to set, the glow it gave off was warm and soothing. "Just as beautiful as last time," she commented, but when I glanced at her, she wasn't looking at the sunset at all. Blushing, I turned away and picked a piece of grass, twirling it in my fingers. "Jasper?" she asked, moving closer to me, she rested her head on my shoulder.

Heavily, I sighed, not looking forward to what I was going to say next. I had hoped that by coming there, I could lessen the blow. "Bella, we need to talk."

She lifted her head from my shoulder and gasped a bit. "Okay," she said, worriedly. "About?"

"Us."

"I agree. How about we talk while we eat? I think I might need some of that wine," she half joked. Smiling, I opened the wine and poured some into the two plastic cups I had brought with me.

"Plastic?"

"Easier to transport, didn't want them to break. We'd be drinking out of the bottle."

"That's not a bad thing," she shrugged.

"Says the girl who double dips."

Laughing, she sipped her wine and reached for the fruit. "Wow, you went all out here," she said, opening the cover. "Got a fork too?"

Nodding, I pulled two out of the bag and handed her one. After a few bites, she pushed her hair back and looked up at me. "What do you want to talk about?"

Everything.

Nothing.

Honestly, I wanted nothing more than to continue to watch her eat, putting the small pieces of watermelon into her mouth and watch her tongue dart out to lips her lips or catch the juice before it ran down her chin.

"Hey," she nudged me from my daydream with her elbow. "You with me?"

"Yeah, just thinking of where to start. Things are moving kind of fast. There's so much to cover," I answered, as I reached for some fruit.

"There is, but ya know, we don't have to talk about it all in one night, Jasper. We've got time."

"True," I agreed with a sigh. Avoiding her eyes, I debated on what to say first, and went for the most important.

I was going to stare the bull in the eyes, dive into the deep end, swim without a life jacket, how the fuck ever you wanted to say it, for one of the first time in my life I was going to take a risk, and hoped she'd understood.

"I want to stay in Texas," I said quietly, staring at the squared designs of the blanket.

"Until school?" she asked, placing a strawberry in her mouth. Shaking my head, I took a deep breath. "Then what do you mean?"

Hanging my head, I twisted the piece of grass around my index finger so tight the circulation was cut off. As it turned white, I let it go and then did it again. Not looking at her, not able to see the anger that I was sure would follow, I spoke to the ground.

"I got a full scholarship to University of Texas."

"But I thought you didn't get in?" she asked, confused.

"I lied." I exhaled slowly and picked another blade of grass. "I just couldn't imagine leaving you and Edward. So when I got into U of W, I went."

Straightening her shoulders, I felt the tension begin to radiate from her and I readied myself for the blow I knew was coming, the one I had been hoping to soften.

"You lied to us," she confirmed. When I nodded, I felt her hand push me. Putting my hand down, I caught myself before I fell over. "You ass. Why did you lie?"

"Because I knew you would both want me to go, not pass up the scholarship but… I wanted to be with you guys." She leaned back on her palms and frowned.

"I wish you had told me. Does Edward know?"

"Yeah, he found the acceptance letter right before we left, it was the reason he suggested the road trip to begin with. He knew I missed Texas and thought if we all came here together, it'd repair our friendship and I could see Texas again. But…"

"But?"

"But now that I'm here, I want to stay." I looked at her.

"Wow," she mumbled.

"There's more," I began and continued before she could stop me. "The other day, I called the University of Texas, and after jumping through some hoops, they reinstated the scholarship. I start there in September. I was so lost here with you and Edward and I thought about going back to Seattle, but I knew I would eventually see one of you on campus and that scared the shit out of me, so this was an option. One that made sense to accept." Closing my eyes, I replayed the events of the past few days. "Day before yesterday, Peter had gone to work and I was alone. I went in to take a shower and shave. When I was standing by the sink shaving, I began to have these thoughts." I held out my hand and looked at the finger I had sliced with the razor, the flesh white and dying. "I took the razor and dragged it across my finger. The sting took the pain in my heart away. Then I realized I wanted the pain to go away permanently. I saw myself dead in the bathtub, blood running down my hands, the water pink. I was going to do it, but then I felt you with me," I whispered, my hand wiping the tears that had begun to fall. "I swear you were right behind me, kissing my neck. You even called me Hale, but when I went to talk to you, you didn't hear me and you faded away. I was too fucking weak to take my own life. I knew then I had to stay in Texas, if I was too weak to take my own life, there was no way I could return to Seattle. When Peter got home, I told him I had made my decision and was staying in here. He told me I could stay with him until school started. Then yesterday morning, right before you guys showed up, he told me that I needed to home, to you and Edward, that our kind of love only comes around once in a lifetime and not to fuck it up."

When I dared to open my eyes, I saw her tear stained cheeks.

"I don't know what to say," she whispered.

"You don't have to say anything. I just felt you should know what led to my decision to stay in Texas."

"But, you and I, we're okay now, so…" she said, wiping her cheeks and taking another sip of wine. I reached out and cupped her cheek, feeling her lean into it.

"We're more than okay, but…"

"You still want to stay in Texas?" she asked quietly.

"I do," I sighed, relieved it was out there. She knew it all, my feelings for her, the attempt, the scholarship.

"Then I do too," she said confidently. Startled, I looked at her, completely shocked. Her lips curled up into a smile at rendering me speechless. Taking my hand, she pulled it into her lap.

"You don't have to…"

"I _want_ to. I don't want to be away from you another day." She moved closer, keeping my hand between hers.

"Me either, but you can't uproot your life for me," I tried to reason with her. Only, it seemed to piss her off.

"You're doing it again." I raised my brows. "Making decisions about my future for me. I know what I want, Jasper, and I want to be with you, wherever that is. I'm transferring. End of discussion."

For the second time in under a minute, she had stolen my ability to speak, or even thinking fucking coherently. I couldn't believe she would transfer, leave Seattle…and Edward for me. Kneeling, I put the food and wine back into the bag and took her cup from her, finishing it in one gulp. Then I pulled her to knees as well, and with one hand on her hip, I put my other behind her neck and lowered my lips to hers.

I had expected my heart to race, to be beating so fast that it would feel ready to bust, I had expected to be lightheaded from lack of oxygen, I had expected her to stop me when, as I deepened the kiss, the hand on her waist went to the hem of her tee shirt and began to lift it, my fingers grazing her skin for the first time since the river.

Not only did she not stop me, she broke the kiss and reached down herself, slowly pulling her shirt up and over her head until she was kneeling before me in her shorts and pale pink, lacy bra. Keeping her eyes on mine, she twisted her arms behind her and unclasped her bra, letting the straps slide down her shoulders before it fell to the blanket. Then she reached for my shirt and I automatically raised my arms to let her pull it over my head.

"Hale," she whispered just as she pressed her body to mine, reengaging in the kiss, which had turned desperate and needy. There were no more soft brushes of lips, but rather frantic, hungry kisses, tongues exploring and meeting repeatedly.

The day at the river, I had felt her body in only a bra and panties, and as my hands traveled up and down her bare back, and I felt her breasts against me, my entire body shuddered. Panting, I pulled away from the kiss and put my forehead to hers, allowing some space between our bodies. When she put a hand on my face to brush away my curls, she smiled.

"You're trembling," she whispered. I could only nod, my breaths shallow and quick. I returned her smile when I felt her shiver as the backs of my fingers traveled up her side to her breast. My eyes held her gaze as my fingers lightly grazed a nipple.

It was she that trembled then.

Her eyes closed and her breath hitched when I palmed her breast, caressing it. Watching her reaction, my cock hardened, straining against my jeans. She leaned back, supported by my other arm, inviting me to her neck, which I greedily accepted, my lips licking and lapping her tender skin. I took her flesh between my teeth, sucking it as if I couldn't get enough, as if I was a vampire craving the crimson life inside of her. When I pulled away, leaving a small red mark in my wake, I felt satisfied in marking her, even if it was childish, I had made her mine. The guttural moan that escaped her made me desire her even more. Her openness about wanting, it was something I hadn't expected from Bella.

"More," she moaned and her hands went to the button on my jeans. It was my turn to moan when she had them unbuttoned and unzipped and her hand plunged into them.

"Oh fuck," I whispered breathlessly as she began to stroke me through the cotton of my boxer briefs. Suddenly, it seemed like hands and mouths were everywhere, hers were pulling my jeans and underwear down over my hips to my thighs to free my erection, and mine were on her shorts, clumsily undoing the button while our mouths found each other again. As soon as her shorts were undone, I pulled them down over her hips, exposing her to me. When I pulled her to me, our bodies meeting for the first time below the waist, we gasped into the kiss. Slowly, I laid her down on her back, kneeling between her legs, I pulled her shorts all the way off, and then just sat back on my heels and stared at her.

She was beautiful.

More than beautiful.

A slight blush covered her cheeks as she lay vulnerable and naked, her nipples were pebbled, the mark on her neck a darker shade than I had first thought, and her chest rose rapidly with quick breaths.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful," I murmured. Lowering her eyes, her dark lashes fanned across her scarlet cheeks, and she bit her lip. On weak legs I stood and pulled my jeans and underwear off before returning to between her knees and lowering myself on top of her.

We reveled in our flushed naked bodies as our lips met again. Throaty murmurs were exchanged as my hips began to grind against hers, my cock seeking whatever friction it could find. Wantonly, but languidly, I rocked my hips forward, my cock, slick with precum, slid against her. When I felt her legs spread, and I felt my cock slide down her sex, she was wet and ready. I broke the kiss and rested my head on her shoulder.

It was overwhelming.

Everything I had dreamed about, fantasized about for years was coming true, within my grasp, just one thrust of my hips away. Our labored breaths betrayed our want, there would be no stopping, no second thoughts. I felt her fingers in my curls, twisting them, fisting them as she raised her hips to mine, begging me.

"Bella," I moaned, my cock at her entrance, one move by either of us and I would be inside her.

"Please, Jasper," she arched her back and I kissed along her jaw, down her neck, her skin burning under the trail of kisses. Reaching her breasts, I flicked my tongue over one nipple, lavishing it enthusiastically as I sucked and nibbled, and to my delight, felt her body writhe under me. I felt one of her hands leave my hair, and raking her nails down my back, she groped my ass and pushed me to her. Unable to wait any longer, I released her breasts and kneeled. Reaching over to my bag, I unzipped a small pocket and pulled out a condom.

"You really did think of everything," she smirked as I blushed, ripped it open and rolled it down my cock.

Once it was on, I reached out for her hand, "C'mere."

She put her hand in mine and let me help her to her knees. Kissing her, I threaded my fingers through her thick, brown locks and felt my cock against her center. Slowly, I lowered us, that time, I lay down and pulled her on top of me. Impatient, she straddled my hips, running her sex up and down my cock as she rolled her hips back and forth while we continued to kiss. Pulling away, she put her palms on my chest and pushed herself up and then, with a small groan, she shifted her hips back and let me slide into her.

Neither of us moved, stunned by the intimate connection we were finally sharing after all those years.

My eyes drifted close with each delicious inch she slid down, the sensation of being inside her after all those years almost too much to bear. As she sat on me, completely surrounding me, I forced my eyes open not wanting to miss a second of what I had yearned for so long.

Her shoulders glistened with beads of sweat that traveled from her forehead down her cheeks and neck to rest on her collarbone. I licked my bottom lip, eager to pull her to me and drag my tongue along the curve of her bone, capturing the tiny salty drops-drinking them like they were the water my arid body craved.

"Bella," I broke the silence, placing my hands on her hips, shifted her and moaned when she began to ride me, moving her hips in small, sensuous circles. As she rocked, her hair fell over her shoulders, her sweat-sheen skin glistening under the last rays of the day. Her eyes were bright and wild and her lips…her lips were swollen from our kisses.

It was the most erotic things I had ever seen and it took all my strength to not come right then.

Watching me, she began to move more, her hips grinding into mine. Keeping one hand on her hip, I reached up and caressed her breasts, feeling their weight in my hand I began to leisurely thrust into her. Her fingers strummed across my skin, hands spread wide on my chest,for leverage as she began to raise and lower herself onto me.

The familiar tightening already beginning in my lower abdomen told me I wasn't going to last long. I released her breast and moved my hand to the damp curls that connected us- her brown meeting my gold. Sinking my fingers into her warm folds, I found her clit and began to rub my thumb over it, enthralled with the soft moans she immediately emitted. Encouraged, I continued to alternate between pressure and strokes, watching her reactions intently, delighted when she began to push her hips forward against my fingers. One of her hands reached for mine on her hip and took it into hers, entwining our fingers, she gripped it tightly as she rode me. The pace of her hips quickened against mine and I felt her body shudder just before she released a strangled cry, my named buried deep in the moans. Her walls clenched in spasms around my cock, tightening impossibly, enticing my own orgasm. As her climaxed flowed through her, I kept my thumb on her clit, deliberately, slowly, gliding it back and forth. When I felt her grip on my hand loosen, I held it tighter, and moved my other than to her hip, holding it as I began to earnestly thrust deeper into her, chasing my own release. She looked at me, her faced flushed from the exertion, her nipples hard and erect as her breasts bounced from my movements below her, I felt a euphoria I had never experienced before.

It had been what Peter had been talking about it. The difference between fucking and making love with the right person.

I had found my right person. Never would another have my heart, or my body.

"I love you, Jasper," she whispered, her hips never ceasing their affections on my cock even though she had come. Her words pushed me over the proverbial edge, my body and mind slipped into the storm of ecstasy, intense and rapid my orgasm hit me.

"Bella," I moaned as my cock erupted inside her, pulsing and jerking as I continued to come for what seemed like minutes. Exhausted, she collapsed on top of me, her cheek resting on my chest as my semi-hard cock slid from her. Her hair fanned out over her back and my sides and I couldn't resist running it through the sieve of my fingers as our hearts raced together, hers on top of mine. Her warm breath soothingly washed over my over sensitive skin causing goose bumps. When both our feet and souls had touched earth again, she lifted her head and rested her chin on my chest, brining up a hand, she stroked my cheeks with the back of her fingers.

"You're beautiful when you come," she said bashfully. Instantly, my face heated and I glanced away. "The way your lips part, then your tongue darts out to lick them, and your eyes get wide and then flutter closed. And the sounds you make? Gorgeous," she explained in more detail than I needed to know about my come face.

"Regardless, nothing is more beautiful than you right now." It was her turn to flush at my compliment. "Mmm, that blush is such a turn on, I've loved it for years."

"Loved?"

"As in, it made me hard."

"Oh," she turned away, embarrassed, but I reached up and prevented her from looking away.

"Don't be embarrassed. It's nice to be able to finally tell you these things. How much I've," I let my hand lazily move down her shoulder to her back, "yearned for your body, wanted to touch you, make you shiver and…" I lifted my head and lowered my voice, "make you come."

"Jasper," she said, moving her head so her hair covered her face. Smiling, I laid my head back down and enjoyed her warmth on me, her weight pleasant and comforting. I felt renewed, my heart had been healed when I walked out of Peter's house and saw her, and there in the field, my body had been healed as well.

More than healed, it had reached a peaked like never before and I was already pretty fucking eager to climb it again.

"I have a question," she began and then waited for my response.

"What, baby?" I smiled, my eyes searching hers constantly for the regret I thought might be there, and all I found was adoration, and a whole fucking lot of love.

"When can we do that again?" she asked wiggling her eyebrows. Growling, I pulled her to me, parting my lips, inviting her tongue into my mouth to mingle with mine, to taste and explore.

"Soon," I moaned into the kiss. "We got a fucking lot of time to make up for." Giggling, she rolled off me and then, to my shock took my cock in her hand and stripped the condom off, tossing it aside. What she did next…fucking amazed me. Bending over, she took my soft cock into her mouth, lapping and licking my cum off it, her tongue swirled around the head as she gave one long suck and just as my hands weaved deeply into her hair, she released me and starting kissing her way up my body, her lips covering random places, my sated body beginning to once again come alive under her ministrations.

As she reached my face, she rubbed her cheek along my unshaven jaw and then swiped her lips across mine before allowing her tongue to trace the shell of my ear.

"I love you," she murmured in a husky and fucking sexy as hell voice.

"I love you too," I whispered. Pushing up to sit, I captured her lips with mine briefly, tasting the remnants of my orgasm in her mouth, before reaching around for the extra blanket I had brought. I sat and up and spread my legs.

"Come on, you're going to miss it." Turning, she situated herself between my legs, her back against my chest, and I wrapped the blanket around us, covering all of us but from our knees down.

"An extra blanket to snuggle under," she leaned to the side and looked at me. "You really did plan this, didn't you?"

Chuckling, I admitted. "I didn't plan, I hoped." Laughing, she turned her head back to the incredible sunset.

For some reason, the amber and scarlet hues were even more beautiful when viewed naked with the girl you loved in your arms. With a contented sigh, she laid her hands on my thighs and watched as the sun gradually gave way to night, the sky turning from blue to gray, the air cooling almost immediately. We were slowly being blanketed by the stars in the sky, the sounds around us dulled from the buzzing heat bugs to the symphony of chirping crickets. Impish grazed a few yards from us, his tail occasionally swishing a fly off his coat.

"Most beautiful thing I've ever seen," she sighed happily, staring at the sunset. "Well, except for you coming."

Rolling my eyes behind her, I let my cheek fall against her hair and inhaled her scent mixed with the fresh grass and wildflowers that surrounded us.

"Was it worth the wait?" I asked hesitantly, hoping she understood what I was asking without directly asking. A man always wonders about their performance and being as inexperienced as I was, my confidence in pleasing a woman was lacking.

Turning, she cupped my face and barely touched her lips to mine, pulling away just as I was about to deepen the kiss. Instead, the pads of her thumbs traced my lips; I kissed them each time they reached the middle. Gazing into my eyes, she thought for a moment before speaking, the fear of her disappointment quickly started to build in my chest. She wasted no more time putting my mind, and my heart, at ease.

"Jasper, I would have waited a lifetime for you," she whispered. Smiling, I held off the tears by closing my eyes. She turned back to the sunset, her head resting on my shoulder.

In her ear, I began to sing softly, "I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day." I swayed us side to side a bit, my breath washing over her ear and cheek when I brushed her hair away. "I think I can make it now, the pain is gone, all of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for," I trailed off and placed a kiss on the side of her head.

"I think the cactus sings it better," she giggled. I bite her earlobe in reply and laughed as she tried to pull away.

"Are you going to be okay without Edward?" I asked abruptly. She shifted between my legs, her ass rubbing deliciously against my cock. It was moments before she answered my question.

"Yes and no," she paused, her fingers tracing small circles on the outside of my thighs. "I love him and want him in my life, but I want to make my life with you. I'm sure we'll all be together one day, and we'll see him on holidays, vacations. Then there is always webcams and stuff. I will miss him though. A lot."

"Me too. Everyday." Not seeing Edward everyday was going to be strange and uncomfortable and I didn't look forward to one day without him, much less months. Yet, I knew what I was doing was right, something deep inside me twisted and knotted when I thought about going to Seattle, but had calmed and quieted when staying in Texas had been decided. I truly felt it was where I belonged.

Perhaps fate had brought me to Forks all those years ago to meet Edward and Bella. Perhaps, I was never supposed to stay there, and the scholarship and the road trip were all ways to get me back into the heat I had missed, the lifestyle I had been born into. Texas was in my blood, my DNA and it was only there that I felt complete and worthy, true to my element. If it had been fate, it had done its job, for I had made a life long friend and met the love of my life, the one that would forever hold my heart in her tiny hands, my breath in her lungs, my soul deep inside hers.

Honestly, Bella was my home, wherever she was I could be happy, but in Texas, I would be happiest. To have her by my side, with me, enjoying the life I loved so much simply made me want to burst.

"Besides, I have time to adjust to the idea. I won't be able to transfer for September admission, I'm going to have to wait until January."

"How am I going to make it those months without you? I mean, now that… that I have you, I don't want to let you go, even for a minute much less a few months."

Turning to me, she cupped my cheek. "We'll be fine, Jasper. Distance won't change a thing. When you left and came here, did the pain lessen, did you feel any better even though there was two thousand miles between us?"

I shook my head.

"Then if our pain didn't lessen, neither will our love. My heart is fixed on you, wherever you are, is where I am."

Tightening my hold around her, I sighed. "We've got a lot to figure out."

"Yep," she agreed quietly. "A place to live, classes for me, and then we have to deal with the holidays right before we move."

_We._

Grinning like a fool at the word, I kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry for all the pain, Bella. I truly thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong."

"I know, baby," she said, letting her hand trail down my calf.

"I love you, Bella, so, so much, I love you, every minute of every day," I murmured into her ear just as the sun finally set behind the horizon, the very last ray reaching across the darkening sky, relinquishing to the starlight.

"Mmmmm," she responded when my lips met her skin again, kissing and suckling along the nape of her neck to the soft spot behind her ear. Her silky hair brushed over her shoulder as she tilted her head to the side. My hands glided along the outside of her legs to her hips before lightly brushing over the delicate skin of the inside of her thighs. While my fingers of one hand opened her for me, the other slipped deeper between her legs, seeking the wet warmth there.

"Oh my God," she moaned when two of my fingers entered her. Weak, she went limp and let my body support her entirely as he legs fell open and allowed me complete access. With my thumb stroking her clit, I steadily pumped my fingers in and out of her, hoping to hit the spot that would make her squirm and writhe in my embrace. Her hips began to buck into my hands, but I held her tight with my arms, immobilizing and frustrating her as she sought her climax quickly. When I felt she was on the edge, I slowed the pace down, bringing her back to me before quickening again. The entire time, my lips were on her shoulder, neck or earlobe.

The blanket slipped from us, exposing her to me and I watched my fingers, slick from her juices, repeatedly enter her as they continued to work her into a frenzy.

I take it back-_ that_ was the most erotic thing I had ever seen.

Completely hard, my cock rubbed against her ass and lower back. The sounds that escaped her lush parted lips were incredibly sexy and I felt my hips begin to move against her, wanting to be in her once again.

"So fucking hot," I murmured into her ear just as I put pressure on her clit and her hips lifted off the blanket.

"More, don't stop, more…" she gasped. I saw her stomach begin to flex and felt her body tensing, and with one last flick of my thumb, her cries pierced the night air. "Jasper, Jasper," she groaned.

It was then that I knew I would never tire of hearing my name escape from her lips.

Keeping my fingers in her as she came, she pressed her hips against them until her climax began to wane. Relaxed, she sighed, letting out a long breath. Without warning, she turned in my arms and wrapped her legs around me, my cock once again sat at her entrance. My hands went to her hips, and she literally glowed in front of me.

"Do you have another condom?" she asked in a husky tone.

Blushing at having to admit that I hoped I might need more than one condom, I nodded and she leaned over to my side to the bag, searching the pocket I had pulled one out of earlier. Finding it, she ripped it open, leaned back and put in on me, her hands touching my cock for the first time. As soon as it was on, she was lowering herself on me once again and wrapped her legs around me. Her position allowed for no leverage, so she circled her hips, grinding into me, my cock deeply seated in her as she kissed me, our tongues tangling savagely as we ravaged each other. Her walls stroked my cock with each slight movement, and it throbbed in her. With her arms around my neck she leaned back and I bent forward, capturing a nipple in my mouth, laving it with my tongue and lips while my hips began to thrust as much as they could with her weight in my lap.

Growling, I pulled her back up to me and kissed her again, my hands weaving into her hair as it fell down her back. Her hands were in my damp curls, fisting them as she put her forehead to mine and we just stared at each other as she continued move on me, our gasping breaths meeting in the space between us.

"Bella," I grunted. The beginning of my orgasm stirred in me, coiling tightly in my balls. The sensation spread throughout my lower abdomen, sitting my body on the precipice before ecstasy was released throughout my entire body, every nerve charged and excited, no fiber was left untouched by the bliss as it ebbed in waves over me. My cock jerked in her, cum filling the condom in short bursts.

In less than two hours she had brought me to heights I never knew existed. Making love with Alice had been nice, pleasant, Maria had been nothing but a release, but being with Bella surpassed all my previous experiences combined.

What excited me more was that we had many more to come. There were still areas left unexplored, I hadn't had the pleasure of being on top of her as she came, or tasting her clit as I flicked my tongue over it.

But we had time.

As the orgasmic fog cleared from my mind, I realized I was still in her, our foreheads still touching, our sweaty bodies still wrapped up in each other's embrace as we caught our breath.

"That was amazing," I admitted in a long sigh. "I think it's a good thing our first time was out here, under the open sky.

"Why's that?" she murmured, kissing the tip of my nose.

"Because we would have done serious damage if we had been contained to a house, spontaneously combusted or something," I laughed. Placing my hands on her hips, I lifted them off me enough to reach down to pull the condom off and throw it aside before sitting her back on my lap. "Want some more to eat?" I asked, reaching in the bag for the fruit.

Nodding, she went to climb off, but I halted her. "Stay," I commanded as I opened the bowl of fruit and pulled a strawberry out. Holding it up to her, she parted her lips and placed them around the ripe berry before biting down, her eyes one mine but mine were on her lips as she chewed. "Jesus," I mumbled before leaning forward and kissing the sweet juice off her lips, tasting it on her tongue. Pulling away, I reached for another piece of fruit, watermelon, desperately wanting to taste it on her. She opened her mouth and I placed it on her waiting tongue, my eyes trained on her lips as she chewed, then swallowed before leaning toward me for another kiss. Unhurriedly, we kissed, enjoying long moments of our lips touching and tongues devouring. Her hand snaked between us, and I hissed into her mouth when I felt her fingertips tease my balls before she took them into her palm, rolling them. My grip on her tightened, her hair tangled around in my hands as I ran them from the nape of her neck to her ass. Curving my back, I was able to give her hand more room between us, my blood rushing to my cock when I felt the tip of a finger on the sensitive underside of it before she wrapped her fingers around it and began to stroke awkwardly between us.

"Seriously, Bella," I rasped. "Three times? You're insatiable," I complained, but shifted to make her stroking more efficient, occasionally jumping when she would touch the super sensitive head. As she left kisses long my jaw and neck, I lolled my head back and felt her mouth on my Adam's apple.

"But we've got a lot of time to make up for," she explained against my throat. "Got another in that bag?"

"Baby, I don't know if I can go another round just yet," I admitted even as I felt my cock begin to stir.

"Oh, I think I can convince you," she boasted, swiping her thumb over the head of my cock.

"Fuck," I hissed and lost all rational thought. Falling back onto the blanket, she sat on my thighs with my growing erection in one hand while the other played with my balls and the tender skin behind them. There was no stopping the motion of my hips as they moved slightly with her rhythm. I peered at her though lust laden lids, she tucked her lower lip in between her teeth, holding it there as she studied my cock in her hand. As I stiffened, her breaths quickened, her breasts bouncing seductively. Twisting to my side, I grabbed the back and reached in the pocket for my last condom. I ignored the smug smirk on her face as I tore it open and pushed her hands aside to put it on. Shrugging, I avoided her eyes. "What? It's been awhile," I reasoned for my horniness.

I moved her off me and laid her down on her back, settling between her legs, plunging my cock into her in one solid thrust right before I took her one breast into my mouth while the other received attention from my hand. Her hands were in my hair, pulling and tugging and fisting, keeping my mouth fastened to her as she lifted her hips to meet each one of my thrusts. When she angled her pelvis and wrapped her legs around me, I was able to sink deeper, hitting that spot inside her that wracked her body with shudders.

"Harder," she requested and I was more than happy oblige. It was not the languid love making from before, it was harsh and wild and desperate. Releasing her breast, I pushed myself up onto my palms and watched her face, her eyes fluttering closed, her tongue licking her lips. She let out a small moan.

"That's it, baby, feel good? How long we've wanted this, feels so good," I chanted, my hips moving faster and faster. Forcing my weight onto one hand, I reached between us, my fingers quickly finding her clit, swollen and hyper-sensitive from her previous orgasms. Flinching at my touch, her hand went to my wrist to stop me, but I refused, stroking the bundle of nerves with the rough pad of my thumb until I felt her clenching around me, her body stilling completely as she came, her climax overtaking her body.

"Oh, Jasper," she groaned. Two simple words were my undoing, even as her body was still flexing around my cock, I came again. What little cum I had left shot into the condom as I fell on top of her, my head on her shoulder as my hips bucked while my orgasm rushed through me at a weaker but still blissful state. Exhausted, I lay on her, letting my limp cock slip from her as we caught our breaths. "You're amazing," she sighed, her fingers raking through my hair, separating the damp curls.

"Likewise," I said as I raised my head and kiss her. "Bad news though."

Furrowing her brows, she tilted her head. "What?"

"That was my last condom," I smiled. She frowned and looked thoughtful.

"Well, there's always oral," she grinned devilishly.

"I knew there was a reason I loved you," I chuckled and rolled off her. After pulling the condom off, I glanced at Impish to be sure he was still nearby and then lay on my back and opened my arms for Bella to join me. Her head lay on my chest, her hair splayed across me, the silky strands tickling my chest while her index finger absently circling my nipple, she had no idea what she was doing to me, or how closely related my nipple was to my cock. I pulled the extra blanket up over us and held her close. "Think Peter will notice I stole his condoms?"

"Don't you mean borrowed?" she replied quickly. Laughing, I stared up at the stars, wondering which one of them granted the wish I had asked for over the past several years.

"I love you, Bella. I know I've said it a lot today but I just want you to know," I said quietly.

"I love you too, Jasper," she returned. "Thank you for bringing me here. It was a perfect first time, even if you did have it planned," she teased lightly.

"Hoped, not planned," I reminded her gently, kissing her head. "I hate to, but we need to head back soon, we've got a long drive ahead of us."

"I could just fly home, Jasper."

"No, I'm bringing you home. I need to pack up my stuff anyway. Then I'll head back down in a week."

As her fingers traced my nipples, sending chills down my spine, she said, "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too,' I paused. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Us? Long distance relationship," I sighed.

"It's only long distance until I can transfer."

"Are you sure you want to do that? You love Seattle, Bella, you've got friends there, you have your internship…Edward." Her decision had been made quickly, with little consideration, there was still time for her to change her mind.

"And I will still have friends, and I will make new ones. As for the internship, it's the first semester, so I can still do it. As for Edward, we will see him, talk to him all the time." She lifted her head and forced me to look at her. "Jasper, you can't scare me away. I've made up my mind. I'm going to transfer, I want to be with you. I love you."

I hadn't felt the tear fall until she wiped it from my cheek and gave me a small smile. Kissing seemed unnecessary at the moment, her gaze into my eyes, my soul, told me so much more than her lips could. The intimacy of it scared me, never had my soul been so complete open and bared as it was then. I trusted her with my soul, to watch over it, protect it from the revisiting the heartbreak it had so recently known – I was certain it would never know that anguish again.

She was in my arms, I was in hers…we were home.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

So…was it okay? I fretted over this chapter more than _anything_ else I've ever written, even the L&F version. I must have read it over about a thousand times, questioning everything. Gah…I hope it's okay!

For anyone curious, the chapter title means 'for all time'

Coming up next, the epilogue…although it might be a few weeks, again, I want to be sure I get it right, and I need to work on M&A/L&F as well.


	22. A Posteraori

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Here it is, the epilogue for S&S. I can't believe it's been a year since I started writing it and almost a year since I started posting. It's been quite the ride, I never expected to become what it has, I must say that J/B fans are wonderful, devoted, passionate, and supportive. Thank you all! This has not been preread, i am totally winging it, and yes, that scares me. A lot. I hope i did them justice, that the end is satisfying, that i stayed true to J/B and Perfectward, and my vision that i had for them all.

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"****~~**"**

A Posteraori

Location: Heaven (Adored)

"****~~**"**

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,  
I can see all obstacles in my way  
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind  
It's gonna be a bright, bright  
Sun-shiny day.  
I think I can make it now, the pain is gone  
All of the bad feelings have disappeared  
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin for  
It's gonna be a bright, bright  
Sun-shiny day.  
Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies

"**~~**"

The light streamed through the windows, the early morning Texas sun already heating up the small bedroom. Even before my eyes opened, I was acutely aware of my surroundings. I heard the whir of the fan on the dresser, I smelled the stale, musky scent of sex as it hung in the humid air, and I felt the warmth of her naked body pressed against mine, her back to my chest, our arms entwined around her waist, my leg flung over her. We were touching almost head to toe.

It had been like that almost every morning since we had been reunited.

Nuzzling my nose deep into her thick hair, I inhaled her scent, my body craving the life she breathed into me every day just by existing. Instinctively, her body responded to mine, her ass caressing my morning erection while her fingers weaved through my own and she emitted the most beautiful contented sigh.

She was happy. Even in her sleep, she was happy. It was still hard for me to believe that_ I_ did that, I put that joy in her life, that not only did she fulfill my dreams by being with me but that somehow, by some miracle, I returned the favor.

"Mmm," I moaned, thrusting my hips forward a bit to encourage her to wake from her slumber and make love to me…if she wasn't exhausted from the two times the night before.

She really was insatiable.

My fingers stroked hers, lightly brushing up and down her soft, heated skin, and I felt it. My heart halted for a beat or two, it never failed to skip when I felt it, when I realized it was real.

And I had the matching band on my left hand to prove it.

Laying there in the warm sun, my eyes still closed, her body pressed comfortably to mine, I thought back on the previous three years.

So much had changed, and so much had remained the same.

Bella and I had returned to Seattle after they had come to get me. We talked a lot on the way home, about our past and our futures. There was laughter, tears, a shitload of kissing, and even some yelling, but we arrived back in Seattle in just under three days after driving almost straight through. I had only about week at the house before I needed to pack the truck and head to Austin.

As soon as we walked into the house, Edward greeted us both with huge hugs. He helped us unpack and then ordered some Chinese takeout. As we sat around the kitchen table, I looked at Bella, she nodded and reached for my hand.

"Edward," I began, putting my chopsticks in my lo mein. "We need to tell you something." He raised his eyebrows, but kept shoveling his fried rice into his mouth. "You know how I got into the University of Texas?"

He nodded and then looked up, he was starting to understand.

"You're leaving us?" he asked, putting his chopsticks down too. "You're going to go?"

Biting my lip, I nodded. "I was able to get the scholarship reinstated, I start in a few weeks," I admitted quietly.

"Wow," he whistled. "I mean I guess I should have thought you might but…wow," he sighed. Suddenly, his eyes darted up to meet Bella's. He saw the sympathy in her brown eyes as she gave him a small smile. "You're going too, aren't you?"

"I have to," she replied wistfully. "I can't be without him, Edward."

He grinned and reached for our hands, coving them with both of his own. I remembered his comforting touch. "Then I am too," he said simply, shrugging, as if he had just decided to go for a jog with us, not move two thousand miles away.

"You're what?" Bella and I asked him simultaneously.

"I'll go too. Well, I can't go to Austin, they don't have a med program, but Houston does. I've looked into it already and…" he looked down, a faint blush coating his cheeks as he admitted he had considered the school already. Bella gave him questioning look and he explained. "After I found out about Jasper being accepted, I checked out the school and found the program at Houston. I even called and got some information on it."

"And?" I asked.

"Well, I think I can get in, not for September of course, but for next semester or next year. I assume you are doing the same thing?" he asked Bella.

"I'm hoping for January," she squeezed my hand. "Not sure I can make it four months, but hopefully it'll go by quick."

"Then it's done. I won't be with you guys of course, I'll be a few hours away but it's a hell of a lot closer than here."

And that is exactly what happened.

That week Bella and I had spent every waking, and sleeping, moment together. She had pretty much moved into my room, spending every night in my bed, we had sex, we kissed, slept, and even fought. I wanted to come home on a few weekends before Thanksgiving, but she insisted I go see Peter instead. A week later, I packed my things and left for Texas…again. The night before I had left, Bella and I lay in our bed together, completely naked, facing each other. We talked a little bit but we were mostly silent and just held each other, our bodies pleasantly sated from making love.

We dozed occasionally, often waking up to pull the other one closer or kiss. Time seemed to stand still for us that one night, granting us the time we needed to say goodbye, to make the promises of love. When we talked, it was about our futures, bright and together, it was about what we had already overcome and how much stronger we were together than apart.

Early the next morning, I hugged Edward with a promise to call daily. When it was Bella's turn, Edward turned and headed inside. Bella had baked me cookies and brownies for the trip, told me to avoid that truck stop and say hi to Peter and Charlotte for her. We kissed for a long time, our tears mingling as we tilted our heads back and forth. Fisting the ends of her hair, I kept her close to me, not wanting to let her go.

"Be careful, Hale, and call me at every stop," she instructed me.

"I'll see you at Thanksgiving," I promised, though I would see her long before that via our webcams.

"It'll be here before you know it." Standing on her toes, she cupped my face with her hands. "I love you, Jasper."

"I love you too, baby," I whispered just before kissing her one last time and then climbing into the truck. Wiping a few tears from my eyes, I pulled away, waving. Smiling, she waved back, her hair shining in the light of the early dawn.

In Texas, I poured all my effort and time into studying. Bella and I spent four months of emailing, phone calls, chatting, texting, and webcaming. I had even gone to see Peter and Charlotte few weekends, eager to be away from the books. The first time was one weekend in late October, I had made the three hour drive to see them and when I knocked on the door he answered and greeted with a hug and a 'how the fuck are ya'. We spent the weekend sitting on the deck and drinking.

Right after Thanksgiving, Bella received her acceptance letter to Austin. Unfortunately, Edward didn't make it into Houston for January, but they accepted him for September of the following year. As sad as Bella and I were, we kept reminding ourselves it was only few more months, as he planned on moving down as soon as he was done with his last semester at University of Washington. We spent Christmas break in Forks. Bella spent a lot of time with her father, I stayed with Edward at his house, but spent some time at my own home with the Major and my mother. They had been thrilled about my returning to Texas, my father claiming all along he knew Texas was in my blood and that I would eventually return. Christmas Eve, Bella was with her father for dinner and Edward and I were in his kitchen cleaning up after the Cullen dinner. I washed, he dried.

"Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he said as he grabbed the plate from me to dry.

"When did you know you were gay?" I blurted out before I had lost my nerve. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him restrain a smile.

"I think I've always known I was…different, but the first day we were looking at the porn magazines it really hit me. They did nothing for me but they…"

"What?"

"Well, they excited you," he chuckled. My cheeks heated up at the memory, and then even more when I realized Edward had noticed the erection I had been trying to hide that day.

"Oh. Sorry," I apologized, although I wasn't sure what for.

"Don't be. It was just a defining moment for me. Up until then, I wasn't absolutely sure about me…or you. But when I saw how the nude girls affected you, well, that pretty much confirmed you were straight. And when I realized I was more affected by _you_ being excited, I knew for certain I was gay."

I kept my eyes on the dishes as I transferred them from dirty water to rinsing water. "Edward, if there's anyone I'd be gay for, it would be you," I said, only half joking.

"Thanks, Jasper," he smiled before nudging my side with his elbow. "If you ever decide to switch teams, I'm here."

We both broke out into laughter and I splashed water at him as he twisted the towel tight and snapped it at my ass, or as he had put it, my 'fine specimen of an ass that Bella better appreciate'.

I supposed some guys might have felt uncomfortable with their gay best friend saying such things but for me, it was as it always had been, only more honest. Edward hadn't changed, his thoughts and feelings about me and our friendship hadn't changed-the only thing that had changed was he was more vocal and open about his thoughts. Even if they embarrassed the shit out of me, I was glad he felt comfortable enough to say them. I wanted nothing more than for him to live the life he was meant to.

At the end of the holiday break, Bella was packed and we were ready to leave for Texas. We said a long goodbye to Edward in his driveway, he hugged Bella tight, whispering in her ear before letting her go with soft kiss to her forehead. Then he turned to me and opened his arms. I stepped into them and enjoyed the feeling of his solid embrace as he held me tight.

"Please take care of her, Jasper. Keep her safe and sound," he murmured in my ear, only releasing me after I promised to do as he asked. The drive to Texas was long, but when we pulled into the driveway of the small house I had rented for us, Bella's eyes lit up with excitement, the realization of what we were doing finally hitting her.

We were going to be living together…alone.

Even before all our boxes were unpacked, we christened every room over the next few days.

Though my favorite was the kitchen.

After kneeling before a naked Bella as she sat on the counter with her legs spread wide while I flicked my tongue over her clit, her hands buried in my hair until she trembled and cried out, my most feared room had suddenly became my favorite.

Our classes started and after a short adjustment period, Bella and I settled into our simple lives. The house we rented was a small one bedroom but it was light and airy and filled with us. Pictures of Edward, Bella and I were everywhere. We both studied a lot and in our downtime did chores around the house or took walks around the neighborhood. Bella still handled almost all of the cooking, though she had showed me how to cook a few simple things like scrambled eggs and bacon. The toaster, however, sat in the far corner of the counter, untouched by me.

One late spring night, there was a heavy rain falling as Bella and I lay in our bed. I was straddling her, my balls brushing over her flat abdomen with each thrust of my hips into her fist, each one propelling me closer to release. Trembling, I fell forward, flattening my palms against the headboard as I wantonly fucked her hand.

My shaky breath escaped in gasps as I tried to speak. "Please don't stop, baby, feels so fucking good...in your hands like this..."

"You're so beautiful, Jasper," she whispered reverently, her hand never ceasing movement on my cock. "Fucking my hand like this."

I wanted to smile at her bold statement, but she flicked her wrist over the head of my cock and I lost what little concentration I had.

All I could do was feel. Feel her hands on my body, touching me, stroking me...loving me.

"Come here," she said, her hand leaving my cock and moving to my hips, encouraging me to slide up. Confused, I hesitated but her fingers dug into my flesh as she lifted her hips under me to force me forward until I was straddling her chest, my cock bobbing in front of her mouth. "I want to taste you."

I had learned that Bella was quite good at giving head, her skill never failing to bring me to orgasm quickly, but I avoided thinking about where she had developed the talent. Just as her tongue darted out to swirl around the ridge on the head of my cock, I swallowed hard, anticipating her touch. Plump lips readied to take me in, her eyes watching me through her long eyelashes and I reached down and brushed her hair off her sweaty forehead. There was a pleasant ache in my chest, one that had increasingly grown since we had moved into together as a couple. I felt it at the oddest times, like when I woke up the sound of the shower running, or when I called home and heard her voice on the answering machine, or when she was across a room studying and just looked at up me and grinned.

All those moments, the small and the momentous, added up to define us and our lives together. Then my life, our life, flashed before me and my heart skipped.

Her in a black gown at graduation.

Her with a belly swollen with life.

Her with gray hair and sitting on porch.

There was one image missing, one I suddenly wanted to see more than anything in the world.

Her in a wedding dress.

"Marry me, Bella," I whispered down to her just as my cock passed between her parted lips. Her movements halted and she looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Jasper," she began, her voice already shaking, "I know I give good head, but babe, you don't have to marry me to get it," she joked. At first I was hurt by her reaction, then I realized it was a defense mechanism, she returned with a joke because she thought had been joking.

But I had never been more serious in my life.

Nervously, I climbed off her and she scrambled up, pulling the sheet up to cover herself. I dropped to one knee beside the bed and took her hands in mine. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at her and smiled when I saw her flushed cheeks. In the darkness of our bedroom, kneeling naked with an erection, I proposed to her.

"Baby, I don't have a ring to offer you right now, but I do have my love and devotion. That day you walked into the cafeteria, I knew my life had changed, but I had no idea how much until later. I'm nothing without you by my side. I loved you then, I love you now and I will love you always," I took a deep breath. "Bella Swan, will you be my wife?" I asked confidently.

She said all I needed to hear. "Yes."

Throwing her arms around my neck, she pulled me to her and we fell back onto the bed together. My hips began to move against hers, the thin material of the sheet the only barrier between our naked bodies. Pressing her lips to mine, we kissed, our tongues lazily meeting and twisting. Resting on my elbows by her shoulders, I let my lips travel down to her neck and lower to her collarbone, lavishing each before moving the sheet lower, exposing her breasts. Arching her back, she offered herself to me, her hands in my hair, tugging on the waves encouragingly.

"You're so beautiful," I mumbled against the soft skin of her breast. When she giggled, I looked up to see what was so funny, my tongue lapping her nipple as my eyes went to hers.

"You don't have to seduce me, Jasper, I'm kind of a sure thing now that I'm your fiancée," she smiled down at me before spreading her leg and letting me fall between them. Reaching down, I pulled the sheet off her and rocked forward in the cradle of her hips, my cock slipping into her warmth. Releasing a long moan, I rested my head on her breast as my body began to overload on the sensations of her. It happened almost every time we made love, my heart raced and I went lightheaded for those first few seconds of entering her. It was like I still couldn't believe it was really happening.

Regaining control, I began a rhythm as she lifter her hips and wrapped her legs around me, allowing me deeper penetration. Pressing her head back into the mattress, she dug her nails into my back and my mouth returned to her dark nipple, feeling it pebble under my tongue. We continued like that, my pace steadily increasing as my need for release grew, until I knew it wasn't much longer. With my mouth on hers, I reached between us, my fingers quickly finding her clit and I slowed my pace as I began to stroke it fervently. She let out a guttural moan, her hips going against mine, moving rather in time with my fingers. Pushing up with my other hand, I rested my weight on it, leaning to the side a bit as I watched her near her orgasm. One of her hands was buried in the hair at the nape of my neck, her other stretched out beside her, fisting the sheet. Her head thrashed side to side, her cheeks flushed with ecstasy.

"So beautiful," I whispered reverently. Her lips parted as her hips bucked up violently against my hand.

"More," she groaned.

So I gave her more. With what energy I had left, I began to thrust into her franticly, hitting deeper each time, never letting my thumb stop its frenzied rubbing. The second her body tensed, right before she gave into her orgasm, mine hit me. The stirring lasting only seconds before it engulfed me completely, my cock erupting side her, releasing long bursts of cum as my body hovered and convulsed above her. Around my cock, I felt the spasms of her muscles as her own climax gathered inside of her, a tight coil springing free as she emitted strangled cry and forced me down to kiss her. Collapsing on top of her, I caught my breath, a smile plastered on my face as I felt her breasts heave under me.

Just like that we fell asleep, my body half on top of hers, my cheek on her breasts, my cock inside her, her hand in my hair, our bodies sated and satisfied together.

We weren't married right away of course. We both wanted to finished school, but our lives took a more definite turn than before. The proposal made us more official, everything had become us as a couple, not Jasper or Bella but Jasper and Bella.

However, we were still missing an important part of us.

Edward finished out the year in Seattle and made arrangements to move to Houston at the end of June after we had all finished our second year. We hadn't seen him since Christmas except for webcam chats, but we had decided to tell him about the engagement in person when he arrived to stay with us for a few weeks before moving to Houston. He arrived on a Friday, Bella was practically jumping for joy in the doorway while she waited for the sound of the Volvo, bursting through the door when she heard him coming around the corner. I stood in the doorway and watched as she dragged him from the car and threw herself at him, and I laughed when Edward rolled his eyes at me over her shoulder.

We set him up on our couch and showed him around Austin. Later that night, we were sitting on the patio and I served them steak I had cooked on the grill. After dinner, Bella reached for my hand, Edward saw it and stopped chewing.

"The last time you did that, you told me you were moving to Texas," he recalled. Bella glanced at me and grinned. "You have news?" he assumed correctly. She nodded, her hair ponytail bouncing around her shoulders.

"Can I tell him?" she asked me.

"Of course," I smiled.

Edward swallowed nervously.

"Jasper asked me to marry him and I said yes," she spewed out, bouncing in the seat. Shocked, Edward dragged his eyes from her to me for confirmation, which I gave with a nod. Then he was crushing her to him so tight I thought he might leave bruises.

"I'm so happy for you both," he said after he had finally let her go. "When?"

Bella spoke up. "We haven't decided on an exact date, but we're thinking the summer after graduation."

"Congratulations," he smiled and shook his head. "Who would have thought that when I walked into the cafeteria with you that you would end up marrying my best friend?"

"There is something we need to ask you," I said seriously, leaning forward.

"Anything."

"I want you to be my best man," I said, almost quietly, even a bit nervously. Then he smiled, warm and soothing, just as he always been.

"It would be my honor," he replied, and I swear his eyes glistened in the dim light of dusk.

"There's more," Bella spoke up, glancing at me before continuing.

"More?" he asked, overwhelmed with what we had told him already.

"I want you to walk me down the aisle," she asked, but he was already shaking his head.

"No, I can't do that. Charlie should."

"Edward, I love Charlie and he's important to me. But so are you. You're the one that has been there for me since I moved to Forks. You helped me adjust, supported me, held me, and when Jasper was gone…well, I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Bella…I don't know," he sighed, guilt seeping into his tone.

"Think about it?" she asked and he nodded. "Think about this too, I want you to be my maid of honor."

"What?" he laughed and looked at me. Shrugging, I held up my hands.

"You're my best friend," she began, taking his hand in hers. "I want you by my side up there."

"But best man and maid of honor?"

"Yep," she confirmed. "It's only fitting, don't you think?"

"I suppose," he actually began to consider her request. The corner of his lips curled up. "No dress though."

Laughing, she brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it. "No dress," she promised.

The next two years went by faster than I ever could have imagined. Edward moved to Houston and graduated a few weeks before we did. He had worked hard, earning good scores on his MCATS and earning a spot at the University of Texas at Houston Medical School. We had seen him about once a month, either he made the trip to Austin or we went to Houston. We talked almost daily, and webcamed on most weekends. Shortly after he earned his degree, Bella and I found ourselves standing on a stage receiving our own degrees, hers in English, mine in history. Like Edward, we had both worked hard with many late nights of studying or writing. I received my certifications to teach and was going to begin teaching history at a high school in Austin that September. After a few tough interviews, Bella was offered an entry level editing position at a small publishing company.

What had also kept us busy was planning the wedding. After discussing our options and wanting to save money, Bella had suggested that we get married at Charlotte's ranch, as it wasn't too far away, simple, and certainly big enough. After a call to Peter, it was settled.

The date set was July seventeenth.

And it approached faster than any day in history.

We had arrived at the ranch a few days before, Charlotte immediately kidnapping my fiancée for a girl's day out in preparation for the wedding. While they were out, Edward, Peter and I drank quite heavily as we sat at on the porch of the large farmhouse.

I hadn't remembered ever seeing Edward drunk.

He was quite flirty when he was drunk.

I blushed at his comments and winks, but Peter just basked in the attention. Telling Edward he was cute and he'd 'totally do him' if he was gay, but Charlotte would have his ass. We laughed until we cried as we joked about marriage, Peter attempting to alleviate my worries by telling me horrors stories of marriages gone bad.

It didn't work.

Edward sensed my rising fear and held up a hand. "Wait, wait…" he began, before having to think about what he was going to say. "Their marriage will be perfect, because…well, just because," he finished confidently.

Peter raised his bottled and clicked it against Edward's. "Well said, Edward," he smirked. "Jasper never mentioned you were so eloquent," he teased. "So, Mr. Maid of Honor, what color is your dress?"

Edward almost spewed the sip of beer from his mouth. Shaking his head vehemently, he replied, "I'm not wearing a dress."

"But he does look great in red," I winked to Peter.

Not missing a beat, Edward lolled his head toward me. "And you look great in nothing."

"Whoa," Peter chuckled. "You boys need a room? Is Edward going to be your last fling?" he asked me with a grin. Giggling from the effects of the beer, I blushed and nudged Edward's side.

"Whaddya say, Eddie? You, me, getting it on in the hayloft," I wiggled my eyebrows at him and he grinned before standing up, swaying back and forth a bit.

"Let's go, I bet I can make you scream my name," he challenged before laughing so hard at my expression of shock that he had to sit back down. "Seriously though," he began after plopping his ass in the wicker chair. "You and Bella are forever, you did good, Jasper. Made me proud," he said.

"Thanks," I smiled, laying my head on his shoulder and taking a swig of beer. "I'd still do ya," I laughed.

We continued through most of day intoxicated, Bella and Charlotte joining us for swim in the pool when they returned home. As much as tickled her, Bella refused to spill the details on what they had done all day together in the small town. Peter came up behind me, dragging Charlotte behind him.

"I think they went to a strip club," he said. "Although I don't know why they would pay for a show when they can see our fine bodies for free?" he wondered out loud. Charlotte put her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist and smiled at him.

"Aw, sweetheart, we wanted to see some real men," she replied. Peter lifted her off him and promptly tossed her in the pool. It was midnight before we finally got out of the pool and headed inside to bed.

The next day was a blur.

Charlie, the Major and my mother arrived, along with the Cullens, including Alice. She greeted me with a tight hug and I thanked her for coming.

Telling Alice about Bella and I had been difficult at best, but she took the news slightly better than I had expected, claiming she had known all along that something was going on between Bella and I. I am sure she wondered if when she and I were together, if hadn't felt something for Bella and honestly, I would be lying if I said I hadn't. That didn't mean I didn't love Alice, but rather that I knew there was something between Bella and I that was hard to deny. She seemed satisfied with that and wished me, and Bella, all the best.

Edward and I did some last minute arrangements for a surprise for Bella, and then we had a small rehearsal outside near the barn before settling in for the rehearsal dinner, which for Jack and Betty was a small version of their barbeques. They had erected a stage and dance floor, along with several circular tables, all set up under a large, white tent big enough for the reception the next day. At dinner, we sat around a few huge picnic tables, all our fingers sticky from barbeque sauce. I had a hard time keeping my eyes off Bella's lips as her tongue would repeatedly come out to lick the sauce from her lips.

"Betty, no ribs tomorrow, this sauce will get all over my dress," Bella complained with a smile as she wiped her mouth again.

"Only neat to eat foods tomorrow," Betty promised.

After dinner, and several bottles of wine, we all headed in side. Bella was dragged down the hallway by Charlotte, who had insisted Bella not spend the night with me.

"Charlotte, if you're worried about her virtue, it's a moot point by now," I whispered in the darkened hallway, holding Bella's hand tightly desperate to keep her with me. Charlotte eyed us both.

"Fine, you can say good night but then she goes with me," she announced and headed down the hall. When she entered her room, I pressed Bella against the wall, my hands cupping her face as my lips quickly descended onto hers. My lips made soft, languid passes over hers before my tongue traced her bottom lip, begging for entrance. With a small moan, she let me in, her arms around my neck as her hands curled around my hair. Breaking the kiss, I laid my forehead to hers and smiled.

"This time tomorrow you will be Mrs. Whitlock," I sighed happily.

"And you will be Mr. Swan," she countered. We had debated, sometimes heatedly, over her last name- to change it or not, to hyphenate or not. Of course, I wanted her to take my last name in some way, and was willing to compromise with a hyphen, but she wanted to keep her own identity. "Names don't matter, Jasper, the fact that you will be my husband is the only thing I care about," she said.

"And you my wife." The word still sounded for foreign. Sometimes I hardly felt like an adult, much less one responsible enough to get married.

But there we were, on the cusp of starting our lives together.

Officially.

"Ahem," Charlotte called out from the room. Rolling my eyes, I kissed Bella one more time before letting her off the wall.

"Run away with me," I joked suggestively. "I promise to make an honest woman of ya."

"My Confederate rebel," she sighed. "No, it's better this way, we will both get sleep instead of…well, you know," she finished, a blush painting her cheeks. I laughed at how she didn't blush when I we talked dirty in bed or when she had my cock in her hand, but when we were dressed and sex was mentioned, she always turned a delicate shade of pink.

"You might sleep, but I've got Edward in my room, he will keep me up all night," I smiled.

"At least he doesn't snore," she teased.

"Until tomorrow, baby." I hugged her. "I love you."

"Love you too," she grinned before pulling away and running down the hall and turning into Charlotte's room. Resigned I would be without her, I turned and headed for our room and found Edward laying on the bed on his back in his shorts and no shirt, arms folded behind his head and his bare feet crossed at the ankles. I pulled off my shirt and tossed it on the floor before toeing off my sneakers.

"Took you long enough, lover," he winked at me. "She finally gone? Are you all mine yet?"

I plopped onto the bed on my stomach next to him, lifting myself up on my elbows. "Yeah, she's gone," I sighed sadly. It was the first night since she had moved to Texas that we had spent apart. Studying the bedspread, I traced the design with my fingers and without looking at Edward, I spoke. "Am I doing the right thing?"

"Without a doubt," he replied quickly, turning his head toward me. "Don't doubt your love, Jasper. It's strong, it's lifelong."

"So is marriage," I glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, it is. Which is why it's a damn good thing you're marrying the woman you love." He rolled onto his side to face me, propping himself up on an elbow. "Are you scared?" he asked seriously.

"No, I know it's the right thing for me. I just hope it's the right thing for her," I reasoned. "Sometimes I just wonder…why is she with me?"

"Because she loves you."

"But…how?"

"No one can explain why people are attracted to certain people. I mean why am I attracted to men and not women?" he shrugged. "Jasper, she's been by your side for three years now, she is going to be your wife tomorrow. It doesn't matter why she loves you, it only matters that she does."

Relieved at his words, I turned to my side and mirrored his pose. "Do you think you'll ever get married?"

He let out a heavy sigh. "Honestly? Probably not. There aren't many states where I can, and I just don't see it in the future for me."

"Do you want to?" I asked thoughtfully.

"Maybe? I don't know. I know I love my schoolwork, I love where I'm heading and right now, that's enough in my life." He reached out and ruffled my hair. "Besides, Bella promised me a threesome with you some night," he winked.

Blushing, I looked away.

"Only if you don't steal the blankets when you sleep," I offered.

"Blankets? Oh, Jasper, the things I would do to you don't require sleeping…or blankets."

"Shut the fuck up," I laughed and pushed his shoulder so he fell onto his back. Staying there, he looked at me.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked, any hint of joking and flirting completely absent in his voice. Holding his dark green gaze, I nodded.

"I love you too," I whispered. Even though I knew my words held a different meaning than his, I wanted to say them, let him know how much he meant to me. He had saved me, in so many ways he had saved me, and while he and I would never be what he wanted, he knew he had a piece of my heart forever. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him, and nothing I wouldn't tell him.

"Sleep…" he sighed. "We need sleep. Big day tomorrow." My eyes fluttered closed at his soothing voice. "Jasper?" he asked quietly.

"Mmm?"

"Keep your hands to yourself tonight," he chuckled.

"I'll try, but I can't take responsibility for when I'm asleep," I promised. He reached over and turned out the light on the table and I think I was asleep before he rolled back over.

"**~~**"

"But I don't understand," I heard Bella in the hallway talking with Edward the next morning. "What do you mean I have to meet you at the barn at seven? I'm supposed to be getting married at seven!" There was a bit of panic in her voice.

Edward's returning voice was calm. "Yes, I know, but plans have been altered a bit." She sighed and I could almost see the worried look on her face.

"What have you two been up to?" she asked, her voice a bit lighter. She trusted Edward, she knew he would do nothing to ruin our day.

"The barn at seven," was all he said as he began to walk down the hall and I heard him stop."Oh and Bella? Be wearing a white dress," he reminded her.

Bella and I spent the day apart, which wasn't difficult on the huge ranch. Edward and I helped Peter and Jack unload some hay into the loft and mend a fence on the south side. We rode out there, Edward getting more confident on a horse, and it was good practice for him for later. After the fence was done, I went over the details with Edward and showed him exactly what he needed to do and where everything was. Charlotte and Bella and Betty spent most of the day relaxing and swimming in the pool.

At four, Edward, Peter and I took a quick swim in the pool to cool off after the girls had left and then got something to eat, although I was so nervous I barely ate. I wasn't nervous about marrying Bella-that I was completely certain about- I was nervous about the plans Edward and I had made and if they would go smoothly…and not piss Bella off that we had messed with her wedding day.

I was standing in my room, buttoning up the black shirt when there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said, not turning from the full length mirror in front of me. Edward appeared in the reflection behind me, his eyes shining and his hair sticking up in every known direction. "Hey," I smiled, suddenly much less nervous than I had been a few minutes before.

"Hey," he smiled, his eyes roaming over my reflection. "You look very handsome. Going to sweep Bella off her feet."

"Thanks," I returned his smile and turned to him. "You do too. I think these suits were the way to go."

"Me too," he agreed, glancing down at his own linen suit. It was ecru, a few shades lighter than my own, with a slighter darker button down shirt under it. There was no tie, no cummerbund, and the first two buttons of his shirt were undone. My suit was a dark tan, lightweight, with a black shirt under the jacket, also with a few buttons undone. I had attempted to style my hair, but it ended up in long, tamed waves, which I tucked behind my ears. "Are you ready? Peter has everything ready to go, he's been out there for an hour now, calling me every five minutes. I think he's more excited than you." Edward turned toward the door but I put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Spinning him, I pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you," I whispered in his ear. "For everything you've done. I can't thank you enough." I felt him pat my back with one hand.

"No need to thank me, Jasper. I'd do anything for you," he replied, his voice choking up with emotion. We held the embrace for a few long seconds before he released me and pulled away. "Now let's go get you hitched."

"Yes, sir," I grinned and let him lead me out of the room.

It was hot out, the sun hung low in the sky as I hopped on the golf cart with Jack and he drove me out to the hill where I met up with Peter, Charlotte, Betty, my parents and all the guests. Jack had been chauffeuring them out for the better part of an hour. I walked over to my parents and hugged my mother before hugging my father.

"Proud of you, son" he smiled.

"Thanks, Dad," I responded with the little used title.

There was a trellis, garnished with yellow and red roses weaved throughout the panels at the very top of the hill. In front of it were rows of white chairs filled with guests, and a long white strip of fabric in between the two sections. A justice of the peace stood by the trellis and shook my hand when I arrived. Taking a deep breath, I took my spot under the archway, Peter right behind me in his linen suit that matched Edward's. Across from me was Charlotte in a beautiful, lightweight, lavender sundress with her twisted up on her head. In her hand was a small bouquet of the same flowers that were on the trellis. There was no music, the only sounds were that of nature and the guests as they whispered and chatted with each other. My heartbeat was steady as I waited for my Bella.

I heard the horse snort and looked up to see the horse's head crest the top of hill, and then a second later, I saw Edward with Bella behind him. The guests all stood and turned to watch their entrance. The horse was white, his reins laced with flowers, his back covered with a white satin blanket to keep Edward and Bella clean. Bella sat behind Edward, her arms wrapped around him for support as he urged the horse up the hill and stopped behind the chairs. Peter walked over and reached up for Bella, and she slid down into his arms, thanking him with a quick kiss to his cheek. Then Edward slipped off and Jack came over to hold the horse. After straightening his suit, Edward held his arm out for Bella, who took it with a grin and together, my best friend and my soon-to-be wife walked down the aisle toward me.

There had never been a more breathtaking sight then Bella right at that moment. With barely any make up on, she smiled at me, her eyes glistening with tears that sat in their corners. Her long, wavy hair flowed over her bare shoulders with a few small pieces pulled back, tiny white flowers were braided in them and tied at the back with more of the same flowers in a train down the back of her head. Her off-the-shoulders white dress was embroidered with pearls leading to an off-white bow tied softly around her waist. The bottom half was a loose satin covered with a layer of sheer gauze that barely brushed the top of her feet. It was so Bella to refuse heels for fear of tripping, instead she had on ballet flats. In her hands was a small bouquet, not much bigger than Charlotte's, of red and yellow roses with the same white flowers from her hair mixed in.

As she walked toward me the past years of our relationship all flashed before my eyes- from the moment I saw her in the cafeteria, to our first kiss, to moving to Seattle together, to being reunited, to making love on that very hill for the first time, to proposing, graduating…it all mixed and melded together to make up the collage of our lives, only a large part was left blank. That part would be filled in by our future together, long and happy and forever.

Proudly, Edward led her to me, where he kissed her cheek before holding out her hand to me.

"She's all yours," he winked to me before moving off to the side to stand behind me next to Peter. I gripped her hand for dear life and smiled down at her.

"You look beautiful," I whispered.

"So do you," she smiled, giving her flowers to Charlotte before we both turned to face the justice of the peace. He began to address everyone.

"Through marriage, Jasper and Isabella make a commitment together to face their disappointments, embrace their dreams, realize their hopes, and accept each other's failures. Jasper and Isabella will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together through mutual understanding, openness, and sensitivity to each other. By gathering together all the wishes of happiness and our fondest hopes for Jasper and Isabella from all present here, we assure them that our hearts are in tune with theirs. These moments are so meaningful to all of us, for what greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together, to strengthen each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness. This relationship stands for love, loyalty, honesty and trust, but most of all for friendship. Before they knew love, they were friends, and it was from this seed of friendship that is their destiny. Do not think that you can direct the course of love – for love, if it finds you worthy, shall direct you."

Before him we stood, our hands clasped tightly while we listened to him and glanced at each other.

"Our couple has prepared their own vows," he announced to everyone. "Jasper?"

Turning to her, I held both her hands in mine. "My Bella, where do I begin? You have changed my life in so many ways. You have given me courage, support, happiness and most of all, love. The day you walked into the cafeteria, my life was irrevocably changed. When I was lost, you showed me the way. Whatever I become is better because of you by my side. My love, my endless love, is yours for the rest of my days and beyond. I love you with everything that I am, forever I am yours."

She reached up with a smile and wiped the tear that had rolled down my cheek. When I saw a few of her own fall from her eyes, I wiped them with the pad of my thumb, then left my hand there to cup her face as she looked up at me and spoke.

"My Jasper, I knew the first time I saw you and my heart raced that I would forever be yours. I tried to deny it, the pull I felt for you, but the more we were together, the stronger it became. We were slaves to our attraction and I've never regretted it. We have been together as friends for years, but my life wasn't complete until we were together as lovers." I smiled at the blush on her cheeks as she said the word lovers. "I have always been in love with Jasper the man, but Texas is where I fell in love Jasper the boy. With you by my side, I can see clearly, my world not obscured by your absence. My love, and my body, are yours eternally. With all that I am, I am your Bella."

Taking her hand back in mine, we turned to the justice of the peace again.

"Do you Jasper take Isabella to be your wife to live together in matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," I smiled down at her.

"Do you Isabella take Jasper to be your husband to live together in matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," she said confidently.

"What token of your love do you offer?"

Edward leaned over and handed both gold bands to the justice of the peace.

"These two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. Wherever they go, may they always return to one another. May these two find in each other the love for which all men and women aspire. May they grow in understanding and in compassion. May the home which they establish together be such a place that many will find a friend. May these rings on their fingers symbolize the touch of the spirit of love in their hearts."

He then handed me Bella's ring. I took her left hand, and poised the band at the tip of her ring finger, sliding it on as I began to speak.

"Bella, you are now bound to me as my wife from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed," I promised.

The justice of the peace handed Bella my ring and then she took my left hand into hers, pushing the thick gold band down my finger.

"Jasper, you are now bound to me as my husband from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed," she vowed.

"May you always share with each other the gifts of love, be one in heart and in mind, may you always create a home together that puts in your hearts, love, generosity and kindness. In as much as Jasper and Isabella have consented together in marriage before this company of friends and family and have pledged their faith and declared their unity by giving and receiving a ring are now joined. You have pronounced yourselves husband and wife but remember to always be each other's best friend."

I stared at Bella as he spoke, my heart racing as he neared the words I had longed to hear. And there, on a summer Texas evening, as the sun set over the horizon, the last rays giving the gift of light and warmth, we were wed.

"And so, by the power vested in me by the State of Texas, I now pronounce you husband and wife, and may your days be good and long upon the earth. You may now kiss the bride."

Taking her beautiful face in my hands, I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, the cheers from our guests loud and happy. Smiling into the kiss, I pulled back and rested my forehead to hers.

"Mrs. Whitlock, this very spot where we were just wed is where we made love for the first time," I whispered for her ears only. Blushing, she glanced around us quickly.

"Think we can do it again, husband?" she asked shyly.

"I'm game if you are, wife," I laughed. Pulling away, I took her hand in mine and we walked down the aisle together between our friends and family, for the first time as husband and wife. I took the reins from Jack and he helped Bella up. Once she was settled, I swung up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. Turning her head, she captured my lips with hers and the cheers grew louder.

"See ya'll back at the ranch," I waved as I turned the horse and at a slow canter, Bella and I rode off into the sunset.

Literally.

I slowed the horse to a walk and put my chin on Bella's bare shoulder. "Was it okay?" I asked, hoping she would understand. The plan had been to get married at the ranch, but when I had told Edward about the hill, what it meant to me, and my desire to marry her there, he encouraged me to change it and surprise Bella. And with Peter's help, we were able to pull it off.

"It was wonderful," she sighed. "I admit I was a bit surprised when Edward met me at the barn, of course I was panicking because there were all these cars around but no guests, no nothing. I can't believe you were able to it."

"Well, Edward and Peter helped a lot. They were out there very early this morning getting everything set up. Peter took care of getting the horse ready. I just wanted it to be special."

She turned her face to mine and lightly kissed me. "I couldn't have dreamed of anything more perfect, Jasper. Thank you."

"I can't believe we're married," I giggled. "What were we thinking?"

"I have no fucking idea," she agreed, laughing. She laid her head on my shoulder, occasionally turning it to steal a kiss from me as the horse ambled through the field and back toward the barn.

Back at the ranch, I slid off and then helped Bella down. Jack was already back, as were all the guests, and he grabbed the horse from me.

"You go, I will take care of Willow," he said.

"Thanks," I said and taking Bella's hands, we walked through the barn and around the corner. Guests were mingling everywhere; the were grills going, food already set out on buffet tables, drinks were being liberally poured, and beers were in the hands of almost all the men. When we were spotted, everyone clapped and congratulated us. After Bella and I posed alone under a giant oak tree for some wedding portraits, we gathered our parents, Peter, Charlotte, and Edward and took some more. Then we asked for some of just Edward, Bella and me. The photographer was patient as the three of us laughed and joked our way through the pictures. In the end, Bella stood between us, our arms around her shoulders, hers around our backs, all of us grinning.

It would be a picture that sat on our mantel, next to our prom picture, for years.

The music began and Bella and I worked our way around the groups of people, greeting and thanking them. We came to the Cullen's, Esme stood and hugged us both, wiping tears from her eyes. Dr. C shook my hand.

"You make a beautiful bride," he said to Bella with a kiss to her cheek. Alice gave us both a hug, and whispered congratulations in my ear before releasing me. She seemed more comfortable around us than she had been before; her boyfriend shook my hand and congratulated us both as well.

When it was time to eat, we all went through a buffet line and gathered what we wanted before finding seats. Sitting at the main table, Edward and Peter to my right, Bella and Charlotte to my left, we ate and laughed. When I looked over at Edward, I saw him staring intently at someone. Following his gaze, I found what had caught his attention. A guy our age sat at a table with Jack and Betty. He was smiling and laughing, his black hair was long, but shorter than mine, and hung in loose waves around his face. Dark, almost midnight blue, eyes were bright and intelligent as he replied to something Jack had said. A tan cowboy hat sat on the table next to him, and he was dressed in a gray suit with a white shirt and no tie.

"See something you like?" I asked Edward. He blushed at being caught, while it wasn't the first time I had caught him admiring a man, I usually didn't call him out on it.

"Maybe," he admitted, regretfully tearing his eyes from the man and back to his food.

"Want me to introduce you?"

He looked up at me. "You know him?"

"Sure do, grew up with him. It's Peter's best friend."

"Riley," Edward recalled from the night he had come out to Peter. Whenever Edward had visited Peter Riley had always been away at school. Swallowing hard, he glanced up at Riley.

"Edward, it's okay. It's just an introduction, it not marriage," I joked.

"Yeah, introduce me," he said with conviction. Just then Betty went up to the stage and announced the band, the same one that performed at my birthday barbeque, and then invited Bella and me up to the dance floor for our first dance. Standing, I held out my hand to Bella.

"Dance with me, wife?"

"Always," she replied. Standing up, she gathered her gown in one hand and let me lead her to the center of the floor. There, I turned and wrapped my arms around her waist and hers went around my neck, her fingers burying themselves into my hair. My thumbs stroked her through the silky material of her dress as we began to sway back and forth. The band began to play and as soon as Bella heard the first few notes, she tossed her head back and laughed. Stepping up to the microphone, the singer began.

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day. I think I can make it now, the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for."

Bella looked up at me, and I fell in love with her all over again. Each time she blessed me with a smile, a glance, or a laugh, I fell harder than the day before, my love and adoration for her knowing no limits.

"Did you choose this?" she asked with raised eyebrow.

"Maybe," I said, stealing Edward's answer from earlier. "I thought it was appropriate."

"Absolutely," she agreed. Standing on her toes, she pulled me down to her, her lips meeting mine in a long, languid kiss. As my tongue habitually asked for entrance, she pulled away and put her forehead to mine. "I'm so incredibly happy right now I could burst."

"I know, me too."

"I love you, Jasper."

"I love you too, Bella."

The song ended and we found ourselves pressed tightly together, and in our own world, having completely forgotten there were dozens of eyes watching us. Betty reappeared on the stage and invited Charlie and my mother to the floor.

Unwillingly, I released Bella to Charlie and turned to take my mother into my arms. The band began to sing "What a Wonderful World" as my mother and I waltzed around the dance floor, just like she had taught me our kitchen at the Base so many years ago.

"You're a wonderful dancer," she complimented as I lead us around.

"Thank you, ma'am," I smiled, tipping my head. She glanced over at Bella in Charlie's arms, tears shining on Bella's cheeks as she looked up proudly at her father.

"You did good, Jasper. I'm so proud of you. We both are."

"Thanks," I smiled, trying not to let my eyes remain on Bella for too long.

"Not sure I've ever seen two people more in love."

"She's everything to me," I sighed. The song ended and the band began a faster song. I hugged my mother before letting her go and turning to Bella. Charlie kissed her cheek and then she spun to face me.

"Well, fancy meeting you here, a handsome," she smiled and then looked around warily. "Don't tell my husband though, he's the jealous type." I laughed and leaned down to kiss her.

"Your secret it safe with me, ma'am,"

Just as I went to take her in my arms, I saw Edward sitting alone the table sipping his beer and I bit my lip. "Bella, I have to go to do something, I'll be right back," I said with a kiss to her cheek and was gone before she could protest. Scanning the small crowd, I found Riley standing next to Peter, laughing at something he had said. Walking over, I stood next to Peter and waited for him to finish before pointedly looking at Riley.

"Hey," he said to me, a bit suspicious.

"Hey, Riley. Um…" I glanced behind me. "There's someone I want you to meet."

"Sure," he shrugged. "Excuse me, ma'am," he nodded to Charlotte and then followed me to the main table where Edward sat alone. With dark, almost anxious eyes, he watched us approach, and I laughed when he took a long sip of his liquid courage.

"Riley, his is Edward Cullen, my best friend. Edward, this is Riley Biers, Peter's friend." Edward stood and put out his right hand. Taking it, Riley shook it, his eyes never leaving Edward's face.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," he said in a heavy drawl, giving Edward a flirty crooked smile. "I've heard a lot about you. Med school, right?"

"Yes, in the fall," Edward replied, his voice not betraying the nervousness I know he felt.

"I just graduated from Texas A&M with an English degree. Still looking for a job though," Riley explained with a roll of his eyes. I glanced at Edward, silently asking if he was alright and he gave me a nod. With one last look at my best friend, I walked off.

When I returned to Bella, she raised an eyebrow at me. She had, of course, watched me the entire time.

"What?" I asked innocently, taking her in my arms again. It had only been minutes, but it still had been too long since I had felt her close to me. She tilted her head and glanced around me to Edward and Riley, now engaged in a conversation as they stood close to each other.

"Are you playing matchmaker?"

"Umm, maybe. I saw Edward admiring Riley earlier, so I offered to introduce them."I glanced over my shoulder and saw Riley put a hand on Edward's arm as he laughed. "Now, I'm just letting chemistry take over."

"Chemistry?"

I nodded. "I swear I felt sparks when I was standing with them. They both definitely liked what they saw."

We danced for a few more songs, sometimes in a tight embrace, other times we two-stepped our way around the floor. We were dancing with Edward, Peter and Riley when Edward suddenly left, grabbed a glass of champagne and went on stage. When he stepped up the microphone, everyone stilled and watched him.

Looking down at Bella and me, he smiled. "As the best man, and the maid of honor," he laughed, "I'd like to say a few words. I've known Jasper since I was fifteen and Bella only a year less. I knew from the moment they laid eyes on each other that I was watching a love story unfold, one of a slow seduction that took years to develop and nurture from friendship to lovers. Witnessing it all has been a blessing, although perhaps frustrating at times," he rolled his eyes and everyone laughed. "But through it all, they prevailed, their love endured and I got to see my two best friends begin a life together. Jasper, you will always be my best friend and you are one lucky man. Not only did you find the love of your life, but you found someone that loves you back with as much passion and desire as you. Bella, you are so beautiful and sweet and wonderful, and I know you will take care of Jasper for me. Keep him out of the kitchen," he laughed, as did everyone at my expense. "Seriously, I love you both, congratulations and may you have a long life of love and friendship together." He raised his glass in a toast and everyone did the same.

Looking up at Edward, I mouthed 'thank you' before leaning down and kissing Bella on her damp cheek.

"I wanted to give you something special for you gift, and well…this is what I came up with," he announced before turning and walking to the keyboard. After talking with a band member for a minute, he sat down and pulled the microphone closer. "I composed this for you both."

With grace, his hands began to move over the keys, seducing everyone as the notes flowed around us. The music was an upbeat cadence, light and carefree. Enthralled, we watched, my arm around Bella. I glanced around and found everyone entranced with his talent, including Riley. His eyes were wide and I saw him lick his lips as he stared at my best friend.

When Edward was done, the place erupted in cheers, Peter hooting and hollering louder than anyone. Edward stood up and took a small bow before practically running off the stage. Bella ripped herself from me and went to Edward, almost jumping into his arms. He put her down and gave me a hug as well.

"Thanks, it was beautiful," I murmured to him before I let him go. Riley was by his side when we parted.

"Edward that was…amazing. You're very talented," he said with a hint of awe. "I don't know if I told you that my minor in college was music?"

Edward shook his head, grinning. "No, you didn't. Do you play?"

"Since I was eight, but I can't compose anything like what you just did." Bella grabbed my hand and dragged me away from them.

"What?" I said frowning down at her.

"Let them have some privacy, get to know each other," she said in a hushed tone.

"Oh, so now it's okay that I played matchmaker?"

"Well…yeah. They seem to be getting alone quite well." She said leading me to the edge of the dance floor where she took me in her arms again. The band had returned and began to play. Night had long since fallen, but the tent was lit up with lights strung around the top and sides. Romance wasn't in the air for just Bella and I because when I looked up from her eyes, I saw Edward with his arms around Riley's neck while Riley's hands rested loosely on Edward's waist as they danced slowly. Staring at each other as they talked quietly, they were not pressed together, but they were close. They made a striking couple.

I had never seen Edward with another man before and while I felt satisfied, admittedly I also felt a pang of envy. I had always been number one in Edward's life and at that moment I realized that someday, maybe sooner than I expected, I would not be number one anymore.

When Betty approached, I released Bella and followed Betty to the stage. Up there, I got my guitar, which had been resting by the amp, and put it on. At the microphone, I smiled as Bella stared up at me with wide eyes. Riley and Edward stopped dancing and had turned to face me, along with all of the other guests.

I looked down at my beautiful bride. "Bella, coming up with a gift was not easy, and I still don't know what to get you, so until I figure it out, I give you this." I began to play, my eyes never leaving hers as I started to sing.

"The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful  
Stop me and steal my breath.  
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky  
Never revealing their depth.  
Tell me that we belong together,  
Dress it up with the trappings of love.  
I'll be captivated,  
I'll hang from your lips,  
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

I'll be your crying shoulder,  
I'll be love's suicide  
I'll be better when I'm older,  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof  
As we lie awake in my bed.  
You're my survival, you're my living proof.  
My love is alive - not dead.  
Tell me that we belong together.  
Dress it up with the trappings of love.  
I'll be captivated,  
I'll hang from your lips,  
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above  
And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.  
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said."

The last word had barely left my lips and she was running up on the stage, and I barely got the guitar off before she was throwing herself at me, her arms tied around my neck as she pulled me into a deep kiss. Gasping, I pulled away and whispered in her ear.

"Love you, baby."

The night continued with dancing, cake eating, and lots of laughing until the guests started to leave and it was eventually down to the families, Edward, Riley, Peter, Charlotte and us. For hours we sat around the big table, telling stories, teasing and laughing. Betty and Jack shared stories of Peter and Charlotte dating, and the Major and Riley shared a few Jasper and Peter stories. I noticed Riley had sat next to Edward and they looked comfortable with each other. Edward blushed when Riley reached up and wiped some frosting from the corner of Edward's lips. Bella laid her head on my shoulder and yawned.

"Ready to call it a night," I asked, my fingers brushing her cheek and she nodded. Standing, I took her hand. "We're going to head inside everyone. Thank you Jack and Betty for the beautiful wedding, it was perfect. We'll see you all in the morning."

Everyone stood and gave us hugs and kisses. When Edward hugged me, I whispered in his ear, "Go get him. Have fun," I winked, glancing at Riley. Edward rolled his eyes and then sat back down.

"Try to keep it down tonight, eh?" Peter requested.

"I think we're too tired anyway," Bella replied and I pouted at her.

Taking Bella's hand, we walked toward the house.

Inside, we undressed and crawled into bed. Exhausted, I opened my arms and she nestled into them, her nose pressed against my chest, her breath washing over my bare skin.

"Today was perfect," she yawned.

Returning her yawn, I nodded. "Would be more perfect if I had the energy to have sex."

She laughed, her body shaking next to me, stirring my cock awake. "There's always morning sex," she suggested, leaning back a bit to look up at me.

"And that is why I love you," I said, kissing the tip of her nose, "wife."

"I love you too, husband."

Seconds later, we were both soundly asleep.

"**~~**"

Rolling over in my arms, she opened her eyes and smiled at me.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked.

Shrugging, I ran a hand through her tangled hair. "Awhile."

"Doing what?"

"Watching you sleep and thinking about how fucking lucky I am," I admitted.

"Mmm, you are lucky, aren't you?" she agreed. I took her left hand in mine and lifted it to my lips.

"I still can't believe you're mine." I sighed happily, kissing the gold band on her finger.

"Yep, for the past six months…and forever after." She pulled her hand away to brush my hair off my face. "Breakfast? We've got a big day today."

I nodded and we got out of bed and headed for the shower, which would have been quicker if she hadn't looked so fucking sexy all lathered up, but I couldn't resist lifting her up and wrapping her legs around my waist while I held her against the tile and thrust into her until we both came in a rhythm of grunts and moans.

After finally getting dressed, we got into the truck and headed out.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Bella said, shaking her head.

"Me either," I replied as we pulled into the small parking lot in front of the nondescript brick building. "Ready?" I asked her as I turned the truck off and opened my door.

"Yep, let's do it," she said, taking my hand and walking by my side into the building.

Later that night, we were in the kitchen cooking dinner, the counter was covered with pots, spices, a cutting board. Safely, off to the side was a picture of Edward, Bella and I taken at the wedding. We had music onand we were bumping hips and twirling when the phone rang. I saw it was Edward and put him on speakerphone.

"So, tell me, how did it go?" Edward asked without even a hello.

"We're great, thank you very much, how are you?" I retorted. The pain in my shoulder from Bella's whack wouldn't last long.

"He's just excited," Bella defended him to me.

"Yeah, Jasper," he said to me in a mocking tone. "I'm just excited." As if he could see me, I rolled my eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me," he laughed.

He never ceased to amaze me.

"It went perfectly," she replied to his original question excitedly. "We are now the proud owners a new two story house on five acres of land with a small barn!"

"Congratulations!" Edward cheered. I went to move a pot from one of the burners, but the handle was hot and I burned my hand.

"Shit!" I cried out. Bella grabbed my hand and let me over the sink, where she turned on the cold water faucet and put my hand under it.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked.

"Oh, I just fucking burnt my finger," I sighed. "Some things never change," I growled to myself.

"Bella, you let him in the kitchen?" he sighed. "Did you not learn anything by living with him in college?"

She laughed loudly as I frowned at the phone. "Yes…well he is only allowed in here under strict supervision, "she informed Edward before kissing my burnt fingers.

"Bella, why'd you tell him that, that was between us," I scolded her. We had had an agreement that I was only allowed in the kitchen to cook when she was home. The grill, however, was my territory.

Edward chuckled. "Not exactly a secret, Jas…you and the kitchen have never been a good combination. Oh, I have some news too."

"Yes?" Bella and I prompted.

"I'm spending the weekend in Galveston with Riley. We're heading out tomorrow after my classes and coming back late Monday."

"That's awesome, Edward," I smiled. They had begun seeing each other shortly after our wedding, Riley had made a few trips to Houston to visit Edward for a day here and there, Edward had headed to Abilene to see Riley. After they had spent their first night together, Edward had called me, gushing about how wonderful it had been, but sparing me the details. I had never heard him happier. There was a joy, a spark, to his voice I hadn't ever heard and it made my heart swell for him. He deserved so much, and I hoped that he could find what I had. While Bella and I continued to cook dinner, he began to give details on their last date and what they had planned in Galveston. Bella even offered a few places to visit that I had taken her to when we had stayed there.

I leaned in and kissed her cheek as she stirred the rice. She smiled at me and then reached behind me and pinched my ass and I yelped.

"Stop that," Edward warned. "Not while I'm on the phone please."

We all laughed.

That was how it always would be together. No matter the miles between us, or who was in our lives, we would never change.

We would always been the same.

We were just Edward, Bella and Jasper.

Apart.

Together.

But always…safe and sound.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

God i hope that was okay~! *bites nails*

Pictures of Bella's dress and Jasper's suit in my profile.

Chapter title translates to "What Comes After". Well, there is it, I hope it was worth the wait, the angst, and the long chapters. I do have a few outtakes planned (one e/b/j and one e/riley and perhaps a few more), so keep the story on alert if either of those interest you. Also, I've got at least one j/b one shot planned, so stick me on author alert for that if you'd like (and the non slash readers just ignore those pesky slash fics that I write!)

Thank you to everyone that read, reviewed, supported and recommended this story, seriously.. we hit nearly 1k... amazing. I truly appreciate each and every one of you. I hope you enjoyed the journey as much as I have. I admit, I teared up when I wrote Edward's toast. *sniff* Perfectward…i didn't want it to end.


End file.
